2012 to 1975: Back to the Future !

A Declaration of State of Emergency !

Friends, Indians and Countrymen,

Let me take this opportunity to welcome you all to the new India, the India of our dreams; the dreams of my family and my party. It is my privilege as well as my right to do this honor. My beloved mother-in-law did this 37 years ago and today, I stand before the country at this momentous moment to make this declaration.

It is with utmost sincerity, honesty, humility and integrity that the Government of India has decided to clamp a state of emergency with immediate effect. People have the rights to ask the reasons. But since the emergency has already been clamped, the rights have been suspended with retrospective effect and hence, no questions will be entertained. Our esteemed friend, the Chief Minister of West Bengal Mamta Bannerjee will enlighten people on this. People interested can ask her the "Questions" !

Even though the Government or I myself are not bound to give any reasons for this act, I am magnanimously volunteering to put the facts before the people. The situation demanded that the country be brought under strict laws to avoid further deterioration in law and order. Here I am enumerating some of the reasons for this drastic yet absolutely necessary measure.

1] Corruption: The BJP government of Karnataka had become so corrupt, it had crossed all limits of decency and we had no other choice but enforce emergency. Mr. H. R. Bharadhwaj will vouch for this.

2] Communal violence: Large scale communal violence has taken place in Assam due to continued presence of Narendra Modi, the Merchant of Death as Chief Minister of Gujarat. If he is not removed from public life, the minority communities will never be able to live in peace.

3] Social Nuisance Sites: Twitter, Facebook and such sites have caused enormous damage to the credibility of the Government and thus the country and thus my family. Keeping in mind the dignity of my family, these sites need to be curtailed. Henceforth, all sites will be monitored from the office of Mr. Kapil Sibal and all posts will be allowed or disallowed only after passing through security check.

4] Text Messages: Have caused large scale violence and they are extensively used to ridicule Mr. Manmohan Singh, our government and my family. This is not acceptable in a civil society. We need to teach civility to this country and hence there will be a clamp on SMS packs. Now a person can send 1 SMS per month from one phone after taking permission from Mr. Sushil Kumar Shinde the Home Minister.

5] Black money: So called activists have created bad name to the country by talking too much about black money. Our Government is determined to bring back all the black money stashed in Swiss banks but this process will take time. We need more proof and concrete proof. As soon as we get enough proof, we'll proceed with next level of action and will form a 15 member committee to probe the matter further. The committee will be given 15 years term to report to the Prime Minister with it's findings.

6] Price rise: Failed monsoon, drought like situation, spiraling crude oil prices and communal policies of Narendra Modi are responsible for the price rise. The people of India need to tighten their belts, practice frugal living like my son Rahul Gandhi does and then defeat the nefarious designs of our opponents.

7] Terrorism: My son and future Prime Minister of India Rahul Gandhi has said this before that the greatest threat to India is not the Pakistan sponsored terror but the saffron terror of the RSS and BJP pariwar. Hence all these entities will be banned and people with remotest allegiance to these organizations will be put behind the bars. Once this is done, minorities in India and Pakistan and the world over will feel secure and all terror will cease to haunt India.

There are hundreds of reasons to enforce emergency. Even though we don't have to explain, we have tried to take the people of India into confidence. The emergency will be in effect for next 12 months and can be extended beyond depending upon situations prevailing.

I hope the people of India will volunteer to abide by the emergency in the best of the interest of the country. We might not be able to generate enough space in our jails after putting all dissenters behind the bars. If need be, we'll release old insignificant convicts like Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab so that more and more communal and anti-national people can be jailed.

Hoping for the prosperity and progress of my party, my family and my government which alone will ensure progress and prosperity of the country.

Sincerely.


Sonia Gandhi




Dr. Punned-it

Happy Independence Day ?

India is celebrating one more Independence day buoyed up by the best ever medal haul at the just concluded London Olympics. Facebook, Twitter and all  other social networking sites are full of Independence day. Even the Google has acknowledged the importance of 15 August.

But what are we celebrating ? Let us look at the situation prevailing.

‎15 August: Most of us remember India's National Song "Vande Maataram" on this "One Day Maatram" !

People are busy exhorting countrymen and women to "Be Indian and buy Indian" from their Chinese made smartphones or American made iPhones.

There is a drought-like situation in 3/4 of the country and the other quarter is flooded. Most states are already suffering severe shortage of water and electricity.

A large part of India was powerless for over 8 hours and the Power Minister gets promoted to Home portfolio.

Our Prime Minister doesn't open his mouth and the Cricket Chief of Selectors can't shut his.

Our loved and celebrated musicians and doyens of Cinema are in a hurry taking off heavenwards and the Netas appear to be immortal.

One man is obsessed with Jan Lokpal and entire youth is busy with Poke-pal on Facebook.

Price rice is not an issue anymore. Indians seem to have resigned to their fate. We are happy to trust in Karma and carry on.

Our Politicians are busy making money and keeping people divided. Social activitists and Yoga Gurus are busy fasting and soft-pedaling their Political ambitions. 

Our Cricket players are busy playing either IPL or Sri Lanka and Tennis Superstars are busy fighting each other.

There is an overdrive of patriotism on display everywhere in public and on television and then the people evade taxes by hook or crook.

Then what are we celebrating ? Do we have anything to celebrate at all ?

What are we Celebrating ?

Well, Salman Khan has released yet another movie that will break 100 Crore barrier mark within second weekend, even though he might end up in a jail for a wildlife law violation committed in the previous millennium.

Sachin Tendulkar scored his 100th century. So what if India couldn't make it to Asia Cup Finals ? We have the record, right ?

People are buying luxury cars and decking up their brides with tonnes of gold. So what if we couldn't win a single yellow metal at London. We are happy with what we have and can always blame our Politicians for everything that is wrong. We actually develop amnesia and become oblivious to the fact that it is we who elect these 'Leaders' by voting or not voting.

What if the common man can't afford a square meal ? He can now talk on mobile phones of fancied shapes thanks to "Har Haath Me Mobile" scheme. 

38% of Doctors and 34% Engineers in America are Indians. It makes no difference to us that we don't have Doctors in our Primary Health Centers and Engineers are actually enriching foreign countries and hoping the rupee falls further down because their hard earned Dollar becomes more precious in India.

Indian origin Sunita Williams unfurled Indian flag in space. No issues she was sent there by USA.

Sherylyn Chopra brought laurels to India by becoming the first Indian to feature on the "Playboy". She also made a solemn declaration that she didn't sleep with the Playboy boss.

So much happening for the country and hence there should be no need for gloom to loom. So let us cheer up and say cheers and open the cork. Let the spirit flow !

Let's Celebrate our Freedom and Independence !

Dr. Punned-it

Baba, Gobi Manchurian and Thanda Pani : मेरा भारत महान !

Often I think India isn't all about "Unity in diversity" as much as it is about "Diversity in Unity". It is only the borders and the Cricket team that keep us together. Regions, religions, zones, castes, sub-castes, reservations and then languages; we have too many things to keep us divided. And I don't even have to mention Paes, Bhoopati and our politicians.

Indian languages are all so similar yet so different. For an outsider, all of them look and sound similar. But we know how different they are. Kannada and Telugu scripts look so similar but the languages are poles apart. Tamil and Malayalam look and often sound similar but Tamil has too few letters and Malayalam, too many !

My teenaged daughter was getting ready to school. I saw her applying Kohl [Kajal] to her eyes and asked, "Are you going to school or to a fashion parade ?". She replied in Konkani what can be directly translated as, "Our teachers scold us if we go to school without writing the eyes". I was taken aback by the reply and asked her, "What do you mean ?". She said, "Appe, in Malayalam they say just that !"

That is when it occurred to me. In Malayalam they say, "കണ്ണെഴുതി പൊട്ടും തൊട്ടു വരണം" - "Kannezhuthi Pottum Thottu varanam" which means "You should apply kohl to eyes and apply bindi on forehead when you come to school".

That triggered off a thought. If a Malayalee teacher were to express the same in Hindi, what would she say ? "आँख लिख कर बिंदी छु कर आना !" or "Aankh likh kar, bindi choo kar aana". We think in our mother tongue and then translate it word by word into other languages, often leading to this kind of gaffe.

Tamil probably can create the maximum confusion for the uninitiated who try to read or write Tamil. A simple illustration: "பாபா", the same written word can be pronounced as "Baba", "Bapa", "Paba", "Papa", "Bhabha" and "Fafa". I will never be able to know which "பாபா" is this "பாபா" !

"காந்திமதி" is "कान्तिमती" or "Kantimati"; an Indian name of a girl, which means "Bright mind". But ask most people of Tamilnadu and they think it is "Gandhimathi" which means "Gandhi's mind". Now I don't want to know which Gandhi they mean !

At the other end of the spectrum is the Tamil name "தண்டபாணி". Mostly people spell it as "Dandapani". But some people prefer to spell it as "Thandapani" and then it becomes funny. A north Indian would read it as "ठंडा पानी" which stands for "Cold Water".

Cauliflower is an innocent vegetable well known as "गोबी का फूल" or "Gobi ka phool" in Hindi. It is famous because of the universally popular Indo-Chinese collaboration called "Gobi Manchurian". But in Tamilnadu, it becomes "Kopi Manchurian". The neighborhood boy "Gopi" becomes "Gobi" in Kerala. If Gopi is eating Gobi Manchurian and a Tamilian and a Malayalee and a north Indian have to talk about this, it sure is bound to cause enough diversity !

I've heard, people of Bengal, Assam and Orissa predominantly use 'O' in place of 'A'. So my doubt is what will happen to our Bollywood icons "Amar, Akbar, Anthony" ? Will they become "Omor, Okbor, Onthony" ? My lack of exposure to the North East helps because my already confused mind can't withstand any more of that.

The level of knowledge of Indians about India is really pathetic. A lot of Malayalees think the language I speak [Konkani] is from Karnataka because I am from Karnataka and they ask me, "Is it Telunk ?". A large number of people in Karnataka don't know Tamil and Malayalam are two different languages. Most of North Indians still call all South Indians, "Madrasis" even in 2012.

North Indian serials and movies still show South Indians as the bumbling dark man in shabbily worn mundu with the name, Mr. Aiyer. The level of ignorance of these people is exposed by the fact that Babita, the Bengali wife of Mr. Aiyer in "Tarak Mehta Ka Oolta Chasma" calls him Aiyer and not by his first name. South Indian men are almost always shown as educated but somehow they are always selling coconuts wearing feminine expressions and the "Ayyayyo" has to be repeated every 3 minutes. And the typical Sardarji has to be an idiot. Contempt for 'the others' is our nature !

Wife calls her husband, "Aiyer"

Internet is brimming with people fighting about 'OUR' state and language being better and other people being suckers. Kannada vs Tamil fights, Telugu vs Tamil fights, Mallus vs Others fights, North vs South fights, Bongs vs Others fights and Us vs them fights ! There are hardly any Indians we see and then we proudly proclaim, "मेरा भारत महान" or "Mera Bharat Mahaan". In Kerala, a lot of people would pronounce it as "Mera Pharat Mahaan" !

In spite of all these, we Indians are indeed "Mahaan", because we still exist, survive and flourish together !



Dr. Punned-it

Moun Mohan Singh and some Political Blasphemy !

 Finding no concrete substance to blog about, I had concentrated on micro-blogging on Facebook. Then it struck me, I can as well compile those 'photos' on the Blog for keeping things in one place apart from my page "Live, Love & Laugh" on Facebook.

So here is the new experimental post with a compilation of some of my posts on our Prime Minister. Some people found it obnoxious, below the belt and crude. But some people found it funny. Anyway, without any malice towards the elderly statesman, I bring my posts on our Prime Minister here.

This is about modern day Gandhi'ji's monkeys. This evoked some strong reactions !

This one is about 2 Sardar-jis and then the women who control them !

This was a cute photoshopped one I borrowed from the www and added English words where the original work had Marathi words.

This was about the Italian tourists capture, inspired by an SMS.

Needs no description !

After the Petrol price hike !

Dr. Punned-it

Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ?

 Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ? Or Why Cricket is Mathematics ?

Pre-Script: This is an original research article done on my Cricket blog. But since I realized this is more about numbers, Gods and Mathematics; this deserves to be on "Live, Love and Laugh". So I am re-posting it here with my own due permission !

Disclaimer: This is an original research article and hence might appear extremely long. Any perceived humor in any part of this article is unintended and is purely accidental like the 23.5 degree bend of Saeed Ajmal's elbow. If any part / parts of this piece appear disjointed like Suresh Raina's technique, that too is coincidental. The author holds all copyrights over the article. Any reproduction of any part of this post done any time in the past by anyone should be considered as pardonable acts of flattery.

While I was bothered by India missing out on an Asia Cup Final berth, most of India was busy celebrating Tendulkar’s 100^th 100. So I was wondering, “Is there something wrong with me ? Why am I hurt so much when even the players don’t appear to be hurt by losing the Asia Cup crown they had held thus far ?”

A Soccer fan on Facebook who hates Cricket pestered me a lot the other day. He refused to recognize Cricket World Cup and believed Soccer fans are jovial and Cricket fans turn violent if someone derides Cricket. He used a lot of convoluted logic and then demanded that I must give up on Cricket because I happen to be a Doctor and because one of his teachers believed Cricket meant Crick [whatever that meant].

After banishing him to pavilion, oops oblivion; I sat down and thought; “Why is Cricket so popular in India ? And why do I love it so much ?”. Since I am a hardcore Indian, who has never ventured out of the borders, if I find an answer to why Indians love Cricket so much, we’ll know the answer to why I love it so much !

Here is what I have come to understand why the game is so humongous in India ! The reason is Cricket is a religion in India and we knew it long ago. We have the proof for that and will give a link at the end of this post.

We Indians found out ‘Zero’ and we hold on to the Zero with all the love, affection and even jingoism. We celebrate ‘Numbers’ and Mathematics. Just take a look at our festivals, “Nav Ratra or Dusshera”. They denote numbers. Just imagine the Australians referring to the Don as “99.94 Sir Don Bradman” ! That never happens. But we revere our Swamis with “108 Sri So and So Swami” and “1008 Sri So and So Swami” and so on.

I am often confused about our rituals ‘Sahasra Kumbhabhishekam’, ‘Laksharchana’, “Shata-Koti Rama-naama Japa Utsav” and many such magnificent numbers. I don’t know if we are celebrating the Gods or the numbers. No wonder we are brought up with imposition like “Write this 500 times”.

When someone completes 84 years and 4 months, we celebrate "Sahasra Poorna Chandra Darshan" that indicates the person has witnessed 1000 full moons. That is apart from the small numbers like "Shasti poorti" or 60th birthday or "Sapthathi" or 70th birthday. We also celebrate western influenced Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum jubilees. We are a land of an over a billion number of people who love celebrating numbers and landmarks; more the merrier !

We have a Trinity of Gods and many Cricket fanatic Indians equate the 3 Stumps to the 3 Gods; Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. We have 33 Crore Gods and we adore a man with over 33,000 international runs as God. How we love our bloated numbers can be understood by taking a look at our ‘Puranas’. 

The creator Brahma had four heads. Vishnu had four hands and Shiva had a ‘Third eye’. Cricket maniacs would love to compare Shiva with ‘Third Umpire’ or the four hands of Vishnu with a ‘Boundary Hit’. A ‘Sixer’ will be equated to ‘Shanmukha’ the God with six faces who went around the world on a peacock, again the national bird of India.

Imagine what Ravan would have done as a Bowler !

Even our villains were no lesser. Ravan was supposed to have had 10 heads, though one always wonders how he managed symmetry and equilibrium with that rather odd looking even number of heads. If Ravan were to play Cricket, would he be considered as one player or ten different players ? Very tough question before the ICC. Thankfully I am not on the ICC and neither is Ravan playing Cricket today.

Cricket Sri Lanka would have done their best to prove that was a congenital deformity that he was born with 10 heads and 20 hands. Murali with just 2 hands was more than a handful for the batsmen. Imagine the confusion the batsman would have faced as to which hand was Ravan going to bowl. Just mind-boggling !

Well, I have digressed from numbers to Ravan. Let me come back to Cricket and the love for numbers. No other sport celebrates numbers like Cricket. We have half-century, century, double century, triple century, quadruple century and a fifty between each landmark. We have five-for as a matter of celebration for a bowler and then 10 wickets in a match. We have seen different kinds of celebrations by different batsmen on reaching the coveted mark. Why a century ? We even had a player do an impromptu dance on the pitch after hitting a six !

Every time Sachin Tendulkar steps on the ground, he is creating a new record. He will retire with the record of holding the most number of records in any sport. I think he already has crossed a century of them; the number of records he is holding.

Every moment in a Cricket match brings out numbers. Kids who play or watch Cricket regularly will be very sound in Mathematics. They will calculate the required run-rate after every over and will be full and thorough with their fractions. How a required rate of 6.15 RPO becomes 6.67 after a maiden over; only a Cricket kid can tell. No other kids can do the Maths in the mind like the Cricket kids. The economy rate, the RPO, the batting average, the bowling average and the strike rate; Cricket has numbers within numbers within numbers and then more numbers, records and then Sachin Tendulkar.

Most of the games and sporting events are over and done within minutes, hours or at worst a day. Mike Tyson had once finished a boxing bout even before people could settle down in their seats. Whereas a Cricket Test match lasts almost a third of an entire Olympic game or a Grand-slam Tennis tourney, 2 days longer than the Davis Cup Final and almost as long as a North Indian wedding discounting the first night. Cricket is nothing but pure and unadulterated Mathematics simplified and made enjoyable for all age groups !

Diving deeper into the matter of Maths, Cricket is played inside an Oval with a quadrilateral pitch in the middle with cylindrical stumps on both ends of the pitch. The ball is a perfect sphere, though it can change shapes when certain highly talented bowlers are in action. The bat and ball have specified weight and size guidelines. We have square cut and square drive which actually are played square of the wicket but somehow end up at point or third-man.

The good batsman is expected to play within the 'V' or the triangle. A bowler's wrist, elbow and the shoulder should have prescribed angles unless he is born with a deformity or has acquired one due to an accident. The concepts of 'line and length' can never be explained better in any other sport. Ajit Agarkar and Irfan Pathan will stand testimony to this. Ask Sehwag about the horizontal bat and Dravid about the straight bat. This simply is a limitless list.

Look at the fielding places. Silly point isn't silly at all; they place the best fielder there. We have slips from where things very rarely slip. Then there is square leg and squarish gully. Fine Third man from one side becomes long on from the other. Mid-wicket is actually far from the mid point of the wicket. Covers and extra-covers often uncover the best of Cricket.

An Indian's love for Cricket is nothing but an extension of the love for numbers and Mathematics. And people think we are crazy, lazy, unproductive and waste time. Far from it, we actually celebrate Mathematics which is the foundation of all that is Science. Those who don't know Cricket will never understand this. In fact, I strongly believe those who hate Cricket are actually bad in Mathematics. I vehemently recommend, we should teach Cricket to all our kids to drive the fear of Mathematics from their minds !

All original research articles tend to be quite long like this one had turned out to be. There already is a Prequel to this. Readers who haven't exhausted their patience or slept off or not lost consciousness are advised to revise their knowledge with the help of the exhaustive original research article.

We will come back with more details, once people are able to read, understand and digest this piece of wisdom !

Dr. Punned-it

Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts - I am Indian !

 Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts: My musings on a special nature unique to us Indians !

Driving back home after another tiring day at hospital, I was trying to grab the two-way pass at the toll booth on my way home. That is when I saw a spectacle that is not at all uncommon to us Indians. A Mercedes E-Class was cruising ahead of me. A boy in his late teens was manning the toll-booth on our side. He waved down the Merc but the car refused to stop. The desperate boy went after the car and came right in front of the car. Yet, the car didn't stop, thus forcing the hapless boy out of the way. I could see him cursing the Merc owner even as I flashed my pass.

It set me thinking. Here was a person traveling on a car that cost upwards of Rs. 25 Lakhs. But he wasn't ready to shell out just 5 bucks for the toll. Even if one buys two way pass every day, the amount would come to Rs. 225/- per month and Rs. 2738 for an entire year. That is not even 0.1% of the money he had shelled out to buy that luxurious monster. The recent murder of a toll plaza personnel by a SUV brat is still fresh in our minds for the horror to fade so easily. Why are we like this ? Why do we pinch when it comes to these small expenditures ?

Lalu Prasad Yadav is a Politician I am not particularly fond of. But once he raised a very valid point. He said, "The vegetables we eat are sold on the roadside and the footwear that adorn our feet are sold in air-conditioned show-rooms". How paradoxical a nation we have come to be !

Sulaiman, a hard-working vegetable vendor comes knocking at our door every other day. He brings his stuff on a cart, pushing it for miles through the overcrowded town to make a living. Often I see my wife and Dad haggle with him about the prices of the vegetables and cribbing about mounting expenditure. Most of the times, they force him to slash the bill after carrying all the vegetables home. And they are happy even if they manage to pinch just 5 rupees from him.

Once I told my wife, "You buy almost 5 - 6 kilos of different types of vegetables and the bill came to just about Rs. 125. You pinch 5 rupees from that poor fellow and feel happy. You people go to Pizza Hut and order a Pizza that contains a little bit of base, some cheese, mayonnaise and a fraction of these vegetables and they charge nothing less than Rs. 375 for for a medium size Pizza. I never saw you haggle with the Pizza Hut fellows. Why do you do this bargaining only with these poor people ?"

So used we are to this 'buy one get one free syndrome' that we always expect the vegetable vendor to throw in a few coriander leaves free with our vegetables. If he doesn't, we never hesitate to pull a few on our own. I believe as a nation, we are suckers for freebies. Bargaining runs is in our veins and arteries. But we also are pretty sure about where to bargain and where not. Seldom do we see people haggle in a jewellery. We routinely witness people who did shopping worth Rs. 25,000/- refusing to pay the parking fee of Rs. 10/-. We believe it is our right to park anywhere without having to pay the parking fee.

"Religion is the opium of the masses" said Karl Marx. I am not a big fan of Marxism but I agree with this. People conduct poojas, havans and rituals in temples spending Lakhs of rupees. But same people find it extremely difficult to part with a few hundreds or thousands that can help to educate an orphan. Don't we see people offering liters of milk and honey to stone idols but not even a drop of milk to a starving old woman and a child ?

Poverty Pinches; age no bar !

Western civilizations and even Islamic countries are far ahead of India when it comes to charity and helping those in need. We are a nation of greatest inequality that does humongous preaching and very little else. Just take a look at our icons. A Cricketer was presented with a Monster Ferrari by his friend Schumacher. What did out little big man do ? He wanted the excise duty waived off on the car. There are people who justify even this despicable act by an icon, just because 'He' happens to be Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.

I don't think any other country or civilization has as many jokes about stinginess and selfishness as we have in India. Every community wants to label the other stingy. 'Marwaris' are branded 'Kanjoos' by every other north Indian. 'Marwaris' joke about the 'Kanjoos Sindhi'. The south Indian version of the 'Marwari' is the Andhra 'Setty'. In Southern Karnataka, my own community is ridiculed for 'pinching'. There are million stories about the legendary stinginess of us Indians.

Often people are proud of such 'Makki choos' nature ! 'Makki Choos' is that person who sucked on a house fly that fell into his tea because he didn't want the house fly to drink his tea. He then declares, "No fly that drank my tea can ever escape and remain alive". Evading tax, toll fee, parking fee and making such 'small savings' is a big thing for a large majority of middle class India.

Perhaps, that is one of the reasons why we are still a developing nation with enormous amount of poverty ! My effort has always been to kick this 'pettiness' and grow up. I put in maximum effort not to bargain with the small scale vendors. For them, even Rs. 5 makes a difference because it can buy them rice for one meal. For me, that is not even enough to pay the parking fees for my car.

I believe it is fine if one isn't magnanimous to donate millions. It should be perfectly fine if one respects the labor of those striving to thrive and be reasonable with them if not generous !






Dr. Punned-it

Modern day Gandhi-G and 3 Monkeys in 2011 !

We all know Gandhi had his three monkeys. They were supposed to "Speak no evil", "See no evil" and "Hear no evil". That was a different era. But these monkeys are relevant even today !

India of 2011 knows Gandhi too, but different Gandhi. The Congress Party that revered Gandhi then. They do the same today but an imported Gandhi. In the land that is ruled by Sonia Gandhi's Congress, what do these monkeys signify ?

Answer is simple, WE the people are the monkeys. Congress under Sonia knows the theories of Darwin very well. They know we evolved from monkeys and treat us like monkeys. So we have strict guidelines to follow. And here are some of the guidelines.

Speak No Evil

Poor Sonia Gandhi-ji has just come back after treatment for Cancer in USA. Don't question the integrity of the Congress Party or any of Sonia's boys. That is evil.

Don't open your mouth when separatist leaders hold rallies in India against India and our intellectuals like Arundhati Roy join them.

Listen with total surrender to Digvijay Singh's gospel about right-wing Hindu extremists. He has done thorough research on history and come to a binding conclusion that RSS was responsible for Mohammed of Ghajni and Mohammed of Ghouri attacking India. Don't ever ridicule him on Facebook and Twitter.

Believe in Kapil Sibal when he says law will take its own course for Afzal Guru and Kasab. Our judiciary is still busy finding 'enough evidences' against them. Don't ever say, "Hang them". We need to treat our guests with all respect and five-star facilities in jail.

Even the Prime Minister isn't opening his mouth. 'Aam Aadmi' is just 'Aam Aadmi'. 

Just don't open your mouth !

See No Evil

There are humongous scams, billions of swindled money in Swiss banks and the Government is looting the nation. All this is evil falsehood spread by the enemies of Congress and hence the enemies of India.

Ram Dev is RSS agent, hence vote for Scam Dev. An overweight and under-clad Rakhi Sawant in G-strings on prime-time television is what the poorest of the poor require. Not the half-naked and malnourished fasting Baba. He will remind people of themselves. That was fine in M. K. Gandhi-ji's era, not in Sonia Gandhi-ji's. So the Congress ensured the rally was dissolved and the naked Baba was made to wear some kind of robes. Noble act !

According to Rahul Gandhi-ji, there are two Indias. One that prostrates before his Mom and the other that doesn't. Anna Hazare and his cronies belong to the other India. They are against his Mom; the daughter-in-law of the nation and hence are Anti-National. They need to be subjugated to keep the country united.

Aam Aadmi has the duty to abide by the law of the land; Scam Aadmi makes the laws. Follow the laws and just don't bother about anything else. Madam knows best.

Secularism, minority rights and Haj Subsidy are more important than an equal and just nation that progresses together. Narendra Modi is Madam certified evil Merchant of Death. Hence all the progress Gujarat has achieved under his regime is evil. 

Just shut your eyes on these !

Hear No Evil

Anyone who follows Madam Gandhi has to be efficient. All talk about Prime Minister being incompetent is evil in itself. Hear nothing of it.

People trying to discredit the educational qualification and credibility of Madam Gandhi and Rahul Baba are being slanderous. They have studied in foreign. Isn't that enough ? Digvijay Singh believes Rahul Gandhi-ji alone has the birth-right to be Prime Minister of India. All else is evil, ignore it.

When discredited people like A. Raja try to entangle the Home Minister in 2G scam, they just forget both the Gs [Sonia G and Rahul G] are with Chidambaram. Add Priyanka Vadra G and you have the power of 3G. So enjoy 3G and bring down the population of India. What an idea 3G !

Great Grandpa Nehru had declared 'Aaram Haraam Hai'. Bombs will continue to explode and terror attacks are commonplace according to Rahul G. They can't be prevented and talking about them is a waste of time. Wasting time is evil. So just don't waste time listening to opposition propaganda on blasts.

Congress and it's allies are the only saviors of the nation. All news of by-poll debacles and progressive erosion of the UPA [Untied Prostrating Alliance] are false and evil.

Just keep your ears sealed !

QED: Gandhi's monkeys are relevant even today !

Dr. Punned-it

Hiroshima, US and Us !

Yesterday was real hectic and I missed a lot of action and news. I just got to take a look at this piece. Managed to go into it in detail today and here are my thoughts. How the Japanese have managed to rebuild from such devastation is a marvel to keep marveling all life.

The Atomic Bomb Dome in Hiroshima

What will happen if Pakistan were to Nuke "Mumbai" and "Bengaluru" tomorrow ? Well, it is not quite there on the cards yet. But you can never be sure with Pakistan. So what will be the overall reaction ?

The Headlines

Pakistan BOMBards Mumbai and BANGalore

Millions Dead and a Nation Stunned !

And the Reactions

USA: This is a devastating. A total breach of international treaties. All our sympathies and help are with the people of India. We know India is a great democracy and they will rebuild. But a word of caution, "India must exercise extreme restraint and distance itself from retaliatory measures to avoid escalating the situation"

Next day: USA sanctions another 3.5 million dollars military grant to Pakistan

China: We condemn strongly, the act by Pakistan. This was completely avoidable and unfortunate. China will stand by Indian efforts towards rehabilitation. We have already rushed aide to India. But India should show the sagacity to desist from revenge. The world peace is at stake and hence India should solve all outstanding issues with Pakistan across the table and not on the war field.

Next day: Pakistan to receive 100 super submarines and more advanced radar technology.

United Nations: A dastardly and cowardly act by Pakistan. UN strongly condemns this and warns Pakistan of grave consequences. At the same time, we mourn deeply for all the innocent lives lost in India. India have time and again shown great Statesmanship in the face of serious adversity. The world community expects same from India once again. War is not the solution for bilateral problems.

Next day: UN Secretary General goes on a 3 week holiday to unknown destination.

Pakistan: We had strong intelligence reports of India's plans to attack Pakistan and we had no choice but to strike before they could harm Pakistan. We can't wait for India to undermine  the people and the sovereignty of Pakistan. We are capable of further strikes and will not hesitate if the need arises. But we believe India will learn from this and behave in future. The world community has a responsibility to restrain India from any misadventure. If they fail to do so, World War might erupt leading to large scale destruction.

India

The Government Spokesperson: This is a horrendous, dastardly, cowardly and unfortunate act by Pakistan. We are still assessing the extent of damage. All lines have been crossed and war looms large. We will show what we are capable of.

BJP: UPA Government's soft policy is responsible for the attack. We need a Government that is capable of hitting back. We have to cut all ties with Pakistan and an all out war is the only solution.

Bal Thakre: Sonia Gandhi is responsible for this. It is because she is Italian, Pakistan was emboldened to attack India. We will teach them a lesson. We will find out each and every Pakistani and Bangladeshi from Mumbai and throw them out.

RSS: This vindicates our stand that talking to Pakistan is futile. Incompetent and unpatriotic Congress has always pandered to minority appeasement. Forming a strong and dedicated Hindu Rashtra is the only solution for all our problems. We also demand immediate execution of Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab.

Mayavati: It is an unfortunate day. We could have prevented such an attack if a strong leader like me were to be the Prime Minister of India. We will build a grand memorial for all the Dalits and minority people killed in the Nuclear attacks.

Digvijay Singh: It is deplorable that there were large scale Bomb attacks in Mumbai and South India. We are still gathering information. But we can't rule out the role of 'Right wing Hindu Extremist Outfits like RSS and assoiates". We will soon catch the culprits and exemplary punishment will be meted out.

Rahul Gandhi: Real threat for India is not in these bombs. The right wing Hindu terror is the real danger for the country. We have to curb them and there will be no terror attacks.

Sonia Gandhi: This happened while I was away in USA with my mysterious illness and surgery. This is an act of cowardice and an act of terror. A fitting reply will be given by India. India's spirit can't be broken. India will raise from the ashes and will show the world what we are. The India of the dreams of Indiraji and Rajivji will shine again.

Mulayam Singh Yadav: Pakistan has attacked India because they are deprived. India is bigger and richer. We have to forgive them like a big brother and give them 5000 Crores to rebuild Pakistan.

Manmohan Singh: I have no words to describe and hence I will not talk !

After the dust settles

Mumbai and Bangalore rehabilitation to begin in right earnest. India will not compromise on the lives of people.

2015

Large scale scam in Mumbai and Bangalore rehabilitation process. An estimated Rs. 1,38,43,365 Crore swindled. The Government not keen to share the details.

Kapil Sibal: All this is bogus. The media has no job but to create a scam where none exists. There is no scam at all. We can prove the loss to the ex-checker to be 'Zero' !

Headlines: India - Pakistan to hold fresh round of talks on all outstanding issues including Kashmir. The sensitive issue of Mumbai - Bangalore Bombing to be kept out of the talks.

Right Wing Hindu Outfits: This is a sign of weakness. We are talking to an enemy who has bombed our motherland. Stop talks and immediately hang Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab.

Jai Ho !

Dr. Punned-it

My Head is Hanging in Shame !

In a gut-wrenching incident, our poor, under-paid, over-worked and malnourished law-makers have asked for a pay hike to combat the spiraling prices. They have compared their meager package to the hefty pay cheques the Western Law-makers are drawing. Fair enough !

What a shame ! The world's largest Democracy is not looking after their Law-breakers oops, Law-makers properly. We the people should hang our heads and shoulders and even chests in shame. Look at these people. They sacrifice their lives for the sake of the nation and the people. And what are they earning ? Pittance. I feel ashamed of myself.

I thought for long and hard and finally I have managed to come out with a few ideas to be fair to our Law-makers. Here are some suggestions and schemes we can implement to earn more revenue so that we can pay our law-makers better.

1] 100 Rupees Scheme: Every Indian born should contribute 100 rupees per month towards a fund to be created for the welfare of our law-makers. All the MPs, MLAs, MLCs, Ministers will benefit from this scheme. We can generate a fund of Rs. 120000000000 every month thus.

If this is not enough, the State Governments can initiate a similar scheme at the State level and take care of the MLAs and MLCs and Local Body Representatives. What if Rs. 100 turns out to be two days income of a huge majority of people ? They can join Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev in their fasting. Fasting is good for health.

2] Scam Allowance: All Politicians from Local Bodies to Parliament should be allowed at least 3 Scams during a 5 year term. There should be no cases, PIL and convictions. In case of Ministers, the limit should be increased to 5 scams per term. If a Government fails to last a full term, that isn't the fault of the Law -makers. Hence the Scam allowance should be allowed to be carried over to next term. If someone fails to get elected, such a person should be given Scamsion [Scam-Pension] for a life time.

3] Social Networking Tax: Internet already comes with tax and other charges. One of the ways to generate income is to impose tax on Social Networking. Facebook, Orkut and Twitter users can be taxed according to their usage. 

4] Pedestrian Tax: Innovative Taxation Policy is the need of the times. People are taking to streets to walk, to talk and to hold protests. Introduce a 'Pedestrian Tax' just like 'Road Tax' on vehicles. Everyone walking on roads has to pay a fixed tax. That can be collected at different toll booths all over the country. The Law makers can be exempted from this, because they hardly ever walk our roads except during the Elections. 

5] Oxygen Tax: We only have Entertainment Tax, Wealth Tax, Property Tax, Sales Tax, Income Tax, VAT, Local Taxes, Central Excise and almost all things covered. Water, Electricity, LPG and all consumer items are covered by tax. But we still have to widen the Tax net. How about an Oxygen Tax ? Everyone living is breathing and exhausting precious Oxygen. The Government being the guardian holds the rights over Oxygen. Hence those who want to breathe should pay tax. Those not willing can stop breathing. 

6] Expiration Tax or CO2 Tax: Once people pay Oxygen Tax and earn to right to breathe in, a tax to breathe out can be imposed. Those who want to expire or breathe out have to pay this tax. Those not willing can hold their breath and save this earth from pollution caused by Carbon Dioxide accumulation.

7] Survival Tax: Anyone who survives after paying all these taxes and surcharges, should be really strong. Hence such persons should also pay Survival Tax. It should begin from age 40 and can escalate with each passing year.

What if we don't have roads like the Western Countries ? We also don't have water, electricity and all other services anywhere near the standards seen elsewhere. May be the comparison itself is stupid. But so what ? It becomes the bounden duty of every Indian Citizen to make sure our representatives are taken care of well. Remember we have chosen them to represent us, rule us, make laws for us and tax us.

The least we can do is to make sure they get paid as well as the Western Law-makers if not more. After all it is a matter of pride of a Nation. We might be poor but we still are proud of our nation and we should, would and must do everything to save our pride !

All of you fellow Indians, wake up. Suggest more ways to help and save our Law-makers. Forget the tiger. We can save them later. Let us save our Politicians first. Without Politicians, how can we save anyone or anything else ?

Jaago India Jaago, Desh ki izzat ka sawaal hai !
Wake up India wake up, it's a question of pride of our nation !


Dr. Punned-it

An Idea called India: A Rhyme with a Reason !

Here are some random thoughts on India; My Country, My Passion and My Mission !

Some effort has gone into rhyming the thought process. But the thought itself is spontaneous.

Though I may sound bitter and negative, I compile these thoughts with a positive outlook.

Looking forward to a better, brighter and bomb-free and scam-free tomorrow !


General Public aka Aam Aadmi

The North, South, East and the West,
We would like to claim we're the Best.
A Cricket victory and a pumping fist,
Pride puffing up our expanding chest.


Unity in Diversity

In the wake of every known adversity,
Harping on about the Unity in Diversity.
Guns and goons culture rules University,
We take it all with extreme insensitivity.


The Poorest of the Poor

Millions live below the line of poverty,
And a few own all cash and property.
Problem is with people of the Country,
Expect little work and alms in bounty.


The Middle Class

Prices sore and all that tastes is sour,
But middle class yells for gimme more.
Ethics and loyalty belong to the yore,
Until the Bosses show them the door.


The Business Class

Consumer is King is what they all say,
Buy something, that makes their day.
Efforts from thence is to keep at bay,
The buyer and while it shines make hay.


The Political Class

Service is the motto but towards oneself,
Cattle class that we are always need help.
Aam Aadmi gloats on Scam Aadmi's pelf,
Heaps of files catching dust in CBI's shelf.


The Leader

One worth his salt wants to be a mass Leader,
During accent uses the masses as the Ladder.
Selling nation for spectrum, cannon and fodder,
How do they manage, you and I've to wonder.


The Parties and Ideologies

The Right is wrong and the Left isn't Right,
All that matters here is Power and Might.
Corruption, loot and skulduggery to fight,
Mirage of the nonexistent Shining Light ?


Our Man

It seems Obama loves our learned Man,
Where Madam is supreme, what he can ?
From Finance he jumped into frying pan,
In his own party, he remains a No-man.


Expectations and Issues

Aam Aadmi needs Bijli, Sadak and Paani,
How to fool them needs knack uncanny.
British left us but not the Babu and crony,
To divide and Rule in a state of the nanny.


The Holy Cow

Everyone has reservations on reservation,
Reasons fearing ballot box reverberation.
Who wants merit when all consideration,
Surround the caste and religious equation.


Neighborhood Trouble

The Dragon above way ahead on all counts,
Pakistan needles and defense budget mounts.
Bengal Tiger scratches, Lankan Lion taunts,
Tiny little Nepal taking big brother for grants.


Foreign Dreams

Software and service dreams in US of A,
Jumping borders for the peanuts they pay.
Man-power without any international say,
Worth shouting Bolo Bharat Mata ki jai !


Worship is Work

Propitiate Gods; fake and the imaginary,
For Pundits, Imams and the Missionary.
Blessings to clear a block in the Coronary,
Worship is work without a true Visionary.


What do we do ?

Problems galore from head down to toe,
Hard work does work we ought to know.
Build a nation united we can and we'd show,
Need to stand up, deliver and take a bow !


An Idea called India

Caste, religion and region let not divide us,
Development and prosperity matter not fuss.
Opportunity waits and let's not miss the bus,
India alone matters and let's work in chorus !




Dr. Pun-dit