Sab Theek Ho Jayega !

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Kochi / Ernakulam, Kerala, India
A Doctor who loves to Live, Love and Laugh with the World! Absolutely crazy about Cricket ! Other Qualifications: A Tired Bathroom Singer, Retired Gully Cricketer and Satire Writer !

Thursday, August 23, 2012

2012 to 1975: Back to the Future !

A Declaration of State of Emergency !
Friends, Indians and Countrymen,

Let me take this opportunity to welcome you all to the new India, the India of our dreams; the dreams of my family and my party. It is my privilege as well as my right to do this honor. My beloved mother-in-law did this 37 years ago and today, I stand before the country at this momentous moment to make this declaration.

It is with utmost sincerity, honesty, humility and integrity that the Government of India has decided to clamp a state of emergency with immediate effect. People have the rights to ask the reasons. But since the emergency has already been clamped, the rights have been suspended with retrospective effect and hence, no questions will be entertained. Our esteemed friend, the Chief Minister of West Bengal Mamta Bannerjee will enlighten people on this. People interested can ask her the "Questions" !

Even though the Government or I myself are not bound to give any reasons for this act, I am magnanimously volunteering to put the facts before the people. The situation demanded that the country be brought under strict laws to avoid further deterioration in law and order. Here I am enumerating some of the reasons for this drastic yet absolutely necessary measure.

1] Corruption: The BJP government of Karnataka had become so corrupt, it had crossed all limits of decency and we had no other choice but enforce emergency. Mr. H. R. Bharadhwaj will vouch for this.

2] Communal violence: Large scale communal violence has taken place in Assam due to continued presence of Narendra Modi, the Merchant of Death as Chief Minister of Gujarat. If he is not removed from public life, the minority communities will never be able to live in peace.

3] Social Nuisance Sites: Twitter, Facebook and such sites have caused enormous damage to the credibility of the Government and thus the country and thus my family. Keeping in mind the dignity of my family, these sites need to be curtailed. Henceforth, all sites will be monitored from the office of Mr. Kapil Sibal and all posts will be allowed or disallowed only after passing through security check.

4] Text Messages: Have caused large scale violence and they are extensively used to ridicule Mr. Manmohan Singh, our government and my family. This is not acceptable in a civil society. We need to teach civility to this country and hence there will be a clamp on SMS packs. Now a person can send 1 SMS per month from one phone after taking permission from Mr. Sushil Kumar Shinde the Home Minister.

5] Black money: So called activists have created bad name to the country by talking too much about black money. Our Government is determined to bring back all the black money stashed in Swiss banks but this process will take time. We need more proof and concrete proof. As soon as we get enough proof, we'll proceed with next level of action and will form a 15 member committee to probe the matter further. The committee will be given 15 years term to report to the Prime Minister with it's findings.

6] Price rise: Failed monsoon, drought like situation, spiraling crude oil prices and communal policies of Narendra Modi are responsible for the price rise. The people of India need to tighten their belts, practice frugal living like my son Rahul Gandhi does and then defeat the nefarious designs of our opponents.

7] Terrorism: My son and future Prime Minister of India Rahul Gandhi has said this before that the greatest threat to India is not the Pakistan sponsored terror but the saffron terror of the RSS and BJP pariwar. Hence all these entities will be banned and people with remotest allegiance to these organizations will be put behind the bars. Once this is done, minorities in India and Pakistan and the world over will feel secure and all terror will cease to haunt India.

There are hundreds of reasons to enforce emergency. Even though we don't have to explain, we have tried to take the people of India into confidence. The emergency will be in effect for next 12 months and can be extended beyond depending upon situations prevailing.

I hope the people of India will volunteer to abide by the emergency in the best of the interest of the country. We might not be able to generate enough space in our jails after putting all dissenters behind the bars. If need be, we'll release old insignificant convicts like Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab so that more and more communal and anti-national people can be jailed.

Hoping for the prosperity and progress of my party, my family and my government which alone will ensure progress and prosperity of the country.


Sonia Gandhi

Dr. Punned-it

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