Like it or not, all of us 'Love' self more than anyone or anything else. Birbal had once proved it to Akbar by subjecting a monkey and a baby monkey to a test. The mother monkey tries to save the baby from drowning in a tank as it was filled slowly from bottom. But once the water was above head, the mother monkey shoves the baby down and steps on it to save itself. Though this might be dismissed as just a story, we know it has some grain of truth in it.
To a large extent, Mother's love is quite magnanimous and perhaps the most revered. But if that was universal, we wouldn't be having so many thousands of abandoned babies. How can we forget the most famous abandoned son ? We also wouldn't be having orphanages all over the place.
I have seen how some orphanages work. In many cases the babies were not orphaned due to death of parents. They were just thrown on the roads by mothers who simply didn't want the child. The reasons for this un-motherly act could be manifold. It could have been poverty, birth out of wedlock or loss of support in life. But we can't deny the fact that many a mothers have left their children on the roads to elope with other men.
I am not much of a believer in God without being aggressively and pathologically Atheist. I would prefer to say I don't know God and hence I am a Nonconformist. But I love, adore and admire my parents too much to encapsulate in a few words. Mere thought of anything happening to them makes me sick.
But I have seen the other side of mother's love too. I have seen so many mothers who are simply jealous of the daughter-in-law and can do anything to keep her stranglehold on the son.
There are two sets of rules when it comes to mothers. One for her own daughters and another for the daughter-in-law. This is almost universal. I don't deny there are a lot of DILs who wreck havoc in the mother - son relationship. But the reverse too is happening and has always happened.
I know a lady who made life a virtual hell for her son just because she couldn't see her DIL happy while her divorced daughter wasn't happy.
I also know a lady who forced her son to sell off their house to conduct the wedding of her daughter on a grand scale. The poor son had to bring his bride to a small rented house. Once the daughter was 'burdened' with two girls and the daughter in law was 'blessed' with two boys, the mother-in-law went completely crazy.
She ordered her son to help his sister by giving her some money every month in spite of the fact that the daughter was living in much better conditions. Why ? Because the daughter had "Two Girls" ! Can things be more outrageous?
Mine is a reasonably happy family with a pretty manageable Mom and an accommodating Wife. But when it comes to her daughters, my Mom laments that her daughters are not that happy while her DIL is blessed with a very nice husband. Every mother thinks so; in no way am I flattered.
After looking at relationships over four decades, I have come to believe this world begins with the word "I". I is a letter as well as a word. Like it or not, we all love self and nothing wrong with that. All relationships are born almost without a choice.
We never get to choose mother, father, siblings, children, cousins, aunts and uncles. Neither do we get to choose our neighbors, unless one has the power to buy everything in the neighborhood.
There are but two relationships where we can choose whom we want; a Friend and a Spouse! Friendship to me is perhaps the most uncorrupted relationship in the world. We all yearned to meet one another and rushed to Bangalore on 3 April 2010 just because we cared.
There was only one motive; we wanted to see ourselves. We didn't expect any favors from anyone. It was just fun, joy and the wonderful feeling of friendship.
|Our Reunion Snap of 3 - April - 2010|
Past mistakes in life have taught me the value of friendship and I am not ready to loose a single friend. I mean every word of what I say, when I say; "You mean so much to me and this friendship is most precious to me". I have never told this to anyone. That never was necessary. Those for whom this is meant will understand when they read this !
The second relationship which we choose is that of the spouse. The wife more importantly so because of what happens when a girl becomes 'Wife'. Just think over this. A hitherto free and pampered girl walks into an alien house to live with people whom she has never known before. Well, mostly so!
In a majority of cases, the girl has to make so many sacrifices, adjustments and accept her husband's people as her own. It is never easy, but they manage. At least for this one reason, the husband's people have to be nice to the DIL. This is more so with the MIL.
When a Mother in Law and the Daughter in law become good friends, we can call them, "DIL MIL Gaye"! If not, they will be "Outlaws" for each other.
Nuclear families have their own positives and negatives. I believe in living together. I can't imagine life without my parents and parents-in-law. We stay together and my parents-in-law stay just about a 100 meters from my home. They don't need me, the are my necessity.
My Mom is a little bit of a control freak. But I have made it a point to keep my wife free to do what she wants. My only advice to my wife is, "Do things exactly the way you want to, but Never talk back!" This has worked pretty well for us.
A reasonably happy wife makes a happy mother and a happy DIL and everything else. A house becomes 'Home' only when the woman of the house is happy. So for a Happy Life, you need a Happy Wife!
I carry no prejudice against any mother and no malice towards any relationship. But we have to respect the spouse. Even though I never watched the Ekta Kapoor's flagship serial, I loved the title of it.
It has a universal truth in it; Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi !