How "Har Haath Me Mobile" Scheme was born ?

A high level meeting in the Capital city of India in the first week of August 2012. Sonia Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi, Priyanka Gandhi, Robert Gandhi nee Vadra, Manmohan Singh, Chidambaram, Sharad Pawar, Mamta Banerjee, Digvijay Singh, Sushil Kumar Shinde and some more people have gathered in the plush air-conditioned hall. 

The subject: How to conquer 2014 and capture Power ? Here are the excerpts of the meeting. Since it was a long meeting, we bring you only the highlights.

Sonia Gandhi: We all know how my family has sacrificed for the sake of this country and how we continue to sacrifice for the people of this country. So we expect the "Aam aadmi" to understand what we are doing for them and then elect us again without having to be at the mercy of the left alliance. We want to continue with our sacrifices for the country.

A Meeting for the Aam Aadmi

Sushil Kumar Shinde: Yes Madam, we all know the importance of your family. Earlier it was India is Indira and Indira is India. Today it is Sonia is Sonia and Sonia is Sonia. That is why I am ready to kill if you order.

Robert Gandhi: We need people like you Shinde uncle. There are a lot of people who are talking badly about me, my family and my hard earned billions. They definitely need to be killed.

Chidambaram: But Robert Sirji, we can't afford to kill people now. We might lose votes. We are here to consolidate our vote banks.

Priyanka Gandhi: Robert, shut up for now. This is NOT about your family but MY family. Almost all of your family are either dead or have committed suicide. Understand ?

Rahul Gandhi: Like my sister's two families, there are two kind of families in India. Those who can afford to give me food in their huts and those who can't afford to feed me even one meal. We definitely need to do something about it but I don't know what it is.

What a shame, These people can't even feed Rahul Gandhi !

Sharad Pawar: We can solve that easily. We can hold IPL twice every year and with the revenue, we can sanction allowances to Rahul to carry his own food wherever he goes. It is dangerous to eat from those huts. We all know all their food is adulterated. So you better carry your own food and eat safely.

Mamta Banerjee: There are women who have to get down into deep wells and fetch water. The drought like situation has made life miserable for people. Vegetable prices are soaring and "Aam Aadmi" is struggling to make ends meet.

Water-less World !

Sharad Pawar: That is not such a big problem. We'll hold another India - Sri Lanka 7 match ODI series. We can utilize the money to import drinking water for the people. They can also drink the finely brewed wine from my vineyards.

Rahul Gandhi: We must have a reservation for minorities in the drinking water. We'll reserve 18% of the drinking water for minorities and nobody should be allowed to drink water during fasting hours of Ramzan.

Mamta Banerjee: But we don't have any water now to reserve...

Digvijay Singh: Water is there or not is not the question now. Since Rahul Baba has told, we MUST reserve 18% water for minorities. Rahul Baba MUST take lead role in the government.

Kapil Sibal: We also had this power problem...

Sharad Pawar: [Thumping the table] What was that ? I just wanted to be No. 2 in the government. You can't call that a problem. It is my birth right !

Chidambaram: Oh, Pawar-ji it was about power, I mean the northern grid failure and not about you. People demanded someone must be held accountable for the power failure.

Sonia Gandhi: Yes, I definitely said someone must be held responsible for that. People will ask questions. So I told Manmohan-ji to send the Power Minister to Home. He misunderstood and sent him to Home Ministry.

Sushil Kumar Shinde: Don't be so cruel Madam. I am a loyal soldier and servant of your family. I am at home in Home ministry. Maine aap ka namak khaaya hai !

Sonia Gandhi: [Whispers to Shinde]: I know Shinde-ji. That is why I did this. I just wanted MMS to be blamed if people ask questions !

Mamta Banerjee: We have been talking so long and so many things. But we haven't arrived at a consensus as to how will we capture 2014. How will we manage to face the "Aam Aadmi" during elections ?

Manmohan Singh [Opening his mouth for the first time]: May I say something Madam ?

Sonia Gandhi nods and says: Well, what is it ? We have no time. Robert has to go to gym and Priyanka has to go to the beauty parlor. And poor Rahul needs to catch up with his girlfriend. So tell it quickly...

Manmohan Singh: I have been Prime Minister for over 8 years now. But I have never known what is power. I have never even managed to open my mouth, leave alone talking. People keep ridiculing me about this. You all must realize how empowered I feel right now, when I am allowed to talk by Madam. So I think the only way to make people feel we have empowered them is by allowing them to talk. Instead of talking about our governance and policies, let them talk over the mobile phones instead. This will keep them busy sending missed calls between themselves. So how about giving mobile phones to the people below the poverty line ?

Everyone agreed in a chorus about this landmark and revolutionary idea. This is how the "Rajiv Gandhi Har Haath Me Mobile" scheme worth Rs. 7000 Crores was born. 






Dr. Punned-it

Palm Wine, Fenny and My Experiments with Truth !

In Vino Veritas; In Wine Lies The Truth !

I have often been dismissed as a hopeless and completely useless appendage by my friends and advised to mend my ways for a hip, happy and happening life. My Mom comforts herself in the belief that her son is 'clean' at the age of 42. One good thing about me is there is at least one reason for my wife to be happy about her husband.

The reason for all this is that I don't 'drink'. Thus according to my friends, I have wasted almost 60% of my life while expecting to kick the bucket at 70. The tragedy if I die much earlier isn't just that I will be merely kicking the bucket. But I will be doing so by considerably increasing the percentage of the wasted life !

But am I really a teetotaler ? Historically speaking, nope ! I am not the 'good son' my Mom has always believed me to be. Nor my wife is fully right about my virgin status when it comes to the ultimate 'truth serum' also known as alcohol !

In vino veritas: In wine there is the truth. The centuries old wisdom has more than a pint of truth in it. I have seen most of my friends becoming extremely generous, emotional and truthful after downing a couple of pegs. So what if it isn't strictly wine they are consuming ? All forms of alcohol has been included in the category when they said, "In wine lies the truth". Perhaps the intensity of truth varies with the concentration of the serum in the liquid.

Can we actually say, "In wine lies the truth" ? Doesn't it becomes an oxymoron ? How can the truth lie ? Well, that wanders into the linguistic domain and that will require another post. I have written about the "Spiritual aspects of the Truth Serum" before. This is about MY experiments with the "Truth serum" and let me come back to that.

My earliest experiment with truth began at a very young boy, perhaps at 7 years of age. We used to have a guy called Chukudu bringing us freshly distilled 'Palm Wine'. It used to be sweet and very tasty. It was believed to be good for the underweight kids with lack of appetite. I was so underweight those days, even the good old 'Kallu' couldn't help my appetite. I don't remember when and why it stopped flowing. Perhaps the fear of boys growing up with addiction ended it all.

small G !

By the time I was 10 years old, I graduated to serious stuff.  There always was a stock of Goan Cashew Fenny in our home. It was supposed to be good for the cold and fever. Our grandfather used to give us this semi-sweet but funny tasting liquid in small ounce glasses when we had cold and fever. I don't know how I developed a liking for this stuff. On a fine rainy day, I ended up guzzling quite a lot of it in small quantities at small intervals without any of the elders coming to know. I replaced the liquid with equal quantity of water each time. I ended up sleeping almost an entire day and beyond after that. May be because I realized it was the effect of the burning liquid, I gave up on that. Even though nobody at home came to know of this adventure, grandpa was heard complaining about the Fenny having lost its potency !

Joining Medical College Bellary brought me to a new world. There were teenaged boys getting a feel of the freedom for the first time during hostel life. A lot of boys lost their alcohol virginity. I stayed off alcohol may be because of the financial implications or may be because of the promise I had made to my Mom. I am not sure if it was the good son or the helpless son who remained teetotaler.

But that doesn't mean I don't like alcohol. I have guzzled down those Ayurvedic "Arishtams" during childhood. I used to love them and I love them even today; especially the "Dashamoolarishtam". That definitely proves I do like alcohol when they come in the taste that suits me.

I have enjoyed the "Grape wine" prepared by Christian aunties in Kerala. Many of them have been kind to offer me bottles of this sweet and tasty beverage every year. I have stayed off this 'wine' for sometime now after I developed severe acidity following ingestion of a whole bottle of that during a holiday with my cousins in Nelliampathy about 6 years ago.

During our rainy holiday in Madikeri in August 2008, I obliged my friends and ordered some wine. But this wine was not the grape wine I had enjoyed. It turned out to be something stronger and hit me hard. I ended up with a burned tummy and a spinning head. But managed to survive to write this story.

Rain, Wine and Dine !

During our Bellary Alumni Reunion with the delicious acronym BAR in December 2010, Murali tried to graduate me with his brand of a cocktail or mock tail. But it turned out to be a knock-tail and was really damn-awful. I had to disappoint him and ended up as miserable as I always have been. But the BAR definitely was a great experience.

Raising the BAR !

Finally we come to "Zindagee Na Milegi Dobara" in December 2011 in Kundapur. The night of 26 December, I was finally convinced to take 'at least something'. So I took about 5ml of some drink and mixed it with 300ml of Sprite and then sat with the men as a man. Unfortunately, I still couldn't finish that drink. Next day on the island, Dabs forced me to finish off what was left at the bottom of a beer bottle. Thus finally, my hitherto wasted life has been given some kind of salvation  !

Truth seekers on isolated island !

Kingfisher Grounded !

Hence at last, I have truly and truthfully gained the legitimacy to say and write, "Live, Love and Laugh !"




Dr. Punned-it

The Boy Farmer and the Malgoa Tree !

I am returning to my Blog after a hiatus of 3 weeks, thanks to some personal problems and some more at home. All things are taking their own time to settle down. But life still is beautiful to keep me away from "Live, Love and Laugh" any longer. 

Ajay Pai, a Facebook friend and a real life friend updated his status "Only a few people can feel the rain, others just get wet! :D". I replied with, "I feel, I live and I breathe rain ! I am Rain !"

My relationship with rain is an affair for a life time. A Blog-post can never aspire to do justice to this topic. Hence I wouldn't attempt it here. Some day I might try writing a novel if I get that far. Today, let me narrate a story. Well, two in fact.

The Boy-Farmer 

Once upon a time, there was a little boy in a small town. Let us name him Raju because he was very fond of Raj Kapoor. And let us name the town Karkala. Like all boys, he was full of mischief, fun and zeal for life. Raju did two years of his primary school staying at his maternal grandfather's house with his elder sister and cousins. That was because his Mom had difficulty managing a precocious little boy and his baby sister.

Raju subsequently moved to his father's house along with his elder sister when he was 7. Though these places were just 2 km apart, culturally they were totally different.

Raju father's house was a busy, bustling and big place with over 20 people and a lot of workers. This place was always brimming with activity. They had three shops right in front of the house and there never was dearth of action. Though the paternal grandfather was a disciplinarian, the general atmosphere still was jovial. There were movies, music and masti. The boys and girls grew up on Mukesh, Manna Dey, Mohammed Rafi, Lata, Raj Kapoor and Bachchan.

But the maternal home was different. Grandfather was an award winning farmer. Uncle had a small hotel that was famous for the onion uthappa. Grand-mom was an angelic lady who took care of everyone around till she fell ill. There were paddy fields, coconut and areca farms and a lot of vegetable was grown all over. It was brown and green all over. On the negative side, but for the fantastic Mama, there was little to cheer at home.

Living in such a place inculcated in Raju an early love for plants and gardening. He loved to look after the farms, water the crops and helping with odd jobs. But the grandpa being the tough guy he was, never allowed the boys to meddle with his flora. Into Class 3, Raju moved to his father's house and settled down with a new school and new set of friends.

They had an acre of land adjacent to their house with a lot of coconut trees, mango tress, cashew trees and a small flower garden. Once the boy saw this, he started attending the garden. Gradually it became a routine for the 8 year old. Every evening, he spent at least an hour with his 'friends'. The little boy started talking to his friends and they did listen to him.

Within next three years, Raju planted and 'brought up' butter beans, brinjal, several different types of Dahlias and many more vegetables in a small patch of land close to the well. He and his cousin made use of the farm and even had their own cozy little tree-house on the branches of a tall mango tree. Apart from this, Raju did a lot of gardening at school too.

And then tragedy struck on a fateful winter day. Coming back from school in the evening, he rushed to his garden to see the whole place decimated. Parbu, the man hired by his grandpa to clean the garden had completely weeded out his garden of flowers, vegetables and cotton plant.

Raju was shattered. He cursed and scolded the dirty old man and complained to elders about carnage. Parbu had left the weed in other parts of the farm to stand and demolished his garden of Eden brought up with 3 years of hard work in just one afternoon. But the elders were totally insensitive. The Grandpa even admonished him for being rude to the destroyer.

The little farmer was devastated. He couldn't swallow the tragedy of seeing his friends lying there mowed down to earth. Adding insult to injury, the old man got away Scott free. It was murder, in fact mass genocide. But he had no sympathizers. Those people who had gorged on his vegetables conveniently preferred to forget all that and looked away.

His Mom did commiserate with him. But she couldn't have done anything more. With a broken heart and a sulking mind, Raju decided never to plant another sapling in his life; he never did ! May be, a passionate farmer or a gardener or an agriculturist was assassinated that day along with his beloved plants.

A depressing tale is not all I have to tell. There is a beautiful sequel to this story. That is the story of... 

The Malgoa Tree !  

The boy grew up with his love for the greenery intact. Though he never owned a plant, he never allowed any harm being heaped on trees or plants. As we already know, they had many mango trees in their farm. One of them was a Malgoa tree. It was a unique tree because the mangoes it yielded were huge. They were as big as coconuts. Though the number of mangoes were 125 - 150 every year, it was a sensation for the size and the taste. Every year, relatives and friends used to wait for their share of the wonder-fruit.

Malgoa: What we had were much bigger than these !

Raju moved to a barren place in 1988 for his studies, aiming for a greener future. Perhaps as a coincidence, the Malgoa tree started to dwindle in yield. The numbers had fallen to single digit and by 1990, it was completely barren. It yielded not a single mango for next 6 years.

In 1997, the family decided to cut it off and clear the area because it was a huge tree and was now becoming nuisance. Raju was now working and living away from home. With time, he was now known as Raj. He had to voice his opinion now because it concerned his love for the tree. He pleaded with everyone at home to spare the tree for one more year, just one more !

The summer of 1998 was a windfall. The tree yielded over 180 huge and lovely mangoes. Everyone was surprised but not Raj. He knew that would happen. Knowing the nature of humans, the Malgoa tree decided to end it all the next summer and succumbed to ravages of time. But it did so after a last hurrah.

The little boy turned Doctor was convinced of one thing. Jagadishchandra Bose was right.

The plants do have life. Why, they even listen to, understand and love those who love them !



Dr. Punnedit

Dumb Dumb Shiga Shiga : A Ward Story !

It is a good three weeks since I came around on 'Live, Love and Laugh". Not because there is any dearth of Life, Love or Laughter. It is just that I have been overtly busy "Doctoring the Balls !!!". Cricket after all is life and love for me ! It makes me enjoy, love, laugh, brood and then laugh again in the end.

Here is a small anecdote that happened today. I had to narrate it right here because it is simply way too funny at the end of the day to miss. And it has nothing to do with Cricket.

I visit our in-patients in the wards thrice every day. First visit very early in the morning to update prognosis. Then I join my Boss for the regular rounds. Later in the afternoon, I do a review rounds when I visit selected patients depending upon the condition.

Thus I went about an hour ago for my afternoon rounds today. There is this overtly talkative 74 year old lady admitted with a Lower Respiratory Infection. She had severe bouts of cough and off and on wheeze. I had advised her to rest well and not to talk too much. When I went to her ward, she was sleeping peacefully.

Happy that she was resting well, I told the Nurse on rounds, "Good that she is resting. I don't want to disturb her. Tell her I did come visiting when she wakes up". I turned around and was just leaving the ward. Suddenly this Staff Nurse, a girl in her early twenties rapidly walked towards the sleeping patient and woke her up with a quick jerk and told the patient, "Amma, the Doctor had come for rounds and he went off because you were sleeping".

This was infuriating. I asked her, "Why on earth did you wake her up ? What was the need to tell her now ? I told you to inform her when she wakes up...". But the girl very calmly replied, "I didn't want to forget it Sir. That is why I told her now itself !". I just asked her one more question, "What is your name ?". "Shiga" came the reply. Whatever that means !

I have seen girls, idiots and God-damned Dumb Nurses. But this was something different. There was no use in admonishing her because she just couldn't understand what the whole issue was.

So that is life after all. And in spite of all this and more, I manage to Live, Love and Laugh and share it too !


Dr. Pun-dit