A high level meeting in the Capital city of India in the first week of August 2012. Sonia Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi, Priyanka Gandhi, Robert Gandhi nee Vadra, Manmohan Singh, Chidambaram, Sharad Pawar, Mamta Banerjee, Digvijay Singh, Sushil Kumar Shinde and some more people have gathered in the plush air-conditioned hall.
The subject: How to conquer 2014 and capture Power ? Here are the excerpts of the meeting. Since it was a long meeting, we bring you only the highlights.
Sonia Gandhi: We all know how my family has sacrificed for the sake of this country and how we continue to sacrifice for the people of this country. So we expect the "Aam aadmi" to understand what we are doing for them and then elect us again without having to be at the mercy of the left alliance. We want to continue with our sacrifices for the country.
Sushil Kumar Shinde: Yes Madam, we all know the importance of your family. Earlier it was India is Indira and Indira is India. Today it is Sonia is Sonia and Sonia is Sonia. That is why I am ready to kill if you order.
Robert Gandhi: We need people like you Shinde uncle. There are a lot of people who are talking badly about me, my family and my hard earned billions. They definitely need to be killed.
Chidambaram: But Robert Sirji, we can't afford to kill people now. We might lose votes. We are here to consolidate our vote banks.
Priyanka Gandhi: Robert, shut up for now. This is NOT about your family but MY family. Almost all of your family are either dead or have committed suicide. Understand ?
Rahul Gandhi: Like my sister's two families, there are two kind of families in India. Those who can afford to give me food in their huts and those who can't afford to feed me even one meal. We definitely need to do something about it but I don't know what it is.
Sharad Pawar: We can solve that easily. We can hold IPL twice every year and with the revenue, we can sanction allowances to Rahul to carry his own food wherever he goes. It is dangerous to eat from those huts. We all know all their food is adulterated. So you better carry your own food and eat safely.
Mamta Banerjee: There are women who have to get down into deep wells and fetch water. The drought like situation has made life miserable for people. Vegetable prices are soaring and "Aam Aadmi" is struggling to make ends meet.
Sharad Pawar: That is not such a big problem. We'll hold another India - Sri Lanka 7 match ODI series. We can utilize the money to import drinking water for the people. They can also drink the finely brewed wine from my vineyards.
Rahul Gandhi: We must have a reservation for minorities in the drinking water. We'll reserve 18% of the drinking water for minorities and nobody should be allowed to drink water during fasting hours of Ramzan.
Mamta Banerjee: But we don't have any water now to reserve...
Digvijay Singh: Water is there or not is not the question now. Since Rahul Baba has told, we MUST reserve 18% water for minorities. Rahul Baba MUST take lead role in the government.
Kapil Sibal: We also had this power problem...
Sharad Pawar: [Thumping the table] What was that ? I just wanted to be No. 2 in the government. You can't call that a problem. It is my birth right !
Chidambaram: Oh, Pawar-ji it was about power, I mean the northern grid failure and not about you. People demanded someone must be held accountable for the power failure.
Sonia Gandhi: Yes, I definitely said someone must be held responsible for that. People will ask questions. So I told Manmohan-ji to send the Power Minister to Home. He misunderstood and sent him to Home Ministry.
Sushil Kumar Shinde: Don't be so cruel Madam. I am a loyal soldier and servant of your family. I am at home in Home ministry. Maine aap ka namak khaaya hai !
Sonia Gandhi: [Whispers to Shinde]: I know Shinde-ji. That is why I did this. I just wanted MMS to be blamed if people ask questions !
Mamta Banerjee: We have been talking so long and so many things. But we haven't arrived at a consensus as to how will we capture 2014. How will we manage to face the "Aam Aadmi" during elections ?
Manmohan Singh [Opening his mouth for the first time]: May I say something Madam ?
Sonia Gandhi nods and says: Well, what is it ? We have no time. Robert has to go to gym and Priyanka has to go to the beauty parlor. And poor Rahul needs to catch up with his girlfriend. So tell it quickly...
Manmohan Singh: I have been Prime Minister for over 8 years now. But I have never known what is power. I have never even managed to open my mouth, leave alone talking. People keep ridiculing me about this. You all must realize how empowered I feel right now, when I am allowed to talk by Madam. So I think the only way to make people feel we have empowered them is by allowing them to talk. Instead of talking about our governance and policies, let them talk over the mobile phones instead. This will keep them busy sending missed calls between themselves. So how about giving mobile phones to the people below the poverty line ?
Everyone agreed in a chorus about this landmark and revolutionary idea. This is how the "Rajiv Gandhi Har Haath Me Mobile" scheme worth Rs. 7000 Crores was born.
Dr. Punned-it
The subject: How to conquer 2014 and capture Power ? Here are the excerpts of the meeting. Since it was a long meeting, we bring you only the highlights.
Sonia Gandhi: We all know how my family has sacrificed for the sake of this country and how we continue to sacrifice for the people of this country. So we expect the "Aam aadmi" to understand what we are doing for them and then elect us again without having to be at the mercy of the left alliance. We want to continue with our sacrifices for the country.
 |
| A Meeting for the Aam Aadmi |
Robert Gandhi: We need people like you Shinde uncle. There are a lot of people who are talking badly about me, my family and my hard earned billions. They definitely need to be killed.
Chidambaram: But Robert Sirji, we can't afford to kill people now. We might lose votes. We are here to consolidate our vote banks.
Priyanka Gandhi: Robert, shut up for now. This is NOT about your family but MY family. Almost all of your family are either dead or have committed suicide. Understand ?
Rahul Gandhi: Like my sister's two families, there are two kind of families in India. Those who can afford to give me food in their huts and those who can't afford to feed me even one meal. We definitely need to do something about it but I don't know what it is.
 |
| What a shame, These people can't even feed Rahul Gandhi ! |
Mamta Banerjee: There are women who have to get down into deep wells and fetch water. The drought like situation has made life miserable for people. Vegetable prices are soaring and "Aam Aadmi" is struggling to make ends meet.
 |
| Water-less World ! |
Rahul Gandhi: We must have a reservation for minorities in the drinking water. We'll reserve 18% of the drinking water for minorities and nobody should be allowed to drink water during fasting hours of Ramzan.
Mamta Banerjee: But we don't have any water now to reserve...
Digvijay Singh: Water is there or not is not the question now. Since Rahul Baba has told, we MUST reserve 18% water for minorities. Rahul Baba MUST take lead role in the government.
Kapil Sibal: We also had this power problem...
Sharad Pawar: [Thumping the table] What was that ? I just wanted to be No. 2 in the government. You can't call that a problem. It is my birth right !
Chidambaram: Oh, Pawar-ji it was about power, I mean the northern grid failure and not about you. People demanded someone must be held accountable for the power failure.
Sonia Gandhi: Yes, I definitely said someone must be held responsible for that. People will ask questions. So I told Manmohan-ji to send the Power Minister to Home. He misunderstood and sent him to Home Ministry.
Sushil Kumar Shinde: Don't be so cruel Madam. I am a loyal soldier and servant of your family. I am at home in Home ministry. Maine aap ka namak khaaya hai !
Sonia Gandhi: [Whispers to Shinde]: I know Shinde-ji. That is why I did this. I just wanted MMS to be blamed if people ask questions !
Mamta Banerjee: We have been talking so long and so many things. But we haven't arrived at a consensus as to how will we capture 2014. How will we manage to face the "Aam Aadmi" during elections ?
Manmohan Singh [Opening his mouth for the first time]: May I say something Madam ?
Sonia Gandhi nods and says: Well, what is it ? We have no time. Robert has to go to gym and Priyanka has to go to the beauty parlor. And poor Rahul needs to catch up with his girlfriend. So tell it quickly...
Manmohan Singh: I have been Prime Minister for over 8 years now. But I have never known what is power. I have never even managed to open my mouth, leave alone talking. People keep ridiculing me about this. You all must realize how empowered I feel right now, when I am allowed to talk by Madam. So I think the only way to make people feel we have empowered them is by allowing them to talk. Instead of talking about our governance and policies, let them talk over the mobile phones instead. This will keep them busy sending missed calls between themselves. So how about giving mobile phones to the people below the poverty line ?
Everyone agreed in a chorus about this landmark and revolutionary idea. This is how the "Rajiv Gandhi Har Haath Me Mobile" scheme worth Rs. 7000 Crores was born.
Dr. Punned-it
The best part I like in ur genre of writing Govind is ur sense of satire .one not only needs a sense of humour but also a flow to put it into capturing prose which u have in abundance .njoyd the post .strongly reminds me of Cho Ramaswamys tamil plays
ReplyDeleteThanks Hari Sir. Long before Cho, there was a Kannada writer BeeChi who was a Master of satire. He died around the time I was born but he remains my favorite and inspiration.
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