Tea with Salt, Some Pride and More Prejudices !

"All generalizations are wrong", said some wise man, "including this one !". But we all tend to generalize when it comes to what is right and what is wrong, according to us. We were chatting about the nice Tea served in our Hospital canteen. I casually told, "In certain parts of Himachal Pradesh, they drink Tea with salt". Immediately a sister shot back, "Ayyo God, what is that horrible taste ? Yuck. Thulasi sister gave tea with salt to her husband on April Fool's day !"

This put me in thinking mode. It is true that most people in the world drink Tea; with milk, without milk, with sugar, without sugar and with a lot of flavors. But not many drink Tea with salt. But does that make it wrong ? It just represents the taste of a population or perhaps an ethnic group. But very heavily opinionated are we and thus we think what others do is weird ! This has been discussed on this blog earlier.

People have no problem with Jasmin Tea, Masala Tea, Lemon Tea, Orange Tea, Iced Tea and many more flavors. With or without sugar has been accepted without much problem. But talk about Tea with salt and a lot of people go, "Yuck !". I questioned the wisdom of ridiculing something without tasting. I said, "We can't say like that. Taste differs from region to region, time to time and from people to people."

The sister gave me a lecture, "See Doctor, there is a proportion and combination for all ingredients in everything we consume. We can't add chillies to Payasam and we can't add sugar to Sambar. You can't prepare chicken sambar, it has to be chicken curry. Similarly, vegetables can't be eaten without some coconut grates. blah blah..."

I replied patiently, "Sister, you have got it all wrong. Udupi Brahmins add jaggery to Sambar and they believe Sambar is incomplete without that. You've never tried adding chicken to Sambar. Try that and then decide. I agree we need proportion but combinations can vary. Many people eat pickles with Payasam and you Malayalees eat pappadam with Payasam. Why is that ? You need something extra to the taste, right ? We can never say someone else has yuck taste. To each his or her own"

I must admit, I wasn't quite brave and didn't taste tea with salt when I went to Kullu and Manali in 1999. Looking back in time, I realize I have been terribly judgmental. One of my relatives used to eat jack fruit dipping in coffee and everyone in our ancestral home used to ridicule his tastes and I was one of the everyone. A little teenager I know, loves mangoes with yoghurt and her younger brother thinks that is sick and I did agree with him.

I always wondered how could Gujarati people eat 'jalebis' first thing in the morning and how could Malayalees start a day with 'beef and porotta' when "Idlee - Sambar" was the only thing worth eating for breakfast ! I also have never dared to try the Kerala pickles because they are 'damn too spicy' according to me !

Watching Fazil's "Kaiyethum Doorath" in 2002, I had passed my judgment on Shanu Fazil that this one is a dud. I had even blamed Fazil for trying to make a completely useless son into a star. Almost a decade later, the reinvented Fahad Fazil is on a roll today and being vegetarian, I hate the idea of eating crow !

I have come to understand it is extremely wrong on  anyone's part to decide what is right and what is wrong for others. Well, I am not talking about issues like legal system and such. But generalizing 'our' ways as right and 'their' ways as wrong is plain and simple, wrong !

This exactly is why I have come to distance myself from religions and moved towards free-thinking. I refuse to be bogged down by people who preach about gods and rituals. But I also refuse to interfere with their right to do what they love to do without bothering me. If something gives someone happiness and peace without infringing upon someone else' rights or freedom, so be it !

Satire and sarcasm are two things I have inherited along with the A-Positive blood group. I have often hurt people without intending to and looking back at such instances makes me cringe. But, everyday in life is spent in trying to rise above the superstitions, prejudices and stupidities without trading upon the toes of others. It is tough but I think it is worth trying than live with vainglorious pride and petty prejudices !


Dr. Punned-it

My Mission, My Passion, My Life !

Love is a beautiful, wonderful and enchanting feeling... 

Until it happens to your Daughter !

My Little Angel !

This is a smart quotable quote attributed to Shakespeare by some modern day smart Alec. But it is true, as true as true comes. Only problem is we don't realize this till it perhaps happens and comes to face us face to face.

Why should I think, talk and worry about it now ? Very simple, my little daughter is growing up. As much as I detest this fact, it is true. She will complete 12 years and will graduate into the teen group now.

We know this teenage is the most notorious age. I myself had fallen headlong in love with my English teacher as a 16 year old boy. People call this 'Infatuation'. But try explaining this to the smitten and you will know.

This excessive information era has left this generation of parents in a serious disadvantage. When we were kids, we thought our parents knew a lot. But our kids think their parents know nothing. Seriously they know a lot more than us. Try some of those indecipherable games on your mobile and you know what I mean.

Going back in time to 19 November 1998, I vividly remember the stress I went though when my wife was posted for an elective Cesarean Delivery the next morning. Ignorance for sure is bliss in these kind of situations. Knowing all those horrendous possibilities associated with child birth can make a Doctor waiting to be parent a 'Nut'; which I was on that day !

When finally the moment arrived and we received my own little bundle of energy at around 11:10 AM on 20 November 1998, my life had changed forever. I had become a Father, Dad, Appa or Appe as she prefers to call me. I keep telling all my clients and junior friends, how wonderful a feeling that was and will always be.

Samskruthy is the Name !

All those moments of her growing up are etched in memory. The first gurgle. The kicking. The smile. The crawl. First step. Her walks. Her banter. Cuddling up when she wanted to sleep longer. Every moment is precious. Since I didn't have a video camera, I could only capture her on my still camera. Those are but my most favorite snaps and will always remain so.

At the Qutub Minar - My Most Beautiful Shot to date

Some exceedingly endearing moments are worth living the whole life cherishing them all along. I am particularly fond of the tour to Kullu - Manali in 1999 November. Soon after her first birthday, we three went to Delhi, Kullu and Manali along with my sister, brother in law and my seven month old niece Prajna.

We were traveling by a Sumo Jeep from New Delhi to Manali. We had covered both the little girls with ample warn clothes. The big girls too were well protected. My brother in law, the master of the party was sitting in the front seat. Me, my wife and sister were sitting in the middle seat with the kids.

Till that day, I was only a play thing for my Baby. She came to me when she was awake and wanted to play, and be carried all over the place. But when she wanted to sleep, she went back to her mother and cuddle up to sleep on her laps. Of course with her favorite dish in mouth. Never once did she sleep on my lap.

With Her Mother

But on that memorable day, as she was playing with me through our journey; she started yawning. And even as I expected her to jump to her mother, she actually cuddled up to me, held me tighter and slept on my chest, warm and cozy.

On Her Favorite Seat

This was the most beautiful moment of my life since her birth. As I resisted my wife's attempts to take her away, I also realized an extraordinary truth. Mothering a child is one real achievement. After just about one hour, she woke up and jumped towards her Mom for her feed.

As I tried to free my hands, arms and shoulders I realized my thighs, hands and shoulders were sore and numb. If one hour of carrying a 12kg child can leave you sore, just imagine how all those mothers should be feeling !

This was a moment of accomplishment for me as well as a moment of truth; the irrefutable truth. There isn't an entity greater than Mother on earth. I salute all mothers of this planet; those who ever lived, those who still live and those who will be mothers some day.

Any woman if she feels she is treated any lesser than a man, she should know better. A Man can be a lot of things and more, but he can never be a Mother. And for me that pretty much sums up the gender equation. The only regret I have in life about my relationship with my daughter is I can never be her Mother. Hence I try my best to be as good a Father as possible.

There are but only two occasions I have had to be angry with her. One ended up me deciding never to hurt her again. The second time was on a day when I had to act tough because the situation demanded it. At least I believe so.

My Mom asked her to light the lamp in our Pooja Room on the day we arrived from our native place after an overnight journey. All of us were tired. When she said, she can't light a match stick, I told her it was time she learned to light one. She still didn't like to do it. I cajoled her and even showed her how to light a match stick and then to light an oil wick.

But she wasn't budging. This made me really angry. I told her, "You will light the lamp today come what may". She lit the match stick and promptly burnt her fingers by holding it in wrong position. She started yelling loudly and waited for her doting father to hug her and relieve her of the misery.

But I told sternly, "Look Child, some girls your age light lamps and kitchen hearths and even cook their own food. It will be an insult to all of us if an almost 12 year old girl refuses to learn simple things in life. So, go and wash your fingers in clod water, apply Silverex, come back and light the lamp. You and YOU alone will light it today. And I will have nothing less".

She was sobbing uncontrollably. Though it tugged at my heart, I had to tell her very firmly to stop sobbing and finish the job. She realized she had no escape. So she went ahead and finally lit the matches and the light. Once the work was accomplished, I took my child in my arms, hugged her and broke down because I was forced to be rude to her. I could have spoiled her that day by being lenient. But I love my child too much to spoil her thus.

This post is as much about mothers as it is about a daughter. I would like my child to grow up to be responsible and worthy citizen of this country and the world. The next morning, she came and gave me a hug and a peck and said, "Appe, I lit the lamp today with just one match-stick. I have learned now".

So I told her, "Life is all about learning. We have to keep trying to improve ourselves. Your marks in school don't make you, your effort is what makes you. We don't love those prizes you win, we love YOU. I am not bothered if you don't win a prize or end up getting lesser marks in exams. These things don't make you any lesser for us. I am never bothered by prizes and awards, but it will hurt me if my child doesn't 'TRY'. You keep learning, working and improving. Give your best to everything you do; be it at school, on stage or in music or even a simple thing like lighting a lamp. Nothing will scare you if you know you are doing your best".

She Learned to Swim in 2 days, because she wanted to !

My child will be a mother some day and hopefully she will remember this lesson we both learned that day. I repented being rude to her and kept telling my wife, "I hope I will never have to be angry with her again". I really hope so. I still am not reconciled to the fact that she will be a big girl sooner than later and then will find a man for herself and will have to move on in life.

Watching 'Bidai' scenes in Bollywood movies makes me edgy. Tamil movie 'Abhiyum Naanum' made me emotional. Any mention of her growing up and her marriage makes me jittery. Not because I see that as a responsibility or a burden. But because I don't know how I will cope up with that. People advise me not to be so attached and possessive.

For what is a Daughter born if not to love and be loved ? So I tell people, "All those things you people tell may be inevitable. But as of now, she is my little Darling Angel and let me enjoy her being my child. We will deal with her marriage when we reach there. Now leave us alone to enjoy being Father and Daughter"

As my little Angel takes her first steps into teenage, let me wish her many more wonderful birthdays and all the love, affection, health, success and happiness in life. My life was pretty good before you came, but you have made it complete and meaningful for your Mom and me and all of us.

We love you and cherish you !

My Life, My Mission, My Passion !

20 November 2010
12 Years since the Beautiful Journey began !


Dr. Pun-dit