Montek's monument: Shit happens !

A lot of shit has been washed down the flush since the controversy about the Rs. 35 lakhs toilet erupted. I thought it's better late than never to make my humble contribution to the load of shit-talk going on.

So what would be the reaction of different people once they see this 'monumental' toilets ?

Pratibha Patil: Oh shit, how could I have missed this place ? Immediately arrange a visit before the Presidential elections.

Manmohan Singh: Finally a place where I can shit in peace without worrying about all the shit that is going on around me.

Mamta Banerjee: This is shit neglect of Bengal. Either roll back the toilet of construct one Kolkotta.

Rahul Gandhi: This proves my theory of two Indias. There are millions who don't have decent toilets to shit and then we have such toilets but people who just can't shit.

The 'Other' India !

Digvijay Singh: This is a Sangh Parivar conspiracy to smear shit on the Congress and Gandhi-Nehru family. We will not allow them to succeed.

Kapil Sibal: Shit or no shit, we can prove that it is not a national waste but just a notional waste !

M. S. Dhoni: Well of course, there was no decent toilet facility in Siachen Glacier. We have to keep our calm and remember you can't win always. Shit happens, oops it happens. The final result is not in our hands, but we have to keep performing.

Sachin Tendulkar: Aila, I just said no for a bungalow. If I knew making shit was so expensive in Delhi, I would have said no to the Rajya Sabha seat also.

Virendra Sehwag: I will play my natural game. The kind of toilet doesn't change my approach to shit. If there is width, I will attack. There is no question of changing my approach.

Narendra Modi: It is a clear cut Italian conspiracy. They have used Italian tiles, Italian marbles and Italian granite and even Italian Engineers to please their Madam. They can even import Italian shit now.

Yeddiyurappa:  People of Karnataka want me back in my shit, I mean my seat. Otherwise people will bring down this illegal government with the help of illegal Kings of mine.

Baba Ramdev: I have a strong doubt, they have constructed this place not to make shit, but to hide the black money. Otherwise why are they planning to restrict visitors with card entry ?

Anna Hazare: With the money they have wasted, they could have passed the Jan Lokpal bill. Instead, they have made arrangement to pass motion. I prefer to fast till death than shit in those toilets !

Aamir Khan: Shit happens, but in the end, "Satyameva Jayate" will be a big hit !

Shah Rukh Khan: My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist. Then why this card for entry to a place where we go to shit ? Trust me, in Kolkotta, you can do it anywhere !

Salman Khan: Critics call my movies shit. This toilet cost just 35 lakhs. Sanjay Leela Bhansali's sets cost much more than that. And my movies make more than 100 Crores. Mujh par ek ehsaan kar ke mujh par koi ehsaan mat kar. I don't need anyone else' toilets. I will pass my own shit.

N. S. Sidhu: They have constructed such a monument for that purpose my friend, because the planning commission is full of big big ideas that in reality amount to just a whole load of monumental shit !

And finally...


Montek Singh Ahluwalia: Oye, shit ! I forgot my card. Now what will I do ? It is urgent... eeeeee !!!

Dr. Punned-it

Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan !

Almost a week of incessant 'Happy Republic Day' messages from all and sundries have clogged my in-box. I am not even getting time to delete them. Some have even condemned me for not sending laudatory messages on R-Day.

I am committed to 'Life, Love and Laughter' and forwarding jokes is an addiction. I also used to send messages to all my contacts during most of the festivals. But the last Independence day was spoiled by Tata Indicom which had unilaterally suspended all free messages on Independence Day.

This was at once frustrating and humbling. If the service provider showed pettiness by blocking free messages, I too was not willing to spend my money to send messages on I-Day. Everyone is more than happy to send free messages, but will desist from sending messages when one has to pay for doing so. This realization has sobered my messaging habits.

But this post is not about messages; free or otherwise. This is about Republic of India and the R-Day. Padma awards are being doled out according to the whims of the Political masters. Gigantic celebrations are going on in every Capital. But what is happening in this country ?

Politicians are Preaching and Preachers are Politicking. Cheats teach about morality. People serving the downtrodden face charges of sedition and rot in jail. And a high-profile glamorous writer giving incendiary speeches while sharing the dais with separatist leaders is enjoying freedom of speech. All this happens only in India.

And yes, we have a Government. A Government voted to power by the 'Aam Aadmi'. What is the Government doing ? Here are some questions... But our rulers will never bother to answer them. RTI is just a hogwash.

Black money: We all know a hell of a lot of India's money is stashed away in tax havens and Swiss Banks. But our rulers have shown absolutely no interest to recover it. There are skeletons in the closet. But the Government doesn't want to open it. Why ?

Lal Chowk: We shout on international fora that Kashmir is an integral part of India and then we do THIS. Why does this Government not show the same kind of zeal when it comes to dealing with 'Terrorism' ? Who are they supposed to protect ?

Scam Aadmi: The 'clean and honest' PM kept shielding the 2G-scam accused Minister till it became politically untenable. Even after that, he goes and does THIS ! For this Government, "Scam Aadmi is more important than Aam Aadmi". Can they disprove this ?

Yeddi, Reddy and Cheddi: Waging an open and vociferous battle against corruption in high places, India's Principal Opposition party is playing a different ball game in Karnataka. Yeddi and Reddy brothers have been accused of large scale corruption. But the BJP has shown brazen attitude towards all this. Even the 'Cheddi' which boasts of high moral values has kept mum on this issue. Why ?

Kotwal ka Haath Congress ke Saath: An activist Governor suddenly woken up by his conscience and honesty is after the aforementioned Yeddi. The jury is still out on the Yeddi and Reddy issue. But the "Kotwal" of Karnataka has perhaps gone a little too far in his attempts to cleanse the dirty political scenario in Karnataka. Is he doing this as repentance for his alleged involvement in the release of Mr. Q ?

We have too many questions. But there never will be any answers. NEVER ! Not one Politician worth his 'Khadi' will ever be punished for his misdeeds. So it is a waste of energy and time worrying about these questions.

I remember an old quotable quote: Sau me nabbe be-imaan, Phir bhi Mera Bharat Mahaan ! Every walk of life in this country boasts of special rights to 'Minorities'. Appeasing the minorities is a full time vocation for a whole spectrum of Politicians.

But one silent Minority neither gets any recognition, nor any protection. If fact, the 10% Minority called 'Honest Persons' will mostly face THIS or THIS !

And we, the middle-class will continue to cry over the cost of onion and continue to order family size Pizzas and wait for the 'Delivery within 30 minutes' !

Mera Bharat Mahaan indeed !


Dr. Pun-dit