I continue with the History of Matters of Historical Importance...
No past history of ...
This one is from our Medical College. We had to write the case charts in detail and in a prescribed manner. These notes were randomly checked by Professors or some seniors and hence we had to be on guard. All Medical case charts start with Presenting Complaints followed by history of Presenting Complaints and then Past History and Personal and Family History. We were expected to write in detail about the complaint and when and how it started and what is the intensity and so on. One of my classmates was particularly keen to keep it up to date. So he wrote as follows...
Presenting Complaint: History of Dog Bite.
History of Presenting Complaint: 27 year old boy was bitten by a street dog on his right leg at around 3:25 PM today. The Dog was unprovoked and the boy was unprotected.
Past History: No past history of any illness and...
No past history of Dog Bite!
Family History: No Family history of Dog Bite...!
After reading this, we all started to tease this guy with our own versions:
No past history of fall from the coconut tree
No past history of bull-gore injury
No past history of snake bite
And the prize for the most ridiculous piece went to this one:
No past history of headache and vomiting after watching a Telugu movie!
Lost in translation
A Kannada speaking Doctor from Bangalore was new to Kerala. He was just about learning basic Malayalam. A young mother brought her 1 month old baby to the Casualty. She told the Doctor in her colloquial tongue that the child had breathing complaints and he was raising his chest as if he is jumping. The Doctor wrote in the case-chart: 1 moth old baby jumping and jumping in the air and breathing through chest! Now whatever he meant was known only to him. But we sure ended up jumping and jumping with laughter!
Injured Kidney :-)
A twenty something man came to the Casualty on a rainy night. He was a bit flustered and looked to be in pain too. But he was too hesitant to come out with history. As his luck would have it, there was a Lady Doctor on duty. He insisted on seeing a Male Doctor. So I was summoned and there was a look of relief on his face when I went and asked him what is the matter. He wanted the nurses to be out of the room and so I ordered them out. Then he told, "Doctor, I have hurt my Kidney". I asked, "How did it happen? Did you get hit on the lower abdomen or back?". He told, "No, no... It is the kidney. We are newly married and we were doing IT. Then my wife in a mood suddenly climbed on me and her knee came and hit my kidney and it has swollen now and paining too!". Now... This was news to me. I had never seen a swollen kidney. So I wanted to examine his abdomen. When he was down on the table, he pointed down further and told, "Doctor, not there on the stomach. Down down there, the kidney you see" and he slipped his underwear down to show a grossly swollen pair of testicles!