Sab Theek Ho Jayega !

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Kochi / Ernakulam, Kerala, India
A Doctor who loves to Live, Love and Laugh with the World! Absolutely crazy about Cricket ! Other Qualifications: A Tired Bathroom Singer, Retired Gully Cricketer and Satire Writer !

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Mukundan Swami and his Cricket Language !

He keeps popping up in my life like the 'breaking news' messages on those 24-Hour news channels. He is Mukundan, fondly called "Mukunda Mukunda" or "Dashavatharam" or "Swami" by me and "Kuntham" by his friends as he himself confessed. He's a class nine student in a CBSE school and only son of his doting parents. He knows my daughter too is in class nine and he thinks that might help him. He prefers to converse in English with me because his mother wanted him to improve his English by talking to that Doctor who doesn't speak good Malayalam.
But he is very unlike the teenagers on the Facebook who brag about their hitherto invisible capabilities or who warn us about their attitude. He doesn't like the word 'Dude' being used to address a girl because his Mom told him that is used only for boys. He is a very modest boy with some serious issues with English language, Science and Mathematics.

He was brought to me about 4 years ago with some persistent wheezing problems and after initiating on Inhalers, he had completely recovered from the Asthma that used to plague him. He is fond of me because he believes I had helped him to do what he loved the most; play Cricket ! Cricket is the only thing worth talking about and Sachin Tendulkar is the only God for this 15 year old with a thin mustache threatening to make it's presence felt above his upper lips.

One day, he drops into my Clinic with a doubt, "Saar, egg eating help my muscle build ?". He is from a Tambram family that still remains vegetarian. But he was impressed by a a boy twisting Sachin's arm in an Egg ad on the TV and wanted to know if he could be stronger by eating eggs. His Mom was not averse to cooking eggs for him and I told him to go ahead. He is an Eggetarian now according to himself and says, "I'll never eat chicken. I don't like bones".

His propensity to use Cricket language for every conversation is what makes him endearing to me. When I asked him about the Summative assessment part-1, he replied, "Saar, Malayalam and Social like leg side full toss. I just hit six. English always yorker. Grammar like my Grandmother. I never understand both are very tough and strict. No this thing and no that thing. Like in-swing, out-swing bowling. Ho, life is waste Saare. Don't even ask Max [Maths]. It is all bouncer going top of head. I will go to Max exam with a helmet. My head goes round round seeing question paper. Science is just nonsense Saar. Like Rohit Sharma. Everybody hates but teachers always forcing to study Science. Believe me Saar, ninth standard boy life is very tough. You just can't imagine...". I replied, "Yes my Dear, that is why I chose medical graduation because ninth grade is so very tough !" He got the sarcasm for once and gave a sheepish grin and scooted off.

He is a simple boy who shares most of his happiness and sadness with me. When his mother refused to buy a mobile phone for him, he told me, "Father cool Saar. But mother noballed my mobile. Sometimes she like Steve Buckner Saar. Always against India wrong decision. I now only no mobile boy in my group. All teases me like Jadeja Saar. I feels like out of form dropped batsman Saar".

When he finally got his prized mobile phone, he waved it at me and declared, "Saar, Umpire finally give right decision. I cry, cry and cry and she brought this. Mother is Sehwag like Saar. When good mood, she hit 300 and not good mood, she hit zero. Today, I feels like Sachin Tendulkar 100th 100 Saar. Paavam Mukundan now head lift and walk with friends. Saar all features like blue tooth and all is there. Look like Virat Kohli no ? Stylish !"

"Saar, our neighbor one Paattiamma clean bowled today Saar. She was some sugar, pressure patient. 2 days some problem and today morning not get up only. What Saar, everybody crying and my mother also crying. She was nice, not my Hitler Paatti type. She was 92 Saar. Missed century by 8, very bad Saar. All people crying I thinks like India losted match against Pakistan Saar". This is how he reported the demise of a neighborhood lady.

"Saar, my final exams coming, please pray for me Saar" said Mukundan last week. He added, "I don't know what this CBSE peoples doing. Old kids enjoyed life till class 9. We have board exams even in 9th. You know Saar, it is like a 5 match one day series. First is Monday, Social. That is good. I read 1 paragraph, I write 3 page. It is good batting pitch. Then Wednesday Science Saar. That is most terrific. It is like playing in Perth, Dale Steyn balls. I really want to take helmet to Science and Max exam Saar. Friday is Malayalam. Malayalam in my house not speak, but I manage. After 3 day rest for horror Max next Monday. That is simbly reverse swing Saar. Always confusing. Wednesday English. Grammar Saar, believe me, grammar made by people hate children. Only to torture poor children. If I don't killed, I come see you Wednesday Saar. You know Saar, Sachin Tendulkar, the God failed exams because of Max Saar. Then what is my condition ? Anyway, please pray for me Saar !"

In an age where expecting innocence in boys aged 15 years is like expecting a spinner friendly track in South Africa, Mukundan is a delightful exception and I hope he manages to keep his innocence forever !

Dr. Punned-it


  1. Fabulous, Govind!!! What a delight to read. This is one of the best pieces I have read in a while. Tharraly enjaaayed..keep writing mate.


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