Sab Theek Ho Jayega !

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Kochi / Ernakulam, Kerala, India
A Doctor who loves to Live, Love and Laugh with the World! Absolutely crazy about Cricket ! Other Qualifications: A Tired Bathroom Singer, Retired Gully Cricketer and Satire Writer !

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Didi's Revolution: Questionless Utopia in Bengal !

After banning cartoons and arresting a cartoonist, asking questions too has become an offense in West Bengal now. Anyone who raises a question can be arrested and can be branded Maoist and put behind the bars. The 'Unquestionable' Supremo of Bengal, Didi has shown "Red Card" to Questions !

People are outraged and many outside the state are protesting. So what are the consequences ? After what happened in Mamta Banerjee's fiefdom West Bengal on 8 August 2012, the kids of Bengal are the happiest lot. How and Why ? Read on...

Didi's next steps ought to be...

1] Ban Mahabharat:  There is a nosy "Yaksha" asking too many questions to Yudhistira in this book. That is not acceptable. So this epic must be banned or the chapter "Yaksha Prashna" must be censored out. The Ministry of Home affairs has sent a notice to the author Veda Vyasa to act immediately on this matter of face the music.

2] Ban on Interviews: There will be no interviews in any schools, offices, campus selections and on news channels. They involve asking questions and this sinister activity can't be allowed to happen in Didi's land.

3] Ban on KBC and all it's versions: Bachchan's "Kaun Banega Crorepati" will not be aired in West Bengal because Big B is always asking questions and that is not acceptable. All vernacular versions and other reality shows involving the questionable act of asking questions stand banned indefinitely.

4] No Question Hour: There henceforth will be no "Question Hour" in the West Bengal assembly. That hour will be devoted to finding out who all are Maoists and thus anti-people.

5] Ban on appealing: Bowlers henceforth can't appeal for the wicket of a batsman in Cricket matches to be played in Bengal, especially Eden Gardens. The Third Umpire referral too stands banned. The Umpire can at his own discretion, declare a batsman out. But Billy Bowden will not be allowed to Umpire in Bengal because when he raises the crooked finger, it looks like a "Question Mark" and that is blasphemous.
Question Mark over Bowden's Action !
6] Court Proceedings to change: No questions will be allowed in Courts in Bengal. Both side lawyers can present their facts before the judge and then the witnesses will be allowed to depose before the court what they know. But questions will not be entertained.

7] '?' Button to be removed: All keyboards in Bengal will have the '?' button removed. An alternative has to be arranged for the '/' button and the matter is under discussion.

But why should kids be happy with all this ? Sorry for the question, but I am writing this sitting safely in God's Own Country. So here is the answer...

8] Say NO to Exams: There will be no more examinations in Bengal. Exams involve questions and question papers. Since that is unlawful, the state education board has suspended exams with immediate effect. Henceforth children will have to just go and sign on the registry. They will be handed over "Answer Papers".  All they have to do is to write "I am not a Maoist" on the answer paper and sign it or leave thumb imprint on the paper.

They can write whatever they want as long as they don't ask questions. The results of the exams will be decided by the level of Maoism in the writings. Lower the level of Maoism, higher the grades. Any kid whose writing betrays more than 30% Maoism will automatically fail.

Thus West Bengal will become the first place in the world where there will be no "Questions" but only answers. What a wonderful state for the kids, am I right or am I right ?

Oops, sorry for the question !

Dr. Punned-it


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