Live, Love and Laugh !

Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts - I am Indian !

2012-02-10T15:15:00.000+05:30

Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts: My musings on a special nature unique to us Indians !

Driving back home after another tiring day at hospital, I was trying to grab the two-way pass at the toll booth on my way home. That is when I saw a spectacle that is not at all uncommon to us Indians. A Mercedes E-Class was cruising ahead of me. A boy in his late teens was manning the toll-booth on our side. He waved down the Merc but the car refused to stop. The desperate boy went after the car and came right in front of the car. Yet, the car didn't stop, thus forcing the hapless boy out of the way. I could see him cursing the Merc owner even as I flashed my pass.

It set me thinking. Here was a person traveling on a car that cost upwards of Rs. 25 Lakhs. But he wasn't ready to shell out just 5 bucks for the toll. Even if one buys two way pass every day, the amount would come to Rs. 225/- per month and Rs. 2738 for an entire year. That is not even 0.1% of the money he had shelled out to buy that luxurious monster. The recent murder of a toll plaza personnel by a SUV brat is still fresh in our minds for the horror to fade so easily. Why are we like this ? Why do we pinch when it comes to these small expenditures ?

Lalu Prasad Yadav is a Politician I am not particularly fond of. But once he raised a very valid point. He said, "The vegetables we eat are sold on the roadside and the footwear that adorn our feet are sold in air-conditioned show-rooms". How paradoxical a nation we have come to be !

Sulaiman, a hard-working vegetable vendor comes knocking at our door every other day. He brings his stuff on a cart, pushing it for miles through the overcrowded town to make a living. Often I see my wife and Dad haggle with him about the prices of the vegetables and cribbing about mounting expenditure. Most of the times, they force him to slash the bill after carrying all the vegetables home. And they are happy even if they manage to pinch just 5 rupees from him.

Once I told my wife, "You buy almost 5 - 6 kilos of different types of vegetables and the bill came to just about Rs. 125. You pinch 5 rupees from that poor fellow and feel happy. You people go to Pizza Hut and order a Pizza that contains a little bit of base, some cheese, mayonnaise and a fraction of these vegetables and they charge nothing less than Rs. 375 for for a medium size Pizza. I never saw you haggle with the Pizza Hut fellows. Why do you do this bargaining only with these poor people ?"

So used we are to this 'buy one get one free syndrome' that we always expect the vegetable vendor to throw in a few coriander leaves free with our vegetables. If he doesn't, we never hesitate to pull a few on our own. I believe as a nation, we are suckers for freebies. Bargaining runs is in our veins and arteries. But we also are pretty sure about where to bargain and where not. Seldom do we see people haggle in a jewellery. We routinely witness people who did shopping worth Rs. 25,000/- refusing to pay the parking fee of Rs. 10/-. We believe it is our right to park anywhere without having to pay the parking fee.

"Religion is the opium of the masses" said Karl Marx. I am not a big fan of Marxism but I agree with this. People conduct poojas, havans and rituals in temples spending Lakhs of rupees. But same people find it extremely difficult to part with a few hundreds or thousands that can help to educate an orphan. Don't we see people offering liters of milk and honey to stone idols but not even a drop of milk to a starving old woman and a child ?

Poverty Pinches; age no bar !

Western civilizations and even Islamic countries are far ahead of India when it comes to charity and helping those in need. We are a nation of greatest inequality that does humongous preaching and very little else. Just take a look at our icons. A Cricketer was presented with a Monster Ferrari by his friend Schumacher. What did out little big man do ? He wanted the excise duty waived off on the car. There are people who justify even this despicable act by an icon, just because 'He' happens to be Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.

I don't think any other country or civilization has as many jokes about stinginess and selfishness as we have in India. Every community wants to label the other stingy. 'Marwaris' are branded 'Kanjoos' by every other north Indian. 'Marwaris' joke about the 'Kanjoos Sindhi'. The south Indian version of the 'Marwari' is the Andhra 'Setty'. In Southern Karnataka, my own community is ridiculed for 'pinching'. There are million stories about the legendary stinginess of us Indians.

Often people are proud of such 'Makki choos' nature ! 'Makki Choos' is that person who sucked on a house fly that fell into his tea because he didn't want the house fly to drink his tea. He then declares, "No fly that drank my tea can ever escape and remain alive". Evading tax, toll fee, parking fee and making such 'small savings' is a big thing for a large majority of middle class India.

Perhaps, that is one of the reasons why we are still a developing nation with enormous amount of poverty ! My effort has always been to kick this 'pettiness' and grow up. I put in maximum effort not to bargain with the small scale vendors. For them, even Rs. 5 makes a difference because it can buy them rice for one meal. For me, that is not even enough to pay the parking fees for my car.

I believe it is fine if one isn't magnanimous to donate millions. It should be perfectly fine if one respects the labor of those striving to thrive and be reasonable with them if not generous !

Dr. Punned-it

Archeologist's Day and other Prescription Stories !

2011-12-24T00:28:00.001+05:30

Inviting Trouble ?

My Mom had serious aversion to having photographs printed on invitation cards. To know the reason, we have to travel back in time to our childhood. Those were the days of little kids attending to all their calls of nature inside the house. Potty training and toilets for kids were not even heard of. That is where these old stiff and crispy invitation cards came handy; to clean the mess left behind by the toddlers in the house. Her point was other people will use our photographs to clear off the dirt. So how will you like your departed grand-father's photograph smeared with potty ?

When my much respected father-in-law passed away in September 2010, I ordered for invitation cards with his photograph for the function to be held on the 13th day of his demise. But somehow my Mom's thought process came to influence me and I chose the card without photograph.

These cards may not be used for same purpose today. But what do I do with invitations cards today ? I keep them till the day of function and then throw them into waste bin. The thought of having my dear father-in-law's photograph in a waste bin was not so pleasant and I chose the card without the photograph.

It may sound as if I am going to dwell upon invitation cards and photographs here. Well, I am not. Actually I mentioned it here only to stress my view that people never use things for what they are actually meant for. People will use things only according to their whims, fancies and convenience. Just take the case of prescriptions we Doctors generously dole out everyday.

The Archeologist's Day

I was amazed beyond words when a septuagenarian gentleman came to me with a document laminated piece of paper he had treasured. He was handling it like it was a piece of art that he had inherited from his ancestors with at least 500 years of history behind it.

When I examined it closely, it turned out to be a prescription written down by Padmashri Dr. K. N. Pai on 17 July 1970. That meant the antique was older than me ! This gentleman turned out to be an archive later. He had every detail of his and his wife's medical history since 1970. What a pity, he worked for an oil company and retired as Manager. Had he been in the ASI; all disputes regarding Ayodhya, Kashi, Mathura and other places would perhaps have been solved by now.

The Mutilators

This, but was an exception. Most of the people we meet everyday are from the other end of the spectrum. They would misplace, displace, deface or simply forget the prescription given to them on the previous evening. Every second patient I see in my clinic forgets the prescription at home, at the medical shop, at the sub-registrar's office or anywhere it is possible to forget it.

The Mutilated Prescription

The picture above illustrates how most of the people preserve their medical records. Even if they are provided with a file or a cover or an envelope to keep these records neatly, people love to fold them and folding means at least 8 to 16 folds.

The Fold-All Mentality

The 8 Fold Prescription getting ready for sweat 16

Couple of years ago, I handed out a typed out and detailed medical report cum prescription to a lady traveling abroad and said, "See we are giving this in a plastic cover. Don't fold this or soil this. This is a precious record and we have included your most updated lab results along with your current clinical status". The lady nodded and got up to leave. As soon as she was on her feet, she began folding the cover and before I could utter another word, she folded it into 8 folds and shoved it into her handbag. Old habits die hard !

Depths of Resourcefulness

The plastic cover brings me to another 'delicious' story. We issue nicely detailed discharge summaries to all hospitalized patients. They are again inserted into A4 size plastic envelope with the instruction printed out, "This is a precious medical document. Please don't fold or soil this and bring it to the hospital during follow up".

That day when I went for my afternoon rounds, I just popped into say bye to a gentleman who was already discharged. What did I see there ? The Discharge Summary was drinking sambar and rasam on the table where they all had lunch. And what about the plastic envelope ? A little fellow was munching on onion pakodas kept in the cover. I was furious and asked them, "What is this ? Look at the Discharge Summary we issued only this morning. And you are using the cover to eat snacks. Do you people have an idea how important this record is ?"

The rude and brash reply by the daughter-in-law can be translated like this, "Oh, what is there in a piece of paper Doctor ? That child was crying for onion pakodas and we didn't get anything else to keep them in. If the paper is spoiled, you people can give another copy. We are paying all the bills. Are we not ?".

The Telephone Directory cum Grocery List

The Telephone Directory

Prescription paper used as telephone directory is very common. Often we see more than a dozen numbers. In one of the worst cases ever, I was humiliated to see a long list of vegetables and grocery right under the list of medicines in a prescription I had issued to a gentleman just a couple of days ago. When I asked him, how could he do that, he replied politely, "Oh so sorry Doctor, I didn't get anything to write when my wife dictated this list. Anyway, you can write down a new one and transfer all details into it".

Well, most of my colleagues can pitch in with many such stories. But there is a serious risk of readers getting bored and folding this blog into 16 or even 32 folds. So let me fold this up here !

Dr. Punned-it

A Love Story and Two Dead Bodies !

2011-12-07T15:51:00.001+05:30

This must be one of my most heartfelt posts ever. Here I am telling a story. A story of a daughter and her parents. A story of love and a story of profound loss. Without any more elaboration, let me move on to the story.

The time and place of this story has no importance. The names too have little relevance. From the days of 'Othello' this story perhaps has been told and retold a million times over. Not very long ago, there lived a man called Shiva. He used to work for a financial firm. He was married to Sanjana, a home-maker. They had a beautiful and intelligent daughter who was called Renuka. She was fondly called 'Azhagaana Raakshasi' by the near and dear ones.

She was a very caring and helping kid and grew up with all the affection and attention of her parents and relatives. In between, Sanjana became pregnant the second time. They did not want to continue the pregnancy and wanted to abort because they wanted to give all that they had to their daughter. But their family Doctor advised against that. Thus the Doctor chose to name the boy 8 years younger to his sister after his best friend, Sripathi.

They were not a very well to do family. But the parents always gave more importance to the daughter and the son went to free school while she studied at private school. Within their capabilities, they gave the kids a very good life. All of their life was spent in keeping the kids, especially the daughter happy.

Renuka completed her graduation and joined Post-graduate course and also began working for Chartered Accountancy. In between, marriage alliances were pouring in. But the family Doctor, who was more than just a Doctor to the family vetoed marriage and advised the parents to get the girl educated and make her self-reliant. The girl was happy and everyone was happy.

Love is the most Beautiful feeling in the world until it happens to your daughter !

And then came the earth-shattering day. A middle aged man and a woman came calling asking for the girl's hand in marriage for their son. There were several issues here. The boy was from another community. He was almost a decade older to her. He had bouts of Alcohol addiction and delinquent behavior in the past. He was not good looking by conventional standards. The final part of the complaint list was that he was working in the middle east for not very flattering remuneration. But in spite of all this, the boy was confident of looking after the girl well.

It was always believed that Renuka was a sensible girl. But she confirmed her affair and wanted to marry that boy. Now the parents came knocking at the family Doctor's door. It was after all infatuation of a teenaged girl everyone thought. The affair had been going on for over 4 years which meant she was not even 16 when it all began.

Weighing all pros and cons, the Doctor took the girl to his home and held series of heart to heart talk with her. Explaining all the risks of the affair, he managed to convince the girl out of the mess. She appeared to have understood what was told and agreed to retrace without much of a resistance. She conveyed to the boy over the phone, her decision to part ways.

The negatives of this marriage were kept threadbare before her. The social and cultural difference. The difference in educational qualification. The colossal mismatch when it came to looks and age. All these issues could work against a happy life according to Renuka's parents and relatives.

Their worries were not unfounded. They were also worried about her ending up in a Gulf country with no chance to work. Even if she got a chance to work, she perhaps would have to live in a Burqa. But the worst fears were about the boy with previous history of Alcohol problem developing inferiority complex due to a much younger, extremely beautiful and better qualified wife and thus the life going into a tailspin.

Good proposals were always chasing the girl and it was almost decided that she would be marrying a handsome Software Engineer working at Bangalore and even she consented. She looked happy and didn't show any signs of remorse or betrayal.

On that fateful Saturday morning, the boy came with his sister, brother in law and friends and literally dragged the girl away with him. The girl actually had never given up on him but was just biding her time. She pushed her parents and went away with her lover and was married him the same day with the photographs adorning Facebook wall before dusk.

In a Mills and Boon story or in a Cinema, this would have been 'The End' with 'They lived happily ever after' ingrained on a picture postcard. But life works in a different way. There are no intervals, no retakes and no song and dance sequences in the Alps. In life, the story only begins with marriage. It doesn't end. So what did this moment of madness leave behind ?

Twenty years of protection, love, affection and care weighed for absolutely nothing when she pushed her mother away, snapped her hands from her father's grip and eloped. Fearing retaliation and attempts to take her back, the boy took her to another city 5 hours away and married her there. What did the girl's parents do ?

The mother cried for help. The father ran behind her till the car even as they pushed him away from the speeding car. The mother fainted and then people gathered. Advises came in galore. Lodging a Police complaint and going and trying to capture her from Registration office were some of the suggestions. But the Doctor said, "She is almost 21. She has not been kidnapped but gone on her own wish. So there she goes. We can do nothing and we should do nothing. Let her go. It is her life, she will decide from here onwards".

After fours days, what is the situation at ground zero today ? The mother is still sobbing, little realizing the fact that the little girl she brought up had grown up and fled. She still is not able to eat anything without puking. She can't sleep even with sleeping pills. Her father has developed high blood pressure and his sugar shot up. He refuses to go for a check up. The little brother is so shattered, he doesn't even want to talk about her.

Their world has come down crashing. The parents are today, practically two dead bodies living like refugees in a relative's house because they are scared to go home. That home which brought back the fond memories of their little girl and that house which reminded them of the trauma of their daughter pushing them away like strangers.

Without really going into the merits or demerits of love marriage vs arranged marriage; the moot point here is, "Should she have been so cruel, so drastic and so heartless ?". Love stories look beautiful on celluloid and digitally mastered disks. But in real life, they leave many an individuals shattered.

The role of love and the progressive disdain for religions, hierarchy and caste system are fine indeed for a maturing society. But when a 20 year old and still immature girl elopes with an overtly mismatched boy, how can the parents be happy ? How can anyone related to the girl be comfortable ?

Everyone wishes all good things for the wedded couple. Nobody wants to curse them. This Blogger who also happens to be the family Doctor in the story has watched and seen many love stories and even played supporting role in some of those happy endings. But this is one story where he was with the parents and not with the love-lorn couple. The reasons have already been discussed.

Seeing a completely shattered pair of parents who don't even know how they are going to live their life is really painful. They have lost their urge to live. The little boy is the only reason they haven't committed suicide. The mother finally opened up last night when she said, "12 years ago, if you had not stopped us from aborting the boy, we would have been dead by now. But for the fear of leaving him a complete orphan, we wouldn't have made it past that Saturday night !"

The pain is infectious, insufferable and looks insurmountable !

Why and how could she become so ungrateful and selfish ?

This Blogger waits for the time to heal their wounds !

Look-ing Back: Pandi-monium, CBI Diary and other stories !

2011-11-29T14:00:00.001+05:30

During one of my interactions on a Facebook group, someone asked me about the lack of law and order with my hair and if it had anything to do with my being too busy to comb. I escaped saying my hair was too straight and sparse and hence wavered along the wind making it tough to keep under control.

My hairstyle being the root cause of public nuisance and intense ridicule isn't a new phenomenon. It has always been so ! But even my appearance has come under the scanner very often. So let me recount some of the instances that have made me feel like an alien.

Seth Dosa

In early days in Kochi as a bachelor, I used to visit a famed Dosa joint practically every day for my midnight snacks while I prepared for the All India PG Medical Entrance Exam. This joint was run by a Konkani family. They didn't know me and I used to converse in my uncomfortable Malayalam with them.

After one and a half year in Kochi, I moved to a small hospital in Ponkunnam. While back in Kochi on a weekend, I again decided to visit this joint. Once there, the owner recognized me and told his brother in Konkani, "This Setu [used for North Indians] boy had probably gone north for some time. Now he is back".

I savored my favorite onion dosa without uttering a word. While leaving, I told them in Konkani, "Your dosas are really nice and the red chutney you serve is unique. It is typically Konkani in taste". I didn't wait for their reaction. The next time I was there, they had done their homework and knew my complete antecedents.

Long Sharp Mustache and the CBI Diary

I worked in Ponkunnam for almost 2 years. While there, I used to travel by bus to Kottayam frequently to watch latest Malayalam and Hindi movies. On one such journey, I was trying to catch some sleep. But the middle aged person next to me was in no mood to let the sleeping Doc sleep.

He poked me on my shoulder and asked, "Where are you going ?". I was annoyed, yet replied politely, "Kottayam" and closed my eyes again. He poked me again and asked, "Where in Kottayam ?". I was in no mood to divulge and hence sai, "Just like that". Then came the next question, "Where do you live ?". I said, "Ponkunnam". He wasn't happy with that and went ahead with, "No, which your native place ?". I too was determined now and replied, "Kochi".

There was a creepy smile on his face and he said, "You are not a Malayalee. You can't be from Kochi. Are you North Indian ?". I was having great difficulty keeping my eyes open and here was a pest not allowing me the pleasure of a short nap on a speeding bus. I said, "No, South Indian".

He must have been a leach in previous life; just not ready to quit sucking. His next question was, "What do you do ?". I said, "Nothing special". "But you should do something for a living. So what is your job ?" was his riposte. Then he asked, "Are you a businessman ?" I replied, "Mmmm, something like that". Pat came the next query, "What business ?".

Now I was at a loss. If I say something and he starts probing the answer, I'd be in further trouble. So I just smiled and said, "Just some small business here and there". He almost concluded, "That means you have a blade company, right ?". Too sick of this nuisance, I just nodded and tried to turn to the other side to catch some sleep.

After what seemed like a short break, the poke was back. He shook me up and said even as I was trying to catch my breath, "You were bluffing all the while. Now I have completely deciphered you. You are very shrewd. Now I know what you do. You are from CBI or Crime Branch and you are here to investigate a case in the high range".

I was still in a daze and asked him, "How did you make out ?". He triumphantly declared, "You may be CBI but we Malayalees are highly educated and intelligent you see. Your secretive behavior, your language, your looks, your color and above all that sharp mustache is very typical of CBI or Crime branch. You have that Police look". Must have been watching too many Police and CBI movies !

I have never been happier when a journey ended. First thing I did after going back home was to trim my extra long mustache !

North Indian Connections

Almost 17 years in Kochi and I still am not accepted as a local even though I have developed a decent client base in my profession. I also have a sizable Punjabi clientele thanks to my love for Hindi. I was at my daughter's school recently attending the district level arts festival. I am fairly well known there thanks to the popularity enjoyed by my daughter.

After her first performance and during lunch break, a gentleman came and told me, "Your daughter's performance was really nice. She should have won. But the CD spoiled everything and unfortunately she might lose because of that". I just nodded and smiled. He was right, she came second in the Folk Dance event due mainly to the substandard CD.

While I was still busy eating, I had a call from one of my Punjabi clients. As I was conversing in pretty decent Hindi, this gentleman kept staring at me. Once I finished, he came to me and said, "So I guessed right. You are North Indian. So are there Shenoys in North India too ? Your daughter and wife speak pretty decent Malayalam. How is that ?". I said "I am from the North is right, but just north of Kerala. My wife is from Kerala and daughter was born here too. That is why they speak decent Malayalam". This was a nice man. He took my reply and left me alone to mind my own business of eating.

Hot blooded Young Man and Pandi-monium

It was on a night duty during my early days in Sudheendra Medical Mission. A young lady was brought to casualty with fever and vomiting. It was already past midnight. Her husband and father were accompanying her. I talked to her in whatever Malayalam I could muster and examined her.

As I sat down to write down the prescription, her husband asked me, "Doctor Pandiyaano ?" meaning, "Doctor are you a Pandi ?". By this time, I had come to understand that 'Pandi' was an insult the Malayalees used to refer to the daily wages workers from rural Tamilnadu. 24 is a very very tough age to control your temper even for a Doctor. I retorted, "Ningalkku Vattundo ?" meaning "Are you mad ?".

Stunned, that man asked, "Why do you talk like that ? What is this ? You are insulting me". By now, I had realized I might have crossed the line. Yet, I had to defend myself. I said, "See my Malayalam might not be good enough. But I have enough knowledge about this state to understand 'Pandi' is an insult. I am here at this goddamned hour examining your wife and trying to help you people and you are out to insult me. That put the doubt in my mind".

His father in law intervened and said, "Come on Doctor, he is a young man with hot blood. You should be generous". I politely reacted to the older man, "Sir, I am at least 4 - 5 years younger to your young man and hence my blood must be hotter. Why should I suffer an insult like that ?".

The 'young man' had cooled down now and said, "I did not mean to insult you Doctor. I just asked if you were a Tamilian". I too replied with utmost cool now, "Oh, now that is much better. If you had used the same word earlier, everything would have been fine. Anyway, let us move on. And no, I am NOT a Tamilian".

There have been many a Pandemonium of different magnitudes before and since. Perhaps I can keep them for another day and another post !

Dr. Punned-it

All are equal, yet some people are less equal !

2011-11-07T15:13:00.000+05:30

Just take a look at the news item and some of the badly Photoshopped photos here and then we will proceed with the post.

They hate him, but why ?

So too Sreesanth ?

Launch Pad !

One of my colleagues told me, "I will not watch 'Indian Rupee' because Prithviraj is there". I asked, "But why ? It is a Ranjith movie and Prithvi has done a good job.". She told, "But he is too arrogant". I persisted with, "How do you know ? Has he ever been so with you ? Did he ever offend you ? What was it that he did or said that came across as arrogant ?". She replied, "Haven't you seen the videos of Prithviraj and his wife talking about English ?"

Well, I must say I have an issue. I am posting here what I thought about 'La affaire Prithviraj'.

In 2003, the handsome bearded younger son of Late Sukumaran and Mallika made his debut in Malayalam Cinema. Soon he was lapped up by people and was touted by the media as the next Superstar to replace the 'arrogant' Mammootty and Mohan Lal.

Today, we see a whole load of slander on the www and in the print media about the same prospective Superstar. He was fine even till a year ago. Many people used to say he has a little bit of head weight. But there was no witch hunt ! How did the things change so drastically ? Did he turn arrogant overnight ? Has success gone into his head ?

Let me digress a little bit here. I drive on Kochi roads every day. Every single day, I am witness to enormous amount of aggression and plain bullying by drivers on the road. The Auto rickshaw drivers overtake from the wrong side, brush your side and break your rear-view mirror and then shout you down with choicest of abuses in Malayalam. What do you call this ?

The big brother is even worse. The bus drivers will subjugate you with sheer overwhelming terrorism. By chance if you question their rashness, you will have to face a barrage of abuses and be prepared to get banged. Even if you maintain equanimity, you still might have to suffer 'Theri Vili' or calling names.

Go to a Cinema hall. You see a guy smoking inside the air-conditioned hall and politely request him not to smoke. What next ? "This Theater is not your father's property. Shut up and sit there. If you can't tolerate, get out !".

Visit any office where they have some powers to make you wait. The Clerk will make you wait even if you are there for a simple one minute job. If you request for quick results, be ready to hear things like, "This is not any charitable institution. You have to wait. If you can't wait, come tomorrow". Just to submit a fully updated application, you will have to "Come tomorrow" if the person in power is in a foul mood. And tomorrow will always have another tomorrow !

Just browse through Facebook and Orkut pages of young people. For every modest youth, you will see two bragging about their own prowess, looks, caliber, magnanimity and intelligence. Guys who can't differentiate an out swing from an off break will judge Sreesanth and girls who refuse to recognize their childhood friend due to difference in social status will complain about 'arrogance' of Prithviraj.

Prithviraj and Sreesanth have slogged on their way to achieve what they have today. It is perfectly possible that they would have been better off with a milder attitude. It is also possible Sreesanth would have played more tests if he were to behave like an obedient boy.

But as a race, we Indians in general and Malayalees in particular have an attitude problem. If players like Andre Nel and Steven Finn show aggression, we envy that and even admire that secretly. But when an Indian shows aggression on field, we castigate him, subjugate him and then would do our best to consign him to recycle bin.

It is so immensely funny that these people, the Auto Rickshaw driver, his big brother, the smoker bully, the clerk and the unknown Facebooker are the ones who will sit on judgement on how Prithviraj and Sreesanth should conduct themselves ! It is true that there are so many good mannered people out there who too are complaining about Prithviraj and Sreesanth. But these are the same people who suffer the bullies in everyday life without even a whimper.

Ours is a democracy where all are supposed to be equal. We all know some are more equal. But there are some who are less equal ! I don't know the reason, but there definitely seems to be pattern to this witch hunt against those who show a mind of their own. Prithviraj especially has been targeted by the press after he married secretly keeping the nosy media out of his wedding function.

When it comes to judging celebrities, the middle-class follows a new path. "All are equal, yet some are less equal" !

WHY IS IT SO ?

Coming to the final part of my post, there is another 'pet hate' of the middle class Malayalee; Ranjini Haridas. This bubbly girl who has worked her way into celebrity status has been ridiculed for her dresses, her accent, her Malayalam [Manglish] and for just being Ranjini Haridas. Men don't have pangs about staring at her and young women burn with envy looking at this 30 year old.

Idea Stare Singer !

And who are complaining ? It is those people who are ashamed to say, "Ende Bharthaavu" and would always say, "Ende Husband" or even worse, "Ende Hus" that suspiciously sounds like "Ende Husk". The middle-class Malayalees just don't bother when words like 'Mol' and 'Marumagan' get displaced by 'Daughter' and 'Son in law'. For quite long now, I have not heard any man or woman telling, "Ende Ammayi-achchan", it is always "Ende Father in law".

Buses plying through Kadavanthara don't go "Kadavanthara vazhi" but "Via Kadavanthara" or "Kadavanthara touch cheythu pokum". Haven't seen a 'Paatta' in a long time. There are only cockroaches or roaches in Kerala. Nobody gets "Thala vedana"now. "Oru bhayankara headache" is common. This list is endless.

And Ranjini Haridas is bad because she mutilates Malayalam. Right?

Post Script: This post isn't about defending Sreesanth, Prithviraj and Ranjini. They are quite successful and can fend and defend for themselves. This is my view on the double standards practiced by the opinion makers and religiously followed by the middle class.

Dr. Punned-it

Modern day Gandhi-G and 3 Monkeys in 2011 !

2011-10-30T00:55:00.000+05:30

We all know Gandhi had his three monkeys. They were supposed to "Speak no evil", "See no evil" and "Hear no evil". That was a different era. But these monkeys are relevant even today !

India of 2011 knows Gandhi too, but different Gandhi. The Congress Party that revered Gandhi then. They do the same today but an imported Gandhi. In the land that is ruled by Sonia Gandhi's Congress, what do these monkeys signify ?

Answer is simple, WE the people are the monkeys. Congress under Sonia knows the theories of Darwin very well. They know we evolved from monkeys and treat us like monkeys. So we have strict guidelines to follow. And here are some of the guidelines.

Speak No Evil

Poor Sonia Gandhi-ji has just come back after treatment for Cancer in USA. Don't question the integrity of the Congress Party or any of Sonia's boys. That is evil.

Don't open your mouth when separatist leaders hold rallies in India against India and our intellectuals like Arundhati Roy join them.

Listen with total surrender to Digvijay Singh's gospel about right-wing Hindu extremists. He has done thorough research on history and come to a binding conclusion that RSS was responsible for Mohammed of Ghajni and Mohammed of Ghouri attacking India. Don't ever ridicule him on Facebook and Twitter.

Believe in Kapil Sibal when he says law will take its own course for Afzal Guru and Kasab. Our judiciary is still busy finding 'enough evidences' against them. Don't ever say, "Hang them". We need to treat our guests with all respect and five-star facilities in jail.

Even the Prime Minister isn't opening his mouth. 'Aam Aadmi' is just 'Aam Aadmi'.

Just don't open your mouth !

See No Evil

There are humongous scams, billions of swindled money in Swiss banks and the Government is looting the nation. All this is evil falsehood spread by the enemies of Congress and hence the enemies of India.

Ram Dev is RSS agent, hence vote for Scam Dev. An overweight and under-clad Rakhi Sawant in G-strings on prime-time television is what the poorest of the poor require. Not the half-naked and malnourished fasting Baba. He will remind people of themselves. That was fine in M. K. Gandhi-ji's era, not in Sonia Gandhi-ji's. So the Congress ensured the rally was dissolved and the naked Baba was made to wear some kind of robes. Noble act !

According to Rahul Gandhi-ji, there are two Indias. One that prostrates before his Mom and the other that doesn't. Anna Hazare and his cronies belong to the other India. They are against his Mom; the daughter-in-law of the nation and hence are Anti-National. They need to be subjugated to keep the country united.

Aam Aadmi has the duty to abide by the law of the land; Scam Aadmi makes the laws. Follow the laws and just don't bother about anything else. Madam knows best.

Secularism, minority rights and Haj Subsidy are more important than an equal and just nation that progresses together. Narendra Modi is Madam certified evil Merchant of Death. Hence all the progress Gujarat has achieved under his regime is evil.

Just shut your eyes on these !

Hear No Evil

Anyone who follows Madam Gandhi has to be efficient. All talk about Prime Minister being incompetent is evil in itself. Hear nothing of it.

People trying to discredit the educational qualification and credibility of Madam Gandhi and Rahul Baba are being slanderous. They have studied in foreign. Isn't that enough ? Digvijay Singh believes Rahul Gandhi-ji alone has the birth-right to be Prime Minister of India. All else is evil, ignore it.

When discredited people like A. Raja try to entangle the Home Minister in 2G scam, they just forget both the Gs [Sonia G and Rahul G] are with Chidambaram. Add Priyanka Vadra G and you have the power of 3G. So enjoy 3G and bring down the population of India. What an idea 3G !

Great Grandpa Nehru had declared 'Aaram Haraam Hai'. Bombs will continue to explode and terror attacks are commonplace according to Rahul G. They can't be prevented and talking about them is a waste of time. Wasting time is evil. So just don't waste time listening to opposition propaganda on blasts.

Congress and it's allies are the only saviors of the nation. All news of by-poll debacles and progressive erosion of the UPA [Untied Prostrating Alliance] are false and evil.

Just keep your ears sealed !

QED: Gandhi's monkeys are relevant even today !

Dr. Punned-it

How I became Godless !

2011-09-30T15:34:00.001+05:30

My Granny never lost an opportunity to remind me that I was born thanks to her prayers at Tirupathi. Since my parents' first born was a daughter, my granny made a passionate prayer to the Tirupathy God and even my name was chosen there. Thus, Govind Raj I became in a family littered with Vaishnavite names. I grew up a very proud child because of this glorification.

My first brush with amoral behavior at religious places came when I was barely 9. It was a custom in our joint family to offer coconuts, bananas and flowers to the reigning deity in our local temple on every Saturday evening. One such evening it was little boy me who went to do this ritual. I gave all the offerings to the priest and went to do circum-ambulation [Pradakshin] of the sanctum sanctorum.

When I came back, the priest told me, "See this coconut you brought is spoiled. This is not good for your family. So you buy a new coconut and pay rupees ten as penalty also". I only had rupees 12 on me. I gave him all the money I had and he assured me that everything will be fine. He gave me a 'replacement' coconut and returned the spoiled coconut too. As is the custom, he took half piece of the good coconut, 2 out of 5 bananas and returned my bag with 'prasad'.

When I reached home, my Mom was surprised to know this. She was quite sure the coconut she gave me was not spoiled. When she checked, it turned out to be a revelation. The 'spoiled coconut' was in fact two separate pieces of two different coconuts. But much worse was the fact that the 'replacement' coconut the priest gave me was indeed the coconut I went with. My Mom recognized the huge coconut as one grown in our own backyard. It left a very bitter taste in the mouth. It shattered me to know there was such cheap act going on right under the nose of the 'God' !

There are hundreds of incidents that gradually took me away from Religion and Gods. I would stick with a few that had a defining role. There was a famous Astrologer who was close to our family. He would blame all the ills on the 'Naga' or the Serpent. I have lost count of the number of rituals my family has conducted to placate the Snake Gods ! With every such function, my indignation for the Astrologer and his predictions went on increasing. I was wondering how could a poor reptile affect so many people in so many ways.

One of those concepts that repelled me during young age was the "God will punish you if you don't do this and that" kind of talk. I used to think, "Why does this God create people who do wrong things and then want to punish them ?". I never had a satisfactory answer. Most of what the believers have done is semantic juggling.

The next issue was 'My God is the Real God and other Gods are false' preaching. Once a Christian preacher bored me to death with his unsolicited advice on the 'Real Creator' and the myths of Hindu religion and the harms of Idol worship. Respecting his age and with my inborn inability to be rude to elders, I tolerated him for almost three quarters of an hour.

Finally I was forced to ask him, "I have just one question, is Bible the final truth ?" He said, "Yes, it indeed is the ultimate truth and the only truth. Once you start following Bible, salvation is guaranteed". I replied, "But most of Biblical stories are cock and bull stories just like the Hindu mythology you were deriding so far. Bible goes against Science and evolution. Why don't you go and take some rest ?" He was offended and cursed me, "You will never know the real truth and will be condemned to eternal hell if you question the God". I was really angry and shot back, "Well, if heaven is the place where I have to tolerate people like you, I prefer to be in hell. Thank you and good night !"

The Temple - Mosque issue that divided a nation left a deep impact on me too. I have no hesitation today to admit I was in favor of 6 December 1992 demolition at that time. It was like justifying the act as retaliation against decades of Islamic atrocities. That was a mistake like many of those I have committed in my life. But as I evolved, I realized the whole issue was a non-issue. People sharing the same A, B or O Antigens were fighting for the sake of two of the most despicable characters from history. I moved further away from Gods.

The rituals, Mantras and all things religion became progressively intolerable for me. An incident at the now famous Padmanabha Temple at Thiruvananthapuram further escalated my disenchantment. I had a strong dislike for the custom of taking off shirts during temple entry. This custom has its origins in the filthy practice of Brahminical era when only those with the thread were allowed inside the temple. The more things change, the more we tend to resist change. Kerala temples haven't come out of the past; the dirty untouchable past.

In 2006, on our way to Kanyakumari; we visited the Thiruvananthapuram Temple. In spite of my dislike to go the Salman Khan way in public [no secret there, I don't have his physical attributes] I agreed to go inside the temple. I folded my jeans, took off the shirt and covered myself with a 'mundu and shawl'.

A youth standing near the gate asked me, "Are you wearing a pant inside ?" I asked him, "Yes, but how does that make a difference ?". He replied, "You can't wear a pant inside the temple". I said, "But, I have folded it till knees. Do you have a problem with knee length shorts or inner wear ?". He was rude now, "Inner wear is different. But PANT is not allowed. You can't question the customs of the temple".

I politely told him, "But I did wear a pant folded under a mundu the last time I came here. There was no problem. Why this new rule ?". He was hostile now, "This is a new rule since yesterday. You obey rules or face God's curse". I am not really good at arguing. I told my people, "I have already compromised on a lot of things I believe in just for you people. But this is beyond me. This temple will not suffer if I don't visit it and neither am I going to be any poorer if I don't enter. I am NOT going inside !".

This did hurt my parents and other relatives. But exactly at that point of time, I had learned to draw a line. I was not going to take any more religious crap. I have stayed firm to this. Not that I don't go to temples now. I do visit temples and enjoy the great food they provide in some of those temples. I also take part in some rituals just to keep my aging parents happy. If my occasional visits to the places of worship can keep them happy; it is worth doing so.

Looking at the havoc wrecked on the humanity by the people like Osama bin Laden and his followers and so many of these right-wing religious outfits, anybody would like to think, "Do we need Gods and religions ?"

This planet is but a small part of an infinite universe. We the human beings have advanced enormously thanks to the evolution that gave us a mind. The mind tells me to trust Science. Science can go wrong. But we can always correct ourselves by accepting the folly.

But Gods, Religions and dogmas will not change. The beliefs in beliefs will not change. Knowing fully well the tonnes of rubbish associated with the religions, people still follow religions and God. At this point in time, I believe we don't need God, Gurus, Religions and salvation. They just don't exist for me. We just need oxygen, food, water, shelter and a little bit of love !

Dr. Punned-it

National Anthem in Malluland

2011-09-15T11:08:00.000+05:30

Extremely Important: I am no Xenophobic or linguophobic. I love God's Own Country which today is my own Country. I love Malayalees, especially the long haired species without the 'Y' chromosome. All my rantings are but about the language and nothing more, nothing less !

This is my first ever attempt to actually record some of those 'Manglish' jokes from real life. Since I don't have the facility to podcast on my Blog, I am uploading it as a video. I would like everybody to believe that the 'Frog' seen in the video is just happenstance and not intentionally indicative of the state of mind of the native Malayalee !

Inadequate quality of the video is regretted. Hence I am providing the text of the podcast.

A young ladyMedical Representative recently came with her senior Manager. As he startedtalking, I could make out he was not a Malayalee thanks to his English. Sincehis English sounded somewhat like the Bangalore type, I asked him, “You aren’tfrom Kerala, right? From where do you come from?”

He replied, “You are rightSir, I am from Chennai. But Sir is there any problem?” I said, “Not a problem atall, it’s just that your English didn’t sound like the Kerala English to me.That is all”.

The younglady interrupted with, “Why Sir, is it because only we in Kerala speak properEnglish?” I smiled and said, “No, contrary to that you people are the ones whohave a problem with English. Why English, you speak all languages inMalayalam.” She looked a little bit offended and asked, “How can you say thatSir? We are the most educated state in India”

I had totell her, “See, English language doesn’t have ‘heavy Ls’ and ‘heavy Ns’. Butyou people insert them everywhere. For example, just pronounce Collage, School,Colony, Bun, Sunny and then you will understand what I mean. You will make themsound CoaLLage, SchooL, CoLony, BuN, SuNNy. Right”

I pressedahead, “See, you make Shah Rukh Khan into Sharoo Ghan, Salman Khan in SalmanGhan. It is Khan… KHAN from the epiglottis. You bring them from the umbilicus”She retorted, Sir, but everyone will have this kind of different accents. Whypick only Malayalees?”

I politely replied, “I didn’t pick onMalayalees. You were the one who boasted about only Malayalees speaking correctEnglish. All of us have our peculiarities. It is no big deal. I just had totell you and correct your misconception. That’s it”

I haveblogged about this before and I have cried hoarse about people in Keralaturning the ‘horse’ into ‘hoarse’ and ‘Nurse’ into ‘Nezhse’. And then there areso many things like AapiLL, PupiLL, PuLLing power, FLower MiLL and the list isendless.

Once aPerumbavoor born nurse said, “Phatt Saarum Phaaryayum Phayangaramaayivishkkunnathukondu Pharat Tourist home-il chennu Phakshanam kazhichu” And anInsurance agent once said, “Innu Phoori Phaagam aalukal ee policy thanneyaedukkunnathu”

And now theypronounce SatiDa, SaviDa and SangeeDa. This is also really funny. You writesomething and pronounce something. That is why I still find it tough to speakMalayalam”

Since Idon’t want this podcast to appear as a tirade against Malayalees, I will finishthis with the National Anthem or Naashanal Aantham as they sing in some of theschools in Kerala; especially the Central Travancore side.

Everybody pleasestand up.

Jena GenaMana Adhinaayaga Jaya Hay Phaarada Phagya Vidhada

PenchaabSinth Gujaraada Maraadha Dravida Utkala Venga
Vinthya Himaajala Yemunaa Genga Uchchala Jaladhidarenga
Tava Shupha Naame Jaahay

Tava Shupha Ashisha Maahey
Gaahey Dava Jaya Gaadha
Jena Gena Mangala Daayaga

Jaya Hay Pharada Phagyavidhada

Jeya HayJeya Hey Jeya Hey

Jeya JeyaJeya Jeya Hay…

Dr. Punned-it

Chair Up and other tales of a Chair that refused to budge !

2011-09-08T15:59:00.001+05:30

My Clinic

Apart from blogging, pretending to be singing on the Youtube and whiling away my time on the Facebook, I also work as a Doctor in my spare time. I work with a modest private hospital during day time and run an even more modest Clinic close to my home in the evenings. Since I am allergic to hard-work, I limit my working hours to 7:30 AM to 4:00 PM at hospital and 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM in my Clinic.

I refuse to entertain people after 8:00 PM simply because I believe in spending some time with my family when I am alive. This has earned me the wrath of some people and some of them have branded me arrogant and rude. I think I have to live with that. I can't risk being a guilt laden 75 year-old with pots of money, a lot of illnesses and repentance about not having spent enough time with my loved ones.

This story isn't about me, it is about that black chair in the corner in my Clinic. This place is very small and a little over-crowded with unavoidable furniture. There is the examination table that also doubles up as a cup-board to keep my books. The black chair to seat the patient [henceforth referred to as client]. The blue chair is obviously mine and the table. Apart from these, there is a large Almira in the opposite corner and another plastic chair to seat the bystander.

It is necessary to give this long description because the place where the black chair sits becomes the crux of the matter. I make the clients sit on the black chair, so that I can check the vitals like Blood Pressure and do a clinical examination of the upper part of the body. If a complete examination is required, I use the examination table right next to the chair.

The place where I keep the chair is exactly the place from where the client can extend the arm and rest it on the table to record the BP. I can move to and fro to do the examination. This is the most ideal place in the given scenario. But somehow, people have different ideas and this is where the real story begins.

In the early days, the clients coming in would first pull the black chair almost into the gap between the writing table and the examination table and make the proceedings really difficult. This was becoming a real nuisance for me. It put added burden on my back and even made them uncomfortable. But somehow people have their own point of view and they have to change things according to that.

Most of the times, I used to politely request the client to get up, keep the chair back in the corner and proceed with my job. But the same exercise can get on your nerves, especially when repeated several times on a given day or when the same person repeats the same act every time.

Gradually my patience began to wear thin. I started asking people not to move the chair, but to sit where the chair was placed. Often they would sit through the examination and as soon as I began writing the notes and prescription, they would immediately move the chair to their favored destination. This became exasperating and I had to force people to go back to the corner.

Sometimes, I would jokingly ask people, "From where do you come ?". The answer could be any place. My next quip would be this, "You come from almost 6 km distance. Coming this far and then walking from the gate, can't you cover this small distance between this table and the chair ? Why do you want to move it ? Why can't you come and sit where it is ?".

With younger people I have a slightly different way. I tell them, "Don't you dare to pull the chair. It has a mind of its own and it will get extremely angry if you pull it around. It can even bite you if you provoke it. So let it be where it is. You just sit there".

At some point, I came to understand why the people moved the chair around. The truth is, nobody likes to be cornered. People perhaps felt as if they were being pinned down to a chair at gun point. But unfortunately, I couldn't help in any way. I just don't have the space to make people feel they were centered. That is when I discovered a better way to keep the chair from moving. I kept the front right leg of the chair pressed firmly with my left leg to prevent people from dragging it. This is how the next level of fun began.

A middle aged lady came in one day and as usual, pulled the chair. Since I had firmly pinned it to the corner, it didn't budge. But this was a stubborn lady and she pulled it with all the power and it still didn't move. She looked furious and asked, "Why isn't this chair moving ? Where am I going to sit ?" I calmly told her, "Why don't you sit where the chair is ? I haven't asked for any help to move my furniture here". She was sheepish but still had not understood how it became immobile and asked, "But why isn't it moving ?". Some diehard that was !

Another man tried the same thing. Since the chair was not moving, he asked me, "Doctor, get up and move from there. This chair isn't moving. Let me fix it !". My goodness, how I kept myself from falling off the chair is still a mystery to me. I told him, "Let it remain that way. What is the need to move it ? It is convenient for me to examine you if you could make yourself comfortable here". He nodded and said, "Oh, yes. That is true" and promptly pulled the chair to the gap between two tables because I had for a moment left it unguarded !

A young but hefty lady is the next in this saga. She went on pulling the chair even as I asked her to sit down right there. A momentary lapse in my concentration and the chair had escaped from the trap. What I saw next was the lady was flat on the the examination table with the chair in her hand with one of its legs precariously close to my right eye. And her own left leg was on my writing table. To make matters worse, my nurse was absconding that day. I leave it to the imagination of people to decide what a task it must have been to untangle a young lady weighing above 70 kilos from that situation.

One of the funniest characters ever sat on the chair without any complaint. But when I asked him to turn around to examine his back, he promptly did so. But he did so not before turning the chair along with him. This left me with the really daunting task of examining the back-rest of the chair.

Still crazier was another young lady. When I asked her to turn around, she actually turned to her right. Now take a look at the picture and imagine how she could have turned to her right and what she would have done to me. She was wearing saree but had no inhibition in lifting her right leg over my left thigh and in seconds, she was sitting with my left knee between her legs. Sindhu, my nurse couldn't forget that spectacle and kept winking off and on for quite a few days.

One of the problems of narrating real life incidents on blog is the fun is often diluted in scripting and most of the dialogues get lost in translation. Before it becomes totally impossible for the reader to sit through this, let me call it a day for this 'Saga' !

Dr. Punned-it

Welcome to Kochi: The New Sodom !

2011-08-27T21:54:00.001+05:30

In these times of Anna Hazare pulling a 'fast' one on the Union Government, I believe a lot of local and perhaps quite important issues are getting marginalized or trivialized. Well, if Anna has managed to obscure Team India's abject surrender in England, anything can happen. After all this happens only in India.

Again almost ad nauseum; I am talking about the roads or rather the lack of them in God's own Country that is Kerala. My own poor little Kochi is struggling to cope with multiple problems. The influx of Bangladeshis masquerading as people from West Bengal is the worst threat to this coastal town. We never know who is an Indian today. The migrant labor might be cheap today, but it might cost us dear in future. I shouldn't considered xenophobic or a Bal Thakre clone; that I am not. I have reasons to believe in what I have stated here. I just hope I am proved wrong.

The other problems is the burgeoning middle class on a rat race that can be called 'Car Wars'. Anyone owning a small car or just one car is a small fry here. Most middle class families own two or even three cars today. Everyone is on a car these days, I repeat everyone. So where do we park all these cars ? I believe we might have to push the backwaters backwards to form a reclaimed parking lot for the Kochi middle class.

Two-wheelers are the new 'Plague'. They are here, there and everywhere. I am scared to stand with my legs apart for a short period anywhere in Kochi. There are fat chances that some smart Alec might park his bike between my legs and leave before I realize. All those who are not on cars are on two-wheelers. The worst thing about these bikes is they cover 200km with one tea-spoon-full of petrol. They come in easy installments and every youth must have them.

These bikes take away young lives thanks to accidents. But they also kill insidiously. Most of our youth hardly walks except to go to the toilet. They step out of house, hop onto the bike and go to office or any place they want to. They park their mean-machines at the nearest possible spot and finish work and are back on bike and then back home. They practically live on bikes. Thus a big section of the youth hardly has any exercise and develop obesity, Hypertension, Diabetes and Heart Diseases at very young age. We might soon become the nation with largest number of bikes and even larger number of young heart patients.

All these and many other problems we face are not unique to Kochi. They are common for every developing place. Bad roads, infrastructural malformations, drinking water, electricity and so on. But what is unique to Kochi is there never was an honest attempt on part of the rulers to even make a cursory attempt to solve the eternal problems with the roads.

The rulers change. But the rules, the policies, the contractors, the workers and the roads never change. I don't remember a single road constructed by the Kochi Corporation lasting one monsoon. No soon the monsoon announces the arrival, the roads begin to break. By August, we have a few roads in a town filled with potholes. A sham of filling these potholes with gravel is conducted every three months till April. Then the potholes are filled with a lot of crushed stones, gravel and exactly 2mm layer of tar in the month of May. The Monsoon is a lot more sincere and arrives mostly in time by end May !

Today, Saturday 27 August 2011 we are in a piquant situation. The roads are completely ragged. The much talked about Thammanam - Pullepady road widening and total revamp of Kochi roads was never taken up. But the Metro Rail is being taken up in a big way. Demolition of the North Railway Over-bridge is taken with utmost zeal by the local government.

So what do we have ? For a 'Castle in the Air' that is Metro Rail, we have a town being devastated. The already congested traffic is going to be redirected through the doomed Thammanam - Pullepady road and many other such under-privileged roads. These roads are already in bad shape and bursting at the seams. The added traffic is going to totally demolish Kochi.

The Traffic Police don't help at all. In fact they make things worse. There are no right turns or 'U' turns in most places in the city. No 'U' turns for long stretches on the highway. At the most strategically placed Kathrikkadavu junction, you can't even go straight. We are sent into a quagmire through the under-bridge and then almost half a kilometer distant 'U' turn that is unmanned and becomes a flash point for outraged drivers to vent their fury on one another. What do these 'patently stupid' measures do ? More and more vehicles are on the roads for longer periods to cover same distance and that means the traffic turns further congested.

So what are we witnessing ? This might sound a tad crude simile, but this is unfortunately true. This is quite like sodomizing an anus already ravaged by piles, fistula and fissures. Our rulers are perpetrating sodomy on my beloved Kochi.

Henceforth the catch phrase for Kerala tourism can go thus, "Welcome to Kochi, the New Sodom"

Dr. Punned-it

Hiroshima, US and Us !

2011-08-09T16:04:00.002+05:30

Yesterday was real hectic and I missed a lot of action and news. I just got to take a look at this piece. Managed to go into it in detail today and here are my thoughts. How the Japanese have managed to rebuild from such devastation is a marvel to keep marveling all life.

The Atomic Bomb Dome in Hiroshima

What will happen if Pakistan were to Nuke "Mumbai" and "Bengaluru" tomorrow ? Well, it is not quite there on the cards yet. But you can never be sure with Pakistan. So what will be the overall reaction ?

The Headlines

Pakistan BOMBards Mumbai and BANGalore

Millions Dead and a Nation Stunned !

And the Reactions

USA: This is a devastating. A total breach of international treaties. All our sympathies and help are with the people of India. We know India is a great democracy and they will rebuild. But a word of caution, "India must exercise extreme restraint and distance itself from retaliatory measures to avoid escalating the situation"

Next day: USA sanctions another 3.5 million dollars military grant to Pakistan

China: We condemn strongly, the act by Pakistan. This was completely avoidable and unfortunate. China will stand by Indian efforts towards rehabilitation. We have already rushed aide to India. But India should show the sagacity to desist from revenge. The world peace is at stake and hence India should solve all outstanding issues with Pakistan across the table and not on the war field.

Next day: Pakistan to receive 100 super submarines and more advanced radar technology.

United Nations: A dastardly and cowardly act by Pakistan. UN strongly condemns this and warns Pakistan of grave consequences. At the same time, we mourn deeply for all the innocent lives lost in India. India have time and again shown great Statesmanship in the face of serious adversity. The world community expects same from India once again. War is not the solution for bilateral problems.

Next day: UN Secretary General goes on a 3 week holiday to unknown destination.

Pakistan: We had strong intelligence reports of India's plans to attack Pakistan and we had no choice but to strike before they could harm Pakistan. We can't wait for India to undermine the people and the sovereignty of Pakistan. We are capable of further strikes and will not hesitate if the need arises. But we believe India will learn from this and behave in future. The world community has a responsibility to restrain India from any misadventure. If they fail to do so, World War might erupt leading to large scale destruction.

India

The Government Spokesperson: This is a horrendous, dastardly, cowardly and unfortunate act by Pakistan. We are still assessing the extent of damage. All lines have been crossed and war looms large. We will show what we are capable of.

BJP: UPA Government's soft policy is responsible for the attack. We need a Government that is capable of hitting back. We have to cut all ties with Pakistan and an all out war is the only solution.

Bal Thakre: Sonia Gandhi is responsible for this. It is because she is Italian, Pakistan was emboldened to attack India. We will teach them a lesson. We will find out each and every Pakistani and Bangladeshi from Mumbai and throw them out.

RSS: This vindicates our stand that talking to Pakistan is futile. Incompetent and unpatriotic Congress has always pandered to minority appeasement. Forming a strong and dedicated Hindu Rashtra is the only solution for all our problems. We also demand immediate execution of Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab.

Mayavati: It is an unfortunate day. We could have prevented such an attack if a strong leader like me were to be the Prime Minister of India. We will build a grand memorial for all the Dalits and minority people killed in the Nuclear attacks.

Digvijay Singh: It is deplorable that there were large scale Bomb attacks in Mumbai and South India. We are still gathering information. But we can't rule out the role of 'Right wing Hindu Extremist Outfits like RSS and assoiates". We will soon catch the culprits and exemplary punishment will be meted out.

Rahul Gandhi: Real threat for India is not in these bombs. The right wing Hindu terror is the real danger for the country. We have to curb them and there will be no terror attacks.

Sonia Gandhi: This happened while I was away in USA with my mysterious illness and surgery. This is an act of cowardice and an act of terror. A fitting reply will be given by India. India's spirit can't be broken. India will raise from the ashes and will show the world what we are. The India of the dreams of Indiraji and Rajivji will shine again.

Mulayam Singh Yadav: Pakistan has attacked India because they are deprived. India is bigger and richer. We have to forgive them like a big brother and give them 5000 Crores to rebuild Pakistan.

Manmohan Singh: I have no words to describe and hence I will not talk !

After the dust settles

Mumbai and Bangalore rehabilitation to begin in right earnest. India will not compromise on the lives of people.

2015

Large scale scam in Mumbai and Bangalore rehabilitation process. An estimated Rs. 1,38,43,365 Crore swindled. The Government not keen to share the details.

Kapil Sibal: All this is bogus. The media has no job but to create a scam where none exists. There is no scam at all. We can prove the loss to the ex-checker to be 'Zero' !

Headlines: India - Pakistan to hold fresh round of talks on all outstanding issues including Kashmir. The sensitive issue of Mumbai - Bangalore Bombing to be kept out of the talks.

Right Wing Hindu Outfits: This is a sign of weakness. We are talking to an enemy who has bombed our motherland. Stop talks and immediately hang Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab.

Jai Ho !

Dr. Punned-it

The Boy Farmer and the Malgoa Tree !

2011-07-17T00:39:00.004+05:30

I am returning to my Blog after a hiatus of 3 weeks, thanks to some personal problems and some more at home. All things are taking their own time to settle down. But life still is beautiful to keep me away from "Live, Love and Laugh" any longer.

Ajay Pai, a Facebook friend and a real life friend updated his status "Only a few people can feel the rain, others just get wet! :D". I replied with, "I feel, I live and I breathe rain ! I am Rain !"

My relationship with rain is an affair for a life time. A Blog-post can never aspire to do justice to this topic. Hence I wouldn't attempt it here. Some day I might try writing a novel if I get that far. Today, let me narrate a story. Well, two in fact.

The Boy-Farmer

Once upon a time, there was a little boy in a small town. Let us name him Raju because he was very fond of Raj Kapoor. And let us name the town Karkala. Like all boys, he was full of mischief, fun and zeal for life. Raju did two years of his primary school staying at his maternal grandfather's house with his elder sister and cousins. That was because his Mom had difficulty managing a precocious little boy and his baby sister.

Raju subsequently moved to his father's house along with his elder sister when he was 7. Though these places were just 2 km apart, culturally they were totally different.

Raju father's house was a busy, bustling and big place with over 20 people and a lot of workers. This place was always brimming with activity. They had three shops right in front of the house and there never was dearth of action. Though the paternal grandfather was a disciplinarian, the general atmosphere still was jovial. There were movies, music and masti. The boys and girls grew up on Mukesh, Manna Dey, Mohammed Rafi, Lata, Raj Kapoor and Bachchan.

But the maternal home was different. Grandfather was an award winning farmer. Uncle had a small hotel that was famous for the onion uthappa. Grand-mom was an angelic lady who took care of everyone around till she fell ill. There were paddy fields, coconut and areca farms and a lot of vegetable was grown all over. It was brown and green all over. On the negative side, but for the fantastic Mama, there was little to cheer at home.

Living in such a place inculcated in Raju an early love for plants and gardening. He loved to look after the farms, water the crops and helping with odd jobs. But the grandpa being the tough guy he was, never allowed the boys to meddle with his flora. Into Class 3, Raju moved to his father's house and settled down with a new school and new set of friends.

They had an acre of land adjacent to their house with a lot of coconut trees, mango tress, cashew trees and a small flower garden. Once the boy saw this, he started attending the garden. Gradually it became a routine for the 8 year old. Every evening, he spent at least an hour with his 'friends'. The little boy started talking to his friends and they did listen to him.

Within next three years, Raju planted and 'brought up' butter beans, brinjal, several different types of Dahlias and many more vegetables in a small patch of land close to the well. He and his cousin made use of the farm and even had their own cozy little tree-house on the branches of a tall mango tree. Apart from this, Raju did a lot of gardening at school too.

And then tragedy struck on a fateful winter day. Coming back from school in the evening, he rushed to his garden to see the whole place decimated. Parbu, the man hired by his grandpa to clean the garden had completely weeded out his garden of flowers, vegetables and cotton plant.

Raju was shattered. He cursed and scolded the dirty old man and complained to elders about carnage. Parbu had left the weed in other parts of the farm to stand and demolished his garden of Eden brought up with 3 years of hard work in just one afternoon. But the elders were totally insensitive. The Grandpa even admonished him for being rude to the destroyer.

The little farmer was devastated. He couldn't swallow the tragedy of seeing his friends lying there mowed down to earth. Adding insult to injury, the old man got away Scott free. It was murder, in fact mass genocide. But he had no sympathizers. Those people who had gorged on his vegetables conveniently preferred to forget all that and looked away.

His Mom did commiserate with him. But she couldn't have done anything more. With a broken heart and a sulking mind, Raju decided never to plant another sapling in his life; he never did ! May be, a passionate farmer or a gardener or an agriculturist was assassinated that day along with his beloved plants.

A depressing tale is not all I have to tell. There is a beautiful sequel to this story. That is the story of...

The Malgoa Tree !

The boy grew up with his love for the greenery intact. Though he never owned a plant, he never allowed any harm being heaped on trees or plants. As we already know, they had many mango trees in their farm. One of them was a Malgoa tree. It was a unique tree because the mangoes it yielded were huge. They were as big as coconuts. Though the number of mangoes were 125 - 150 every year, it was a sensation for the size and the taste. Every year, relatives and friends used to wait for their share of the wonder-fruit.

Malgoa: What we had were much bigger than these !

Raju moved to a barren place in 1988 for his studies, aiming for a greener future. Perhaps as a coincidence, the Malgoa tree started to dwindle in yield. The numbers had fallen to single digit and by 1990, it was completely barren. It yielded not a single mango for next 6 years.

In 1997, the family decided to cut it off and clear the area because it was a huge tree and was now becoming nuisance. Raju was now working and living away from home. With time, he was now known as Raj. He had to voice his opinion now because it concerned his love for the tree. He pleaded with everyone at home to spare the tree for one more year, just one more !

The summer of 1998 was a windfall. The tree yielded over 180 huge and lovely mangoes. Everyone was surprised but not Raj. He knew that would happen. Knowing the nature of humans, the Malgoa tree decided to end it all the next summer and succumbed to ravages of time. But it did so after a last hurrah.

The little boy turned Doctor was convinced of one thing. Jagadishchandra Bose was right.

The plants do have life. Why, they even listen to, understand and love those who love them !

Dr. Punnedit

My Head is Hanging in Shame !

2011-06-27T15:28:00.000+05:30

In a gut-wrenching incident, our poor, under-paid, over-worked and malnourished law-makers have asked for a pay hike to combat the spiraling prices. They have compared their meager package to the hefty pay cheques the Western Law-makers are drawing. Fair enough !

What a shame ! The world's largest Democracy is not looking after their Law-breakers oops, Law-makers properly. We the people should hang our heads and shoulders and even chests in shame. Look at these people. They sacrifice their lives for the sake of the nation and the people. And what are they earning ? Pittance. I feel ashamed of myself.

I thought for long and hard and finally I have managed to come out with a few ideas to be fair to our Law-makers. Here are some suggestions and schemes we can implement to earn more revenue so that we can pay our law-makers better.

1] 100 Rupees Scheme: Every Indian born should contribute 100 rupees per month towards a fund to be created for the welfare of our law-makers. All the MPs, MLAs, MLCs, Ministers will benefit from this scheme. We can generate a fund of Rs. 120000000000 every month thus.

If this is not enough, the State Governments can initiate a similar scheme at the State level and take care of the MLAs and MLCs and Local Body Representatives. What if Rs. 100 turns out to be two days income of a huge majority of people ? They can join Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev in their fasting. Fasting is good for health.

2] Scam Allowance: All Politicians from Local Bodies to Parliament should be allowed at least 3 Scams during a 5 year term. There should be no cases, PIL and convictions. In case of Ministers, the limit should be increased to 5 scams per term. If a Government fails to last a full term, that isn't the fault of the Law -makers. Hence the Scam allowance should be allowed to be carried over to next term. If someone fails to get elected, such a person should be given Scamsion [Scam-Pension] for a life time.

3] Social Networking Tax: Internet already comes with tax and other charges. One of the ways to generate income is to impose tax on Social Networking. Facebook, Orkut and Twitter users can be taxed according to their usage.

4] Pedestrian Tax: Innovative Taxation Policy is the need of the times. People are taking to streets to walk, to talk and to hold protests. Introduce a 'Pedestrian Tax' just like 'Road Tax' on vehicles. Everyone walking on roads has to pay a fixed tax. That can be collected at different toll booths all over the country. The Law makers can be exempted from this, because they hardly ever walk our roads except during the Elections.

5] Oxygen Tax: We only have Entertainment Tax, Wealth Tax, Property Tax, Sales Tax, Income Tax, VAT, Local Taxes, Central Excise and almost all things covered. Water, Electricity, LPG and all consumer items are covered by tax. But we still have to widen the Tax net. How about an Oxygen Tax ? Everyone living is breathing and exhausting precious Oxygen. The Government being the guardian holds the rights over Oxygen. Hence those who want to breathe should pay tax. Those not willing can stop breathing.

6] Expiration Tax or CO2 Tax: Once people pay Oxygen Tax and earn to right to breathe in, a tax to breathe out can be imposed. Those who want to expire or breathe out have to pay this tax. Those not willing can hold their breath and save this earth from pollution caused by Carbon Dioxide accumulation.

7] Survival Tax: Anyone who survives after paying all these taxes and surcharges, should be really strong. Hence such persons should also pay Survival Tax. It should begin from age 40 and can escalate with each passing year.

What if we don't have roads like the Western Countries ? We also don't have water, electricity and all other services anywhere near the standards seen elsewhere. May be the comparison itself is stupid. But so what ? It becomes the bounden duty of every Indian Citizen to make sure our representatives are taken care of well. Remember we have chosen them to represent us, rule us, make laws for us and tax us.

The least we can do is to make sure they get paid as well as the Western Law-makers if not more. After all it is a matter of pride of a Nation. We might be poor but we still are proud of our nation and we should, would and must do everything to save our pride !

All of you fellow Indians, wake up. Suggest more ways to help and save our Law-makers. Forget the tiger. We can save them later. Let us save our Politicians first. Without Politicians, how can we save anyone or anything else ?

Jaago India Jaago, Desh ki izzat ka sawaal hai !
Wake up India wake up, it's a question of pride of our nation !

Dr. Punned-it

Hussain and Who's sane not ?

2011-06-14T00:46:00.000+05:30

A text message from a friend alerted me last week, "Mother F---er Hussain finally and completely dead". This was not from any RSS right wing Hindu extremist, but just a simple Hindu with many Muslim and Christian friends.

The obituaries that followed his death were 'banal' to put it mildly. All these years, somehow everyone from the Vir Sanghvis to all and sundries were out to defend Hussain's right for freedom of expression and the right to offend. It was almost becoming a secular ritual. Someone said, "Hussian's last wish was to come back to India". Another gentleman wrote, "A Humanist rooted in Indian-ness". Wow !

I am a human being in continued evolution. My strongest belief is, "This world will be a better place without religions". I have over the years, dissociated myself from the ritualistic and superstitious aspects of life. But I have done this gradually so as not to hurt and demoralize my parents and family. It isn't quite easy changing sensibilities ingrained over generations however senseless they might appear to us.

But what is easier is to cultivate better and more updated sensibilities in the coming generations. I have consciously helped my daughter to develop a scientific temper without becoming a prisoner of false beliefs and prejudices that had shackled her father.

Going against the wishes of others at home, I told her, "I wouldn't mind if you don't go to temple and pray because I am sure that doesn't really matter. But I would like you to grow up as a person who respects fellow humans and strives to be a good human being and nothing more".

My friend Ganesh Veluswami keeps quoting, "Blasphemy is a victimless crime". There is a catch in this statement. A Crime without a victim ? Then how does it become a crime ? Either Blasphemy is not a crime or there has to be a victim. Let me deal with that later.

Let us come back to Maqbool Fida Hussain. He is being lamented in the artistic circles and even in political circles. This isn't the first time someone is writing about Hussain. Neither is this the last post on him. Let us just look at some of his controversial pictures.


Nude Sita clinging to Hanuman's tail !

Nude Saraswathi with Veena

A Nude Bharat Mata

Now this has to be immensely insensitive for anyone to ignore. Every Hindu icon painted nude and totally out of concept. Being a Muslim, Hussain was not supposed to revere any God other than Allah. According to Islamic tenets, Bharat Mata doesn't exist. So if he conceived her, why she had to be nude ? It especially is enraging because he had painted his mother, his own daughter, mother Theresa and Prophet Mohammed's daughter; all fully clothed. This nude paintings 'business' was reserved exclusively for Hindu icons.

Why did he do so ? Hussain was a very shrewd manipulator. He knew anything remotely blasphemous about Islam would get him bumped off or his hands chopped off at the least. He also knew anything derogatory about Christianity would set all our bleeding heart secularists after him.

Hence he only had to do what he did all his life. Denude and keep denuding Hindu icons. But why ? Very simple, it will polarize the society between the conservatives, who would naturally be hurt and the bleeding heart secularists who would do anything to defend the fundamental rights of an artist.

Being a person of Minority religion was a huge advantage, though he and his supporters portrayed it as a disadvantage. He went on doing the same thing again and again, earning the wrath of the RSS and the other Hindu organizations [The extremist Hindu outfits, according to our secular brigade].

At worst these groups are capable of attacking his exhibitions and filing cases against him in different courts. By nature, these people weren't capable of any major harm unless it was something like Godhra. This exactly was his strength. He exhibited and sold more and more paintings thanks to all the din created by the right wing outfits and the free publicity he gained. When the number of cases filed against him became tough to handle, he escaped to Qatar and made it appear he was hounded out by the Hindus.

A man who pulled his movie 'Meenaxi' out of Cinema halls because the Ulema council didn't like certain lines from the movie, never once repented hurting the sentiments of millions of Hindu middle class. That middle class of which my mother too is a part of.

My mother dislikes politics, fights and action movies. She still loves Rajendra Kumar and Joy Mukherjee movies. She is religious with firm belief in Gods and Krishna is the ultimate God for her. She wouldn't let us kill cockroaches and frogs if they stray into our home. She would make us remove them from our premises without hurting them.

When I told her that M. F. Hussain is no more, that mother of mine said, "Well, at last he is dead. Let him go to hell and paint all the devils in the nude and let them roast him in olive oil".

The Argument: Art is not for common man, some intellectual had told. Then why do you hold exhibitions at all ? If what you do hurts someone, that is not right. And if you think that you have the right to offend others, you immediately become victim of the same right. Others too will have their right to offend you. Whole of my argument rests on this issue.

It makes no difference if you believe in Gods or not. It isn't important if you are religious or irreverent. But when your actions actively or passively hurt the sensibilities of others, you have committed a sin. Those who defend the right to offend will have to be ready to offended.

If Bajrang Dal, VHP and RSS were violent in their protests and offended Hussain and his supporters, it was just a reaction. Even after taking Politics and religious fundamentalism into account, I still believe it just was tit for tat and nothing more than that.

Well, why do I believe so ? Let me give an example. Just imagine this situation. Someone paints Hussain's mother in the nude; or even worse, creates a morphed sex tape of his daughter. What would happen ? That would hurt Hussain and his family. He would have sued for defamation and even got those banned.

At least he would have gone to press and visual media condemning these offensive acts. All his supporters would have brought the www to a standstill. Candle light marches would have been held in support of Hussain and against the outrage to the modesty of women.

Let me refer to another incident. Some time back, an email showing some photographs of a palatial bungalow was circulated on the internet. It stated the mansion belonged to CPI-M Politburo member Comrade Pinarayi Vijayan. So what was the reaction ? The Cyber cell tracked down some hapless guy and booked him under so many sections, he will spend rest of his life fighting those cases.

Pinarayi comes from a party that has espoused the cause of freedom of expression and the right of minorities and all that. So how did this benign act become such a hugely punishable crime ? The same bleeding heart secularists condemn RSS of hounding out Hussain. Pinarayi could just have given a statement that the building shown in the email didn't belong to him and provide authentic proof. The matter would have been closed.

Then why did this high-handed atrocity take place ? If an innocuous forwarded email could get a semi-literate netizen in neck-deep trouble, what would a series of nude and hurting paintings do to an artist ? Well, to offend and to paint and to express is his right. Why this dichotomy ?

The inference: Sentiment is a right of Minorities, Secularists and Communists. Anyone claiming to be a Hindu automatically denounces this right in this secular country. If you claim to be a Hindu and still want to own the rights to protect your sentiments, then you are 'Right Wing Extremist' !

Argument continued: But there is a problem. My mother is a middle class Hindu lady as I have said before. She doesn't have great concepts about secularism or any ism for that matter. She still is very fond of her childhood friend Shana and still keeps talking about those wonderful years they spent together. She is an Aamir Khan fan. She is crazy about Cricket and loves Zaheer Khan as much as she loves Sehwag. She would pray to Guruvayoorappan to help Yusuf Pathan to succeed. With all these qualities, she can't be 'Right wing Hindu Extremist', right ?

There are millions of middle class women and men in this country and abroad who felt outraged by Hussain's paintings. People still defend him saying Hindu mythology has so many paintings and carvings and sculptures depicting nudity. But none of them were so out of context as a 'Nude Sita clinging onto Hanuman's tail'. If that shouldn't offend a religious Hindu, then nothing should offend Comrade Vijayan.

Blasphemy is a crime and my mother is a victim. So many more mothers are victims too. Any act of offense against the emotions or sentiments of a person or a group of persons amounts to violence. Violence can be physical or psychological, but it is violence nevertheless.

Those who perpetrate violence of any kind against the unsuspecting others, will have to be prepared to face the consequential retaliatory violence. Because, you are being beaten using your own stick.

The Sticks: The right to offend or Freedom of expression !
Old world wisdom: "Violence begets Violence" !
Maqbool Fida Hussain finally rest in peace, hopefully !

I rest my case !

Dr. Pundit

Woh Saath Din: The Evolution of a Pothole !

2011-06-09T00:03:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer: Woh Saath Din [Those 7 Days] was a hit Hindi movie of the 80s. That was a remake of a Tamil movie "Anda Ezhu Naatkal". This post has nothing to do with the movies except for the title.

No sooner than the Monsoon graced the backwater city of in Kerala, we are back to square none. The ill-fated Thammanam - Pullepady road was repaired in the second week of May. In fact, the road was in tatters while the IPL jamboree was going on in Kochi. In less than a month, the road is rushing back to it's own.

Flying through this road for just about two weeks, I went on a holiday and came back on June 1. Here is the progress of a 'Pothole'. This is just one of the hundreds and thousands of them erupting on this road every day. In fact, every moment. So here we go...

1 June 2011

This is how a small hole with a smaller satellite body appeared on June 1, the day I returned to Kochi after a holiday. The birth place is near the small bridge which has a twin-bridge constructed recently.

2 June 2011

This is how the twin potholes had progressed in just about 24 hours. That is some rapid progress.

3 June 2011

Just look at the degeneration around the twin potholes and appearance of a second satellite on the left hand side.

4 June 2011

This snap was taken from a side angle on 4 June. We can see the twin holes have merged into a larger Amoeba shape with the newer satellite enlarging rapidly.

5 June 2011

This is on 5 June 2011. The extended family is merging and expanding. It is a much bigger hole now, though still not deep enough to fell the two-wheeler who is more interested in what I was doing than in what is in front of him !

6 June 2011

Look at the extension of the Pothole family across the breadth of the road. This is such a rapid progress. This is now ready to act as a speed-breaker for all vehicles wading through the road at extreme speeds of 6.5 km per hour.

7 June 2011

The funny thing is the initial potholes to the left-hand side look small compared to the bigger and deeper one in the middle. Just one week of average Monsoon has exposed the quality of work our Contractors are providing us.

3 weeks from here, the whole road will be infested by nothing less than a million potholes punctuated by islands of remnants of the excess tar accidentally left behind by the workers.

A change of guard in the Kochi Corporation was welcomed by me and people like me with a sigh of relief. The present dispensation has proved that there is no reason for us to sigh any more.

The ruling parties will change. The rulers will change. The ideologies will change. But the Contractors will not, the workers will not and the roads too will not change. The nexus will always prove to be in excess for the common man.

We the people of Kochi are doomed to live with these Potholes forever. So better learn to 'Live, Love and Laugh'. Nothing ever will improve in God's Own Country. NOTHING !

Dr. Pundit

Good Doctor and Bad Doctor: It's a Doc's Life !

2011-05-27T23:54:00.000+05:30

Apology: This is an extremely long post because it is a true incident I was witness to. I could not have edited the dialogue simply because it was continually connected and editing out any part would have rendered the story incoherent.

We hear and read a lot about medical malpractice and the greedy behavior of Doctors and about the degeneration of the noble profession. But what do Doctors think ? I believe nobody ever has tried to find out. Doctors it seems are there to be condemned.

I would like to thank all those who would show the patience to read through the post because it deals with my profession. It says something about how do Doctors feel about people !

Me and my wife, after suffering a lousy movie through a night show, decided to compensate for that with a late night dinner. Thus we went to a nice restaurant that has been our haunt for most of our late night dinners ever since we got married. We made ourselves cozy in a corner of the dimly lit place playing old Kishore Kumar songs. We settled down ordering some hot and sour soup, masala papads, vegetable noodles and baby corn Manchurian.

As we were waiting for our food to be served, I could overhear two people conversing from our neighboring seat. As much as I tried to avoid, I couldn't escape the exchange. That was because the conversation dealt with Diagnosis, practice, malpractice, MCI, Consumer Protection and Doctors. The men turned out to be Doctors. From the entire story, I could make out one was a Physician and the second one was a Pediatrician.

The Pediatrician was the first one to talk about Medical ethics and malpractice. Let us call him the Good Doctor or simply GD. The Physician was more vocal about the plight of Doctors, Hospitals and why it was wrong about what was wrong. Let us call him the Bad Doctor or BD. Simply because he doesn't conform to the ideals a Doctor is supposed to follow in his noble profession of the healer.

They were switching between English, Malayalam and a little bit of Hindi as frequently as our Politicians switch loyalties. Let me stick to complete English narration of the whole story to avoid the hassle of translating for the Malayalam uninitiated. So here goes the dialogue...

GD: Whatever you say, we should keep the profession and practice above all corruption. What else will be the difference between Doctors and the Government workers and Politicians if Doctors accept cuts and commissions ? The MCI has brought in stringent norms and then there is the Consumer Protection Act. The system needs a thorough revamp.

BD: MCI and norms, that is a joke. Some of those idiots are behind the bars for corruption. And who is controlling the affairs now ? The Politicians and Babus. Those shameless guys who sell the country for a song. Nothing will change by your Gandhigiri !

GD: No, I don't agree. Someone somewhere has to make a beginning. If one Doctor starts not accepting any favor from Medical Companies or Scan Centers or Labs, this will permeate into the entire community slowly. I never encouraged it and never will.

BD: What do you think ? All Doctors are corrupt from the beginning ? Congenital corrupts ? You are wrong little brother. Most of them don't fall for these allurements so easily. The companies will come to you only if you have a decent practice. You will refuse favors from Companies initially, most of them do so too. But if you don't accept those favors, someone else will. You are the only one to lose out on it. Gradually the whole system gets corrupted. Nobody does it deliberately. Corruption is like love in Karan Johar movies. You don't do it, it just happens.

GD: That is why there is a trust deficit among patients and common man. You justify everything without being honest. How much money does one need to live ? Why should we mortgage our conscience to greed ?

BD: My dear friend, you live in a different world. Let me tell you a story. There was this Physician in a local hospital. He was a JIPMER Pondichery product. He was extremely dedicated. Every morning, he was at his hospital by 7:15 AM. Always smiling, he helped thousands of patients. Only demand he made of Medical companies was to supply costly medicines free of cost for poor patients. He never took any cuts. He never allowed the hospital management to hike his consultation fees in 15 years. And he worked till 8:30 PM every week day.

Even at odd hours, he was always available. So much so, he had practically neglected his family. And then one day, he developed Cerebral Hemorrhage. After surgery and rehabilitation, he is now just a shadow of his old self. He can't remember medicines or anything about practice. Just 8 months since, all his clients have moved over and see other Doctors. Only that family he always neglected is now taking care of him. He is income-less at 56 years of age. Now imagine you or me in that position. What will our families do ?

GD: You can't change destiny. That is unfortunate. He must have made a living. His family should look after him. You can't expect patients to take care of him. And IMA schemes are there to help people like him.

BD: My story isn't over Dear. They manage to survive, fine. But what will happen to him and his wife if they live up to 75 and beyond ? Today, he is only 57. Without income, how long can a family survive. He struggled for almost 15 years and was settling down with a house. Now both his daughters are ready for marriage. Elder one is 26 and younger one 25. What will happen to them ? I say he was foolish. Not a single soul he had helped will help him today. They have completely forgotten him and moved on. That is cruel !

GD: But that is life. Time and tide wait for none. You have to accept that.

BD: You are in such hurry. I still am coming to the point. I saw an article on a newspaper. They had written about the plight of an olden days Cinema actress who was struggling to make ends meet. Soon, some producer comes in and offers her a role in a movie. When a writer or a poet or an artist is living in difficult conditions, all the visual and print media goes to town demanding better deal for them. I know so many old Doctors who are struggling today. Have you ever seen any media person reporting the difficulties of a retired and struggling Doctor ?

Part one of our dinner was there before us. The piping hot soup and Masala papad. We began the attack in all earnest. But my ears were all ears for what was going on behind us.

GD: That is why we have IMA and they have so many schemes like the professional protection scheme and retirement schemes and all. Why should a Doctor beg in old age ?

BD: That exactly is my point. A Doctor or family should never beg. You and me too will be old some day. We don't know what is in store for us. IMA and all schemes will support you to a certain extent, not all your life. My question is, "Why is charity a one-way traffic when it comes to Doctors ?"

GD: What do you mean ? What charity ?

BD: Look, most of the Politicians amass wealth enough to support 16 generations. Their children succeed them in Politics. No qualifications necessary. The businessman's kin inherit their legacy. No qualifications demanded. If a Government employee if meets with premature death, someone from his family will get a Government job and all the benefits associated. An Engineer starts earning by 22 or 23 and settles down well by 28.

Whereas, we spend the longest learning life and shortest earning life. 5 and a half years graduation. 3 years post-graduation and another 3 years of specialization. Many years in between are spent in preparing for and writing Entrance examinations. By the time we are finished, we are already 32 or even older. It will require at least 10 years to build up a practice. That means you are into middle age. That is where we are today.

If you develop some problem like what happened to that poor Physician, you are doomed. Just 10 - 15 years of earning period. And what do most of the Doctors get paid ? It is peanuts compared to what the Engineers and Management people get paid. Do you know my 27 year old cousin earns more than me and I am almost 20 years older.

GD: Are you jealous of your cousin or do you hold some grouse ? Why do we have to compare ourselves to other professions ? Why can't we be happy with our life ?

BD: Well, I am not jealous, just a little bitter. I have spent years in the Intensive Care and Emergency Rooms attending calls during day and at night. I don't have a count of the number of people who have survived serious illnesses. I have done my duty to the best of my abilities and with utmost sincerity. Most of the Doctors do that.

See, people come to you with illnesses, cough, vomiting, body odor and what not. So many patients have vomited in my cabin. On some occasions, the stinking mouths breathe out on your face and you have to take it all on your chin or even nose in the name of duty.

People spend 150 rupees a day on cigarettes. They have no qualms paying same amount for a ticket to a movie in a multiplex. At the end of the day, many people drink to the brim and never even remember how much they spent. You have a small problem with your shoe while you walk on the road. You get it repaired by a cobbler sitting by the footpath. He charges 100 rupees for a 15 minutes job. People have no complaints. But when a Doctor's consultation fees is 150 rupees, that becomes fleecing.

A chap with some management degree from a private institute earns three times of what you and I earn. There is no value for your lost sleep. Your personal time is not your time. It is your burden to help people because that is a Doctor's bounden duty. Do people ever remember the Doctor ? Far from it. They remember only when things go wrong.

Almost always, when a seriously ill patient survives, it is God's grace. But when a patient dies in spite of all our efforts and good intentions what do we get ? The relatives will blame us, sometimes beat us up and even burn down the hospital. Do you have any idea how many Doctors have suffered ? And don't forget the Consumer Protection Act. This Act has acted against the profession and also lead to the breach of trust.

People blame Doctors for the trust deficit. But nobody blames those who framed this one-sided act. If a Doctor is blamed of corruption or malpractice, he is suspended or transferred even without a proper trial. He or she is branded corrupt and will lose all the goodwill and often a chunk of hard-earned practice. When the truth comes out and the Doctor is proved innocent, it is too late.

Though I still love the feeling of seeing people recover and go home happy, I wouldn't want either of my children taking up this profession. You spend sleepless night for the sake of a patient on ventilator and another with a heart attack. Then come home to rest for the next night and you have a neighbor who wakes you up at 2 AM asking for a headache medicine. If you sound annoyed, be prepared to listen to pearls of wisdom on how you should be nice to people. And if you don't have the required tablet, then face a lecture on the duties of a Doctor and how you should be ready for emergencies all the time and be generous with help.

Our Dinner had arrived. The crispy noodles and the Manchurian were more than enough to compensate for the spoiled mood. By this time, even my wife had stopped talking and joined me in spying in on our neighbors. Our dinner and their banter went on.

GD: Well, I do agree with this. I too have been woken up several times by people wanting to know what to do with a crying baby. They often do everything except feeding the baby. But that is occupational hazard. A Scientist faces chemical hazards. A manual laborer will have to sweat to earn his bread. An Advocate will have tremendous stress and so do the business and banking sector people. With us, it is this. I have learned to live with this.

BD: You asked me if I was jealous. I said I was bitter. Do you know why ? It is because the people who accuse Doctors of malpractice, unethical behavior and greed are these same Laborers, Advocates, Scientists, Bankers and Businessmen. People who don't know what is an infection and what is an infarction will sit on judgement on your profession.

A family of a patient accused me of unnecessarily ventilating their father. They said, he came with some mild Asthma and I had ventilated him to make money. Bloody that man was in heart failure and was in Cardiogenic shock. I told them to take him to whichever place they would like and gave them the ECGs, X-Rays and other reports and asked them to take a second opinion, third opinion and any number of opinions.

They came back the same evening and wanted us to continue treatment on same lines. Once the patient was out of danger, I discharged him and asked his people to take him to a place where they don't ventilate people to make money. When they said, they had no problem, I still asked them to take him because I was hurt by the unfair allegations and would not like to be part of treating their father any further. I told them that I kept him till he was fit to be shifted only on humanitarian grounds. They didn't even apologize and were bitter that I had not understood their feelings. But who cares for what a Doctor feels ?

GD: But, you could have been more magnanimous. Their consent to continue treatment was the admittance of their guilt. Tense and grieving relatives can behave thus. You should have left it there. You were vindictive. That is not very nice.

BD: Hey Gandhiji, listen. You are fast asleep and are woken up by your resident with an emergency at 2 AM. Not only you but even your family members are woken up. You rush to hospital to see this man sinking. You promptly ventilate him, stabilize him and go home by 4:30 AM.

Next morning some smart Alec comes and tells you that it was 'MILD' Asthma and you had 'unnecessarily' put the old man on the machine. He even threatens you with a consumer case. Even as other relatives try to pull him out, he says as a parting gesture, "You will never prosper in life for this kind of unethical behavior".

I can understand relatives getting upset. But once they realized the truth, at least someone had to admit the mistake and apologize. We too are human Yaar. What is the guarantee that these people will not create further problems ? So I discharged him. I would treat only those who show trust and respect to the profession.

GD: All people are not like that. You can't generally blame people for what some of them might have done. There are so many good people out there.

BD: Exactly my Dear, exactly. There is no doubt that there are some Doctors who do unethical things. Malpractice is there without a doubt. But then that is not the rule. The Public has a tendency to brand all Doctors as greedy and business minded. They can talk anything, hurt anyone and escape Scott free. That is what I feel is unfair and unethical.

That exactly is why I don't want my kids to be Doctors. There was a time when I was a young boy, everyone wanted to be a Doctor. Only the lucky would make it. There was so much respect. There was a GP in our town who was a decent Doctor by the present day standards. But he commanded enormous respect and none ever questioned him. All Doctors wanted their kids to be Doctors those days. But today, I know a lot of my friends don't want their kids to be Doctors.

You don't have holidays. No off days. No earned leaves. No paid holidays. No LTC. We are the people who work longest through a day and then night. But that never gets appreciated. Even if you have an off, you are disturbed by a neighbor with some silly complaint that he has been carrying for 3 months. Just like they say "It's Dog's Life, I would say It's a Doc's Life" !

We had finished our dinner and made the payment. We had to leave. Even though the conversation was still on and still worth following up, we had to leave because my better half was showing signs of unrest. That is something I couldn't afford. So off we went at this stage. I would really have loved to share the entire conversation. But alas, all Good and Bad things have to come to an end. And this was the end !

Post Script: I endorse many views expressed by the BD and almost all that was spoken by the GD. That may be because I am an amalgamation of both good and bad. Most of the Doctors are like that. I hope to be more good than bad. But after listening to the 'Bad Doctor', even I had my sympathies with him. I think most of the Doctors will be able to empathize with him.

In the end, the Doctors are as human and as fallible to the vises and greed as the other fellow humans. Does a community that doesn't respect discipline, law and order and traffic rules deserve anything better ? How can the people who accept or give bribes expect Doctors to be above board ? How can a nation which elects Corrupt candidates as their representatives demand for blemish-less Doctors ? Those people who vote on caste or religious lines hold no special rights to question the integrity of Doctors, Actors or even the traitors.

Like Politicians, the People get the Doctors they deserve.

Conversely, the Doctors too get the People they deserve !

Dr. Pundit

Faby and Me; It's a Dog's Life !

2011-05-15T01:44:00.008+05:30

I believe there isn't much of a difference between Pets and Pests. Just an additional 's'. My dislike for pets is a product of growing up in a joint family with some people having great affection for the canines. Having a huge black quadruped panting in your living room, sitting next to you wasn't my idea of a home. But I had to tolerate them and that is how my dislike for all pets was born.

My daughter was about 3 years old when she wanted a kitten at home. I just told her, "Okey Baby, we will bring one. That thing will sleep in your room along with you, eat from your plate and sometimes, just sometimes pee in your bed". Story over.

Coming to circa 2011, I still remain a mile away from animals. Love shooting them and have some real nice ones. But my love for the non-human species is mostly a long distance one. I wouldn't mind the swimming variety though. I had a fascination for the aquarium since childhood and have plans to bring one home soon.

The Big Cat Albino - I shot him !

About 10 months ago, we were passing through very difficult period due to the illness and delicate condition of my Father in law. He subsequently passed away in September. There is a dog in our neighborhood. He is a ferocious black fellow living with our next door neighbors.

For 3 days in succession, me and my daughter were scared out of wits by this demon whenever we stepped out of our house. Our requests to rein him met with amused smiles by his owners. On the third day, I had to retaliate. I shouted at them, "You guys rein him in and keep him tied there. Else I will call the Corporation guys and get him bumped off.".

Never saw him since then till last evening. As I was walking back home after finishing my appointments in my clinic, I saw this fellow. He was growling and staring at me, from a distance. I picked up a stone from the road, just to safeguard myself from an attack. He looked sullen but not aggressive.

All of a sudden, he started talking in Malayalam, "Don't you worry. I am not like you. I don't carry old grudges. I just don't want to live in that jail for another ten months thanks to you". I just rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I thought the soft drink I drank about an hour ago had something in it.

Looking at my discomfiture, he talked again, "No, you aren't hallucinating. If you can afford to own a 'Car that can Talk' and 'Write', your neighbor can own a talking Dog. They love me more than you ever loved your car. You paid a hefty sum for that white monster. I came free. But they still love me. I know it hurt them when they had to keep me in that jail all these days just because of you".

Convinced about the authenticity of the talking dog, I asked him, "So what makes you talk, that too after such a long time ? And don't you play the victim. It was your ferocious behavior that prompted me to do what I did. I have the responsibility to protect my child. You were threatening us".

He replied, "You totally mistook me then. I wasn't exactly angry or trying to attack you or your daughter. I was just showing my displeasure at you for talking to a neighbor about getting my brethren bumped off. You were being unfair".

I said, "That is rubbish. One of your brethren had scratched me. I was forced to take those injections. They had become a menace around. They were spoiling this place too...". He asked me politely, "Do you have time to talk ? I can prove you wrong and clear your misplaced delusions of grandeur. By the way, my name is Faby".

That was an open challenge from a Dog to a Man. I could not have let the mankind down. So here goes the dialogue...

Faby: First of all, my cousin didn't scratch you intentionally. That was an accident. He was just playing with another cousin and you just happened to bump into him. It was just plain mishap.

Me: Well, it could be true. But he was very rash...

Faby: Look who's talking. You humans have invented such monstrous vehicles that are running amok on the roads. Do you have any idea how many of my brethren have died ? Leave it alone, do you know how many of your own species have gone under those demons ? Don't you have any remorse ?

Me: Well, that is the price we pay for the progress. I don't deny rash drivers. But even they are punished and put behind the bars.

Faby: Don't tell me. My Master was telling a few days ago that your town has seen more than ten major accidents in less than three months. I heard many people were killed by speeding buses and nobody ever got apprehended. And you forced me into that jail for ten months for just barking at you.

Me: Barking ? You were ready to even bite us that night. You don't know how dangerous you can be. You can spread Rabies.

Faby: Don't preach to me. If we bite, we do it openly. You have so many vaccines and medicines to combat Rabies. It isn't as if we cause Rabies. It affects us too and only when we are out of our minds do we cause problems. When it comes to your species, you are dangerous even without any infection.

Me: Oho, can you elaborate on that ?

Faby: Sure, very easy. When we bite, it is visible. We bite with our teeth. You can wash, use Anti-septic and cleanse and survive. When you bite, you do it with your tongue. And you can cause injuries that wouldn't heal for a lifetime. Yours is the only species on Earth that can bite with a tongue. Back biters !

This was turning out to be quite a dogged Dog !

Me: Mmmm, well, I concede that point. But that is because we are an intellectually evolved race. You guys are not. That perhaps is why you can't back bite but just bite back.

Faby: Never bother to teach me. Intellectual human shit. You think that. First of all, never call us 'Guys'. We are happy being dogs, cats and animals. Guys and Gays and all that excreta is for you humans the despicable forms. And what do you think I am doing ? I can understand your language and talk to you too. It is just that humans never tried to understand 'our' language. Have you not seen how we understand your orders and likes and dislikes ?

Me: Tall claims. You seem to be an exceptionally talented Dog. But most of your species just know how to follow and then bark and bite. That isn't intellectual. You just are not a match to us. If what you say is true, why aren't all dogs talking ?

Faby: From thousands of years, we have seen no man can understand or has even tried to understand our language, feelings and emotions. Then why should we talk your language ? We have just one language. In the name of evolution, you have so many languages. You don't know or respect languages or cultures of other people. You are so good at fighting for the sake of language, regions and religions. We are so much better. In fact I even feel ashamed of myself for even comparing ourselves to you inanimal humans.

Me: Fighting and us. Do you know what we call those who fight ? We call 'Dog eat Dog' race. We believe you dogs fight among yourselves ferociously. How can you blame us ?

Faby: I don't deny we do fight. But our fights are one to one fights. Sometimes we may fight in groups. But we don't hurt other animals during our fights. We sort out inter-dog issues between us. But as I told before, we don't back bite. We also don't send mercenaries to bump off those we don't like. We do it like all respectable dogs do. We fight our own battles. You have Mafia, quotation gangs and all those things. You just don't have the guts of animals to wage your own fights. Such mean creatures.

Me: That is just how human race has evolved. We have progressed due to our intellectual superiority. That is why we are your masters. You just don't have the prowess to do anything that we do and you just crib about it.

Faby: Holy cow. Far from it, I must say we don't obey you or anything like that. We just live with the nature. We have our own ways in life. You humans think you have prospered due to brains. But it is us who have used you. You have always worked towards inventing newer things. We just enjoy the benefits. You have seen our masters take us to Doctors who are human. We also eat food prepared by humans. So many of my brethren live in better conditions than you can even imagine. We are given bath by you. Even our excreta is cleaned by your species. You pay your own species to clear off the mess we create. What do we do ? We are supposed to protect you. And from whom are we supposed to protect you ? From yourself or from your own species. Ridiculous !

Me: Okay, you at least agree we give you all the comforts and it is our species who protect your health. That is why we call it humanity.

Faby: Don't start me on that again. It is just business. Your people go to those miserable places called Veterinary Colleges and kill and dissect our species and other animals to learn about our interiors. Why do you do it ? That is business for you. You earn a living out of it. You claim to treat your own species but you do it for your own selfish means. The so called Veterinarians do the same with us. For them we are just clients. But must say, they are a bit better than you human Doctors. You have branched so much, you don't look at your own species as humans any more. You look at people as a heart or a liver or a brain or a pair of kidneys or a leg or a hand. I wonder if you have separate specialists for different fingers of your hands. Pathetic humans !

This was getting tough. A very knowledgeable Canine. I was on a slippery ground and he was scoring well. So I had to counter him. After all, he had attacked my profession !

Me: All progress will have it's own adverse effects. Some good will come with some bad. We have to take it in a collective sense. If we didn't learn so much about ourselves and then about animals, how could we manage to progress ? You are looking at the negatives and missing the big picture. We have brought so much of improvement in health care !

Faby: Health and Care ? Eh. Do you useless humans have even a basic concept of progress ? First you invented all those terrible foods and ate them and developed all those illness you collectively call 'Lifestyle Disorders'. Then you spend millions to find remedies for them. When life began on earth, there was no AIDS, Diabetes, Heart Attack or Stroke. All these came out of your own move from the womb of nature towards the tomb of so called progress. We seldom get stroke, Heart attack or such illnesses. Even if we fall sick, we have innate immunity to cure ourselves. You people have made life impossible with your inventions. For every illness you claim to have found a remedy, newer maladies have appeared and you are still groping in the dark.

Me: That is life, we have to keep moving. There is no end to progress. More challenges, more progress. You and all of your species and other inhabitants have improved because of us.

Faby: That is a load of unholy human shit. You invented wheel and the vehicles on roads have killed millions since. You invented Bomb and you know the destruction it has lead to. You have invented missiles, warheads and what not ? Basically a problem of hatred or ego between two people. Thousands fight to unleash destruction on both sides. Finally what do you have ? Thousands of dead bodies. Your own brethren, dead before their time. Is this what you call progress ?

You people can't even keep quite. Your inventions like mobile phones have wrecked havoc and so many of those sweet chirping birds have vanished. Just see which species has prospered in numbers. All other species have dwindled, only humans have grown in number. Tigers, Lions and Elephants; all wonderful animals have gone down. And mostly because of you and your progress. Miserable !

I really was miserable now. I finally asked him, "How on earth do you know so much ? How can you counter all my points with such conviction ? A Dog simply can't do it ? Who are you ? Please..."

Faby: Well, now you are talking. I am your conscience. I just had to do this act of illusion to get you to talk to yourself. All of you have a Faby inside. But conscience is like a Dog in your world. You let it loose, it will bite you whenever you are not right. So you people leash it, tie it to some imaginary rope of convenience and push it into a cage in the name of propriety. It is when the caged Conscience stops biting back, you start back biting. That is why you humans get the leaders you deserve. Back biters, hatred-mongers, selfish and despicably destructive creatures.

You pride yourselves about Democracy, intellectualism and all those isms. But what do you actually have ? Leaders who lead you down the wrong paths. Those who lead you to fight among your own species. You have so called Religions supposed to bring peace. What actually is happening ? You are torn into pieces by religions. You have Terrorists, Extremists, Naxalites, Insurgents, Thieves, Robbers, Rapists, Child molesters, Criminals, Psychopaths and all kind of abnormal characters. Is this what you call progress ? If THIS is progress, I prefer to live a Dog's Life !

I had arrived at my home with this song playing on television !

Dr. Pundit

A Leave Letter

2011-05-11T13:01:00.001+05:30

Once upon a time, there was a school in a small town with an immaculate gentleman for a Headmaster in primary school. As it happens, he got transferred to another place. The gentleman who came in his place wasn't so gentle after all.

He created a lot of ill will in the school; among the teaching fraternity and among the students. From day one, students developed a dislike for him. But they had to hide it because they couldn't have managed to live without interacting with this menacing character.

He used to bring caste and color of students to the fore. He once told the School Pupil Leader [SPL], "Why do you keep the company of those low caste boys ? You are so fair and from a reputed family. You should not mingle with these 'Shudras'". This further diminished his stature in the eyes of the students.

He brought in a lot of new rules and regulations. It was tough on the hitherto happy go lucky life of the kids. One of his new rules demanded pupils to submit a properly worded 'Leave Letter' in English and in advance. One had to give the reason for availing leave in advance. And he wanted all letters directed to him and not the Class-teacher.

A boy wanted to take 3 days leave to visit his grand-parents at Kundapur. Since there was a second Saturday, he could go on a 5 days holiday while taking only 3 days leave.

But he was scared because he had already suffered humiliation from the Headmaster for being from lower caste and for being dark skinned. The Headmaster had called him 'Dim-witted Negro'. So he went to the SPL for help. The SPL was more than willing to help him write the leave letter. Thus the leave letter happened.

Leave Letter

From:
Sadananda P.
S/O Devanna P.
Kabettu, Karkala - 574104

To:
The Headmaster
Government Higher Primary School
Kabettu, Karkala - 574104

Subject: Requisition for leave

Sir,

Hereby I would like to inform you that I will be suffering from fever from 14 December 1981 to 16 December 1981. Hence I will not be able to attend classes during this period. This is unavoidable because I will be sick during these 3 days.

I request you to kindly grant me leave of absence for these 3 days. I will make up for the absence after I get better and will cover all the subjects after I come back from Kundapur.

Thanking you,
Yours obediently

Sadananda P
11 December 1981

Post Script:

The hand of the SPL behind this letter was recognized instantaneously by the Headmaster. The leave was not granted but the boy was caned. The SPL was spared the rod and saved his position only because he was from a higher caste.

The SPL and other students continued to dislike the Headmaster but had to suffer him for just one more year. Sadananda grew up to be a quick bowler. Today, he owns and drives a taxi in Karkala. The Headmaster committed suicide in 1982. Nobody knew the reason, and fewer lamented him.

The School Pupil Leader went on to become a leg-spinner. He is a Doctor today in a far off place. He used his innate talent at mischief to become a Blogger. He continues to recollect, ruminate and rejoice at the cost of his readers, howsoever small the number might be.

Dr. Pundit

Beggars can't be Choosers ?

2011-05-07T12:00:00.003+05:30

Beggars can't be Choosers !

How often have we heard this idiom ? This might be used to convey those in position of disadvantage don't get to make a choice. But reality often is different. It is the 'Common man' who can't choose, Beggar can !

Let us go to a shopping mall. Once there, we are directed by the security personnel about the where and which angle of parking. We are made to pay a parking fees on an hourly escalating basis. Still the security will not allow you to decide which is the best place for your precious vehicle.

The security staff can be extremely rude even if you ask them to spare a couple of minutes for your aged ones to get down. You ask for directions to the main entrance and expect a curt if not downright rude answer. Often you might be shocked by no response at all. If they are very kind, they might point a finger vaguely and you will have to wade through the confusion.

You are frisked by the security at the entrance. You are asked to open your handbag, valet and even deposit it at the reception. All this 'treatment' is for the crime of going to shop there. And you ask yourself, "Are we Beggars to be treated thus ?"

Not for a moment am I questioning the security measures. They are necessary and we live in an era of continued seize in spite of the death of Oasma bin Laden. I was surprised recently by the absolute lack of security during an IPL match at Kochi. But all acts of security checking can be done with a bit of politeness and nicety. Is it too much to expect 'Politeness' ?

Using the word 'Beggar' is politically incorrect today. They probably will be happy to hold the portfolio of "Professional Free Assistance Seeking Officer" or something like that. Can't even call a spade a sickle today. So respect all professions. What he / she does is his / her profession.

There were reports of Rich PFASOs owning houses, properties and big bank balances with the profession being a family enterprise. Well, if a Politician's progeny can be Politician with no questions asked, why not ?

I am on a Pilgrimage, give me 'My Share' !

This post started questioning 'Beggars can't be choosers' idiom. Hence let me elaborate. There was an old man who came every Saturday morning for alms. He was a nice man and polite. But wouldn't budge if he felt what we gave him was insufficient. He wouldn't complain but would stand there till my mother gave him more. After every 3 or 4 months, he would say, "I will not be coming next two weeks. Going to Vellankani. So give my share for the next 2 weeks today itself and add some more for the pilgrimage. The Mother will bless you"

Great Expectations !

We all know how PFASOs refuse coins these days. Many a times, I have come across PFASOs saying, "What will five rupees buy today ? If you give, give something substantial. I can't even buy a meal with this pittance". One beggar threw the one rupee coin I gave him back at me as I was about to leave. I couldn't understand what he was muttering though I could understand he was obviously cursing. God, piety, luck, prosperity, hereafter, heaven and hell and Dharma are the commonest words used by these people to cajole, threaten and even extort.

Curse of a Pious Man !

A family of 8 people dressed very decently came without knocking one day. They had crowded my living room after entering my home without permission. They claimed to be from Maharashtra, belonging to our community. The headman said, "We are one community. We lost our properties due to flood, famine and drought. You must help us because you can't be having dignified people of our community begging".

Looking at a printed letter in Hindi, Marathi and English, purportedly attested by some Gazetted Officer; I offered to pay fifty rupees. He said, "Oho Brother, I said we are not beggars. We are dignified people. We need cloths, money and even food. We don't want this kind of 'Bhiksha'. Be generous and God will be generous to you".

I asked him, "So what do you expect ?". He then started name dropping of his kind. He blurted out the names of big people who had given him thousands of rupees, new dresses and even silverware. I tried to be polite and said, "But I am not a rich man. This is all I can afford to give". He immediately admonished me, "Never say you are not a rich man. The Gods will curse you to eternal poverty. What you give is yours. What you hide is taken by others. A generous man will go to heaven and the selfish will rot in hell. Don't lead your life to hell..."

I could take it no longer. I cut him down and I asked, "So where will you go ? What will happen to those who have all their body parts in good condition and still prefer to extract alms from other people rather than work for a living ?". He became furious and snorted, "You have insulted a cultured and proud family and a pious man. I curse you to rot in hell for 32,000 years. You and your family will never see good days from now".

Worried at rotting in hell for such a long time, my Mom pleaded with me to placate him and give him more money. He immediately jumped in between us and said, "Look, a worthy lady for a Mother. Listen to her and atone your sin. Else all of your family, children and even future generations will suffer the consequences of your sin..."

I gestured him to stop and said, "Stop right there. I would prefer to rot in hell for 96000 years if such a place exists, than give a damned coin to you. You leave my home NOW without uttering another word of your gibberish. Else I will punch your nose till you bleed and then call Police to say you tried to rob us. LEAVE RIGHT NOW".

Look how Beggars choose to choose ! A topic like this can go on and on. We all have these kind of experiences. But I have to stop here for the lack of brevity my posts always attain. May be more stories on another day. There will never be a dearth of 'Choosers' in this land !

Dr. Pundit

Spiritual Wisdom in God's Own Country !

2011-04-24T01:33:00.002+05:30

2 April 2011. Me, my wife and our daughter; we were driving back from Kovalam to reach in time for the World Cup Final. Well, those two were not bothered. But it mattered to me.

On the way, my wife noticed several long and orderly queues in front of the IMFL shops. She chuckled in disgust, "I have never seen a single man at the ration shop. Look at this, these people are good for nothing". I sympathized with her; even I have never been in a ration shop queue.

The only place where they respect the Queue !

It is another matter that I have never been in a queue at the liquor shop too. Alcohol never interested me. It may be the strict lower middle class values inculcated by my Mom. It could be financial difficulties. Or it just could be the Genes. In spite of a lot of perseverance and concerted efforts by some of my friends and some cousins, I have remained a teetotaler. A hopeless one at that !

Why should we have Friends ?

A very dear friend declared during one of our many reunions, "Hey Man, it is such a shame you still haven't tasted life. You have wasted, mind you... absolutely wasted 40 years of your life. I pity you, you good for nothing fellow". He even helped me to initiate then and there. To please him, I halfheartedly tried to take a dip. But couldn't take even a sip of that atrocious cocktail he conjured up and thus failed again. Miserable me !

A matter of Life and Death !

A cousin went on to prophesize, "Govind, what life are you living ? You don't smoke. Don't drink. Gave up non-veg. Such a silly waste of life ! You know what ? Long after all of us, your contemporaries are dead; you will still be alive. And your great grand-kids will curse that the old man isn't kicking the bucket. At least enjoy drinking so that you live well with us now and die along with us !"

My Experiments with Spirit !

All this wisdom has somehow failed to dawn on me. The grape wine presented by Christian friends during Christmas is all the taste of Alcohol I have had so far. I can't discount some of those Ayurvedic medicines given to us during childhood. The Arishtams have good Alcohol content.

Well, I also must confess I faintly remember the taste or the pungency of the Goan Cashew Fenny given to us when we had cold and fever during childhood. It was a strictly monitored affair and was restricted to half an ounce.

That is just about everything when it comes to my tryst with Alcohol. Some appetizers used as prescription medicines do contain 2 - 4% Alcohol. But being the voracious eater that I was, my parents never had to worry about my appetite. If at all, they perhaps secretly wished for someone to invent some kind of appetite suppressants !

A Spirited 'Love' Story !

Coming back to Alcohol, one wise gentleman told me, "Doctor, I have gone through your Blog. You talk about 'Live, Love and Laugh'. But you haven't lived at all. If you don't love your Liquor, you have not lived. So where does the question laughing come ?".

I shot back a sharp question, "Do you mean I am dead man walking ?". He apologized and said, "No, no, sorry, very sorry, not like that. It is just that those who don't drink will never experience the true emotions of love and laughter." I wanted him to elaborate on it and he had a story.

See Doctor Sir, I was in love with a girl when I was about 25. She also liked me. But you see, she was a Christian, and I am a Hindu, Nair. It was very difficult. But after a lot of effort, she agreed to come with me and marry me. She finally said those words, I Love You. That was the most beautiful day of my life.

But what happened ? Ask me what happened. Her father and uncles came to know. They came to our house and threatened us. My parents and sisters were threatened. And before I could react, she was married off to a boy from Saudi. She went off without a bother. Never tried to find out if this animal was alive or dead. Sounds like Cinema, right ?

Well, I am not exactly Devadas to drink and destroy my life. But I started drinking only after that. Then I also got married. But could never love my wife, because I still loved that girl. So I started drinking and that helped me. I could imagine my wife was her and that changed our life.

We have a great life now. Though my wife initially disliked my drinking, she slowly started liking that. I loved her more when I took drinks. I drink, I love and I laugh. Without drinking, our life would have been zero. That is why I say, you can't love or laugh if you don't drink. That again was some more wisdom !

A Spiritual Discourse !

Another much younger chap has a different outlook towards Alcohol. It is possible he is an inspired spirit or has borrowed his spiritual wisdom from somewhere. Whatever it be, his opinions make interesting copy.

All those who say Liquor is bad for health are just idiots. What is Liquor ? Alcohol. What is Alcohol ? An Antiseptic and Anti-Bacterial. You Medical people use it for disinfection. That thing you rub on wounds to clean it and keep it healthy is the same stuff we drink, much more diluted. So it can't be good in one place and bad in another.

Liquor prevents infections. It also protects us from developing food poisoning. Even 'Heart Specialists' advice moderate amount of liquor. It is an appetizer, coolant and also causes a lot of urination. Thus it prevents kidney stones. Some people say drinking 3 -4 liters of water a day prevents kidney stones. I say rubbish, you just need a bottle of beer for that.

I asked him, "So what is your opinion about drinking and driving ? Is that good too ?". He replied with no hesitation, "No, not good, not good at all". Excited, I asked again, "So you agree drinking is bad ?". He was emphatic now, "Nonsense. I said, Drink, don't Drive !"

I just swallowed all this wisdom because this chap was in high spirits and I couldn't have won arguing !

Bar Boys !

We held a small get together of our friends from Bellary Medical College during last Christmas vacation. It was a crowd of mostly those living in and around Mangalore. The whole affair was in really 'High Spirits'. And we called the event "Bellary Alumni Reunion". As it turned out, the abbreviation was a deliciously coined, "BAR" !

The 'BAR' Boys !

The Joke is on !

There are millions of jokes about the Liquor and the watering holes. Some very innovative ones need a mention here. Those that have impressed me and entertained me.

What is common between a Bar and a Bra ? Both drive men mad when open !

The latest theory is that drinking beer turns men into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that all the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong !

I should not be considered a Male Chauvinist. These are old jokes. But there is something about Alcohol and men. I really have seen them become emotional, lovable and even magnanimous. But the best case was a very close friend who was a very careless chap in day to day life. Very unorganized and loose talking guy, he became too gentlemanly once the 'Spirit' took him over. He was one of the best behaved guys I have seen when drunk !

The Magnanimous Classmate !

Long ago, perhaps in 1990, a classmate in Bellary made an unbelievable offer to me. Sitting in a popular joint that also had an attached bar; this chap pleaded with me, "Hey Shenoy, please man, please. Just take one glass of beer. Just one for me and our friendship. I will buy you whatever food you want. I will also sponsor a cinema tonight. And I will give you hundred bucks. Just one glass...".

I politely but firmly refused his magnanimity. Cursing me to eternal agony in hell, he left me to join his group of friends at the other corner of the restaurant. Later I was told by a common friend that this chap had a bet for a thousand bucks. He had challenged another friend that he'd get Shenoy drunk. A nonspiritual Imbecile Shenoy !

Well, after dwelling at length on 'Jevan' in my last post, I had to leave to catch up with my grub. No such luck here. I am not going to a watering hole or Bar for my fill. Especially at 1:30 AM. I get drunk on other things. Things like Cricket, Cinema, Comedy and of course boring people with my blogs. Can't help, Like Alcoholism, Old Habits die hard !

Dr. Pundit

Jevan and Konkanis: A Community that Worships Food !

2011-04-12T14:35:00.002+05:30

I was quite impressed by a recent Facebook note by a Malayalee who claimed "I am not a Mallu". I am a naturalized citizen of God's own Country and have learned my Malayalam the hard way. There isn't an easy way to do so. So I wanted to vent my views on this issue. Time and proper words eluded me at that time.

Like all communities, ethnicities and linguistic groups, Malayalees too have their positives and negative traits. I have had the good fortune of interacting with a fairly good number of people and hence I have formed my own views of how people from different linguistic groups behave.

There can be some generalization in all opinions. But I have tried to be impartial in my views if not completely politically correct. As a gesture of playing neutral, I am starting with my own language, Konkani. My friend Jagan Mohan Rao once said, "Govind Raj speaks many languages in his mother tongue Konkani". That is true. Not only me, but almost all Konkani people do that.

In fact almost all the people of the world talk all other languages in their own mother tongue. That is a rule, not exception. People have a tendency to believe what they do is the right thing and all others is weird !

Now let me move to Konkanis without any more elaboration. Please check the links to know about the language and the people. I am not going to reproduce anything here. This is my blog and only my views are expressed here.

Konkanis are spread all over the world. They have a significant presence in Maharashtra, Goa, Karnataka and Kerala. They are also scattered all over. A stretch of geographical area along the west coast is called 'Konkan'.

The language didn't get the name from the place. The place got it because of language. Brahmans, Christians of different denominations, fisher folk, Muslims and many more different communities talk this language. And everyone believes theirs alone is the correct Konkani !

Maharashtra Konkani is influenced by Marathi. So much so, the people from other regions think it is Marathi. Goan Konkani too has become quite Marathified. In Karnataka, they have different ways with the same language in Mangalore, Karkala, Udupi, Kundapur and Karvar.

Invariably people believe theirs is the correct version. Overall, Konkani language has borrowed from Kannada, Tulu, Marathi, Hindi and many more languages in Karnataka. The level of adulteration could be anything between 15 - 20%.

In Kerala, it is a unique situation. Over the years, people have adopted Malayalam words with gay abandon and abandoned original and simpler Konkani words to adulterate the language to that extent, it sounds like Malayalam to people from other places. In fact it is now called "Mankani" !

From here onwards, when I use the word Konkanis, it means people who speak Konkani and belong to my own community, that is Gouda Saraswat Brahman abbreviated as GSB. Covering all communities is a tough job. In fact I don't know many of them.

Konkanis are born traders. Anything else they do, they do it with a trader's mentality. They prefer to build a temple, preferably Venkatachalapathy Temple and stay around the place. It has to be near an enduring water body.

Only in Goa and some small places elsewhere can we see temples dedicated to deities other than the Tirupathy God. As a rule, the temples are administered by community elders and are mostly ultra-conservative in approach to modernization. Again, the temples of Goa and some parts of Karnataka are exceptions.

A look at the history shows that Konkanis are a peace-loving community. So peace loving, that the are remarkably incapable of fighting. Fighting others I mean. They are quite adept at in-fighting.

They left the Saraswati river basin because they couldn't fight the famine. They ran away from Northern parts of India because they couldn't fight the Islamic invaders. They ran away from prime-land Goa because they couldn't fight the Portuguese. They avoided the Malabar and preferred Kochi because they were scared of settling down in Muslim dominated regions.

You will see thousands of Konkani businessmen, Doctors and Engineers. There are Bankers, Lawyers, Intellectuals, Writers, Journalists, Poets and all kind of service sector people. There are Politicians and even a Chief Minister. But you do a combing operation and you'll find approximately about 4 Konkani soldiers. Their dislike for fight has also kept them away from Police force and security agency jobs to a large extent.

In fact, Konkanis made Banking their greatest trait. Canara Bank, Syndicate Bank and Corporation Bank are some of those nationalized banks founded by Konkanis. They were the early birds in the private sector education field too. Manipal empire was built by Konkanis. Today, it has gained popularity as Money-Pal !

There might be exceptions, but Konkanis are generally cowards by nature. Recent trends have shown they too can fight. But that unfortunately is among themselves and they do it damn too well. Issues that should have united them have actually divided them almost vertically and lead to a lot of ill-will and fights.

Leaving aside the fights, let me compile a random list of characters unique to Konkanis. In fact, some of these unique characters are possibly shared by other communities too. But mostly these are 'Konkani traits'.

Konkanis are good at learning languages. Perhaps the best in this business. They win over customers thanks to this ability. Even with clumsy attempts and broken language, they still manage to win over people in business.

If anyone doubts the above statement, kindly go to Mangalore and watch a Konkani trader doing business. He will speak Konkani, Kannada, Tulu, Hindi, Malayalam, some Tamil, some Telugu [picked up from those numerous visits to Tirupathi] and pretty decent English.

But they speak all these languages strictly in their own language, including the accent. When the appropriate word eludes them, they will use a Konkani word and expect the customer to understand !

I really don't know if it is a positive quality or a negative one. But a Konkani will be the first one to learn another language if he were to live in an alien place. Even on home ground, they prefer to deal with other peoples' language. One reason might be they want to keep the language exclusive and use it to guard business and trade secrets !

In spite of best efforts, learning Konkani is tough for Non-Konkanis; especially in adulthood. The accent is the major hurdle. Even people who know the sister language Marathi can't manage the accent part.

Most of the Non-Konkanis believe Konkanis are stingy by nature. Something like West Coast's answer to Marwadis. But Konkanis believe they are just careful and conservative.

In Karnataka, Konkanis are called '7' because they are believed to be like a hook that wants to catch everything.

An old story goes thus. A Konkani was being washed away by flash floods. He caught hold of a bear in that desperate situation. Once he realized it was a bear, he started yelling at people for help. But people on the shores thought he had jumped into water to retrieve a 'Kambal' [A blanket made from coarse wool]. They dismissed him saying, "A Konkani will never jump into water unless he sees some profit in it".

But Konkanis believe they have been subjugated by others to become 'bent' like '7'.

Konkanis of all regions speak in different accents and styles. And everyone thinks others speak 'crap'.

You will never see a Konkani begging for alms on the roads. They have temples which feed jobless people and lazy bumpkins.

One most remarkable character of a Konkani is the ability to be extremely neutral when two people are fighting. He will never take sides for fear of fighting.

Konkanis of Kerala were reluctant to give girls in marriage to Konkani boys from Mangalore in the past. That was because Konkanis of Mangalore and Goa used to eat fish. Over the past 20 years, the Kerala Konkanis have progressed rapidly and left their Mangalore counterparts way behind. Today they are carnivorous and relish beef like their Malayalee brethren.

Another trend noted from Kerala is the reluctance of a lot of Konkanis to speak their mother tongue. Many adults, a large number of youth and even larger number of kids prefer not to speak Konkani. This betrays a feeling of inferiority complex. They fear ridicule from Malayalees. Little do they realize that they are ridiculed even when they speak Malayalam because they are pretty awful with that.

Unfortunately we might see complete extinction of Konkani language from Kerala over a period of 50 - 100 years. Many other communities who had Konkani as their language have already forsaken the language. This is really sad because the trend appears to be irreversible.

Those Konkanis of Kerala who still use the language have adulterated the language with up to 80% Malayalam words. And the present generation doesn't even know this. Those who know, don't care.

Konkanis of South Karnataka have adapted well with the local culture and have adopted almost 20% words from local languages. But they have declared those words to be of Konkani origin adopted by other languages. Issue closed !

One thing common to Konkanis of all regions is their love for 'Dal Chawal', 'Pathra Vada' and and 'Jevan'. Haven't seen another community that loves food as much as Konkanis do. Well, they in fact 'Worship' food. Nothing else matters to a Konkani when there is food in site ! THIS is first hand information.

Jevan - The Konkani Meal

'Daali Toy' or a Dal preparation is considered the de-facto 'Kula Devu' or the 'Deity of the Family".

Konkanis must be the species that eats maximum amount of leaves and grass after the cows. This could explain why they appear to be so cowardly in nature. An eternal favorite dish is the 'Pathra Vada' or 'Pathrodo' or 'Leaf Cutlet' prepared from Colacacia leaves. Anyone else trying this recipe must be ready to scratch their throats with a comb ! Not an iota of exaggeration here.

Pathrodo !

When a child is born, that has to be celebrated with 'Jevan'. 'Jevan' has to be there if it is a birthday or festival. Even a festival like 'Shiv Ratri' that calls for fasting will have to end with an elaborate 'Jevan'. Even in death, the thirteenth day has to be celebrated with a 'Jevan' to bid farewell to the departed.

One might find a Marwadi who doesn't put business before everything else. But it is almost impossible to find a Konkani who doesn't put 'Jevan' before everything. This could be the reason why not many Konkanis were too impressed with Gandhi. The concept of fasting and eating for the sake of living are beyond the realms of imagination for most of us. I am a living embodiment of this principle. We Live to Eat !

Well, I think I have written quite a lot about Konkanis. Anything more might get me banned from our functions if not excommunication. I can't afford that. I am not religious. But I believe food is good and good is food !

So let me conclude this piece on Konkanis, their language and their love for Jevan. I have to catch up with my 'Jevan' at a function now !

Dr. Pundit

An Open Letter to Whom it may Concern or Not !

2011-04-08T14:52:00.004+05:30

To:

The Corporation / Local Government / State Government / Central Government / Political Parties / Non-Political Groups / Clubs / NGOs / The Judiciary / Anyone to whom it may concern or not
Kochi, the so called Financial Capital of God's Own Country also known as Smart City.
Kerala, India, Asia, Planet Earth.

Subject:

State of our Roads or the Roads of our State !

References:

1] An Emotional Journey !
2] Left, Right and Wrong; A Story of a Fight !
3] Footpath, My Foot !
4] The Blogger who traveled the Untrodden Narrow Path !
5] All Roads Lead to Hell Part-I
6] The Queen of Arabian See in God's Own Country !

Sir / Madam / Your Honor / Worshipful Mayor / Your Highness / Anything that pleases you,

Hereby let me introduce myself before I begin the letter. I am a Santro Xing Car with Reg. number KL-7 BD 6826 registered under Kochi Corporation in August 2008. I have produced a latest passport size photograph of myself for identification purpose. Please don't be surprised about a Car that is writing a letter. I can even talk. Kindly refer to reference number 1. An emotional Journey.

My Master, who claims to be a Doctor and a Blogger has written something about me and quite a lot about the roads of my hometown Kochi. Kindly refer to those stories too. It is important to understand the whole picture. Though Dr. Pun-dit is not very kind to me, I still am a loyal servant and continue to work for him without complaining. This isn't about my loyalty or his cruelty. I shall in due time write to SPCC [Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Cars] about that. So you needn't worry on those issues.

Defaced and Defiled

Now let me enlighten you about that ugly scar on my face under the nose. I mean the dent on the number plate. This dent was caused by a two wheeler who collided with me tail on [Opposite of Head on]. No, it wasn't his mistake. It wasn't my mistake either. Both of us were traversing through the quagmire people have now come to accept as an eternal truth that is 'Thammanam - Pulleppady Road' in the heart of Kochi town. The poor chap bounced and bobbed out of one of those potholes and I couldn't escape from the collision because I too was coming out of another bigger pothole. I am now providing some photographs of 'the Road' for your reference.

Road in the Heart of Kochi !

The Cursed Thammanam - Pullepady Road

Potholes that can kill !

No Sir, this letter is not about the collision or the dent either. I can and will live with this. People manage to live with much worse. Let me move to the more serious matter. It is about something far more important. It is about our existence itself. The existence of Carkind / Autokind / Bikekind or Vehiclekind in general.

Humans are concerned about Mankind. So we have to be concerned about ourselves too. Humans can eat Pizzas if bread isn't available. But we will not be able to live and move without our life blood that is Petroleum fuel. So kindly watch the video attached.

The little boy is more concerned about future and is far more intelligent than the father. You might have watched this video about conserving fuel and energy. But I politely request you to watch it again. I will continue with the matter after the video. Thanks for the patience you have shown with me. But my intent and concern is genuine and I hope I will be able to convince you about it when we come to the concluding part.

Now, we all know our Governments, leaders, Babus, NGOs and everyone with an opinion has something to preach for the common man. That common man, one of whom is my Master. He too is a concerned citizen and I have seen him preach about conserving nature, electricity, trees, fuel, paper, food, water and just about anything. This anything includes everything except my dignity. Well, let me not elaborate on that. I will deal with those issues at an appropriate time on an appropriate podium.

Let me suffice to say this. My Master calls me "Fuel Guzzling White Little Monster". That is such an insult and I have communicated to him my displeasure about it. But he has persisted with his diatribe. When I asked him why he calls me so, he said I have a very poor fuel efficiency. Yes, I give 9 KmPL in the city. In Kochi city. I am not aware what other members of the Carthren [Car Brethren] manage. But this is the best I can achieve. But I have always maintained this wasn't my fault but the poor roads were responsible.

My Master is not fond of main roads. He is The Blogger who travels the Untrodden Narrow Path ! So I really can't blame his driving or the traffic for the low fuel efficiency. But I still was confident I will be able to prove myself when the opportunity arises.

Thus I got my first chance in 4 years to prove my worth, efficiency and power. I took my Master and his little family to Kovalam last week. Oh what roads ! I felt like a bird out of the cage and actually went flying. I managed to overtake Cars twice as bigger, SUVs and practically everything on my way. I took 4 hours 50 minutes from Kochi to Kovalam and 4 hours 10 minutes for the return journey.

This isn't vainglorious boasting. This is just a true piece of information to bolster my case. The most important factor was I covered 490km with less than 29 liters of Petrol. That is a fuel efficiency of 17 KmPL. But I needed a chance to prove myself. In Kochi, I would be burning almost 55 liters for the same distance. Now, this is a phenomenal achievement. I knew I was capable of this.

Sir, just imagine this. Travel through decent roads improved my fuel efficiency by 88.88%. Which means the traffic congestion alone isn't responsible for the abysmal fuel efficiency in cities. The poor infrastructure is more so. I have informed above, the fact that my Master almost never gets stuck in traffic because he never takes the main roads. But all the side roads, interior roads and roads in residential areas are in total shambles.

If we manage to improve the overall infrastructure in the suburbs, interiors and the small roads, we might succeed in decongesting the traffic in major arteries. All vehicles conveying through better and lesser trodden roads can save hell of a lot of fuel. Even 50% saving is a huge saving. Switching off the engine in traffic lights can't save you so much of petrol.

Now if I alone could save so much of fuel in one journey, imagine how much of fuel all those millions of vehicles on our roads can manage to save !

Sir, I don't know who you are. I don't even know if you are a Sir or a Madam. That is why I have used so many references and salutations at the beginning. Let me stress again here that I am genuinely concerned. Concerned about nature, fossil fuels, mother earth and all.

Sir, please let us 'Go green'. Let us improve our roads and infrastructure and save fuel and save Earth and save ourselves. Let us save Ourselves from Ourselves !

Thanks for the patient reading.

Sincerely,

Santro Xing [Reg. No: KL-7 BD 6826]

Dumb Dumb Shiga Shiga : A Ward Story !

2011-03-11T15:05:00.000+05:30

It is a good three weeks since I came around on 'Live, Love and Laugh". Not because there is any dearth of Life, Love or Laughter. It is just that I have been overtly busy "Doctoring the Balls !!!". Cricket after all is life and love for me ! It makes me enjoy, love, laugh, brood and then laugh again in the end.

Here is a small anecdote that happened today. I had to narrate it right here because it is simply way too funny at the end of the day to miss. And it has nothing to do with Cricket.

I visit our in-patients in the wards thrice every day. First visit very early in the morning to update prognosis. Then I join my Boss for the regular rounds. Later in the afternoon, I do a review rounds when I visit selected patients depending upon the condition.

Thus I went about an hour ago for my afternoon rounds today. There is this overtly talkative 74 year old lady admitted with a Lower Respiratory Infection. She had severe bouts of cough and off and on wheeze. I had advised her to rest well and not to talk too much. When I went to her ward, she was sleeping peacefully.

Happy that she was resting well, I told the Nurse on rounds, "Good that she is resting. I don't want to disturb her. Tell her I did come visiting when she wakes up". I turned around and was just leaving the ward. Suddenly this Staff Nurse, a girl in her early twenties rapidly walked towards the sleeping patient and woke her up with a quick jerk and told the patient, "Amma, the Doctor had come for rounds and he went off because you were sleeping".

This was infuriating. I asked her, "Why on earth did you wake her up ? What was the need to tell her now ? I told you to inform her when she wakes up...". But the girl very calmly replied, "I didn't want to forget it Sir. That is why I told her now itself !". I just asked her one more question, "What is your name ?". "Shiga" came the reply. Whatever that means !

I have seen girls, idiots and God-damned Dumb Nurses. But this was something different. There was no use in admonishing her because she just couldn't understand what the whole issue was.

So that is life after all. And in spite of all this and more, I manage to Live, Love and Laugh and share it too !

Dr. Pun-dit

Dial 'S' For Suicide : A Thread on Life !

2011-02-21T15:04:00.002+05:30

One of my favorite quotable quotes is, "Life is hard, compared to what ?" !

There was a pretty good discussion on Facebook recently initiated by a friend. It started with the suicide of a man. People had many things to say about suicide and I too had my views.

This thread inspired me to think about what I actually thought deep down about suicide. And I remembered this "Immortal Song" by Kishore Kumar from the movie Armaan [1981].

The thread went like this...

Deepa Antony
A few days back, the dad of one of my son's classmates committed suicide. He leaves behind the mother, son, and daughter. The papers are rife with the brutal rape of a 24-year old girl who succumbed to injuries. The chai-wala at our office doesn't bring snacks for the second day in a row and i find from him that the snack provider committed suicide. Sigh. Why are there so many unhappy people around?!
February 8 at 10:29am ·
Shery Ph, Neela Shyam and 2 others like this.

Manju Thomas Men who refuses to grow up and take responsibility or may be just plain depressed with no friends ?
February 8 at 10:32am ·

Deepa Antony yeah.. and i wish i could help them who needed help and bring to book those who needed that!!! arrr!!!
February 8 at 10:38am · · 1 person...

Praveen Vet Let's not blame the suicide victim. The state which consists of all of us has a bigger role in their suicides. If it can be 'Men who refuses to grow up' it could also be 'state which refuses to grow up' or 'women who refuses to grow up'
February 8 at 10:42am · · 1 person...

Deepa Antony the person to blame here is only the person who commits a crime. a suicide victim is not a criminal for doing so. wish there were ways to help them in time...
February 8 at 10:43am · · 3 people...

Govind Raj Those with no friends should join Facebook !
February 8 at 10:45am · · 2 people...

Deepa Antony ‎:))
February 8 at 10:46am ·

Manju Thomas ‎:-) @ Govind
February 8 at 11:08am · · 1 person...

Babu Jacob wow cuz!..appreciate that..from a happy-go-lucky girl, a sudden twist to harsh realities..way to go!..:))
February 8 at 11:17am · · 1 person...

Deepa Antony ‎*thats life i guess cuz.. not always a bed of roses.... :)
February 8 at 11:26am ·

Babu Jacob
and why there are so many unhappy people around?..everyone is not as lucky as we are who can be at fb writing funny things..realities!!..when even onion prices soar, when plans go wrong making one bankrupt, for some people day to day life b...ecomes a wall, not our fb wall, but a wall where these people stumble and fall and never get up..
count our blessings..

February 8 at 11:37am · · 3 people...

Manju Thomas ‎( counting my blessings 1,2,3,4,5,6,7....,.)
February 8 at 11:42am · · 1 person...

Deepa Antony ‎@Jake: well said cuz... wish it was a fair world...
February 8 at 11:44am ·

Deepa Antony ‎*Manju: mmmm.. keep going..
February 8 at 11:44am ·

Govind Raj
I would like to share a story here. Some day I would love to blog about it.
In 1995, I met a remarkable lady one Ms. Vijaya. She was about 48 years old. She was suffering from Rheumatoid Arthritis. The treatment modalities had not evolved in... those days. We used to give her symptomatic medicines and whatever best was available in those days.
Her illness had progressed so much in those days, she could hardly move her finger tip. All her small joints had fused. Later parts of her life she could not even get up.
But even during extreme distress during her last days she had one character and that summed up for me the essence of life...

February 8 at 11:45am ·

Deepa Antony Raj: you mean to say she never complained?
February 8 at 11:52am ·

Manju Thomas Finding the good around and focusing on it :-)
February 8 at 11:53am ·

Govind Raj
Every single morning during our rounds, I used to ask her, "So how are you?" It was a stupid question, but I had to ask her. And every day she used to reply, "I am feeling slightly better" with one of the most unforgettable smiles ever.
The ...whole thing is in the mind !
Pain, suffering, problems and worries are but part of a life. Anyone not facing problems isn't living. Agreed we haven't witnessed extreme suffering, sorrow or torture. But we have seen people who have outlived all these and more with conviction !
I would not sympathize with anyone committing suicide. There is no difference in murder and suicide. In both cases, you are ending a life. A LIFE... that we did not create ourselves. We have no right to kill anyone... Suicide is Murder in another name !

February 8 at 11:54am · · 3 people...

Deepa Antony ‎*Raj: As much as i agree that finally it is all in the mind, I beg to disagree with your view that suicide is a crime. I believe that a person who commits suicide is a *sick* person. a person who's not normal. whose thinking is compromised in some way and which could be a consequence of things beyond his/her 'own' doing. I believe such people need help. But the sad fact is it is always too late.
February 8 at 12:01pm · · 3 people...

Govind Raj A person who commits murder too is *SICK* ! It is problems of the mind that lead to all acts of violence !
February 8 at 12:05pm · · 1 person...

Deepa Antony ‎*for moderation purposes, i think i'll stop with : 'to each his own'
February 8 at 12:14pm ·

Neela Shyam most of the cases i feel it is a momentary impulse...by the time they realise it its too late....sad but true....
February 8 at 12:42pm · · 3 people...

Govind Raj Raj: you mean to say she never complained?

D' Yes... Never even saw her without a smile :-)
February 8 at 1:40pm · · 2 people...

Deepa Antony ‎*wow..thats herculean...
February 8 at 2:30pm · · 1 person..

Shery Ph well....who knows wat was going on in da mind of ppl who committed suicide....we can debate o'er it....well....
February 8 at 5:24pm ·

Neela Shyam
yup...a few days back...a 36year old man (who happened to be a joint director of a very reputed firm) staying close by committed suicide as he found out about his wife's extramarital affair....sad that such a successful man couldnt take the... trauma....the so called wife is no where to be seen..the children are in a state of shock and are being looked after by his brother...sometimes i wunder if he could have reconsidered his decision thinking of his poor little children...the kids are now abroad ...but how can they ever get over the trauma...

February 8 at 5:34pm ·

Praveen Vet
‎@Govind Raj: liked your story. I agree that suicide is murder and thus somebody should be strongly punished for it. The question is who is committing this murder? If a person is tortured by third degree methods and given a cyanide pill, h...e would most probably consume pill to avoid an even more painful and slower death that is for sure. Here the state should be punished because it is the murderer. For many victims of suicide, life is an invisible prison with invisible torturers. I propose a mechanism to punish the state. For every suicide (except that permitted by state and accidents), the state (people alive) should spend 12man-years (4380 man-days) in prison before they reach 70 years of age. Thus in a 70 year life of a man, there would have been approximately 3.8 million suicides (at 50,000 suicides per year in India) amounting to 15 billion man-days in prison. Thus a person should go to prison for 15 days before he is 70 (15billion/1billion Indians). I'm ready for 15 days.

February 8 at 5:36pm · · 1 person...

Umesh Babu Interesting list of causes of suicide here... weak, immature men; criminal act; not coping with unhappiness; state of mind and even the State (!)...GOK
February 8 at 6:11pm · · 1 person...

Deepa Antony ‎@Prav: oh boy! all that math has got my head reeling!! :)))
@Umesh: GOK.. i like that :))
February 8 at 11:48pm ·

It is true that suicide might often be forced or almost homicide in absentia. But somehow, I am not convinced about physical or mental torture, penury, poverty, disappointment and loveless life being directly responsible.

We do see so many people on the roads, begging for survival and they do thrive. If poverty or penury are strong enough reasons to commit suicide, there would be no beggars and street urchins. If loss of love is a good reason to commit suicide, half the world would have to die for the other half and the other half for the already departed.

Suicide finally is murder and nothing but Murder. We aren't born according to our wish. Without going into the Divine, we still did not create our own life and we have no right to cut short something we didn't create. It is ultimately 'Violence'. Civilized society has no role for violence, against others as well as against self !

Extreme cases do exist and I can't wish that away or deny that. Terminal illness, extreme pains, loss of children and so many really unfortunate issues. But all these cases don't lead to suicide. Most of the cases of suicides are due to transient loss of reason, pent up rage or madness. It never is easy to understand what goes on at that moment. But it is a 'Sickness of the Mind' for sure.

A healthy society or state or country will have to look inwards to ameliorate the causes that could trigger suicides. Illnesses, misfortune, loss, death and devastation are but a part of life. I am not sure how I would react to extreme situations. But would love to retain my equanimity in such a scenario if so happens.

Even when someone extremely dear is no more, life has to go on and will go on. Death is the final frontier and nobody ever has outlived it. So why should anyone make its job easier ? Be prepared to Live, Love and Laugh, because Life still is beautiful. Very beautiful even with bad roads, Scams, Politicians and Sreesanth !

And for all those who think they have been handicapped by life... Watch This !!!

Dr. Pun-dit

An Idea called India: A Rhyme with a Reason !

2011-02-16T12:11:00.000+05:30

Here are some random thoughts on India; My Country, My Passion and My Mission !

Some effort has gone into rhyming the thought process. But the thought itself is spontaneous.

Though I may sound bitter and negative, I compile these thoughts with a positive outlook.

Looking forward to a better, brighter and bomb-free and scam-free tomorrow !

General Public aka Aam Aadmi

The North, South, East and the West,
We would like to claim we're the Best.
A Cricket victory and a pumping fist,
Pride puffing up our expanding chest.

Unity in Diversity

In the wake of every known adversity,
Harping on about the Unity in Diversity.
Guns and goons culture rules University,
We take it all with extreme insensitivity.

The Poorest of the Poor

Millions live below the line of poverty,
And a few own all cash and property.
Problem is with people of the Country,
Expect little work and alms in bounty.

The Middle Class

Prices sore and all that tastes is sour,
But middle class yells for gimme more.
Ethics and loyalty belong to the yore,
Until the Bosses show them the door.

The Business Class

Consumer is King is what they all say,
Buy something, that makes their day.
Efforts from thence is to keep at bay,
The buyer and while it shines make hay.

The Political Class

Service is the motto but towards oneself,
Cattle class that we are always need help.
Aam Aadmi gloats on Scam Aadmi's pelf,
Heaps of files catching dust in CBI's shelf.

The Leader

One worth his salt wants to be a mass Leader,
During accent uses the masses as the Ladder.
Selling nation for spectrum, cannon and fodder,
How do they manage, you and I've to wonder.

The Parties and Ideologies

The Right is wrong and the Left isn't Right,
All that matters here is Power and Might.
Corruption, loot and skulduggery to fight,
Mirage of the nonexistent Shining Light ?

Our Man

It seems Obama loves our learned Man,
Where Madam is supreme, what he can ?
From Finance he jumped into frying pan,
In his own party, he remains a No-man.

Expectations and Issues

Aam Aadmi needs Bijli, Sadak and Paani,
How to fool them needs knack uncanny.
British left us but not the Babu and crony,
To divide and Rule in a state of the nanny.

The Holy Cow

Everyone has reservations on reservation,
Reasons fearing ballot box reverberation.
Who wants merit when all consideration,
Surround the caste and religious equation.

Neighborhood Trouble

The Dragon above way ahead on all counts,
Pakistan needles and defense budget mounts.
Bengal Tiger scratches, Lankan Lion taunts,
Tiny little Nepal taking big brother for grants.

Foreign Dreams

Software and service dreams in US of A,
Jumping borders for the peanuts they pay.
Man-power without any international say,
Worth shouting Bolo Bharat Mata ki jai !

Worship is Work

Propitiate Gods; fake and the imaginary,
For Pundits, Imams and the Missionary.
Blessings to clear a block in the Coronary,
Worship is work without a true Visionary.

What do we do ?

Problems galore from head down to toe,
Hard work does work we ought to know.
Build a nation united we can and we'd show,
Need to stand up, deliver and take a bow !

An Idea called India

Caste, religion and region let not divide us,
Development and prosperity matter not fuss.
Opportunity waits and let's not miss the bus,
India alone matters and let's work in chorus !

Dr. Pun-dit

Rules are Rules: Chronology of a Marriage Certificate!

2011-02-06T18:15:00.004+05:30

Warning: This is the longest post I have ever written. This had to be, because it deals with 'The Government'. Anything Government in India has to be long drawn, tedious and frustrating experience. You walk the straight path, the Government machinery will ensure it will be the longest possible route.

Welcome to India where Government is there not to help people and solve their problems. A Humongous Government apparatus is in place only to harass and make things difficult for the ordinary citizen. But if you are a Bangladesh or Pakistan sponsored terror merchant, then we will make things very easy for you !

Part One : History and Her Story

1970 July 25: He was born in a sleepy town in south Karnataka at the base of Western Ghats.

1975 August 13: She was born in a general hospital in Kochi two months premature and spent the next two months in the incubator.

1997 June 9: They met for the first time in Kochi.

1997 June 27: They were engaged to marry soon.

1997 July 25: They went to watch 'Border' together, because she was a fan of Sunil Shetty. [The additional 'e' in his name came later].

1997 August 13: They crossed the border to watch 'Pardes' because he grew up on Subhash Ghai movies.

1997 September 3: They got married. End of Part One.

Part Two : Home Sweet Home

2000 August: They set up home in a rented house in suburbs of Kochi.

2003 August 22: They finally moved to their own home. Sweet Home !

A dozen years after they were married with an 11 years old daughter, they realized they had to have a marriage certificate. And thus began the story. The story of a Marriage Certificate !

Part Three : Concept of a Marriage Certificate

He had migrated from Karnataka and had a lot of problems getting a Voter Identity card and then a ration card. With his legendary laziness and very little patience for Government, he was governed by her perseverance. Nature always has a way to balance things. And then people !

It was told a Marriage Certificate [MC henceforth] is absolutely necessary to manage joint accounts, succession and insurance issues. It is also necessary to acquire many more documents, passports and sundries.

So an application was moved for the holy MC in August 2010. The Corporation Office demanded a huge pile of certificates to issue another certificate that will be necessary to apply for more certificates in future.

2010 September 15: Her father passed away, derailing the process of Mission MC for some time.

Part Four : The Documents for Documents

2011 January 3: The Mission was back on track. The need was very simple. The CO [Corporation Office] demanded 'some' documents as listed below.

01] The Marriage Photo
02] The Original Invitation Card
03] A Certificate from the Marriage Hall
04] A Certificate from a Councilor / MLA / MP
05] A Certificate from his Employer
06] A Copy of his Class 10 Certificate
07] A Copy of her Class 10 Certificate
08] A Copy of his Medical Registration Certificate.
09] A Copy of his Voter ID Card
10] A Copy of her Voter ID Card
11] Two Witnesses who are not blood relatives.
12] Four latest pass-port size photos of both
13] Most Important: You have to get ALL the duplicate documents attested by a Gazetted Officer.

Does the number 13 appear sinister ? This is not superstitious. But the process sure was Sinister in a Left dominated state.

Acquiring all these took some time; it always does in this country. It was told, all these documents should be produced in 'Duplicate' with the application form duly filled in Duplicate again.

Part Five : The 'D' Day or Document Day !

2011 February 2: And finally the 'D' Day was here.

"You have to come there to the Corporation Office once I am finished with initial work" said she "And you please show some patience and don't get into fights". He promised to try his best to stay sane.

10:45 AM: "I am at the office. People still waiting here" came her SMS. OK, he replied. Thanks to the Data services on Mobile phones, life is a lot easier.

11:15 AM: "You have to sign some more papers. Where can we meet ?" Text again. He replied, "Will meet you near Music World on way to IOC"

12:05 PM: "She told me, we have to present 3 application forms" said the harassed wife, "Not 2 as was told earlier". He asked her, "Didn't you ask how come the sudden change in rules ?". Wife is more prudent always, "See the need is ours and not theirs". He completed the forms and signed all forms before re-checking all documents again.

12:20 PM: He drove to IOC and came back by 1:30 PM.

1:30 PM: Finally he reached the Office near Marine Drive, Kochi.

Part Six : The Story In Between

12:30 PM: "You have to get copies of the Voter ID Cards of witnesses and get them attested" said the helpful Clerk. The witness himself asked, "But we are here, so what is the need to attest ?" The lady replied, "That is not my problem, Rules are Rules"

12:45 PM: They went to the Gazetted Officer known to them and got the required documents attested. He was a nice chap and didn't charge any money. May be Ms. Saving Grace had seen some Saving Grace.

1:00 PM: The witnesses left because they had no further role. Or thus they thought.

1:10 PM: Clerk: But you have to get three copies attested and not two. Three applications, so 3 copies.

1:20 PM: Gazetted Officer: What a tedious procedure ! Daughter, you must be hungry. Did you eat something ?

Thanks goodness, the country still has "A Few Good Men"

1:30 PM: He finally joined her at "The Office".

Part Seven : The End Game

1:35 PM:
Clerk: You have not attested the Invitation Card Copy and also the Councilor's letter.
He: But you are seeing the original, so what is the problem ? You too are authorized to attest. Why should we run around for all of this ? Why can't you write it because all the documents are there in front of you. ?
Clerk: That is not my job. You have to get it done. Rules are Rules.
He: Madam, can you tell us what all things we have to get attested ? My wife has been running around since morning. So if you can tell us what other things are lacking all at once, we'd be grateful. We will get everything according to 'Rules are Rules'. And if necessary, we will get 3 copies each of me and my wife and get them attested too.
Clerk: Tell your husband to control his language. We are here to 'Serve' you. We do things according to rules.

1:50 PM: Gazetted Officer: Wow Daughter, you are back as I had guessed. So this is your husband. I have known your wonderful father for several years but meeting your husband for the first time. How is he coping with this ? I believe this Doctor doesn't like to wait.

Reputations live past some great men and precede some ordinary people.

2:00 PM: The last bit of document attested. The gentleman left for lunch, but not before advising the couple to "Eat something, you people look hungry and tired"

2:10 PM: The Clerk has gone for lunch, said the office boy. He said, "Okay, let us go grab some lunch. Aren't you hungry ?". She refused, "No, we will wait. You don't know when they come and then go again. I want to see the end of this today". Perseverance wins over laziness.

2:45 PM: Clerk: You people are late by several months. So you have to produce an apology letter. That has to be drafted in Malayalam. Phew...

2:50: PM: "Oho, almost 14 years since marriage, what were you people doing all these years ?" asked the cheerful gentleman drafting their apology. "Collecting all the certificates needed to obtain this certificate and then getting them attested. It took us so long only because of that" was his reply. The friendly man never uttered a word after that.

3:10 PM:
Clerk: "Now everything is in order. But errr wait, where is the third copy of Invitation card ? I want it attested too".
He: "We are married for almost 14 years and we don't need this card any more. All those who had to be invited have been invited. So do you mind keeping this original ? We have been told the 'ORIGINAL' doesn't need attestation.".
Looking at the apparent smoke emanating from his nose and ears and even eyes, the Clerk agreed and said, "Okay, Okay. That will be fine. But if you need the original, you can't get this one back".
He: We have another dozen at home. Don't bother !

3:20 PM: Final touches over. Signatures verified. And the procedure is over.
Clerk: Right. It is over. Since your marriage was quite old, it will take one month to get the certificate. You will get intimation by post and then you can collect it.
He: Thanks for all the help ! Now do we have to get 'attested copies' of this receipt you have issued ?
Clerk: As you wish. Now you can get yourself attested if you desire so !

You can never win against the Government !

Dr. Pun-dit

The Queen of Arabian Sea in God's Own Country !

2011-01-31T16:26:00.000+05:30

One more walk and one more photo session. How can the powers that be allow this kind of anarchy to prevail ? Kochi is a Bad, Bad, Bad, World; miniature version !

Welcome to Kochi, the self proclaimed "Queen of Arabian Sea" the financial capital of Kerala, the self-proclaimed "God's own Country".

My friends always blame me for being too harsh, too critical and too satirical in my posts. Hence I have decided to mend my ways and have come out with solutions to the problems. This is my mite to my adopted land. Hope at least some of our rulers find time to read this.

Our Footpaths !

Problem: This is what we see on most of the footpaths. No wonder pedestrians are knocked down by speeding buses and bikes because they walk on roads.

Solution: Let the Cable guys put up advertisements and hoardings on footpaths. The Corporation can gain some revenue.

A Jam nobody likes !

Problem: Auto Rickshaws can sneak into any available 'gap' on the road or footpath where the front wheel gets an access. And they create traffic jams that leave law abiding drivers in debris.

Solution: Send all these three wheeler drivers to the Pakistan and Bangladesh border. We can use them to combat the insurgency.

A world infested by two-wheelers

Problem: You park your car with a gap enough to pull out when you have to leave. And you come back to see two-wheelers clogging both sides of your vehicle. This is in spite of having enough space around to park 300 bikes. The bikers somehow like to squeeze in between cars.

Solution: Send the talented two wheeler-riders to Olympics. They might win us medals in Gymnastics.

Potholes - Take deviation

Problem: Huge potholes on our roads. Poor bikers have to take diversion and the cars and other vehicles have to wade through them. Whatever happens to the road tax levied on every vehicle !

Solution: A new innovation: Pothole Tourism ! No other town can boast of this facility. We can take tourists around for different parts of the town. Fishing, boating and even swimming too can be arranged for enthusiasts. We excel in converting liabilities into assets.

What Potholes ? There is no road !

Problem: In some places, there are no potholes. There in fact are no roads. So what will happen to tourism ?

Solution: Relax, there is a further advancement. We can always invite Archeological Society of India. They need to dig very little for excavation. Even better, we might even stumble upon some 'Oil Wells'. Who knows, Malayalee's favorite 'Gulf' might be recreated in God's Own Country !

Does it stink ? Take deep breath...

Problem: The much discussed stink in Kochi is worsening by the day. Open drains are a danger physically and physiologically. Can't walk without closing your nostrils.

Solution: Open 'Open Air' Pranayaama classes all over. People can learn breath holding and deep breathing techniques on the road. It improves endurance, health and longevity. All credit should go to our rulers.

Road Rags !

Problem: Absolutely ragged roads everywhere. Not an ounce of tar to be seen anywhere. Driving speed never to go above 10kmph.

Solution: Another great business opportunity. Bring in Tyre companies to sponsor different stretches of the road. They can coin slogans like, "Only FRM Tyres survive these roads" or "When the going gets Rough, the Tough get going" etc. The revenue thus earned can be used to hike the allowances of our poor underpaid and underprivileged rulers !

Hope I have not been critical, satirical or too harsh this time. I love India, I love Kerala and I love Kochi. After all Kochi has given me a life and a wife !

Dr. Pun-dit

Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan !

2011-01-26T14:48:00.001+05:30

Almost a week of incessant 'Happy Republic Day' messages from all and sundries have clogged my in-box. I am not even getting time to delete them. Some have even condemned me for not sending laudatory messages on R-Day.

I am committed to 'Life, Love and Laughter' and forwarding jokes is an addiction. I also used to send messages to all my contacts during most of the festivals. But the last Independence day was spoiled by Tata Indicom which had unilaterally suspended all free messages on Independence Day.

This was at once frustrating and humbling. If the service provider showed pettiness by blocking free messages, I too was not willing to spend my money to send messages on I-Day. Everyone is more than happy to send free messages, but will desist from sending messages when one has to pay for doing so. This realization has sobered my messaging habits.

But this post is not about messages; free or otherwise. This is about Republic of India and the R-Day. Padma awards are being doled out according to the whims of the Political masters. Gigantic celebrations are going on in every Capital. But what is happening in this country ?

Politicians are Preaching and Preachers are Politicking. Cheats teach about morality. People serving the downtrodden face charges of sedition and rot in jail. And a high-profile glamorous writer giving incendiary speeches while sharing the dais with separatist leaders is enjoying freedom of speech. All this happens only in India.

And yes, we have a Government. A Government voted to power by the 'Aam Aadmi'. What is the Government doing ? Here are some questions... But our rulers will never bother to answer them. RTI is just a hogwash.

Black money: We all know a hell of a lot of India's money is stashed away in tax havens and Swiss Banks. But our rulers have shown absolutely no interest to recover it. There are skeletons in the closet. But the Government doesn't want to open it. Why ?

Lal Chowk: We shout on international fora that Kashmir is an integral part of India and then we do THIS. Why does this Government not show the same kind of zeal when it comes to dealing with 'Terrorism' ? Who are they supposed to protect ?

Scam Aadmi: The 'clean and honest' PM kept shielding the 2G-scam accused Minister till it became politically untenable. Even after that, he goes and does THIS ! For this Government, "Scam Aadmi is more important than Aam Aadmi". Can they disprove this ?

Yeddi, Reddy and Cheddi: Waging an open and vociferous battle against corruption in high places, India's Principal Opposition party is playing a different ball game in Karnataka. Yeddi and Reddy brothers have been accused of large scale corruption. But the BJP has shown brazen attitude towards all this. Even the 'Cheddi' which boasts of high moral values has kept mum on this issue. Why ?

Kotwal ka Haath Congress ke Saath: An activist Governor suddenly woken up by his conscience and honesty is after the aforementioned Yeddi. The jury is still out on the Yeddi and Reddy issue. But the "Kotwal" of Karnataka has perhaps gone a little too far in his attempts to cleanse the dirty political scenario in Karnataka. Is he doing this as repentance for his alleged involvement in the release of Mr. Q ?

We have too many questions. But there never will be any answers. NEVER ! Not one Politician worth his 'Khadi' will ever be punished for his misdeeds. So it is a waste of energy and time worrying about these questions.

I remember an old quotable quote: Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan ! Every walk of life in this country boasts of special rights to 'Minorities'. Appeasing the minorities is a full time vocation for a whole spectrum of Politicians.

But one silent Minority neither gets any recognition, nor any protection. If fact, the 10% Minority called 'Honest Persons' will mostly face THIS or THIS !

And we, the middle-class will continue to cry over the cost of onion and continue to order family size Pizzas and wait for the 'Delivery within 30 minutes' !

Mera Bharat Mahaan indeed !

Dr. Pun-dit

Uncle Know All and the Red Salwar !

2011-01-11T15:08:00.001+05:30

Wanted to post this earlier. But a wedding, a holiday and then the backlog had restricted me. The InSaf Test series too had bogged me down on LLL. So here I am with an anecdote from my recent holiday.

We had incessant ceremonies and a get together between 26 December to 28 December in connection with the wedding of my cousin. My wife was going through a difficult period. Travel had worsened her monthly travail. Since she was bleeding heavily and was complaining of backache, I went to a Medical Shop to buy some medicine for her; after consulting my Gynecologist Friend in Kochi.

I was waiting at the counter of a fairly busy shop. The medicine I asked was not known to the girl who was attending me. She asked her senior colleague, "Mama, do we have Tranostat-Mf?". The Uncle dismissed her, "There is no medicine like that". I hesitantly told, "It is there, but you might not be having it...". He dismissed me too, "No, no. No medicine like that".

As I was contemplating about my next move, the nice girl went to check the MIMS [Monthly Index of Medical Specialties]. She insinuated to me to wait. And I did.

At this juncture, I saw a girl in her mid twenties wearing a red salwar trying to gain space between the crowd of customers. Since I had to wait, I stepped back to let her in. She showed a piece of paper to another girl on the counter. The girl couldn't decipher what was written. So the red salwar girl called her Mom on phone and gave the name of the medicine to the girl on counter.

The counter girl went in and fetched the medicine. As she was handing over the pills to the customer, she asked the know-all Uncle, "Mama, for which illness is Olvance given ?". Uncle gave instant reply, "It is for Sugar". Now, the red salwar looked surprised. Looking at her discomfort, I politely told her, "It isn't for Sugar, but for Pressure".

This unfortunately was heard by the Mama. He came rushing towards me and asked, "What do you know about medicines ? This is a brand new Sugar medicine. Even Doctors don't know much about this. I know about all medicines. Don't mislead people".

I still remained polite and said, "I don't know about Doctors. But I know this medicine. Olvance is definitely given for Blood Pressure. Yes, it also is used in Diabetics. But it is primarily a BP pill". Uncle was boiling and he admonished me, "First you come with some stupid nonexistent name. And then you question me. Even Doctors don't question me".

A man standing next to me whispered, "Don't argue with him. He is right. He is better than Doctors. He gives medicines that are better than the Doctors. I never see a Doctor. He is my Doctor. You better accept his words. He can't be wrong. You people get some half baked information from Internet and then create confusion".

In an alien place, I didn't want to alienate people. But how can you remain silent when nonsense is being peddled for knowledge ? So I persisted, "This isn't any half-baked Internet knowledge. I know this and I am talking truth. Olvance is Olmesartan Medoxomil. It belongs to a class called ARB and is used for Blood Pressure and related conditions".

Uncle was shouting now, "You telling truth ? Then am I a liar ? I am in this business for more than 35 years. How old are you ? You weren't even born when I started this business. Who are you ? A Chemist ? Pharmacist... ?".

I had a function to attend and also had to fetch the medicine for my wife. So I cut him short and said curtly yet politely, "See Mama, first of all, I am forty, so definitely older than your business. Two I am not a Chemist or Pharmacist. I didn't want to disclose what am I. I never think that is important, but I have been dealing with BP, Sugar and heart diseases for almost 16 years now. I am a Doctor".

And now, the red salwar who was witnessing all this exchange finally opened her mouth, "Yes, yes, my mother has only BP, she has no sugar. I was surprised when he told it is a Sugar pill. Thanks Doctor for the help". And then the red salwar was gone.

Thankfully, the counter girl who was thus-far engaged with the MIMS; had finally found out Tranostat-Mf did exist. She came and told me, "We only have Tranostat. Mf is not stocked". I decided to settle for what was available and escape.

As I made the payment and took the pills from the girl, she gave a shy smile and asked, "Where do you work ?". I replied, "Not here, Kochi". Immediately her eyes lit up and she asked, "Aha, Malayaliyaano ? Ivide engane vannu ?". Now, not many people have thus insulted me before and that is another story !

Dr. Pun-dit

The Perpetual Refugee !

2011-01-03T16:23:00.006+05:30

Tired of the speed, monotony and heat of the routine, I took a small break last week. It was a non too flashy river side resort at Athirappilly, that I had visited two years ago and wanted to visit again. It was a nice feeling because all my phones were out of range in the high range !

A look at the River from the Resort

Away from the critically ill, the beeping monitors, the white uniform and the defibrillators, this was a wonderful unwinding session. Walking through the tranquil evening, it occurred to me there was something totally unnatural in our clamor for peace !

I went after this beauty with the enthusiasm of a little kid !

And as these thoughts evolved, I tried to rhyme them into what I would like to call poetry. This is the best I could manage. Hope at least some people relate to this !

The Perpetual Refugee !

Homo sapiens was but born as a part of the nature,

With Flora, Fauna and all of biological nomenclature.

The evolution of species raised the mankind in stature,

Self-esteem and left all over, the indelible signature.

Enough in abundance here to eat, drink and survive,

Green plants, flowing water, blue sky and beehive.

Life was indeed so bountiful and everything so alive,

Until greed made the entry into the minds so naive.

From living together with every form on planet Earth,

Man and woman went to gather and warm the hearth.

Burning trees and bushes when wood wasn't in dearth,

Was when the process of destruction truly took its birth.

First, the wheel came and invention after revolution,

For finding every other problem, a full and final solution.

Science did always move ahead in fast forward motion,

But greed overtook everything else in chaotic pollution.

Leaving the cave for the hut and the hut for the house,

Mansions and comforts couldn't get the greed douse.

I've only this and others have more became a grouse,

Progress leading to contacts at the click of a mouse.

Beginning with all earthlings in a joyful ride of harmony,

We've arrived today in a quagmire ruled alone by money.

Lust and longing inflicted, we're on a one way journey,

That never will to return to roots of nectar and honey.

Existing in concrete jungles with air-conditions blasting,

Polluted air, water, noise and environment everlasting.

Turning to the wheels of vehicle to escape the heat sting,

To whatever remains of nature to listen to the birds sing !

A paradox of construction and destruction that we see,

Alas, if only the forefathers could manage well to foresee.

Wouldn't we be running for shelter to the hills and the sea,

On our own planet, living the life of a perpetual refugee !

Let there be no further mistakes and do wake up let us all,

Before it is too late and too difficult to recover from the fall.

Our progeny did no wrong to inherit doom; here is the call,

Go green, go green, we only have one Earth to have a ball !

Art of Nature in the Heart of Nature !

Dr. Pun-dit

Footpath, My Foot !

2010-12-21T22:41:00.001+05:30

Sachin Tendulkar scored 50 Test Centuries. But for him, 50 is just another number. For me, 100 too is just another number. No fire crackers, no sweets, not even raising my mouse and no celebrations.

People haven't thrown many stones at me, so I can't convert them into milestones ! But my hundredth post deals with stones, millstones, slabs, beams and more.

I have written so much about our roads in Kochi. But something had escaped my attention all these days. I apologize to all those who have walked the footpaths of Kochi all these days. I salute everyone in advance for continuing to do so.

I chose to walk to the post office today because I wasn't sure I would get a parking place. That 200 meters walk has left me wiser a zillion times. Most importantly I know why pedestrians walk on the roads in Kochi. Henceforth, I shall never curse anyone walking in the middle of the road. That is the only place where they can walk. Safety is another thing.

You step on the roads, the Red-Killers of Kochi might leave you dead. But if you walk on the footpaths, your kin won't even get the Ex Gratia. Death due to suicide is not compensated in our country.

This perhaps is a situation prevailing in most of the cities in India. But living in Kochi, I write for my town. I Cry for you my beloved Kochi. So sad I can only do that and then write this piece !

Here are some snaps of our 'Footpaths' ! These snaps were shot between Kacherippady junction and Madhava Pharmacy junction; by far the busiest junctions in the Kerala State.

The Beam of Death ... This is where I tripped and survived to write the Story

Imagine Kids and Senior Citizens walking here at night !

How safe is it to walk here ?

Rough and Tumble !

Two Wheeler Parking !

Wade through paths full of stones ...

Training in Long Jump required !

Slab Slab pe likha hai Girnewaale ka Naam !

Work in progress ... Forever so !

Hip Hop suggested...

Side view of a lopsided footpath

Cracks

Take Care... Step out at your own risk !

More Cracks and more Stones !

Talk when you Walk - And end up in a Hospital !

Free Trips... Over our Slabs ... No Law, No Order, No Nothing !

Way to Maveli-Land ... The Paataalam !

Different sizes of Indifference !

Gaping holes !

Stepping Stones ... Orthopedician's Delight !

If the slabs don't get you, the filed "Beams" will !

Search for the Footpath and win free tours to Maveli-Land !

Whole place is full of these broken slabs !

More prizes for detecting the footpath !

God's Own Country; Devil's Own Gutters !

After an enlightening walk of just 200 meters, I was left to exclaim, "Footpath, My Foot" !

Dr. Pun-dit

Three Tiny Robbers and the Goddess of Hiriyangadi Temple !

2010-12-13T16:06:00.005+05:30

To make sure my father doesn't miss his beloved hometown Karkala, I gave him a subscription to 'Udayavani' the Kannada daily. Though it reaches him 2 or 3 days later, he is happy with it. At 76, even 3 days old news is news if you want to keep in touch with your roots.

One day he sounded unusually excited and and asked, "Do you remember the Devi temple at Hiriyangadi ?". I said, "Oh, of course yes. How can I forget it ?". Father said in a sad tone, "Well, the Idol from the temple has been stolen. And this time, even your Grandpa isn't alive to retrieve it". He heaved deep sigh and so did I !

Going back in time. 1997 May, Karkala. I was in town on a holiday to participate in the annual 'Rathotsava' in our main Venkataramana Temple in Karkala. My cousins, Upendra and Rajesh were already there with Upendra's brother in law Prakash.

After recovering from the overnight train journey, I met the threesome that evening. They were eagerly waiting for me. One to test us and the other two, to prove a point. So before any exchange could take place; Prakash asked me, "Hey Govind, tell me honestly what did you guys do at the Hiriyangadi temple when you were kids ?". I calmly replied, "Well, we brought the idol to our Grandfather's home". I could see both Rajesh and Upendra jump for joy and Prakash silenced with an exclamation, "Oh my God !".

It seems he did not believe one word of the story when Upendra and Rajesh narrated him as it happened when all 3 of us were 9 years old. That was during the summer vacation of 1980. Let me introduce Rajesh and Upendra. Rajesh is the eldest of the troika, my mother's eldest sister's son. Upendra is the second in order and my Mom's immediate elder sister's eldest son. We all know I am my Mom's son, no prizes for guessing here ! I happen to be youngest by 8 months.

Rajesh used to come to Karkala during summer vacations and we used to have a gala time. There were no summer camps, no summer courses, no summer classes and Abacus was not born. Life definitely was so much more fun. I sometimes feel sad for our kids. As much as they enjoy their life and the modern day comforts and Internet, they probably will never have a story like this to narrate.

This is the story of 3 boys all of 9 years. What they did that night was an innocent act of the boyhood. Yet it was a hugely scandalous act by any stretch imagination.

Three Tiny Robbers and the Goddess of Hiriyangadi Temple !

Rajesh, Upendra and Govind were at once famous and notorious for the mischief they were capable of. Upendra was the local guide because of his familiarity with the place. Rajesh was an annual visitor from Kochi during vacations and Govind came during holidays too. There wasn't a corner they didn't visit in and around the place and there wasn't a person they didn't keep a vigil on.

That evening they were coming back after a long and aimless wander. Upendra whispered, "Hey look at Bemmu, he is now going to pick his toddy liquor from the Devi temple compound". The boys were naturally keen to see the 'bottle'. The little fellows were quite impressed by the drunken act of Amitabh Bachchan in Amar Akbar Anthony and were fond of recognizing themselves with that movie.

They slithered through the main gate and watched the old man dig his stuff from a corner of the temple. They were hiding behind a huge mound covered by shrubs at another corner of the compound. Thanks to the constant movements of the restless youngest tyro, the old man was alarmed and looked around to see what was going on.

Realizing the danger of being caught by a drunkard, the boys ran for life towards the inner gate of the temple. In no time, they entered the temple thanks to the careless priest who had neither fastened the latch nor locked the door.

There they were, in side the temple with the beautiful 'Panchaloha' idol of the Goddess smiling at them. Rajesh and Govind were always fond of Gods, Poojas, rituals and Utsavs [Processions]. They had their own Deities, Chariots, Palanquins and every toy necessary for conducting Utsavs and celebrations.

Oh God, but this was different. This was a 'Real Goddess' not a toy. In all her splendor in spite of not being cleaned and shined, she looked gorgeous. Rajesh and Govind instantaneously decided to carry her home. Rajesh gave the justification, "See these priests are useless. They are not feeding the Goddess properly. Let us take her home and give her milk, honey and everything. We will keep her for ourselves".

Govind seconded the motion instantly, "Yes, Grandpa's house is the best place for the Goddess. We will wash her, shine her and keep her at the center of the Pooja room. And we will also conduct Utsav for her !".

But Upendra was alarmed now. He pleaded with the other two not to carry the idol. But his plea was dismissed by a 2 : 1 voice vote and carry her home they did. Hiding her inside the shirt, Rajesh and Govind stealthily marched home as the Moon god was on his way up through the emerging darkness.

Now, Upendra ran for his life to reach home ahead of the other two and blurted out to Grandpa, "Rajesh and Govind are bringing the Goddess home". Since he was panting and what he told was so much out of the ordinary; Grandpa didn't realize what was happening. As was his wont, he gave a royal hiding to the little fellow. Just as Upendra was recovering his breath, the twosome entered the house with the deity.

Seeing the temple deity in the hands of two 9 year old mischief-mongers, Grandpa was flabbergasted. He immediately snatched it from Rajesh and ordered to Upendra, "Go and keep it back where it was, and NOW !". Even as Upendra ran towards the temple, the other two started to wail. They had the temerity and courage to argue with the ferocious Grandpa; a liberty which was never given to Upendra.

Around that time, the wonderful uncle came to the rescue. He came in and soothed the boys and protected them from the Grandpa's wrath. He also assured them of taking care of the poor Goddess. That was a night etched indelibly in the minds of the three and remains fresh thirty years since.

None of them slept that night. Two because they felt betrayed and the third because of all the bashing he received from Grandpa for no fault of his.

It was the same idol that was stolen by some unknown robbers recently. That is why my father remembered his late father-in-law who recovered the idol from the tiny robbers and got her reinstated at her rightful place.

The Enfant Terribles Trio: Rajesh, Upendra and Govind

Rajesh is a hugely successful businessman in Kochi today with a burgeoning enterprise that manufactures and exports essential oils and perfumes. Upendra is well entrenched in Moscow and deals in decorative lighting business. The third part of the triumvirate went onto become a Doctor and doesn't believe in Gods today !

He also blogs at Live, Love and Laugh !

Dr. Pun-dit

Left, Right and Wrong: A Story of a Fight !

2010-12-06T23:30:00.003+05:30

Committing a Crime is bad, but tolerating or ignoring a Crime as it is being committed is worse !
Krishna in Geeta !

After the events that lead to my previous post, I have tried my best to remain cool in most of the provocative situations. I have succeeded in many and failed partly in some. But this incident deserves a narration as a follow up to my story of my own evolution.

Thanks to unexpected illnesses and unforeseen circumstances, there is a sudden shortage of Doctors in our small Hospital. In a small institution, this means only one thing; those around will have to work overtime. So here I am, forced to slog and then write about my travails on my blog !

After a hectic nearly 36 hours schedule, I was going home on my little Santro last Thursday. The roads are so bad, some parts have only half the road. Can't really blame drivers if they behave rudely. Anyone can run out of sanity on these crater filled apologies of roads.

I was about half way to home. Through a particularly bad stretch, I was sticking to extreme left of the road because there was some semblance of tar over there. Then I saw an Auto Rickshaw appearing from the opposite side crisscrossing the potholes. And then it was there right in front of my car, both face to face.

I stopped and waited for the Auto Rickshaw driver to take his vehicle off. But he was not budging. Instead, he was honking and insinuating towards me to get going. I was surprised. I was on the extreme left, that is the right side to be, on our roads. Now, some vehicles had gathered behind me and some behind him too. There was a huge crater to my right and I was in no mood to jump into it as it was not my side.

I saw the Driver, a thirty-something chap come out and scream at me. I slid down my glass and asked him what was all the drama about. And this conversation ensued. He was talking in Malayalam and I had to respond in the same tongue. Here is a loose translation of what transpired.

He: Don't you have eyes ? Did you not see my light flashing ?

Me: Really ? But what lights ? Am I not on the correct side ? It is you who is on the wrong side.

He: There is no side. I can't take my vehicle through the gutter.

Me: Well, do you expect me to do that ? Neither am I going to do that.

He: You go whichever way you want. Right, left or up, but get lost from here.

Wow, this was a situation to explode with expletives. But my mastery over Malayalam isn't something to crow about. So I decided to act pigeon.

Me: But Brother, here I am to the extreme left of the road. Can't go any further left. There is the compound over there. Neither can I go to right because you can see a crater there. Going up is out of question, because I am not Rajnikant !

He: #@*%#&;$#@. Are you joking ? I can bash you up and throw you into the gutter.

Me: Well, that is violence. You probably are capable of that. But we live in Kochi, not Afghanistan. So you can't go Scott-free. There is Police and Law.

He: %#*&+;@~#*&+;% Police can't touch me. Will you get lost or should I smash you ?

Me: Brother, can't you be a little decent ? Have I used any bad language ? Why don't you talk with some respect ?

He: Respect, you son of a #$%&=;*, creating a block here and talking smart ?

By this time some people from either side had tried to overtake and there was a holy mess. Some people came out of their vehicles to find out what was going on.

Our man was explaining to them in loud voice how atrociously I had blocked him. So I just told a couple of people who peeped into my car, "Just look at who is on the wrong side and then you people can decide who is on the right side".

People were murmuring. Some of them asked him to move. He was not ready to budge. Some of them wanted me to sacrifice because he was too crass. "Don't you have some shame, fighting a guy like him ?" asked one of them. So finally I had to make the move.

And so I said, "See, this man is wrong from the beginning. But if my moving could help to diffuse the situation and solve this logjam, I could definitely do it. But as you people can see, I am stuck here. His language and rudeness has been beyond tolerance. I don't have any more work today. I have AC in my Car and will switch on the AC and rest right here. I can't fight him at his level. But neither am going to move from here. Let the Police come and decide how to solve this problem. I have enough access to fight a case if such a scenario occurs. I know enough Advocates who will fight my case even till the Supreme Court. But I am not going to move from here".

With this, I raised my glass, increased my AC to full blast and leaned back in my seat to listen to Jagjeet Singh. I could see the people move towards him and could see a lot of argument. He had expected to win by being foul. I had from the beginning decided not to lose my balance at any cost.

It really pays to stay cool. The crowd had become irate. I was enjoying a heavy duty verbal attack on him. One of the guys even called up Police from his mobile. This perhaps worked. Because our man immediately jumped inside his vehicle, pulled back a little and waded through the pothole on his side. He glared at me as he was going past and blurted, "I will see you #$%&@^. I will smash you one day when I get the chance".

I smiled at him and declared firmly but with a very low volume audible only to him, "You better watch out. You have declared this openly with so many people around. Now even if someone else even as much as scratches my car, YOU will be held responsible. I can assure you there will be enough people to vouch for me against you. And I will have any number of Advocates to fight my case to the logical conclusion. And I don't forget faces or number plates. Thanks for giving way and take Care !"

We both knew who won. I realized the importance of retaining the composure during situations of extreme provocation. If I were to pick up a fight with him on his own terms, he would have dictated terms. Fighting a swine is really tough. He will enjoy all the time as he keeps pulling you down and before you know you are in deep shit. I had decided not to end up in a pool of fecal matter. So I stayed out and actually enjoyed.

Managing to remain calm and not getting into a free for all brawl made me feel good. But what made me feel better is the fact that I did not allow the scumbag to escape with such deplorable behavior. I don't really know how I could have reacted in a similar situation if I had to rush for an emergency. I managed to come out better because I was not in a hurry. Hope I'll be able to retain my equanimity even when I am running against a deadline.

The best thing about the whole episode was that I had real fun through all this simply because I was determined to win without shouting or ranting. Victories taste sweetest, when the fights are won without violence !

Dr. Pun-dit

Hunger Management: A Self Realization !

2010-11-30T15:54:00.000+05:30

Confessions of a Perpetually Hungry Doctor !

When I wrote 'Eat, Play and Love', I never imagined I will be forced to delve deeper into it so soon. Something happened a fortnight later and that has changed me beyond words.

If I eat and love food, it obviously is because I am hungry. My friend Satish Bhat used to joke about it. Whenever I said, "Hey I am hungry", he used to retort, "Tell us something we don't know. You are perpetually hungry".

'Hunger' has been a problem. Very often it lead to 'Anger'. Or so I believed. I used to get angry and snap at people when I was hungry. Very often I was downright rude to some of my co-workers. Later I attributed all that to my hunger and associated anger and apologize. Must say I am quite shameless in this regard. 'Sorry' comes easy to me than to most of the people.

It was a pretty busy day in our small ICCU. Sasikala, A Senior Staff Nurse was celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary. She had ordered Biriyani for all the ICCU staff and me. I live on tea and two bananas on normal work days. But I have to eat my banana before 12:00 noon to keep myself calm.

That day the Biriyani arrived a little late and I was famished. I straightaway decided to attack without waiting for the others. This is something I have done all life and nobody ever complained; at least never in front of me.

I sat down on a chair in front of the television with my Biriyani. I ordered to Jijin, a male-nurse to pull the curtains to keep me behind the curtains and away from the patients and other probable visitors. A known sleep-walker, he was wandering around obviously oblivious to my order. I asked him to pull the curtains another four times.

After the fifth time, I lost my top and shouted at him, "Pull the curtains you deaf idiot". That boy was stunned and the whole ICCU fell silent. He pulled the curtains and left the ICCU without a word. I finished my lunch and continued with my work. As I cooled down I realized it was plain dumb on my part. So I sent text messages with "Sorry, forgive me" words.

Next day, Vijayalakshmi, our ECG Technician told me the boy was seriously hurt by my rudeness. He had told her this: "Just because I am a Nurse, I have to hear and suffer all these kind of things. I should not have come into this profession". I felt further pain inside me. I went to him and personally said it was not about a Doctor and Nurse, but was just a momentary lapse in reason. I again apologized to him. He silently nodded and said, "It's Okey".

Two days later, I was in a jovial mood. I always am jovial when not hungry. I jokingly asked our staff, "So whose wedding anniversary are we going to celebrate today?". Betty, one of our most efficient staff nurse said, "Why ? Is it to humiliate another person ?". This hit me real hard. I tried to defend, "But he was acting like a sloth and I did apologize. How many people have you seen apologize ?".

Betty said, "Does apologizing after hitting or scolding someone really undo the harm ? In that case anyone can do that. What if he had retaliated ? If he were to scold you or even hit you, what would have happened ? I don't believe saying sorry after being so rude is a solution".

I was feeling hot under the collar. I left the scene lest I talk any more. Inside my own cabin, I shut the door and sat trying to regroup myself. What I have analyzed after this incident is what has guided my behavior since then.

Why do I get angry and shout at others ?

Is it Hunger ? Is my being superior justify this ? Is it right, even if they were wrong ?

The answer I found to my horror was it was none of these. It was plain 'Arrogance'. Yes, ARROGANCE ! How on earth can anyone be so rude to colleagues ? I myself have suffered rudeness from other people. But none of them were even remotely connected to me. I have always complained about rudeness on our roads, traffic and the society in general. So how different was I ?

The answer to this question was even more depressing. If people are rude in the traffic or elsewhere, they are being rude to 'Nobody'. Yes, most of the times the snarls happen between absolute strangers. And here I was, being rude to my own colleagues who have been with me for years. I realized I was worse !

The next realization came along with this truth. What makes me arrogant ? Well, I ask our staff to order my tea. I ask them to get me the papers and charts and everything. They often go out to the Coffee House to bring my food or tea. They wash my tea cups and clean my room. Why do they do all these things ? Because they respect my position. But who am I ? Is my position as a Doctor, my identity ? I felt miserable.

The ward staff are scared of me because I am short-tempered. 'Doorvasan' is the name given to me by those girls petrified by my anger.Some of them hide behind the Senior ICCU staff even to convey some routine results. It never hurt me before. I used to joke about it. But today, it hurts me.

I never divulge that I am a Doctor to anyone unknown. The reason is simple. I want to be left alone outside my work place. During travel and holidays, the prefix Dr. can become a problem. So I never affix it anywhere other than on official forms and prescriptions.

I now knew it was my 'Arrogance' not my 'Hunger' that fostered the 'Anger'. I had taken these people for granted. I had ordered around and got my way all these years, never bothering to check how they could have felt about it. So if they obeyed my orders in spite of myself, it was simply because I was a Doctor. And this was not a nice thought.

I wouldn't like people to do things out of fear for my designation. Making tall claims about 'Live, Love and Laugh' all along, I was hardly Loving people around me. I decided and changed many things from that moment.

Here are some of the things I changed about myself.

I stopped asking others to order my tea or coffee. I order them myself.
I don't ask them to switch on the fans and AC. I do it myself.
No ordering others to open or shut the doors. I do that.
Bringing papers or any thing from one place to another is done by me for myself.
Generally I don't allow anyone to do things for me other than what is concerned with their job.

Some of my colleagues think I was hurt and angry and was being spiteful. Far from true. They don't know how happy and grateful I am today. They haven't asked me yet about this changed behavior. I haven't told them too. I shall tell them if and when they ask me. Or perhaps they will know if and when some of them read this post.

But I must thank Betty for the favor she has bestowed upon me. If not for that straight talk, my arrogance would have continued to grow making more and more people resent me behind me. I wouldn't like to die as someone who was respected out of fear. All Dictators were respected during their time. I would love to be respected out of love. Forget respect, I just love to be loved !

I apologize to all those whom I have hurt before. I also apologize to another person I have always taken for granted, that is my wife. Very sincerely so ! I shall try my best not to lose my temper.

And I thank my Friend Murali who had seen it 21 years ago that my problem with 'Temper' will humble me some day. I thank you my Buddy !

Murali had gifted me this in 1989

Life is of no worth if we have to live in a mansion all alone.

Life is all about Love and Celebrating Life with Love and Laughter !

Dr. Pun-dit

My Mission, My Passion, My Life !

2010-11-20T01:02:00.003+05:30

Love is a beautiful, wonderful and enchanting feeling...

Until it happens to your Daughter !

My Little Angel !

This is a smart quotable quote attributed to Shakespeare by some modern day smart Alec. But it is true, as true as true comes. Only problem is we don't realize this till it perhaps happens and comes to face us face to face.

Why should I think, talk and worry about it now ? Very simple, my little daughter is growing up. As much as I detest this fact, it is true. She will complete 12 years and will graduate into the teen group now.

We know this teenage is the most notorious age. I myself had fallen headlong in love with my English teacher as a 16 year old boy. People call this 'Infatuation'. But try explaining this to the smitten and you will know.

This excessive information era has left this generation of parents in a serious disadvantage. When we were kids, we thought our parents knew a lot. But our kids think their parents know nothing. Seriously they know a lot more than us. Try some of those indecipherable games on your mobile and you know what I mean.

Going back in time to 19 November 1998, I vividly remember the stress I went though when my wife was posted for an elective Cesarean Delivery the next morning. Ignorance for sure is bliss in these kind of situations. Knowing all those horrendous possibilities associated with child birth can make a Doctor waiting to be parent a 'Nut'; which I was on that day !

When finally the moment arrived and we received my own little bundle of energy at around 11:10 AM on 20 November 1998, my life had changed forever. I had become a Father, Dad, Appa or Appe as she prefers to call me. I keep telling all my clients and junior friends, how wonderful a feeling that was and will always be.

Samskruthy is the Name !

All those moments of her growing up are etched in memory. The first gurgle. The kicking. The smile. The crawl. First step. Her walks. Her banter. Cuddling up when she wanted to sleep longer. Every moment is precious. Since I didn't have a video camera, I could only capture her on my still camera. Those are but my most favorite snaps and will always remain so.

At the Qutub Minar - My Most Beautiful Shot to date

Some exceedingly endearing moments are worth living the whole life cherishing them all along. I am particularly fond of the tour to Kullu - Manali in 1999 November. Soon after her first birthday, we three went to Delhi, Kullu and Manali along with my sister, brother in law and my seven month old niece Prajna.

We were traveling by a Sumo Jeep from New Delhi to Manali. We had covered both the little girls with ample warn clothes. The big girls too were well protected. My brother in law, the master of the party was sitting in the front seat. Me, my wife and sister were sitting in the middle seat with the kids.

Till that day, I was only a play thing for my Baby. She came to me when she was awake and wanted to play, and be carried all over the place. But when she wanted to sleep, she went back to her mother and cuddle up to sleep on her laps. Of course with her favorite dish in mouth. Never once did she sleep on my lap.

With Her Mother

But on that memorable day, as she was playing with me through our journey; she started yawning. And even as I expected her to jump to her mother, she actually cuddled up to me, held me tighter and slept on my chest, warm and cozy.

On Her Favorite Seat

This was the most beautiful moment of my life since her birth. As I resisted my wife's attempts to take her away, I also realized an extraordinary truth. Mothering a child is one real achievement. After just about one hour, she woke up and jumped towards her Mom for her feed.

As I tried to free my hands, arms and shoulders I realized my thighs, hands and shoulders were sore and numb. If one hour of carrying a 12kg child can leave you sore, just imagine how all those mothers should be feeling !

This was a moment of accomplishment for me as well as a moment of truth; the irrefutable truth. There isn't an entity greater than Mother on earth. I salute all mothers of this planet; those who ever lived, those who still live and those who will be mothers some day.

Any woman if she feels she is treated any lesser than a man, she should know better. A Man can be a lot of things and more, but he can never be a Mother. And for me that pretty much sums up the gender equation. The only regret I have in life about my relationship with my daughter is I can never be her Mother. Hence I try my best to be as good a Father as possible.

There are but only two occasions I have had to be angry with her. One ended up me deciding never to hurt her again. The second time was on a day when I had to act tough because the situation demanded it. At least I believe so.

My Mom asked her to light the lamp in our Pooja Room on the day we arrived from our native place after an overnight journey. All of us were tired. When she said, she can't light a match stick, I told her it was time she learned to light one. She still didn't like to do it. I cajoled her and even showed her how to light a match stick and then to light an oil wick.

But she wasn't budging. This made me really angry. I told her, "You will light the lamp today come what may". She lit the match stick and promptly burnt her fingers by holding it in wrong position. She started yelling loudly and waited for her doting father to hug her and relieve her of the misery.

But I told sternly, "Look Child, some girls your age light lamps and kitchen hearths and even cook their own food. It will be an insult to all of us if an almost 12 year old girl refuses to learn simple things in life. So, go and wash your fingers in clod water, apply Silverex, come back and light the lamp. You and YOU alone will light it today. And I will have nothing less".

She was sobbing uncontrollably. Though it tugged at my heart, I had to tell her very firmly to stop sobbing and finish the job. She realized she had no escape. So she went ahead and finally lit the matches and the light. Once the work was accomplished, I took my child in my arms, hugged her and broke down because I was forced to be rude to her. I could have spoiled her that day by being lenient. But I love my child too much to spoil her thus.

This post is as much about mothers as it is about a daughter. I would like my child to grow up to be responsible and worthy citizen of this country and the world. The next morning, she came and gave me a hug and a peck and said, "Appe, I lit the lamp today with just one match-stick. I have learned now".

So I told her, "Life is all about learning. We have to keep trying to improve ourselves. Your marks in school don't make you, your effort is what makes you. We don't love those prizes you win, we love YOU. I am not bothered if you don't win a prize or end up getting lesser marks in exams. These things don't make you any lesser for us. I am never bothered by prizes and awards, but it will hurt me if my child doesn't 'TRY'. You keep learning, working and improving. Give your best to everything you do; be it at school, on stage or in music or even a simple thing like lighting a lamp. Nothing will scare you if you know you are doing your best".

She Learned to Swim in 2 days, because she wanted to !

My child will be a mother some day and hopefully she will remember this lesson we both learned that day. I repented being rude to her and kept telling my wife, "I hope I will never have to be angry with her again". I really hope so. I still am not reconciled to the fact that she will be a big girl sooner than later and then will find a man for herself and will have to move on in life.

Watching 'Bidai' scenes in Bollywood movies makes me edgy. Tamil movie 'Abhiyum Naanum' made me emotional. Any mention of her growing up and her marriage makes me jittery. Not because I see that as a responsibility or a burden. But because I don't know how I will cope up with that. People advise me not to be so attached and possessive.

For what is a Daughter born if not to love and be loved ? So I tell people, "All those things you people tell may be inevitable. But as of now, she is my little Darling Angel and let me enjoy her being my child. We will deal with her marriage when we reach there. Now leave us alone to enjoy being Father and Daughter"

As my little Angel takes her first steps into teenage, let me wish her many more wonderful birthdays and all the love, affection, health, success and happiness in life. My life was pretty good before you came, but you have made it complete and meaningful for your Mom and me and all of us.

We love you and cherish you !

My Life, My Mission, My Passion !

20 November 2010
12 Years since the Beautiful Journey began !

Dr. Pun-dit

Indira Gandhi, Hairstylist and Philosophy

2010-10-29T00:23:00.001+05:30

Even as a 13 years old, I had a strong sense of loyalty. I always stuck to my people; be it my friends, family or the Barber. Well, hairstylist is a better word to describe him. He was a man in his late 40s. He had worked in the middle east and Bombay when it still was Bombay. And he was my savior !

When he opened his "Beauty Hair Dressers" close to my ancestral home, I was overjoyed. I was fed up of our family barber who knew only one style; that was to cut the hair right down to roots. Every male member of our family had the same style. It used to remind me the thatched arch on those bullock carts in our small town.

Sanjeevanna changed all that and he taught the people of our town to flaunt hair. I had rebelled against the uniform hair cut even before he came. But once he arrived, I stuck to him, till I moved to Bellary in 1988. He also had a huge attraction for youngsters because he talked Cricket and used to blare the commentary of every match.

Sanjeevanna was a nice human being too. He wasn't the typical gossip-monger. If he talked, it was only Cricket, Cinema and fashion talk. So he was almost a Philosopher for me. I knew little about Philosophy except that my Mom's cousin was a Philosopher who had done PhD !

On an exaggeratedly hot summer day in 1984, I went for my usual hair-styling. I was sweating profusely and cursed the heat while chatting up to Sanjeevanna. In a serene mood that day, he gave a mini lecture that I have translated in the following paragraph.

"See Govindu, you are just sitting here under the fan doing nothing. Imagine a Farmer tilling his fields in this hot Sun. Imagine a Coolie carrying large crates on the Mangalore dockyard. What about them ? Have you ever thought how hot they must be feeling ? You are quite fortunate to live a protected and comfortable life. There are so many people in this world who toil irrespective of climates. They have to toil to survive. So this heat is just relative. Even a great Cricketer like Sunil Gavaskar has to play in the sweltering heat to make a name and fame. Nothing comes easy and anything that comes easy is nothing".

Boy, was I wiser ? This was my first taste of Philosophy. Philosophy with personal touch of a genial hair-stylist. What I learned that day was precious. You don't need to take a PhD to be a Philosopher and Philosophy is not what is taught inside four walls, but what is learned beyond the walls !

That day I realized every day and every moment of life is a learning experience. It never ends till life itself comes to an end. It is this realization that has made me an avid reader, watcher, listener and a hobby blogger. But down the lane, I started hating anything that was 'heavy duty Philosophy'. What I mean is discourses, books on meditation, Gods and sundries and religions. The older I have grown, bolder has become my dislike for religions, Gods and shams.

I once declared to one of my closest friends, " I hate all Philosophy except my own !". This was a passing period when I was impetuous and lot more immature than I am today. Even though I don't claim to hate all Philosophies today, I still am not fond of dogmatic books, discourses and religions.

Reading and listening has helped me to remember, assimilate and analyze knowledge. I developed a special love for quotable quotes. It also gave me some ability to remember and often trace inspirations. A friend of mine quoted an interesting line credited to Indira Gandhi, "Forgiveness is the virtue of the Brave".

I had to tell my friend that Indira had quoted Krishna from Geeta. Indira never was the one to forgive. Her estranged daughter in law Maneka will vouch for that. And all those political opponents jailed and harmed during emergency will endorse that. Indira didn't have the moral authority to quote this beautiful line.

Leaving aside Indira, let us talk about India, the idea that drives me and millions like me. We are known as a land of Wisdom, land of Peace and land of Philosophy. Unfortunately we have remained cocooned in these titles without bothering to move out and grow up for too long. That is why we are lagging behind in every human indices that matter. But fortunately we are learning and are catching up with the rest of the world, albeit a little late. But as a quotable quote goes, 'Better Late than Never' !

As a policy, I believe nothing in life is so serious to be taken seriously. So I have to move on from a serious subject like Philosophy. So here is something for a chuckle or a mini smile !

My colleague Dr. Bilkees had two ladies to help her at home and a driver.
The cook was Philomena, fondly called Philo.
The domestic help was called Sophy.
And her driver brought 'Joy' into the picture !
I found this Philosophy of Joy really amusing !

Dr. Pun-dit

Eat, Play and Love !!!

2010-10-18T23:46:00.006+05:30

'GREAT' the word inspires me to a 'Great' extent. GR stands for my initials. The rest of that word is what enthuses me. It sounds as if I am told GR-Eat, GR-Eat !

Moral of the story: Dieting has a lot to do with your name; or the initials in my case !

I have no dearth of admiration for Mahatma Gandhi. But I could not agree with one of his Philosophy, "Eat to Live, Don't Live to Eat". That is blasphemy ! Ever since I remember, I have lived to eat and I have done pretty well at that. With Mothers who love to pamper the kids with best of the delicacies, how can one just eat to live ? Mission Impossible !

Must be a hangover from my childhood or perhaps my ambition to fulfill my beloved Mother's fond wish. It all started after my cousin Srikanth was born ten months after me. In a joint family with over two dozen people, my Mom was endowed with a puny little son who ate so little, the sparrows in our neighborhood fared better in comparison. And there was my junior cousin, who used to out-eat, out-grow, out-smart and out-everything me.

Naturally my poor Mom had just one wish, "My son should eat well and grow up into a big handsome boy". Her God perhaps had foreseen a non-conformist growing up. Hence he granted only the first half of her wish soon. The second half of her wish is better not discussed; self-pity is not my nature.

India won the Cricket World Cup in 1983. This solved one problem for my family and created a new one. The little fellow wanted to play Cricket and become the Greatest All-rounder of all times. So began the eating spell, really well because he wanted to grow up big. But the new problem was that there was hardly anything else he managed to do after that.

Idli - Do and Idli - Done !

Eating became a sort of nature or instinct. Nobody complained because this was a novelty. Well, that was until one fine evening. I came home from school. Mother had prepared Idli, my most favorite dish ever. I swallowed down 16 of them and ran off to join my team for Cricket. It was quite natural for me. More often than not, I ate more Idlis than the runs I scored.

I came back after Cricket and shower at around 7 PM. Boy, was I hungry ? I went to kitchen. There it was waiting for me, a cooker full of Idlis. Reading a novel of my favorite Shivarama Karanth, I polished off whatever was there. When my Mom came back to kitchen, she was shell-shocked. Her still puny teenager son had cleaned up 24 of them excluding the 16 in the evening !

She came rushing to my room and shouted at me, "Have you forgotten what I had told you ? You have eaten all those idlis. You have to attend the dinner at a relative's house this night. What will you do now ? If you don't go, your Father will be furious". I calmed her down and said, "But the dinner is at 9:00 PM. It is only 7:30 now. Why are you getting worked up ? Whatever needs to be done, will be done".

It indeed was done and the 'Legend' was born that day ! The 'Legend' of GR-EAT Bottomless Wonder aka Bermuda Triangle !

Bermuda Triangle !

Other than eating and playing Cricket, I just got plain lucky and ended up in Medical College Bellary in 1988. A New chapter began from here. Weighing 46 kilos at 167 cm, I was written off as 'Good for Nothing' by most of the seniors. But it soon turned out to be 'Food for Nothing'.

Ten chapathis before lunch or dinner and four or five eggs to balance the protein content was a normal day in the kitchen. After the initial struggling days, I chose the nearest room to the mess for the easy accessibility. The people running the Prefect-Mess were kept in good humor. I even volunteered to run the mess ! But the amount of over-activity I used to indulge in, meant the size remained constant. Whoever said 'Size Does Matter' had not been to Bellary.

The Mess staff had an off day on a midsummer day. Ramdas, a pious junior from a nearby room came to my room and said, "Shenoy, don't go out for lunch. I shall prepare noodles for both of us". This is why I loved Bellary. The boys were so nice. At around 12:00 Noon, Ramdas came to my room and said, "Shenoy I have a special class. Please help yourself for lunch and don't wait for me".

I helped myself and cleaned the utensils and went back to my room to continue my reading. At around 2:00 PM, Ramdas barged into my room and he was almost weeping, "Shenoy, what happened ?" I replied, "Nothing, the noodles were simply great. I have washed the utensils to save you the trouble". Crestfallen Ramdas blabbered incoherently, "Do you know I had prepared 3 packets of Maggi noodles and that too with a lot of vegetables ? I haven't eaten anything".

Now that was a tragedy. I told him, "Hey I'm sorry I didn't know you'd not eaten. Come we'll go out to Disney and I will buy you a lunch". So we went to a restaurant about a kilometer from our hostel. He ordered for a Chicken Biriyani. The friendly me didn't want him to feel lonely. Hence I joined him and ordered a Biriyani for myself and we added a Ginger Chicken too.

Later I heard some people bitching that Ramdas was absolutely flabbergasted by my 'GReat exploits'. He allegedly likened me to 'Bermuda Triangle'. I never heard him say that and so never ventured to verify the veracity of these rumors.

Bottomless Wonder !

Our Surgery Professor was a generous man. He hosted his juniors to nice lunch or dinner on his Surgery days. On one such night, I helped myself to one full plate of Chicken Fried-rice, One Plate of Butter-Chicken, 3 butter-nans, One Fish Fry, One whole bird Tandoori Chicken, 3 bottles of Coca Cola and an ice cream at the end. To digest the food, I also ordered a large Lassy. That was all I could eat.

I thought a senior was quite mean when he said this, "Hey Shenoy, your bill alone was more than the bill of all of us put together. Boss was overwhelmed. He asked me 'Where does all that he eats go ? This is a real Bottomless Wonder'. He also suggested to schedule our next dinner when you are out of town".

That was slander. I never believed one word of this. The Boss was a generous soul and I couldn't believe what I ate was really that big. But somehow by the quirk of fate, I never got to attend another dinner hosted by him. But soon after, I celebrated big time when I managed to touch the 50 kilos on the scale for the first time in my life.

Pathiri-fied Night !

Moving to Kochi after I finished off Bellary, my tryst with food continued. Ramesh Menon a senior colleague once ordered 3 Pathiris [Rice-cakes] with some Chicken when we were on night-shift at the hospital. So I too ordered for 5 of them.

Ramesh very indulgently said, "Govind, 5 will not even line your oral epithelium. You order for 15 or even better 20". I felt belittled and said I will manage with 10. I had to send one of our staffers to a 24-Hour coffee shop at 2 AM that night.

My Cousin Rajesh, myself and another relative used to go out for dinner on weekends. Whenever Rajesh made huge orders, the other guy used to get alarmed. But Rajesh would smile and say, "Don't worry Govind is there". He would always remind me of those '3 Packets of Maggi noodles' !

My love for food has continued unabated and at forty, I still am in love with food. I still love to play, though a little different kind of games. So the story continues, "Eat, Play and Love" !

Dr. Pun-dit

Incorrigible Originals - Part 2

2010-10-08T23:48:00.001+05:30

Warning:

This post should not be considered a work of fiction. It is not. All the stories are true incidents that happened on Bellary Medical College Campus between 1988 and 1994. The persons mentioned are real flesh and blood people.

The abbreviations used here are just to save my beloved friends from their respective spouses. Sorry guys, if any of you end up in the soup in spite of my honest efforts to the contrary, don't kill me !

I don't claim any Intellectual Property Rights over the dialogues or one-liners, but the people in the post might. I should in no way be held responsible if the "Incorrigible Originals" sue the Copycats !

Incorrigible Originals - Part 2

It is never easy to be a Medical Student and stay in a hostel and still remain free of vices. Anyone who didn't pick up at least one during those apparently interminable years must be a big bore. Well, this species actually doesn't exist. If they do, please call the Paleontologists !

What I mean by vices are quite innocent things like booze, fag, rummy and of course bird-watching ! These were the words we used in those days. Don't know what the kids lingo sounds like today.

Let me turn back and see how we dealt with the vices in our days. See No Evil, Hear No Evil was one of our favorite movies those days, though we had no qualms about not following the 'Do No Evil' Part.

In one famous scene, Richard Pryor talking at a meeting goes something like this, "Exercise is good for health. Some people like walking, some prefer jogging and some love swimming. But I personally prefer f--king!". This became a landmark word for us. So many 'King's were born thanks to this King !

Kings; They All Were !

BooKing !

Rummy was a favorite time-pass when you had no exams and a favorite stress-busters when you had exams. It was played with all sincerity and our campus even institutionalized it and recognized it as the 'Official Sport' of the Campus.

We all played Rummy and almost all loved it. Some were good, some plain lucky and some were damned crooks. There was a fourth dimension too, the plain dumb ones. One such chap was Praveen Kumar Varma. Though he was pretty witty with words, he was plain ordinary with cards. He usually gave points in 'book's.

A Book in a game of Rummy is when you refuse to play due to poor alignment of cards or poor ability to judge or both. When his habit of providing a 'book' became a routine, he was Christened "BooKing" by one of our most prolific players 'C' ! BooKing he remained forever !

DrinKing !

Rum doesn't need an introduction from Wikipedia. There were many DrinKings who were also known as 'Barrel' or 'Drum' or 'Kuduka' and many more words. Though this was not as famous a word as BooKing, the greatest DrinKing was one who believed "Alcohol needs to be promoted because it actually stood for truth". He quoted our Forensic Medicine book which said "In Vino Veritas" !

SmoKing !

Smoking was more of a style statement when we were kids. But it was already in the black-list when we reached college. My friend DR asked me for the smallest loan ever asked. He wanted one rupee at 7 AM on a Sunday morning. When I wanted to know why he needed one rupee, just one rupee; he replied with all sincerity, "I need a fag to go to the toilet. If I don't get a cigarette, I'll be constipated till I get one. Please help me Yaar".

Such dependence at such a young age. He had to be the SmoKing !

PungKing !

Bluffing, fibbing or just yapping was known as Punging those days. Suresh Bhatta for reasons not very well known to me was anointed PungKing. He was good at 'brain eating' though. One incident involving the naivety of Babu turned me into a sensation to supersede Bhatta. But since he was already the PungKing, he graciously consented to elevate me to the higher pedestal of 'Pung-Emperor' !

ShocKing !

One senior created some kind of a precedent while writing a short note on 'Shock' during Pathology Internal Exams. He defined Shock as as a "Condition experienced by a person on touching a live electric wire or when hearing a 'Shocking' news". Unanimously he was appointed the ShocKing !

DucKing !

One aspiring Tendulkar wanted to bat like the Teen sensation of those days and always wanted to attack. But somehow he ended up getting out for nothing most of the times. So his nickname had to be DucKing !

CooKing !

There were days when our mess didn't function. Going out in the burning Sun for lunch was such a task. Many boys used to prepare their own food, though I was never one of them. But I helped myself to those delicacies prepared by these generous souls. Ramdas Naik was one such pious chap who saved me during those days of famine. He was so adept and meticulous with his culinary skills, he had to be the CooKing !

Other Kings !

Then there were those boys always neatly dressed even at 2 AM. We called one such boy 'TucKing'. The boy who savored his food and then enjoyed munching on his own fingers had to be 'LicKing'. The boy who trusted in luck for everything had to be 'LucKing'. My friends who know Tulu, would interpret this word in a different manner.

It isn't necessary that every boy on campus knew these revelations. Some were known in small circles. Most were used by a small coterie of people to good effect. Today all this can be told. Why did I end up as Pung Emperor ? This story requires some detailing and is reserved for another day.

Incorrigible Originals will be back...

Dr. Pun-dit

Kaalaaya Tasmai Namaha !

2010-10-05T23:51:00.000+05:30

Kaalaaya Tasmai Namaha !

'I Salute You Time'

Am I losing my touch ?

Ever since my boyhood, I have taken pride about my ability to predict what will happen in two fields; Cricket and Movies. No Movie I declared as a 'Hit' ever failed and I never failed to predict a flop.

I also predicted how matches will turn while following them live. Most of the times pretty close and often absolutely point blank. All that was till yesterday. I have lost it ! I think I am getting old.

Yes, I saw 'Maine Pyaar Kiya' on first day at my native place on video. I returned to Bellary and told my friends, "Here is a New Star and a big hit". Then I declared at the first glimpse of this man that here is the Next Super Star of India. Was I right ?

Watching movies on the first day has been a passion. My profession and age have made it tough these days. Yet I do make it a point to catch up with the big movies. Though I loved Mani Ratnam's 'Dil Se' I knew this was going to bomb at the box-office, thanks to the blast at the end.

I don't remember a movie that flopped once I declared it a hit on day one. This should not be considered arrogance. It was happening. My colleague Dr. Preetha didn't like the movie 'Hulchul' one bit. Neither did I like it because it wasn't a patch on the Malayalam original 'Godfather'. But watching the reaction of the predominantly North Indian crowd, I knew Priyan had hit the jackpot !

Watching the larger than life and arrogant character of Mohanlal in Malayalam movie 'Narasimham', I felt this was the beginning of the end of an Actor-Star. I told my Mohanlal fan colleagues, "If he continues to act in such movies, he will churn out flops after flops in near future". Mohanlal's career graph took a nosedive after just one more of those 'Inhuman' characters. The magic has gone missing ever since !

I took my family to watch Raju Hirani's '3 Idiots' on day one thanks to his Munna Bhai movies. Half an hour into the movie, I told my wife this was going to be one of the all-time big hits of Indian Cinema.

In Cricket too, I have predicted many things correctly; including Rahul Dravid becoming the most successful Indian Batsman after Sachin, though it was Dada who made larger waves initially. Except for my failure to foresee Vinod Kambli's self-destruction, I have done fairly well with Cricket too.

But all that seems like a distant dream today. My friend Mohan taunted me this evening, "Sir, you have lost your predicting power" after India won the Mohali test by a whisker. I had declared last night that India will be gone before lunch on this fifth day wicket. I didn't count Laxman to bat at all.

But more hurting was my failure to read 'Enthiran the Robot'. Except for the coinage "Robo Sapiens" I found the movie tedious and mostly intolerable. I told Mohan last Friday night, "I haven't watched such a mega-disappointment as this. Why have they wasted so much money on this nonsense ?" After the first weekend, even Rajni Can't save this one !"

But Reviewer after Reviewer had gone gaga over Rajni. I thought these must be paid reviews. And then comes this news ! So Mohan must be seriously right that I have seriously lost touch with reality. What I didn't like has become a 'Robotic' Hit of gigantic proportions !

All I can say is, every predictor has his day. All good things have to come to an end. All things and beings in this world come with an expiry date !

'Kaalaaya Tasmai Namaha'

Dr. Pun-dit

Live, Love and Laugh !

Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts - I am Indian !

Archeologist's Day and other Prescription Stories !

A Love Story and Two Dead Bodies !

Look-ing Back: Pandi-monium, CBI Diary and other stories !

All are equal, yet some people are less equal !

Modern day Gandhi-G and 3 Monkeys in 2011 !

How I became Godless !

National Anthem in Malluland

Chair Up and other tales of a Chair that refused to budge !

Welcome to Kochi: The New Sodom !

Hiroshima, US and Us !

The Boy Farmer and the Malgoa Tree !

My Head is Hanging in Shame !

Hussain and Who's sane not ?

Woh Saath Din: The Evolution of a Pothole !

Good Doctor and Bad Doctor: It's a Doc's Life !

Faby and Me; It's a Dog's Life !

A Leave Letter

Beggars can't be Choosers ?

Spiritual Wisdom in God's Own Country !

Jevan and Konkanis: A Community that Worships Food !

An Open Letter to Whom it may Concern or Not !

Dumb Dumb Shiga Shiga : A Ward Story !

Dial 'S' For Suicide : A Thread on Life !

An Idea called India: A Rhyme with a Reason !

Rules are Rules: Chronology of a Marriage Certificate!

The Queen of Arabian Sea in God's Own Country !

Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan !

Uncle Know All and the Red Salwar !

The Perpetual Refugee !

Footpath, My Foot !

Three Tiny Robbers and the Goddess of Hiriyangadi Temple !

Left, Right and Wrong: A Story of a Fight !

Hunger Management: A Self Realization !

My Mission, My Passion, My Life !

Indira Gandhi, Hairstylist and Philosophy

My colleague Dr. Bilkees had two ladies to help her at home and a driver.The cook was Philomena, fondly called Philo.The domestic help was called Sophy.And her driver brought 'Joy' into the picture !I found this Philosophy of Joy really amusing !

Eat, Play and Love !!!

Incorrigible Originals - Part 2

Kaalaaya Tasmai Namaha !

My colleague Dr. Bilkees had two ladies to help her at home and a driver.
The cook was Philomena, fondly called Philo.
The domestic help was called Sophy.
And her driver brought 'Joy' into the picture !
I found this Philosophy of Joy really amusing !