Incorrigible Originals - Part 1

Warning: 

This post should not be considered a work of fiction. It is not. All the stories are true incidents that happened on Bellary Medical College Campus between 1988 and 1994. The persons mentioned are real flesh and blood people. 

The abbreviations used here are just to save my beloved friends from their respective spouses. Sorry guys, if any of you end up in the soup in spite of my honest efforts to the contrary, don't kill me !

I don't claim any Intellectual Property Rights over the dialogues or one-liners, but the people in the post might. I should in no way be held responsible if the "Incorrigible Originals" sue the Copycats !

After I post a blog entry, I revisit it once or twice just to weed out spelling or grammar gaffes. I never bother after that. But some posts are close to heart. So when I went back to re-read "Once Upon a Time in Bellary...", I got the inspiration to construct this post.

Boys will be boys; in any era, any place and any time. The Boys in Bellary were no different. Here is a collection of some of the one liners and wisecracks from our times in Bellary.

800 vs 1000

There was a sporting beauty on the campus. Two of my classmates were smitten. But there was a problem. There was a third man and he owned a Maruti-800. Well, Maruti-800 for a Medical College boy in 1990s was huge, as huge as an Audi today. We didn't even own a bicycle.

Looking at Ms. RR going out on a Sunday evening with Mr. NA, our guys were naturally depressed. My friend said, "Look, there goes she on 800. Ufff... my stomach is burning Yaar". The other 'Aashiq' soothed him, "Don't take it to heart. We will chip in with 500 - 500 and bring a 1000". Maruti-1000 was just out on the roads those days !

L-Dose

We had a senior guy called Eldhose. He had a typical Mallu sense of humor. He used to tell his juniors, "I am L-Dose, Lethal Dose. Be careful". Lethal dose for the non-medical people is the dose of a drug that can kill people. Eldhose, if at all you read this post, pardon me for quoting you without permission.

Instant Answers

My inspiration in self-deprecation was Sreenivas Reddy, the Master Punster. He came back after what looked like a tough Pathology practical exam. The boys asked, "Hi, Seens, how was it?". And this was typical Seena reply...

Oh what Dhagdanki exam man. Nothing special. To every question the examiner asked me, I could say "I don't know Sir". After getting the same answer every time; the examiner got fed up and asked me, "Doctor, Don't you know any other answer?". I said, "I do know Sir". So he asked me the next question. And I replied, "No Idea Sir" !

Depression

There was a depression over the Bay of Bengal that caused lots of rains all over South India. The usually rain thirsty Bellary too enjoyed some cool showers. Our friend K. G. Ravi wanted to know how a depression elsewhere could cause rains in Bellary. Suresh Bhatta quenched his thirst for knowledge with this gem...

See, the sky over the Bay of Bengal got depressed and it has come down. All the air in atmosphere and water in the see got displaced and is now it is raining here !".

Ravi asked, "So what will happen to the sky?" Bhatta gave the finishing touch, "As soon as all the rains fall down, the sky will automatically revert back to its original shape. So you don't have to worry, it will not fall on our head !" That sure was a huge relief !

Pick-Wig Story

In the days dominated by Salman Khan, Anil Kapoor and Sanjay Dutt, I used to experiment with my hairstyle. Once I cut my hair short in the front and sides and grew really long hair at the back. It was supposed to look like Sanjay Dutt's style in the movie 'Thanedaar'. But it went horribly wrong somewhere.

When I came out of our hostel after the showers, Praveen Kumar Varma aka PK was the first one to see me. And he had this piece of advice: "Tera puraana wig kahaan gaya Yaar? Yeh naye wig se puraana zyaada achcha tha!" "Where is your old wig? The old one was better than this new one!"

Hair Raising Story

Coming to more hair-raising, Devendra Reddy had a rich growth of curly but stiff mop over his scalp. But somehow we were surprised to see him bald or with forever sprouting short hair on his head. I once raised this issue with him and this was his hair-story in his own words.

It is all thanks to my Mom Yaar. She just has my hair to offer to the God in Tirupathy. First it was for my Father's bypass surgery. Then it was for my Entrance exam. Later it was my sister's class ten exams. After I secured Medical seat, she had offered my hair to Lord Venkateshwara. Now it is for the class 12 exams of my sister.

Ever since my birth, for any good thing to happen in my family; my head has to go under the knife of some butcher in Tirupathy. Sometimes I really wonder if I will ever have any hair over my head in this life at all. Thank God, I have only one sister. Just imagine if there were more !

Creative Genius

DP, my room-mate was an enterprising little chap. He was ever friendly. Talented Cricketer and a good time pass guy. But there was one problem. He was rarely seen in Bellary. He used to get home-sick so often, people used to say he did MBBS through Correspondence Course! There was a Pathology Internal Assessment test the day he landed in Bellary after another of his returns from Home-sickness.

In the examination hall, he nudged his friend and asked, "Hey what is this VDRL?". His friend replied, "Venereal Diseases Research Laboratory...". He meant to enlighten DP about VDRL Test. But our boy cut him short and said, "OK OK, I will manage". He then wrote a short note that went on for an entire page and this master-piece in creative writing read something like this...

VDRL:  Vineral Diseases Research Laboratory. This is a state of the art Laboratory situated in New York America. It has branches in London, Moscow, Paris and many other countries. The Indian branch is is New Delhi.

They do research on Vineral Diseases in these laboratories. Syphilis, Gonorrhea, AIDS etc are the Vineral Diseases. They have different sections for different diseases. Vineral Diseases are also called STD. Not like the STD booth but Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

AIDS is the most virulent of the Vineral Diseases. It is a modern day epidemic. It is caused by HIV and spread by indiscriminate sex without using condoms. AIDS has no cure. This is why wise men say, "Prevention is better than Cure". So "Don't Condemn Sex, Condom it"...

To keep this post from becoming a full-length novel, I stop here. There are so many stories two write. I hope to be back with the Incorrigible Originals - Sequels as and when they come back to me !