Sab Theek Ho Jayega !

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Kochi / Ernakulam, Kerala, India
A Doctor who loves to Live, Love and Laugh with the World! Absolutely crazy about Cricket ! Other Qualifications: A Tired Bathroom Singer, Retired Gully Cricketer and Satire Writer !
Showing posts with label Unknown Gods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Unknown Gods. Show all posts

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Beggars can't be Choosers ?

Beggars can't be Choosers !

How often have we heard this idiom ? This might be used to convey those in position of disadvantage don't get to make a choice. But reality often is different. It is the 'Common man' who can't choose, Beggar can !

Let us go to a shopping mall. Once there, we are directed by the security personnel about the where and which angle of parking. We are made to pay a parking fees on an hourly escalating basis. Still the security will not allow you to decide which is the best place for your precious vehicle.

The security staff can be extremely rude even if you ask them to spare a couple of minutes for your aged ones to get down. You ask for directions to the main entrance and expect a curt if not downright rude answer. Often you might be shocked by no response at all. If they are very kind, they might point a finger vaguely and you will have to wade through the confusion.

You are frisked by the security at the entrance. You are asked to open your handbag, valet and even deposit it at the reception. All this 'treatment' is for the crime of going to shop there. And you ask yourself, "Are we Beggars to be treated thus ?"

Not for a moment am I questioning the security measures. They are necessary and we live in an era of continued seize in spite of the death of Oasma bin Laden. I was surprised recently by the absolute lack of security during an IPL match at Kochi. But all acts of security checking can be done with a bit of politeness and nicety. Is it too much to expect 'Politeness' ?

Using the word 'Beggar' is politically incorrect today. They probably will be happy to hold the portfolio of "Professional Free Assistance Seeking Officer" or something like that. Can't even call a spade a sickle today. So respect all professions. What he / she does is his / her profession.

There were reports of Rich PFASOs owning houses, properties and big bank balances with the profession being a family enterprise. Well, if a Politician's progeny can be Politician with no questions asked, why not ?

I am on a Pilgrimage, give me 'My Share' !

This post started questioning 'Beggars can't be choosers' idiom. Hence let me elaborate. There was an old man who came every Saturday morning for alms. He was a nice man and polite. But wouldn't budge if he felt what we gave him was insufficient. He wouldn't complain but would stand there till my mother gave him more. After every 3 or 4 months, he would say, "I will not be coming next two weeks. Going to Vellankani. So give my share for the next 2 weeks today itself and add some more for the pilgrimage. The Mother will bless you"

Great Expectations !

We all know how PFASOs refuse coins these days. Many a times, I have come across PFASOs saying, "What will five rupees buy today ? If you give, give something substantial. I can't even buy a meal with this pittance". One beggar threw the one rupee coin I gave him back at me as I was about to leave. I couldn't understand what he was muttering though I could understand he was obviously cursing. God, piety, luck, prosperity, hereafter, heaven and hell and Dharma are the commonest words used by these people to cajole, threaten and even extort.

Curse of a Pious Man !

A family of 8 people dressed very decently came without knocking one day. They had crowded my living room after entering my home without permission. They claimed to be from Maharashtra, belonging to our community. The headman said, "We are one community. We lost our properties due to flood, famine and drought. You must help us because you can't be having dignified people of our community begging". 

Looking at a printed letter in Hindi, Marathi and English, purportedly attested by some Gazetted Officer; I offered to pay fifty rupees. He said, "Oho Brother, I said we are not beggars. We are dignified people. We need cloths, money and even food. We don't want this kind of 'Bhiksha'. Be generous and God will be generous to you".

I asked him, "So what do you expect ?". He then started name dropping of his kind. He blurted out the names of big people who had given him thousands of rupees, new dresses and even silverware. I tried to be polite and said, "But I am not a rich man. This is all I can afford to give". He immediately admonished me, "Never say you are not a rich man. The Gods will curse you to eternal poverty. What you give is yours. What you hide is taken by others. A generous man will go to heaven and the selfish will rot in hell. Don't lead your life to hell..."

I could take it no longer. I cut him down and I asked, "So where will you go ? What will happen to those who have all their body parts in good condition and still prefer to extract alms from other people rather than work for a living ?". He became furious and snorted, "You have insulted a cultured and proud family and a pious man. I curse you to rot in hell for 32,000 years. You and your family will never see good days from now".

Worried at rotting in hell for such a long time, my Mom pleaded with me to placate him and give him more money. He immediately jumped in between us and said, "Look, a worthy lady for a Mother. Listen to her and atone your sin. Else all of your family, children and  even future generations will suffer the consequences of your sin..."

I gestured him to stop and said, "Stop right there. I would prefer to rot in hell for 96000 years if such a place exists, than give a damned coin to you. You leave my home NOW without uttering another word of your gibberish. Else I will punch your nose till you bleed and then call Police to say you tried to rob us. LEAVE RIGHT NOW".

Look how Beggars choose to choose ! A topic like this can go on and on. We all have these kind of experiences. But I have to stop here for the lack of brevity my posts always attain. May be more stories on another day. There will never be a dearth of 'Choosers' in this land !




Dr. Pundit

Friday, September 24, 2010

An Emotional Journey !

I updated my Facebook Status last night to...

A lot of work on hand. My better-half is doing a lot of running around. I sincerely felt I had to do something. So I told her, "Please tell me if there is any work, where I can help. I shall do my best and delegate someone to do it".

Can a husband be any more helpful ?

I got into my 'Santro' this morning to drive to hospital. As I was around the bend from my home, my little friend Asha gestured to me "You can't go, it is totally water-logged". I ignored her and went ahead. But coming in front of what looked like a huge ocean, I had to stop and turn back.

For the first time since I bought my little Santro in 2006, I had turned my back on a water-logged road. Why ? Here is one of the reasons and the Second reason. And finally because my car isn't young anymore.

As I was turning my car back, I suddenly heard, "Hey why are you going back ? You are so confident and rash. All of a sudden what happened to you ?". I was startled. Looking around and back I saw no one; not a soul nearby. I was mildly perspiring in the air-conditioned car with the rains pouring outside.

I asked, "Who is this ? I Can't see anyone. Where is the voice coming from ?". I heard again, "You shameless soul, after abusing me for over 4 years, you can't even recognize me. I deserve this because I suffered your rudeness without complaining. After all I am a 'Thing' for you".

My patience was running out and I snapped, "Without any more of this drama and dialogues, can you bloody now, tell me who you are ? I have to go to hospital and have a job on hand". Suddenly there was a huge jerk and the car came to a screeching halt and it screamed, "You jerk, it is me, your Santro. You are such a pest. I am the one talking to you"

I was chuckling, "A talking car, Wow ! All I need now is a Hindi Movie Style Girlfriend. I wonder what my Mom added to my morning cup of tea and breakfast". I must be hallucinating. As I turned the ignition on again, the Car was talking again, "Don't you underestimate me. When extremely hurt, even stones can talk. I am a Car and have served you so faithfully all these days".

Now I was confident something spooky was on. I didn't want a revenge seeking soul to assassinate me and asked with a mellowed voice, "Okey, I understand 'You' are my car. But who is talking from inside you ?". Pat came the reply, "Don't think I am some ghost or something like that. That happens only in movies. I am your Car, whole Car and nothing but Car".

I had no other choice but to continue, "Well, can we make a move ? Can we drive along and 'Walk the talk' ? I am getting late". Wroom ! the car was moving now. I heard, "You think you are funny and write nonsense about your wife on Facebook and blog. You disguise all your meanness in so called humor. But somehow people are nice to you and have tolerated you. But I think I have reached the dead-end of my patience".

I asked with mock politeness, "Can you enlighten me the reason for your bitterness ?".

Santro: See even now you are acting smart. First answer me, when was the last time you gave a wash to me ?

Me: Mmmmm, I got Amar to give you a thorough wash only 2 weeks ago.

Santro: No, when was the last time 'YOU' gave me a wash ?

Me: What the heck ? What difference does it make ? Someone is giving you a wash. I have paid him. I have got all your service record updated. I even got two paid services done.

Santro: But my question is, when did you ? You can't even remember when you gave me a wash. My number plate got crushed long ago and you have not repaired it. You can't bother about anything other than 'Petrol' and 'Money'. Your friend Murli is right.

Me: See Mr. Car, I just can't take this nonsense. Do you expect me to wash you, cuddle you and love you ? You are not my wife, neither are you my girlfriend.

Santro: You take a shower twice and even thrice a day. You insist upon your wife and daughter doing the same. And you get someone to wash me once in a blue moon. It hurts to be your loyalist. And by the way, I am not a Mister. I am a Lady. No 'Man' will ever allow anyone to drive him.

Me: I will buy your argument. So you are a Lady. So why can't you go and take a bath yourself. I don't bathe my wife or daughter. If you are so intelligent, can talk so much and want to be clean, you should wash yourself.

Santro: My movements are controlled by that damned remote key in your hand. Only my thoughts and words are in my control. That is why I am servile to you and expect a better treatment. And you must remember you don't ask Amar to give bath to your wife or daughter.

Me: Hey, hey... That is being mean. I might have been a bit rash in driving, but never abused you. You can't be talking like this about my wife and daughter. No !

Santro: Look how it hurts. I have thought of you as my master and my love ever since you drove me with all the care on August 28 in 2006. As days passed, your attitude went from bad to worse. The way you have ignored my needs has made me so depressed. I even contemplated suicide many a times. But with that damned thing in your control, I can't even die.

Me: What on earth are you thinking ? I don't have the kind of time and energy to give enough attention to you. But I have never let you down. Do you know my wife doesn't like you ? She feels you are stupid and a fuel guzzling monster.

Santro: No wife will ever love the Car. She will consider me her rival. I have been nice to her, but she just uses me for her needs. I never expect anything from her. It is you who brought me here with all the pomp and it is you who has let me down. But I love your Mom, Dad and Daughter. Mom loves me, Dad always decorates me with a flower and Babe is fond of me.

Me: You see, there is an old quote, "There are two kind of men in the world. First who love the Wife more than the car and the second who love the Car more than the wife. I belong to the First category. You should have no grouse. Wife is a Wife is a WIFE !"

Santro: I have no issues with your wife. But now you want to dump me and that is why I am sad. You openly call me 'fuel guzzling monster'. It never mattered to you when all you could afford was poor little me. I know what are your new 'Dzires'.

Me: Wow... Now there you go. So this is jealousy. What if I desire and Dzire ? It isn't as if I am going to sell you. You will be with me even if Dzire comes. And I don't even know when that is going to happen. If this is the reason for your grouse, calm down. You will be with me because I can't drive a bigger car in Kochi town.

Santro: Look at it. For the bad roads and rude traffic you need me. You have practically flown me over those gutters of Kochi. I have waded through thigh high water without even wetting your socks. Have I even left you stranded ?

Me: No Yaar, you are like my wife. You will remain with me for all my day to day drives. It is only for longer drives and picnics that I might need Dzire. Why do you act like a jealous wife ?

Santro: Try telling your wife, "You are my Wife Yaar. You will remain with me for all day to day life. It is only for long drives and picnics that I might need Her". Your Orthopedician will need 3 months to repair you !

Me: Ha Ha, you sure have a sense of humor. I love that !

Santro: After being with you lousy fellow, it has rubbed on me. But humor apart, we are talking serious business here. What is your decision, Me or your Dzire ?

Me: I told you, YOU are my first choice. Just like I admire Aishwariya, Katrina and Shilpa; I admire Dzire. Nothing more, nothing less.

Santro: Your wife probably knows you adore these women but can live happily with the knowledge that you can never afford them. You can only salivate imagining them, but can't even touch them. But you can like hell afford a Dzire. There lies the tragedy of my life !

We had reached the basement of my hospital where I park her. As I adjusted her in the parking slot,  she quipped, "I know I have no choice if you choose to enjoy your Dzire. But never ignore me and never ill-treat me. I don't mind Amar washing me. I wouldn't complain about your rash driving. Neither will I envy your long drives. But please keep me with you"

I felt a lump in the throat and said with all the love at my command, "Oh, never even think like that. I will keep you as long as you are alive and kicking. You will remain in family if you outlive me. I will get you a face lift and even a Botox if necessary. As soon as the monsoon is over, I will get you a complete service. I never knew you loved me so much"

Relieved that I have solved a grievous issue I stepped out of the Car. As I pulled out my bag from the aisle, the Santro gave the parting shot, "Don't you live under any illusion. I used to adore you before, not anymore. Your infidelity is hurting enough, but your sympathy is worse. I don't deserve this after all the donkey's service I have rendered you. I don't want you to sell me because I don't know what kind of a sloth is going to buy me. I am used to all your abuse. I will manage to live with that. My thinking is guided by the adage, Known Devil is better than Unknown Gods !"


Dr. Pun-dit