Sab Theek Ho Jayega !

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Kochi / Ernakulam, Kerala, India
A Doctor who loves to Live, Love and Laugh with the World! Absolutely crazy about Cricket ! Other Qualifications: A Tired Bathroom Singer, Retired Gully Cricketer and Satire Writer !

Monday, January 31, 2011

The Queen of Arabian Sea in God's Own Country !

One more walk and one more photo session. How can the powers that be allow this kind of anarchy to prevail ? Kochi is a Bad, Bad, Bad, World; miniature version !

Welcome to Kochi, the self proclaimed "Queen of Arabian Sea" the financial capital of Kerala, the self-proclaimed "God's own Country".

My friends always blame me for being too harsh, too critical and too satirical in my posts. Hence I have decided to mend my ways and have come out with solutions to the problems. This is my mite to my adopted land. Hope at least some of our rulers find time to read this.

Our Footpaths !
Problem: This is what we see on most of the footpaths. No wonder pedestrians are knocked down by speeding buses and bikes because they walk on roads.

Solution: Let the Cable guys put up advertisements and hoardings on footpaths. The Corporation can gain some revenue.

A Jam nobody likes !
Problem: Auto Rickshaws can sneak into any available 'gap' on the road or footpath where the front wheel gets an access. And they create traffic jams that leave law abiding drivers in debris.

Solution: Send all these three wheeler drivers to the Pakistan and Bangladesh border. We can use them to combat the insurgency.

A world infested by two-wheelers
Problem: You park your car with a gap enough to pull out when you have to leave. And you come back to see two-wheelers clogging both sides of your vehicle. This is in spite of having enough space around to park 300 bikes. The bikers somehow like to squeeze in between cars.

Solution: Send the talented two wheeler-riders to Olympics. They might win us medals in Gymnastics.

Potholes - Take deviation
Problem: Huge potholes on our roads. Poor bikers have to take diversion and the cars and other vehicles have to wade through them. Whatever happens to the road tax levied on every vehicle !

Solution: A new innovation: Pothole Tourism ! No other town can boast of this facility. We can take tourists around for different parts of the town. Fishing, boating and even swimming too can be arranged for enthusiasts. We excel in converting liabilities into assets.

What Potholes ? There is no road !
Problem: In some places, there are no potholes. There in fact are no roads. So what will happen to tourism ?

Solution: Relax, there is a further advancement. We can always invite Archeological Society of India. They need to dig very little for excavation. Even better, we might even stumble upon some 'Oil Wells'. Who knows, Malayalee's favorite 'Gulf' might be recreated in God's Own Country !

Does it stink ? Take deep breath...
Problem: The much discussed stink in Kochi is worsening by the day. Open drains are a danger physically and physiologically. Can't walk without closing your nostrils.

Solution: Open 'Open Air' Pranayaama classes all over. People can learn breath holding and deep breathing techniques on the road. It improves endurance, health and longevity. All credit should go to our rulers.

Road Rags !
Problem: Absolutely ragged roads everywhere. Not an ounce of tar to be seen anywhere. Driving speed never to go above 10kmph.

Solution: Another great business opportunity. Bring in Tyre companies to sponsor different stretches of the road. They can coin slogans like, "Only FRM Tyres survive these roads" or "When the going gets Rough, the Tough get going" etc. The revenue thus earned can be used to hike the allowances of our poor underpaid and underprivileged rulers !

Hope I have not been critical, satirical or too harsh this time. I love India, I love Kerala and I love Kochi. After all Kochi has given me a life and a wife !

Dr. Pun-dit

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan !

Almost a week of incessant 'Happy Republic Day' messages from all and sundries have clogged my in-box. I am not even getting time to delete them. Some have even condemned me for not sending laudatory messages on R-Day.

I am committed to 'Life, Love and Laughter' and forwarding jokes is an addiction. I also used to send messages to all my contacts during most of the festivals. But the last Independence day was spoiled by Tata Indicom which had unilaterally suspended all free messages on Independence Day.

This was at once frustrating and humbling. If the service provider showed pettiness by blocking free messages, I too was not willing to spend my money to send messages on I-Day. Everyone is more than happy to send free messages, but will desist from sending messages when one has to pay for doing so. This realization has sobered my messaging habits.

But this post is not about messages; free or otherwise. This is about Republic of India and the R-Day. Padma awards are being doled out according to the whims of the Political masters. Gigantic celebrations are going on in every Capital. But what is happening in this country ?

Politicians are Preaching and Preachers are Politicking. Cheats teach about morality. People serving the downtrodden face charges of sedition and rot in jail. And a high-profile glamorous writer giving incendiary speeches while sharing the dais with separatist leaders is enjoying freedom of speech. All this happens only in India.

And yes, we have a Government. A Government voted to power by the 'Aam Aadmi'. What is the Government doing ? Here are some questions... But our rulers will never bother to answer them. RTI is just a hogwash.

Black money: We all know a hell of a lot of India's money is stashed away in tax havens and Swiss Banks. But our rulers have shown absolutely no interest to recover it. There are skeletons in the closet. But the Government doesn't want to open it. Why ?

Lal Chowk: We shout on international fora that Kashmir is an integral part of India and then we do THIS. Why does this Government not show the same kind of zeal when it comes to dealing with 'Terrorism' ? Who are they supposed to protect ?

Scam Aadmi: The 'clean and honest' PM kept shielding the 2G-scam accused Minister till it became politically untenable. Even after that, he goes and does THIS ! For this Government, "Scam Aadmi is more important than Aam Aadmi". Can they disprove this ?

Yeddi, Reddy and Cheddi: Waging an open and vociferous battle against corruption in high places, India's Principal Opposition party is playing a different ball game in Karnataka. Yeddi and Reddy brothers have been accused of large scale corruption. But the BJP has shown brazen attitude towards all this. Even the 'Cheddi' which boasts of high moral values has kept mum on this issue. Why ?

Kotwal ka Haath Congress ke Saath: An activist Governor suddenly woken up by his conscience and honesty is after the aforementioned Yeddi. The jury is still out on the Yeddi and Reddy issue. But the "Kotwal" of Karnataka has perhaps gone a little too far in his attempts to cleanse the dirty political scenario in Karnataka. Is he doing this as repentance for his alleged involvement in the release of Mr. Q ?

We have too many questions. But there never will be any answers. NEVER ! Not one Politician worth his 'Khadi' will ever be punished for his misdeeds. So it is a waste of energy and time worrying about these questions.

I remember an old quotable quote: Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan ! Every walk of life in this country boasts of special rights to 'Minorities'. Appeasing the minorities is a full time vocation for a whole spectrum of Politicians.

But one silent Minority neither gets any recognition, nor any protection. If fact, the 10% Minority called 'Honest Persons' will mostly face THIS or THIS !

And we, the middle-class will continue to cry over the cost of onion and continue to order family size Pizzas and wait for the 'Delivery within 30 minutes' !

Mera Bharat Mahaan indeed !

Dr. Pun-dit

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Uncle Know All and the Red Salwar !


Wanted to post this earlier. But a wedding, a holiday and then the backlog had restricted me. The InSaf Test series too had bogged me down on LLL. So here I am with an anecdote from my recent holiday.

We had incessant ceremonies and a get together between 26 December to 28 December in connection with the wedding of my cousin. My wife was going through a difficult period. Travel had worsened her monthly travail. Since she was bleeding heavily and was complaining of backache, I went to a Medical Shop to buy some medicine for her; after consulting my Gynecologist Friend in Kochi.

I was waiting at the counter of a fairly busy shop. The medicine I asked was not known to the girl who was attending me. She asked her senior colleague, "Mama, do we have Tranostat-Mf?". The Uncle dismissed her, "There is no medicine like that". I hesitantly told, "It is there, but you might not be having it...". He dismissed me too, "No, no. No medicine like that".

As I was contemplating about my next move, the nice girl went to check the MIMS [Monthly Index of Medical Specialties]. She insinuated to me to wait. And I did.

At this juncture, I saw a girl in her mid twenties wearing a red salwar trying to gain space between the crowd of customers. Since I had to wait, I stepped back to let her in. She showed a piece of paper to another girl on the counter. The girl couldn't decipher what was written. So the red salwar girl called her Mom on phone and gave the name of the medicine to the girl on counter.

The counter girl went in and fetched the medicine. As she was handing over the pills to the customer, she asked the know-all Uncle, "Mama, for which illness is Olvance given ?". Uncle gave instant reply, "It is for Sugar". Now, the red salwar looked surprised. Looking at her discomfort, I politely told her, "It isn't for Sugar, but for Pressure".

This unfortunately was heard by the Mama. He came rushing towards me and asked, "What do you know about medicines ? This is a brand new Sugar medicine. Even Doctors don't know much about this. I know about all medicines. Don't mislead people".

I still remained polite and said, "I don't know about Doctors. But I know this medicine. Olvance is definitely given for Blood Pressure. Yes, it also is used in Diabetics. But it is primarily a BP pill". Uncle was boiling and he admonished me, "First you come with some stupid nonexistent name. And then you question me. Even Doctors don't question me".

A man standing next to me whispered, "Don't argue with him. He is right. He is better than  Doctors. He gives medicines that are better than the Doctors. I never see a Doctor. He is my Doctor. You better accept his words. He can't be wrong. You people get some half baked information from Internet and then create confusion".

In an alien place, I didn't want to alienate people. But how can you remain silent when nonsense is being peddled for knowledge ? So I persisted, "This isn't any half-baked Internet knowledge. I know this and I am talking truth. Olvance is Olmesartan Medoxomil. It belongs to a class called ARB and is used for Blood Pressure and related conditions".

Uncle was shouting now, "You telling truth ? Then am I a liar ? I am in this business for more than 35 years. How old are you ? You weren't even born when I started this business. Who are you ? A Chemist ? Pharmacist... ?".

I had a function to attend and also had to fetch the medicine for my wife. So I cut him short and said curtly yet politely, "See Mama, first of all, I am forty, so definitely older than your business. Two I am not a Chemist or Pharmacist. I didn't want to disclose what am I. I never think that is important, but I have been dealing with BP, Sugar and heart diseases for almost 16 years now. I am a Doctor".

And now, the red salwar who was witnessing all this exchange finally opened her mouth, "Yes, yes, my mother has only BP, she has no sugar. I was surprised when he told it is a Sugar pill. Thanks Doctor for the help". And then the red salwar was gone.

Thankfully, the counter girl who was thus-far engaged with the MIMS; had finally found out Tranostat-Mf did exist. She came and told me, "We only have Tranostat. Mf is not stocked". I decided to settle for what was available and escape.

As I made the payment and took the pills from the girl, she gave a shy smile and asked, "Where do you work ?". I replied, "Not here, Kochi". Immediately her eyes lit up and she asked, "Aha, Malayaliyaano ? Ivide engane vannu ?". Now, not many people have thus insulted me before and that is another story !

Dr. Pun-dit

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Perpetual Refugee !

Tired of the speed, monotony and heat of the routine, I took a small break last week. It was a non too flashy river side resort at Athirappilly, that I had visited two years ago and wanted to visit again. It was a nice feeling because all my phones were out of range in the high range !

A look at the River from the Resort

Away from the critically ill, the beeping monitors, the white uniform and the defibrillators, this was a wonderful unwinding session. Walking through the tranquil evening, it occurred to me there was something totally unnatural in our clamor for peace !

I went after this beauty with the enthusiasm of a little kid !

And as these thoughts evolved, I tried to rhyme them into what I would like to call poetry. This is the best I could manage. Hope at least some people relate to this !

The Perpetual Refugee !

Homo sapiens was but born as a part of the nature,
With Flora, Fauna and all of biological nomenclature.
The evolution of species raised the mankind in stature,
Self-esteem and left all over, the indelible signature.

Enough in abundance here to eat, drink and survive,
Green plants, flowing water, blue sky and beehive.
Life was indeed so bountiful and everything so alive,
Until greed made the entry into the minds so naive.

From living together with every form on planet Earth,
Man and woman went to gather and warm the hearth.
Burning trees and bushes when wood wasn't in dearth,
Was when the process of destruction truly took its birth.

First, the wheel came and invention after revolution,
For finding every other problem, a full and final solution.
Science did always move ahead in fast forward motion,
But greed overtook everything else in chaotic pollution.

Leaving the cave for the hut and the hut for the house,
Mansions and comforts couldn't get the greed douse.
I've only this and others have more became a grouse,
Progress leading to contacts at the click of a mouse.

Beginning with all earthlings in a joyful ride of harmony,
We've arrived today in a quagmire ruled alone by money.
Lust and longing inflicted, we're on a one way journey,
That never will to return to roots of nectar and honey.

Existing in concrete jungles with air-conditions blasting,
Polluted air, water, noise and environment everlasting.
Turning to the wheels of vehicle to escape the heat sting,
To whatever remains of nature to listen to the birds sing !

A paradox of construction and destruction that we see,
Alas, if only the forefathers could manage well to foresee.
Wouldn't we be running for shelter to the hills and the sea,
On our own planet, living the life of a perpetual refugee !

Let there be no further mistakes and do wake up let us all,
Before it is too late and too difficult to recover from the fall.
Our progeny did no wrong to inherit doom; here is the call,
Go green, go green, we only have one Earth to have a ball !

Art of Nature in the Heart of Nature !

Dr. Pun-dit