The Queen of Arabian Sea in God's Own Country !

One more walk and one more photo session. How can the powers that be allow this kind of anarchy to prevail ? Kochi is a Bad, Bad, Bad, World; miniature version !

Welcome to Kochi, the self proclaimed "Queen of Arabian Sea" the financial capital of Kerala, the self-proclaimed "God's own Country".

My friends always blame me for being too harsh, too critical and too satirical in my posts. Hence I have decided to mend my ways and have come out with solutions to the problems. This is my mite to my adopted land. Hope at least some of our rulers find time to read this.

Our Footpaths !

Problem: This is what we see on most of the footpaths. No wonder pedestrians are knocked down by speeding buses and bikes because they walk on roads.

Solution: Let the Cable guys put up advertisements and hoardings on footpaths. The Corporation can gain some revenue.

A Jam nobody likes !

Problem: Auto Rickshaws can sneak into any available 'gap' on the road or footpath where the front wheel gets an access. And they create traffic jams that leave law abiding drivers in debris.

Solution: Send all these three wheeler drivers to the Pakistan and Bangladesh border. We can use them to combat the insurgency.

A world infested by two-wheelers

Problem: You park your car with a gap enough to pull out when you have to leave. And you come back to see two-wheelers clogging both sides of your vehicle. This is in spite of having enough space around to park 300 bikes. The bikers somehow like to squeeze in between cars.

Solution: Send the talented two wheeler-riders to Olympics. They might win us medals in Gymnastics.

Potholes - Take deviation

Problem: Huge potholes on our roads. Poor bikers have to take diversion and the cars and other vehicles have to wade through them. Whatever happens to the road tax levied on every vehicle !

Solution: A new innovation: Pothole Tourism ! No other town can boast of this facility. We can take tourists around for different parts of the town. Fishing, boating and even swimming too can be arranged for enthusiasts. We excel in converting liabilities into assets.

What Potholes ? There is no road !

Problem: In some places, there are no potholes. There in fact are no roads. So what will happen to tourism ?

Solution: Relax, there is a further advancement. We can always invite Archeological Society of India. They need to dig very little for excavation. Even better, we might even stumble upon some 'Oil Wells'. Who knows, Malayalee's favorite 'Gulf' might be recreated in God's Own Country !

Does it stink ? Take deep breath...

Problem: The much discussed stink in Kochi is worsening by the day. Open drains are a danger physically and physiologically. Can't walk without closing your nostrils.

Solution: Open 'Open Air' Pranayaama classes all over. People can learn breath holding and deep breathing techniques on the road. It improves endurance, health and longevity. All credit should go to our rulers.

Road Rags !

Problem: Absolutely ragged roads everywhere. Not an ounce of tar to be seen anywhere. Driving speed never to go above 10kmph.

Solution: Another great business opportunity. Bring in Tyre companies to sponsor different stretches of the road. They can coin slogans like, "Only FRM Tyres survive these roads" or "When the going gets Rough, the Tough get going" etc. The revenue thus earned can be used to hike the allowances of our poor underpaid and underprivileged rulers !

Hope I have not been critical, satirical or too harsh this time. I love India, I love Kerala and I love Kochi. After all Kochi has given me a life and a wife !




Dr. Pun-dit