Small things that make a BIG difference !

Aamir Khan's "Satyameva Jayate" has evoked sharp reactions from people. People are talking about social evils. Female infanticide has become a topic of heated debate on Facebook and other social media. Some admire Aamir for his concern and some say, he is doing all this for money. I don't know the truth.

I was too 'small' to understand why my late Grandfather insisted upon putting off the oil wick in our pooja room every night. Later as a grown up, I realized it was not miserly behavior but just a precaution by an extremely wise man who cared for his home and family. We had a lot of rats in our large ancestral home and they could have easily put the house on fire at night if we were to leave the wick burning.

When in high-school, we had a lesson, "A spark neglected, burns the house". A small misunderstanding between two friends Ivan and Gabriel ends up ruining both the families before they could realize what had happened. This story actually helped me to understand the great old man better !

Four decades later, I look at people around me and often get frustrated by the absolute lack of care for public property, water, electricity and such things and most importantly the time. Every walk of like, we overlook the small things that will finally make a big difference. But we seldom realize them, give importance to them or do something to change them.

Leaking Pipes: Every place I have visited has a leaking pipe or a pipe that has been left open by someone who just doesn't care. We just don't care, do we ? Thousands of liters of purified chlorinated water is lost every day. We see a lot of places in our country thirsting for water and we see absolute lack of remorse while wasting water.

Every drop of water we are wasting is taking us one step towards a universal drought some day ! Can't we see this and understand this ? Can't we take the small step to change this to avert a disaster ?

Electricity:  Most of us rarely forget to switch off lights, fans and air-conditioners in our own homes. But we seldom care when we are at office or in public places. When it is in the office or a public place, nobody bothers to switch off a light or a fan when not in use. It isn't our property and hence not our duty or not our bother is the attitude. But is it true ?

WE are footing the 'Bill' for all this wastage. The public lights are lit with the taxes we pay. Should we waste it ? I shot this 'day-light robbery' of tax-payer's money on an evening on my way back home. This street lamp was lit at 4:10 PM as we can see bright day light behind the lamp. This wasn't the single lamp. Every single lamp along the road was lit.

We can ill-afford this, but this is what is happening in every state, every place and every nook and corner of our country. When I pointed this out, the general reaction was, "This is nothing. It happens everywhere". My question is, "But why ? Why does this happen everywhere ? Why should it happen at all ?" This happens because, "We just don't care !"

Day Light Robbery of Electricity !

Bad Roads: How a small hole unfilled in time becomes a POTHOLE is known to all of us. Yet our administration has mostly remained completely oblivious and that is how we have so many potholes littering our roads soon after every monsoon. "A Stitch in times saves nine". We have learned. But we some how prefer to wait till 9 and even 99 are necessitated.

POTHOLE in the making...

POTHOLES Family !

If we the people begin to question government, the rulers will have to answer and behave. Else we have the power to change them in the next elections and teach them a lesson. It is another matter that many of us don't even bother.

But before we exercise our powers, let us ask ourselves, "Are we doing our duties as citizens ? Are we doing the small things that matter ?"

Let us do the small things right. It is never too late to learn, reform and work for a better tomorrow !


Dr. Punned-it

If Mamata Banerjee were a Malayalee !

The native Malayalees and then the naturalized Malayalees like me don't really appreciate our politicians and keep on criticizing them. I attended a function last night, that was graced by a couple of ministers and a handful of politicians. They came across as simple people who took in their stride, a lot of bungling by the organizers and event-managers.

While watching all the Mal-function,  I had a nightmarish idea. What would have happened if some of those maverick leaders from other states were to be Malayalees ?

The answers are at once interesting as well as scary ! My first thought was about what would have happened if Mamata Banerjee were to be a Malayalee ?

She would have been Mamadha Bannerjee and would have been called 'Chechi' !

Chechi would have banned all the cartoons and the ban would have been a 'Bann' with an additional 'n'.

All pending railway projects in Kerala would have been completed and the Edappally railway over-bridge near Amrita hospital would have become a reality long ago and not remained a welcome arch for over a decade.

The Welcome Arch of Valappally !

But Edappally would have been renamed Valappally because 'Edathu' stands for 'Left'.

As the railways minster, Chechi would have demanded Rs. 5000 Crores from the exchequer for a railway line between Kochi and Dubai.

Kochi - Dubai Railway Line

Chechi would have banned the word 'Mallu' and the movie "Mallu Singh" would have been released as "Malayalee Singh". Else the Producer and Director of the movie would have been in jail.

'Cinemala' the popular spoof program on Asianet channel would have been history. All the parody artists in Kerala would have died of starvation or joined one of the leftist unions or become naxalites.

EMS, AKG and Punnapra - Vayalar struggle would have become history from the history text books in Kerala.

'Deshabhimani' wouldn't be available in Ernakulam public library.

The Zimbly slippers would have made a killing by projecting the leader as their unofficial brand-ambassador.

Zimbly Slippers !

Kochi Traffic Police who are happy barricading all right turns would have been forced to ban all left turns in the city. Kochi, Thiruvananthapuram and all cities in Kerala would have become 'No Left Turn' cities.

Luckily she never became a defense minister. Else a Lieutenant Colonel would have become Rightinant Colonel.

If she were to be the I & B Minister, the once popular television serial "Left Right Left" would have become "Right Right Right".

Wayanad would be vying for separate state status.

Left leaning photos of Pisa tower would have been banned in Kerala.

No more Left leaning !

A lot of things would have happened if Mamata Didi were to be born a Malayalee. It isn't practical to list everything here. Thankfully, she is not a Malayalee; else most importantly, this piece wouldn't have been posted !




Dr. Punned-it

No Mercies for Old Ms. Mercy !

I was 26 years old when my husband died all of a sudden at the age of 35 after a bout of fever. I was totally devastated. I had grown up in a protected environment and till his death, my husband had given me and our children total security. And suddenly I was all alone with three children aged 5 years, 3 years and 9 months. 

That was 1949. He was a supporter of Gandhiji and had donated a lot of his ancestral wealth to the cause of the nation. I had studied only till 7th standard. Fortunately for me and my children, my husband still had left enough landed property and we wouldn't have starved. 

I came out of the shock after some time. I had to come out because I could not have ignored my little sons. I began going to his lands and started managing the house and his agriculture. Since I was a young and rich widow, a lot of people came with proposals for a second marriage. I refused and lived only for the sake of my children.

My eldest son is 68 years old today. He has settled down in Bangalore after retiring from Bank. My second son 66, is an advocate in Kochi. I used to stay with him until 6 years ago. Youngest son is in America. I haven't seen him for 9 years now.

6 years ago, my second son wanted me to share all our property equally between the sons and he wanted bigger share because he was looking after me. His wife was instigating him to get the partition done immediately. I refused and said, "I shall make a will and all that is due to them will go to them after my time". 

That day, both of them held me by the hand and pushed me so hard, I ended up with a swollen wrist. I moved to a convent the next day and I stay with the nuns today. I don't want to blame my daughters in law. But my sons, how can I forget all those difficult days I spent bringing them up ? How can they forget their mother ?

It is possible I was and still am a little strict and a bit finicky. But is that a reason enough to leave me on the roads at this age ? Would it have been possible for all three of them to be so well off if I had not taken care of them well and educated them ?

Lonely in the twilight of life

This is Ms. Mercy, an 89 years old patient in our ICU who is happier to be in the hospital. She has no complaints with her convent life. She still feels bad for her eldest son who is suffering from cancer. She sold off all her agricultural lands in and around Alleppey in 2007 and has deposited all the money in Banks.She has made her will and says she has made 4 equal shares and left a quarter each for her 3 sons and the last quarter to the convent.

India in general and Kerala in particular harbor thousands of these ladies whose children have no time for their aged parents. It appears to me that the world is full of these old Ms. Mercies with children who have very little Mercies !

Dr. Punned-it

National Anthem in Malluland

Extremely Important: I am no Xenophobic or linguophobic. I love God's Own Country which today is my own Country. I love Malayalees, especially the long haired species without the 'Y' chromosome. All my rantings are but about the language and nothing more, nothing less !

This is my first ever attempt to actually record some of those 'Manglish' jokes from real life. Since I don't have the facility to podcast on my Blog, I am uploading it as a video. I would like everybody to believe that the 'Frog' seen in the video is just happenstance and not intentionally indicative of the state of mind of the native Malayalee !

Inadequate quality of the video is regretted. Hence I am providing the text of the podcast.

A young lady Medical Representative recently came with her senior Manager. As he started talking, I could make out he was not a Malayalee thanks to his English. Since his English sounded somewhat like the Bangalore type, I asked him, “You aren’t from Kerala, right? From where do you come from?”

He replied, “You are right Sir, I am from Chennai. But Sir is there any problem?” I said, “Not a problem at all, it’s just that your English didn’t sound like the Kerala English to me. That is all”. 

The young lady interrupted with, “Why Sir, is it because only we in Kerala speak proper English?” I smiled and said, “No, contrary to that you people are the ones who have a problem with English. Why English, you speak all languages in Malayalam.” She looked a little bit offended and asked, “How can you say that Sir? We are the most educated state in India”

I had to tell her, “See, English language doesn’t have ‘heavy Ls’ and ‘heavy Ns’. But you people insert them everywhere. For example, just pronounce Collage, School, Colony, Bun, Sunny and then you will understand what I mean. You will make them sound CoaLLage, SchooL, CoLony, BuN, SuNNy. Right” 

I pressed ahead, “See, you make Shah Rukh Khan into Sharoo Ghan, Salman Khan in Salman Ghan. It is Khan… KHAN from the epiglottis. You bring them from the umbilicus” She retorted, Sir, but everyone will have this kind of different accents. Why pick only Malayalees?”

I politely replied, “I didn’t pick on Malayalees. You were the one who boasted about only Malayalees speaking correct English. All of us have our peculiarities. It is no big deal. I just had to tell you and correct your misconception. That’s it”

I have blogged about this before and I have cried hoarse about people in Kerala turning the ‘horse’ into ‘hoarse’ and ‘Nurse’ into ‘Nezhse’. And then there are so many things like AapiLL, PupiLL, PuLLing power, FLower MiLL and the list is endless. 

Once a Perumbavoor born nurse said, “Phatt Saarum Phaaryayum Phayangaramaayi vishkkunnathukondu Pharat Tourist home-il chennu Phakshanam kazhichu” And an Insurance agent once said, “Innu Phoori Phaagam aalukal ee policy thanneya edukkunnathu”

And now they pronounce SatiDa, SaviDa and SangeeDa. This is also really funny. You write something and pronounce something. That is why I still find it tough to speak Malayalam” 

Since I don’t want this podcast to appear as a tirade against Malayalees, I will finish this with the National Anthem or Naashanal Aantham as they sing in some of the schools in Kerala; especially the Central Travancore side.

Everybody please stand up.

Jena Gena Mana Adhinaayaga Jaya Hay Phaarada Phagya Vidhada

Penchaab Sinth Gujaraada Maraadha Dravida Utkala Venga
Vinthya Himaajala Yemunaa Genga Uchchala Jaladhidarenga
Tava Shupha Naame Jaahay 

Tava Shupha Ashisha Maahey
Gaahey Dava Jaya Gaadha
Jena Gena Mangala Daayaga 

Jaya Hay Pharada Phagyavidhada

Jeya Hay Jeya Hey Jeya Hey

Jeya Jeya Jeya Jeya Hay…

Dr. Punned-it

Chair Up and other tales of a Chair that refused to budge !

My Clinic

Apart from blogging, pretending to be singing on the Youtube and whiling away my time on the Facebook, I also work as a Doctor in my spare time. I work with a modest private hospital during day time and run an even more modest Clinic close to my home in the evenings. Since I am allergic to hard-work, I limit my working hours to 7:30 AM to 4:00 PM at hospital and 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM in my Clinic.

I refuse to entertain people after 8:00 PM simply because I believe in spending some time with my family when I am alive. This has earned me the wrath of some people and some of them have branded me arrogant and rude. I think I have to live with that. I can't risk being a guilt laden 75 year-old with pots of money, a lot of illnesses and repentance about not having spent enough time with my loved ones.

This story isn't about me, it is about that black chair in the corner in my Clinic. This place is very small and a little over-crowded with unavoidable furniture. There is the examination table that also doubles up as a cup-board to keep my books. The black chair to seat the patient [henceforth referred to as client]. The blue chair is obviously mine and the table. Apart from these, there is a large Almira in the opposite corner and another plastic chair to seat the bystander.

It is necessary to give this long description because the place where the black chair sits becomes the crux of the matter. I make the clients sit on the black chair, so that I can check the vitals like Blood Pressure and do a clinical examination of the upper part of the body. If a complete examination is required, I use the examination table right next to the chair.

The place where I keep the chair is exactly the place from where the client can extend the arm and rest it on the table to record the BP. I can move to and fro to do the examination. This is the most ideal place in the given scenario. But somehow, people have different ideas and this is where the real story begins.

In the early days, the clients coming in would first pull the black chair almost into the gap between the writing table and the examination table and make the proceedings really difficult. This was becoming a real nuisance for me. It put added burden on my back and even made them uncomfortable. But somehow people have their own point of view and they have to change things according to that.

Most of the times, I used to politely request the client to get up, keep the chair back in the corner and proceed with my job. But the same exercise can get on your nerves, especially when repeated several  times on a given day or when the same person repeats the same act every time.

Gradually my patience began to wear thin. I started asking people not to move the chair, but to sit where the chair was placed. Often they would sit through the examination and as soon as I began writing the notes and prescription, they would immediately move the chair to their favored destination. This became exasperating and I had to force people to go back to the corner.

Sometimes, I would jokingly ask people, "From where do you come ?". The answer could be any place. My next quip would be this, "You come from almost 6 km distance. Coming this far and then walking from the gate, can't you cover this small distance between this table and the chair ? Why do you want to move it ? Why can't you come and sit where it is ?".

With younger people I have a slightly different way. I tell them, "Don't you dare to pull the chair. It has a mind of its own and it will get extremely angry if you pull it around. It can even bite you if you provoke it. So let it be where it is. You just sit there".

At some point, I came to understand why the people moved the chair around. The truth is, nobody likes to be cornered. People perhaps felt as if they were being pinned down to a chair at gun point. But unfortunately, I couldn't help in any way. I just don't have the space to make people feel they were centered. That is when I discovered a better way to keep the chair from moving. I kept the front right leg of the chair pressed firmly with my left leg to prevent people from dragging it. This is how the next level of fun began.

A middle aged lady came in one day and as usual, pulled the chair. Since I  had firmly pinned it to the corner, it didn't budge. But this was a stubborn lady and she pulled it with all the power and it still didn't move. She looked furious and asked, "Why isn't this chair moving ? Where am I going to sit ?"  I calmly told her, "Why don't you sit where the chair is ? I haven't asked for any help to move my furniture here". She was sheepish but still had not understood how it became immobile and asked, "But why isn't it moving ?". Some diehard that was !

Another man tried the same thing. Since the chair was not moving, he asked me, "Doctor, get up and move from there. This chair isn't moving. Let me fix it !". My goodness, how I kept myself from falling off the chair is still a mystery to me. I told him, "Let it remain that way. What is the need to move it ? It is convenient for me to examine you if you could make yourself comfortable here". He nodded and said, "Oh, yes. That is true" and promptly pulled the chair to the gap between two tables because I had for a moment left it unguarded !

A young but hefty lady is the next in this saga. She went on pulling the chair even as I asked her to sit down right there. A momentary lapse in my concentration and the chair had escaped from the trap. What I saw next was the lady was flat on the the examination table with the chair in her hand with one of its legs precariously close to my right eye. And her own left leg was on my writing table. To make matters worse, my nurse was absconding that day. I leave it to the imagination of people to decide what a task it must have been to untangle a young lady weighing above 70 kilos from that situation.

One of the funniest characters ever sat on the chair without any complaint. But when I asked him to turn around to examine his back, he promptly did so. But he did so not before turning the chair along with him. This left me with the really daunting task of examining the back-rest of the chair.

Still crazier was another young lady. When I asked her to turn around, she actually turned to her right. Now take a look at the picture and imagine how she could have turned to her right and what she would have done to me. She was wearing saree but had no inhibition in lifting her right leg over my left thigh and in seconds, she was sitting with my left knee between her legs. Sindhu, my nurse couldn't forget that spectacle and kept winking off and on for quite a few days.

One of the problems of narrating real life incidents on blog is the fun is often diluted in scripting and most of the dialogues get lost in translation. Before it becomes totally impossible for the reader to sit through this, let me call it a day for this 'Saga' !


Dr. Punned-it

Welcome to Kochi: The New Sodom !

In these times of Anna Hazare pulling a 'fast' one on the Union Government, I believe a lot of local and perhaps quite important issues are getting marginalized or trivialized. Well, if Anna has managed to obscure Team India's abject surrender in England, anything can happen. After all this happens only in India.

Again almost ad nauseum; I am talking about the roads or rather the lack of them in God's own Country that is Kerala. My own poor little Kochi is struggling to cope with multiple problems. The influx of Bangladeshis masquerading as people from West Bengal is the worst threat to this coastal town. We never know who is an Indian today. The migrant labor might be cheap today, but it might cost us dear in future. I shouldn't considered xenophobic or a Bal Thakre clone; that I am not. I have reasons to believe in what I have stated here. I just hope I am proved wrong.

The other problems is the burgeoning middle class on a rat race that can be called 'Car Wars'. Anyone owning a small car or just one car is a small fry here. Most middle class families own two or even three cars today. Everyone is on a car these days, I repeat everyone. So where do we park all these cars ? I believe we might have to push the backwaters backwards to form a reclaimed parking lot for the Kochi middle class.

Two-wheelers are the new 'Plague'. They are here, there and everywhere. I am scared to stand with my legs apart for a short period anywhere in Kochi. There are fat chances that some smart Alec might park his bike between my legs and leave before I realize. All those who are not on cars are on two-wheelers. The worst thing about these bikes is they cover 200km with one tea-spoon-full of petrol. They come in easy installments and every youth must have them.

These bikes take away young lives thanks to accidents. But they also kill insidiously. Most of our youth hardly walks except to go to the toilet. They step out of house, hop onto the bike and go to office or any place they want to. They park their mean-machines at the nearest possible spot and finish work and are back on bike and then back home. They practically live on bikes. Thus a big section of the youth hardly has any exercise and develop obesity, Hypertension, Diabetes and Heart Diseases at very young age. We might soon become the nation with largest number of bikes and even larger number of young heart patients.

All these and many other problems we face are not unique to Kochi. They are common for every developing place. Bad roads, infrastructural malformations, drinking water, electricity and so on. But what is unique to Kochi is there never was an honest attempt on part of the rulers to even make a cursory attempt to solve the eternal problems with the roads.

The rulers change. But the rules, the policies, the contractors, the workers and the roads never change. I don't remember a single road constructed by the Kochi Corporation lasting one monsoon. No soon the monsoon announces the arrival, the roads begin to break. By August, we have a few roads in a town filled with potholes. A sham of filling these potholes with gravel is conducted every three months till April. Then the potholes are filled with a lot of crushed stones, gravel and exactly 2mm layer of tar in the month of May. The Monsoon is a lot more sincere and arrives mostly in time by end May !

Today, Saturday 27 August 2011 we are in a piquant situation. The roads are completely ragged. The much talked about Thammanam - Pullepady road widening and total revamp of Kochi roads was never taken up. But the Metro Rail is being taken up in a big way. Demolition of the North Railway Over-bridge is taken with utmost zeal by the local government.

So what do we have ? For a 'Castle in the Air' that is Metro Rail, we have a town being devastated. The already congested traffic is going to be redirected through the doomed Thammanam - Pullepady road and many other such under-privileged roads. These roads are already in bad shape and bursting at the seams. The added traffic is going to totally demolish Kochi.

The Traffic Police don't help at all. In fact they make things worse. There are no right turns or 'U' turns in most places in the city. No 'U' turns for long stretches on the highway. At the most strategically placed Kathrikkadavu junction, you can't even go straight. We are sent into a quagmire through the under-bridge and then almost half a kilometer distant 'U' turn that is unmanned and becomes a flash point for outraged drivers to vent their fury on one another. What do these 'patently stupid' measures do ? More and more vehicles are on the roads for longer periods to cover same distance and that means the traffic turns further congested.

So what are we witnessing ? This might sound a tad crude simile, but this is unfortunately true. This is quite like sodomizing an anus already ravaged by piles, fistula and fissures. Our rulers are perpetrating sodomy on my beloved Kochi.

Henceforth the catch phrase for Kerala tourism can go thus, "Welcome to Kochi, the New Sodom"


Dr. Punned-it

Woh Saath Din: The Evolution of a Pothole !

Disclaimer: Woh Saath Din [Those 7 Days] was a hit Hindi movie of the 80s. That was a remake of a Tamil movie "Anda Ezhu Naatkal". This post has nothing to do with the movies except for the title.

No sooner than the Monsoon graced the backwater city of in Kerala, we are back to square none. The ill-fated Thammanam - Pullepady road was repaired in the second week of May. In fact, the road was in tatters while the IPL jamboree was going on in Kochi. In less than a month, the road is rushing back to it's own.

Flying through this road for just about two weeks, I went on a holiday and came back on June 1. Here is the progress of a 'Pothole'. This is just one of the hundreds and thousands of them erupting on this road every day. In fact, every moment. So here we go...

1 June 2011

This is how a small hole with a smaller satellite body appeared on June 1, the day I returned to Kochi after a holiday. The birth place is near the small bridge which has a twin-bridge constructed recently.

2 June 2011

This is how the twin potholes had progressed in just about 24 hours. That is some rapid progress.

3 June 2011

Just look at the degeneration around the twin potholes and appearance of a second satellite on the left hand side.

4 June 2011

This snap was taken from a side angle on 4 June. We can see the twin holes have merged into a larger Amoeba shape with the newer satellite enlarging rapidly.

5 June 2011

This is on 5 June 2011. The extended family is merging and expanding. It is a much bigger hole now, though still not deep enough to fell the two-wheeler who is more interested in what I was doing than in what is in front of him !

6 June 2011

Look at the extension of the Pothole family across the breadth of the road. This is such a rapid progress. This is now ready to act as a speed-breaker for all vehicles wading through the road at extreme speeds of 6.5 km per hour.

7 June 2011

The funny thing is the initial potholes to the left-hand side look small compared to the bigger and deeper one in the middle. Just one week of average Monsoon has exposed the quality of work our Contractors are providing us.

3 weeks from here, the whole road will be infested by nothing less than a million potholes punctuated by islands of remnants of the excess tar accidentally left behind by the workers.

A change of guard in the Kochi Corporation was welcomed by me and people like me with a sigh of relief. The present dispensation has proved that there is no reason for us to sigh any more.

The ruling parties will  change. The rulers will change. The ideologies will change. But the Contractors will not, the workers will not and the roads too will not change. The nexus will always prove to be in excess for the common man.

We the people of Kochi are doomed to live with these Potholes forever. So better learn to 'Live, Love and Laugh'. Nothing ever will improve in God's Own Country. NOTHING !



Dr. Pundit

Beggars can't be Choosers ?

Beggars can't be Choosers !

How often have we heard this idiom ? This might be used to convey those in position of disadvantage don't get to make a choice. But reality often is different. It is the 'Common man' who can't choose, Beggar can !

Let us go to a shopping mall. Once there, we are directed by the security personnel about the where and which angle of parking. We are made to pay a parking fees on an hourly escalating basis. Still the security will not allow you to decide which is the best place for your precious vehicle.

The security staff can be extremely rude even if you ask them to spare a couple of minutes for your aged ones to get down. You ask for directions to the main entrance and expect a curt if not downright rude answer. Often you might be shocked by no response at all. If they are very kind, they might point a finger vaguely and you will have to wade through the confusion.

You are frisked by the security at the entrance. You are asked to open your handbag, valet and even deposit it at the reception. All this 'treatment' is for the crime of going to shop there. And you ask yourself, "Are we Beggars to be treated thus ?"

Not for a moment am I questioning the security measures. They are necessary and we live in an era of continued seize in spite of the death of Oasma bin Laden. I was surprised recently by the absolute lack of security during an IPL match at Kochi. But all acts of security checking can be done with a bit of politeness and nicety. Is it too much to expect 'Politeness' ?

Using the word 'Beggar' is politically incorrect today. They probably will be happy to hold the portfolio of "Professional Free Assistance Seeking Officer" or something like that. Can't even call a spade a sickle today. So respect all professions. What he / she does is his / her profession.

There were reports of Rich PFASOs owning houses, properties and big bank balances with the profession being a family enterprise. Well, if a Politician's progeny can be Politician with no questions asked, why not ?

I am on a Pilgrimage, give me 'My Share' !

This post started questioning 'Beggars can't be choosers' idiom. Hence let me elaborate. There was an old man who came every Saturday morning for alms. He was a nice man and polite. But wouldn't budge if he felt what we gave him was insufficient. He wouldn't complain but would stand there till my mother gave him more. After every 3 or 4 months, he would say, "I will not be coming next two weeks. Going to Vellankani. So give my share for the next 2 weeks today itself and add some more for the pilgrimage. The Mother will bless you"

Great Expectations !

We all know how PFASOs refuse coins these days. Many a times, I have come across PFASOs saying, "What will five rupees buy today ? If you give, give something substantial. I can't even buy a meal with this pittance". One beggar threw the one rupee coin I gave him back at me as I was about to leave. I couldn't understand what he was muttering though I could understand he was obviously cursing. God, piety, luck, prosperity, hereafter, heaven and hell and Dharma are the commonest words used by these people to cajole, threaten and even extort.

Curse of a Pious Man !

A family of 8 people dressed very decently came without knocking one day. They had crowded my living room after entering my home without permission. They claimed to be from Maharashtra, belonging to our community. The headman said, "We are one community. We lost our properties due to flood, famine and drought. You must help us because you can't be having dignified people of our community begging". 

Looking at a printed letter in Hindi, Marathi and English, purportedly attested by some Gazetted Officer; I offered to pay fifty rupees. He said, "Oho Brother, I said we are not beggars. We are dignified people. We need cloths, money and even food. We don't want this kind of 'Bhiksha'. Be generous and God will be generous to you".

I asked him, "So what do you expect ?". He then started name dropping of his kind. He blurted out the names of big people who had given him thousands of rupees, new dresses and even silverware. I tried to be polite and said, "But I am not a rich man. This is all I can afford to give". He immediately admonished me, "Never say you are not a rich man. The Gods will curse you to eternal poverty. What you give is yours. What you hide is taken by others. A generous man will go to heaven and the selfish will rot in hell. Don't lead your life to hell..."

I could take it no longer. I cut him down and I asked, "So where will you go ? What will happen to those who have all their body parts in good condition and still prefer to extract alms from other people rather than work for a living ?". He became furious and snorted, "You have insulted a cultured and proud family and a pious man. I curse you to rot in hell for 32,000 years. You and your family will never see good days from now".

Worried at rotting in hell for such a long time, my Mom pleaded with me to placate him and give him more money. He immediately jumped in between us and said, "Look, a worthy lady for a Mother. Listen to her and atone your sin. Else all of your family, children and  even future generations will suffer the consequences of your sin..."

I gestured him to stop and said, "Stop right there. I would prefer to rot in hell for 96000 years if such a place exists, than give a damned coin to you. You leave my home NOW without uttering another word of your gibberish. Else I will punch your nose till you bleed and then call Police to say you tried to rob us. LEAVE RIGHT NOW".

Look how Beggars choose to choose ! A topic like this can go on and on. We all have these kind of experiences. But I have to stop here for the lack of brevity my posts always attain. May be more stories on another day. There will never be a dearth of 'Choosers' in this land !




Dr. Pundit

An Open Letter to Whom it may Concern or Not !

To:

The Corporation / Local Government / State Government / Central Government / Political Parties / Non-Political Groups / Clubs / NGOs / The Judiciary / Anyone to whom it may concern or not
Kochi, the so called Financial Capital of God's Own Country also known as Smart City.
Kerala, India, Asia, Planet Earth.

Subject:

State of our Roads or the Roads of our State !

References:

1] An Emotional Journey !
2] Left, Right and Wrong; A Story of a Fight !
3] Footpath, My Foot !
4] The Blogger who traveled the Untrodden Narrow Path !
5] All Roads Lead to Hell Part-I
6] The Queen of Arabian See in God's Own Country !

Sir / Madam / Your Honor / Worshipful Mayor / Your Highness / Anything that pleases you,

Hereby let me introduce myself  before I begin the letter. I am  a Santro Xing Car with Reg. number KL-7 BD 6826 registered under Kochi Corporation in August 2008. I have produced a latest passport size photograph of myself for identification purpose. Please don't be surprised about a Car that is writing a letter. I can even talk. Kindly refer to reference number 1. An emotional Journey.

My Master, who claims to be a Doctor and a Blogger has written something about me and quite a lot about the roads of my hometown Kochi. Kindly refer to those stories too. It is important to understand the whole picture. Though Dr. Pun-dit is not very kind to me, I still am a loyal servant and continue to work for him without complaining. This isn't about my loyalty or his cruelty. I shall in due time write to SPCC [Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Cars] about that. So you needn't worry on those issues.

Defaced and Defiled

Now let me enlighten you about that ugly scar on my face under the nose. I mean the dent on the number plate. This dent was caused by a two wheeler who collided with me tail on [Opposite of Head on]. No, it wasn't his mistake. It wasn't my mistake either. Both of us were traversing through the quagmire people have now come to accept as an eternal truth that is 'Thammanam - Pulleppady Road' in the heart of Kochi town. The poor chap bounced and bobbed out of one of those potholes and I couldn't escape from the collision because I too was coming out of another bigger pothole. I am now providing some photographs of 'the Road' for your reference.

Road in the Heart of Kochi !

The Cursed Thammanam - Pullepady Road

 Potholes that can kill !

No Sir, this letter is not about the collision or the dent either. I can and will live with this. People manage to live with much worse. Let me move to the more serious matter. It is about something far more important. It is about our existence itself. The existence of Carkind / Autokind / Bikekind or Vehiclekind in general.

Humans are concerned about Mankind. So we have to be concerned about ourselves too. Humans can eat Pizzas if bread isn't available. But we will not be able to live and move without our life blood that is Petroleum fuel. So kindly watch the video attached.

The little boy is more concerned about future and is far more intelligent than the father. You might have watched this video about conserving fuel and energy. But I politely request you to watch it again. I will continue with the matter after the video. Thanks for the patience you have shown with me. But my intent and concern is genuine and I hope I will be able to convince you about it when we come to the concluding part.

Now, we all know our Governments, leaders, Babus, NGOs and everyone with an opinion has something to preach for the common man. That common man, one of whom is my Master. He too is a concerned citizen and I have seen him preach about conserving nature, electricity, trees, fuel, paper, food, water and just about anything. This anything includes everything except my dignity. Well, let me not elaborate on that. I will deal with those issues at an appropriate time on an appropriate podium.

Let me suffice to say this. My Master calls me "Fuel Guzzling White Little Monster". That is such an insult and I have communicated to him my displeasure about it. But he has persisted with his diatribe. When I asked him why he calls me so, he said I have a very poor fuel efficiency. Yes, I give 9 KmPL in the city. In Kochi city. I am not aware what other members of the Carthren [Car Brethren] manage. But this is the best I can achieve. But I have always maintained this wasn't my fault but the poor roads were responsible.

My Master is not fond of main roads. He is The Blogger who travels the Untrodden Narrow Path ! So I really can't blame his driving or the traffic for the low fuel efficiency. But I still was confident I will be able to prove myself when the opportunity arises.

Thus I got my first chance in 4 years to prove my worth, efficiency and power. I took my Master and his little family to Kovalam last week. Oh what roads ! I felt like a bird out of the cage and actually went flying. I managed to overtake Cars twice as bigger, SUVs and practically everything on my way. I took 4 hours 50 minutes from Kochi to Kovalam and 4 hours 10 minutes for the return journey.

This isn't vainglorious boasting. This is just a true piece of information to bolster my case. The most important factor was I covered 490km with less than 29 liters of Petrol. That is a fuel efficiency of 17 KmPL. But I needed a chance to prove myself. In Kochi, I would be burning almost 55 liters for the same distance. Now, this is a phenomenal achievement. I knew I was capable of this.

Sir, just imagine this. Travel through decent roads improved my fuel efficiency by 88.88%. Which means the traffic congestion alone isn't responsible for the abysmal fuel efficiency in cities. The poor infrastructure is more so. I have informed above, the fact that my Master almost never gets stuck in traffic because he never takes the main roads. But all the side roads, interior roads and roads in residential areas are in total shambles.

If we manage to improve the overall infrastructure in the suburbs, interiors and the small roads, we might succeed in decongesting the traffic in major arteries. All vehicles conveying through better and lesser trodden roads can save hell of a lot of fuel. Even 50% saving is a huge saving. Switching off the engine in traffic lights can't save you so much of petrol.

Now if I alone could save so much of fuel in one journey, imagine how much of fuel all those millions of vehicles on our roads can manage to save !

Sir, I don't know who you are. I don't even know if you are a Sir or a Madam. That is why I have used so many references and salutations at the beginning. Let me stress again here that I am genuinely concerned. Concerned about nature, fossil fuels, mother earth and all.

Sir, please let us 'Go green'. Let us improve our roads and infrastructure and save fuel and save Earth and save ourselves. Let us save Ourselves from Ourselves !

Thanks for the patient reading.

Sincerely,

Santro Xing [Reg. No: KL-7 BD 6826]

The Queen of Arabian Sea in God's Own Country !

One more walk and one more photo session. How can the powers that be allow this kind of anarchy to prevail ? Kochi is a Bad, Bad, Bad, World; miniature version !

Welcome to Kochi, the self proclaimed "Queen of Arabian Sea" the financial capital of Kerala, the self-proclaimed "God's own Country".

My friends always blame me for being too harsh, too critical and too satirical in my posts. Hence I have decided to mend my ways and have come out with solutions to the problems. This is my mite to my adopted land. Hope at least some of our rulers find time to read this.

Our Footpaths !

Problem: This is what we see on most of the footpaths. No wonder pedestrians are knocked down by speeding buses and bikes because they walk on roads.

Solution: Let the Cable guys put up advertisements and hoardings on footpaths. The Corporation can gain some revenue.

A Jam nobody likes !

Problem: Auto Rickshaws can sneak into any available 'gap' on the road or footpath where the front wheel gets an access. And they create traffic jams that leave law abiding drivers in debris.

Solution: Send all these three wheeler drivers to the Pakistan and Bangladesh border. We can use them to combat the insurgency.

A world infested by two-wheelers

Problem: You park your car with a gap enough to pull out when you have to leave. And you come back to see two-wheelers clogging both sides of your vehicle. This is in spite of having enough space around to park 300 bikes. The bikers somehow like to squeeze in between cars.

Solution: Send the talented two wheeler-riders to Olympics. They might win us medals in Gymnastics.

Potholes - Take deviation

Problem: Huge potholes on our roads. Poor bikers have to take diversion and the cars and other vehicles have to wade through them. Whatever happens to the road tax levied on every vehicle !

Solution: A new innovation: Pothole Tourism ! No other town can boast of this facility. We can take tourists around for different parts of the town. Fishing, boating and even swimming too can be arranged for enthusiasts. We excel in converting liabilities into assets.

What Potholes ? There is no road !

Problem: In some places, there are no potholes. There in fact are no roads. So what will happen to tourism ?

Solution: Relax, there is a further advancement. We can always invite Archeological Society of India. They need to dig very little for excavation. Even better, we might even stumble upon some 'Oil Wells'. Who knows, Malayalee's favorite 'Gulf' might be recreated in God's Own Country !

Does it stink ? Take deep breath...

Problem: The much discussed stink in Kochi is worsening by the day. Open drains are a danger physically and physiologically. Can't walk without closing your nostrils.

Solution: Open 'Open Air' Pranayaama classes all over. People can learn breath holding and deep breathing techniques on the road. It improves endurance, health and longevity. All credit should go to our rulers.

Road Rags !

Problem: Absolutely ragged roads everywhere. Not an ounce of tar to be seen anywhere. Driving speed never to go above 10kmph.

Solution: Another great business opportunity. Bring in Tyre companies to sponsor different stretches of the road. They can coin slogans like, "Only FRM Tyres survive these roads" or "When the going gets Rough, the Tough get going" etc. The revenue thus earned can be used to hike the allowances of our poor underpaid and underprivileged rulers !

Hope I have not been critical, satirical or too harsh this time. I love India, I love Kerala and I love Kochi. After all Kochi has given me a life and a wife !




Dr. Pun-dit

Uncle Know All and the Red Salwar !

*

Wanted to post this earlier. But a wedding, a holiday and then the backlog had restricted me. The InSaf Test series too had bogged me down on LLL. So here I am with an anecdote from my recent holiday.

We had incessant ceremonies and a get together between 26 December to 28 December in connection with the wedding of my cousin. My wife was going through a difficult period. Travel had worsened her monthly travail. Since she was bleeding heavily and was complaining of backache, I went to a Medical Shop to buy some medicine for her; after consulting my Gynecologist Friend in Kochi.

I was waiting at the counter of a fairly busy shop. The medicine I asked was not known to the girl who was attending me. She asked her senior colleague, "Mama, do we have Tranostat-Mf?". The Uncle dismissed her, "There is no medicine like that". I hesitantly told, "It is there, but you might not be having it...". He dismissed me too, "No, no. No medicine like that".

As I was contemplating about my next move, the nice girl went to check the MIMS [Monthly Index of Medical Specialties]. She insinuated to me to wait. And I did.

At this juncture, I saw a girl in her mid twenties wearing a red salwar trying to gain space between the crowd of customers. Since I had to wait, I stepped back to let her in. She showed a piece of paper to another girl on the counter. The girl couldn't decipher what was written. So the red salwar girl called her Mom on phone and gave the name of the medicine to the girl on counter.

The counter girl went in and fetched the medicine. As she was handing over the pills to the customer, she asked the know-all Uncle, "Mama, for which illness is Olvance given ?". Uncle gave instant reply, "It is for Sugar". Now, the red salwar looked surprised. Looking at her discomfort, I politely told her, "It isn't for Sugar, but for Pressure".

This unfortunately was heard by the Mama. He came rushing towards me and asked, "What do you know about medicines ? This is a brand new Sugar medicine. Even Doctors don't know much about this. I know about all medicines. Don't mislead people".

I still remained polite and said, "I don't know about Doctors. But I know this medicine. Olvance is definitely given for Blood Pressure. Yes, it also is used in Diabetics. But it is primarily a BP pill". Uncle was boiling and he admonished me, "First you come with some stupid nonexistent name. And then you question me. Even Doctors don't question me".

A man standing next to me whispered, "Don't argue with him. He is right. He is better than  Doctors. He gives medicines that are better than the Doctors. I never see a Doctor. He is my Doctor. You better accept his words. He can't be wrong. You people get some half baked information from Internet and then create confusion".

In an alien place, I didn't want to alienate people. But how can you remain silent when nonsense is being peddled for knowledge ? So I persisted, "This isn't any half-baked Internet knowledge. I know this and I am talking truth. Olvance is Olmesartan Medoxomil. It belongs to a class called ARB and is used for Blood Pressure and related conditions".

Uncle was shouting now, "You telling truth ? Then am I a liar ? I am in this business for more than 35 years. How old are you ? You weren't even born when I started this business. Who are you ? A Chemist ? Pharmacist... ?".

I had a function to attend and also had to fetch the medicine for my wife. So I cut him short and said curtly yet politely, "See Mama, first of all, I am forty, so definitely older than your business. Two I am not a Chemist or Pharmacist. I didn't want to disclose what am I. I never think that is important, but I have been dealing with BP, Sugar and heart diseases for almost 16 years now. I am a Doctor".

And now, the red salwar who was witnessing all this exchange finally opened her mouth, "Yes, yes, my mother has only BP, she has no sugar. I was surprised when he told it is a Sugar pill. Thanks Doctor for the help". And then the red salwar was gone.

Thankfully, the counter girl who was thus-far engaged with the MIMS; had finally found out Tranostat-Mf did exist. She came and told me, "We only have Tranostat. Mf is not stocked". I decided to settle for what was available and escape.

As I made the payment and took the pills from the girl, she gave a shy smile and asked, "Where do you work ?". I replied, "Not here, Kochi". Immediately her eyes lit up and she asked, "Aha, Malayaliyaano ? Ivide engane vannu ?". Now, not many people have thus insulted me before and that is another story !






Dr. Pun-dit

Footpath, My Foot !

Sachin Tendulkar scored 50 Test Centuries. But for him, 50 is just another number. For me, 100 too is just another number. No fire crackers, no sweets, not even raising my mouse and no celebrations.

People haven't thrown many stones at me, so I can't convert them into milestones ! But my hundredth post deals with stones, millstones, slabs, beams and more.

I have written so much about our roads in Kochi. But something had escaped my attention all these days. I apologize to all those who have walked the footpaths of Kochi all these days. I salute everyone in advance for continuing to do so.

I chose to walk to the post office today because I wasn't sure I would get a parking place. That 200 meters walk has left me wiser a zillion times. Most importantly I know why pedestrians walk on the roads in Kochi. Henceforth, I shall never curse anyone walking in the middle of the road. That is the only place where they can walk. Safety is another thing.

You step on the roads, the Red-Killers of Kochi might leave you dead. But if you walk on the footpaths, your kin won't even get the Ex Gratia. Death due to suicide is not compensated in our country.

This perhaps is a situation prevailing in most of the cities in India. But living in Kochi, I write for my town. I Cry for you my beloved Kochi. So sad I can only do that and then write this piece !

Here are some snaps of our 'Footpaths' ! These snaps were shot between Kacherippady junction and Madhava Pharmacy junction; by far the busiest junctions in the Kerala State.

The Beam of Death ... This is where I tripped and survived to write the Story

Imagine Kids and Senior Citizens walking here at night !

How safe is it to walk here ?

Rough and Tumble !

Two Wheeler Parking !

Wade through paths full of stones ...

Training in Long Jump required !

Slab Slab pe likha hai Girnewaale ka Naam !

Work in progress ... Forever so !

Hip Hop suggested...

Side view of a lopsided footpath

Cracks

Take Care... Step out at your own risk !

More Cracks and more Stones !

Talk when you Walk - And end up in a Hospital !

Free Trips... Over our Slabs ... No Law, No Order, No Nothing !

Way to Maveli-Land ... The Paataalam !

Different sizes of Indifference !

Gaping holes !

Stepping Stones ... Orthopedician's Delight !

If the slabs don't get you, the filed "Beams" will !

Search for the Footpath and win free tours to Maveli-Land !

Whole place is full of these broken slabs !

More prizes for detecting the footpath !

God's Own Country; Devil's Own Gutters !

After an enlightening walk of just 200 meters, I was left to exclaim, "Footpath, My Foot" !


Dr. Pun-dit