My Mission, My Passion, My Life !

Love is a beautiful, wonderful and enchanting feeling... 

Until it happens to your Daughter !

My Little Angel !

This is a smart quotable quote attributed to Shakespeare by some modern day smart Alec. But it is true, as true as true comes. Only problem is we don't realize this till it perhaps happens and comes to face us face to face.

Why should I think, talk and worry about it now ? Very simple, my little daughter is growing up. As much as I detest this fact, it is true. She will complete 12 years and will graduate into the teen group now.

We know this teenage is the most notorious age. I myself had fallen headlong in love with my English teacher as a 16 year old boy. People call this 'Infatuation'. But try explaining this to the smitten and you will know.

This excessive information era has left this generation of parents in a serious disadvantage. When we were kids, we thought our parents knew a lot. But our kids think their parents know nothing. Seriously they know a lot more than us. Try some of those indecipherable games on your mobile and you know what I mean.

Going back in time to 19 November 1998, I vividly remember the stress I went though when my wife was posted for an elective Cesarean Delivery the next morning. Ignorance for sure is bliss in these kind of situations. Knowing all those horrendous possibilities associated with child birth can make a Doctor waiting to be parent a 'Nut'; which I was on that day !

When finally the moment arrived and we received my own little bundle of energy at around 11:10 AM on 20 November 1998, my life had changed forever. I had become a Father, Dad, Appa or Appe as she prefers to call me. I keep telling all my clients and junior friends, how wonderful a feeling that was and will always be.

Samskruthy is the Name !

All those moments of her growing up are etched in memory. The first gurgle. The kicking. The smile. The crawl. First step. Her walks. Her banter. Cuddling up when she wanted to sleep longer. Every moment is precious. Since I didn't have a video camera, I could only capture her on my still camera. Those are but my most favorite snaps and will always remain so.

At the Qutub Minar - My Most Beautiful Shot to date

Some exceedingly endearing moments are worth living the whole life cherishing them all along. I am particularly fond of the tour to Kullu - Manali in 1999 November. Soon after her first birthday, we three went to Delhi, Kullu and Manali along with my sister, brother in law and my seven month old niece Prajna.

We were traveling by a Sumo Jeep from New Delhi to Manali. We had covered both the little girls with ample warn clothes. The big girls too were well protected. My brother in law, the master of the party was sitting in the front seat. Me, my wife and sister were sitting in the middle seat with the kids.

Till that day, I was only a play thing for my Baby. She came to me when she was awake and wanted to play, and be carried all over the place. But when she wanted to sleep, she went back to her mother and cuddle up to sleep on her laps. Of course with her favorite dish in mouth. Never once did she sleep on my lap.

With Her Mother

But on that memorable day, as she was playing with me through our journey; she started yawning. And even as I expected her to jump to her mother, she actually cuddled up to me, held me tighter and slept on my chest, warm and cozy.

On Her Favorite Seat

This was the most beautiful moment of my life since her birth. As I resisted my wife's attempts to take her away, I also realized an extraordinary truth. Mothering a child is one real achievement. After just about one hour, she woke up and jumped towards her Mom for her feed.

As I tried to free my hands, arms and shoulders I realized my thighs, hands and shoulders were sore and numb. If one hour of carrying a 12kg child can leave you sore, just imagine how all those mothers should be feeling !

This was a moment of accomplishment for me as well as a moment of truth; the irrefutable truth. There isn't an entity greater than Mother on earth. I salute all mothers of this planet; those who ever lived, those who still live and those who will be mothers some day.

Any woman if she feels she is treated any lesser than a man, she should know better. A Man can be a lot of things and more, but he can never be a Mother. And for me that pretty much sums up the gender equation. The only regret I have in life about my relationship with my daughter is I can never be her Mother. Hence I try my best to be as good a Father as possible.

There are but only two occasions I have had to be angry with her. One ended up me deciding never to hurt her again. The second time was on a day when I had to act tough because the situation demanded it. At least I believe so.

My Mom asked her to light the lamp in our Pooja Room on the day we arrived from our native place after an overnight journey. All of us were tired. When she said, she can't light a match stick, I told her it was time she learned to light one. She still didn't like to do it. I cajoled her and even showed her how to light a match stick and then to light an oil wick.

But she wasn't budging. This made me really angry. I told her, "You will light the lamp today come what may". She lit the match stick and promptly burnt her fingers by holding it in wrong position. She started yelling loudly and waited for her doting father to hug her and relieve her of the misery.

But I told sternly, "Look Child, some girls your age light lamps and kitchen hearths and even cook their own food. It will be an insult to all of us if an almost 12 year old girl refuses to learn simple things in life. So, go and wash your fingers in clod water, apply Silverex, come back and light the lamp. You and YOU alone will light it today. And I will have nothing less".

She was sobbing uncontrollably. Though it tugged at my heart, I had to tell her very firmly to stop sobbing and finish the job. She realized she had no escape. So she went ahead and finally lit the matches and the light. Once the work was accomplished, I took my child in my arms, hugged her and broke down because I was forced to be rude to her. I could have spoiled her that day by being lenient. But I love my child too much to spoil her thus.

This post is as much about mothers as it is about a daughter. I would like my child to grow up to be responsible and worthy citizen of this country and the world. The next morning, she came and gave me a hug and a peck and said, "Appe, I lit the lamp today with just one match-stick. I have learned now".

So I told her, "Life is all about learning. We have to keep trying to improve ourselves. Your marks in school don't make you, your effort is what makes you. We don't love those prizes you win, we love YOU. I am not bothered if you don't win a prize or end up getting lesser marks in exams. These things don't make you any lesser for us. I am never bothered by prizes and awards, but it will hurt me if my child doesn't 'TRY'. You keep learning, working and improving. Give your best to everything you do; be it at school, on stage or in music or even a simple thing like lighting a lamp. Nothing will scare you if you know you are doing your best".

She Learned to Swim in 2 days, because she wanted to !

My child will be a mother some day and hopefully she will remember this lesson we both learned that day. I repented being rude to her and kept telling my wife, "I hope I will never have to be angry with her again". I really hope so. I still am not reconciled to the fact that she will be a big girl sooner than later and then will find a man for herself and will have to move on in life.

Watching 'Bidai' scenes in Bollywood movies makes me edgy. Tamil movie 'Abhiyum Naanum' made me emotional. Any mention of her growing up and her marriage makes me jittery. Not because I see that as a responsibility or a burden. But because I don't know how I will cope up with that. People advise me not to be so attached and possessive.

For what is a Daughter born if not to love and be loved ? So I tell people, "All those things you people tell may be inevitable. But as of now, she is my little Darling Angel and let me enjoy her being my child. We will deal with her marriage when we reach there. Now leave us alone to enjoy being Father and Daughter"

As my little Angel takes her first steps into teenage, let me wish her many more wonderful birthdays and all the love, affection, health, success and happiness in life. My life was pretty good before you came, but you have made it complete and meaningful for your Mom and me and all of us.

We love you and cherish you !

My Life, My Mission, My Passion !

20 November 2010
12 Years since the Beautiful Journey began !


Dr. Pun-dit

Those Wonderful Little Things !

Proud Father of a Loving Daughter !

Life truly is strange. Little things in life make a big difference to us and little kids often humble us. I am talking about my own kid. My most precious treasure that is my Daughter.

She is all of ten years old and is in Class VI. Her name is Samskruthy. The meaning of this word is civilization or culture. I had always kept this close to my heart and wanted to name my daughter Samskruthy.

I always yearned for a baby girl for myself even while I was a very young boy. When I was 21 or so, I decided to name her Samskruthy ! I married 5 years later and she came another year later. Ever since, my life and that of my wife has revolved around her.

I am a proud father because my child is a fairly nice kid and is reasonably good at studies. She also loves to sing and dance, like most of the kids. I have encouraged her to do what she loves. She is pretty famous with her friends, teachers and even my friends because of her nature, looks and talent.

I have thought of my daughter to be very lucky because she was ‘blessed’ with a doting father and a loving family. It never really struck me how much my little one loved me and what I meant to her. And then happened this ‘Little’ incident during our recent visit to Goa.

It was a family affair at Goa with a lot of people from my father’s family gathering for a function. Since we settled down in Kochi about a decade ago, our visits to my native place and to our family members have been rare and only for special occasions.

My little one was thoroughly enjoying the affection and adulation of people from my place. Everyone was talking about how cute and beautiful she has grown up into. Every adult was congratulating me for having a very obedient child.

And then there were the other children; the children of my cousins. One teen-aged boy whose name is Sreenivas aka Shinnu was the leader of the pack. There was Venkatraman aka Ajay, Anusree aka Ammunu and Kanthisree aka Tipny. Shinnu was very keen to play 'Big Brother' to my daughter because he rarely got a chance to do that due to the distance between our places.

We were staying in rooms attached to the Maha Lakshmi Temple at Ponda. We had to walk about three quarters of a kilometer to the canteen for the dinner. On our way, I was walking ahead of all. Shinnu was leading the kids a few paces behind me. They were chatting and were generally enjoying.

Shinnu suddenly asked my daughter, “Who is your favorite hero ?” I overheard my little one tell “Govind Raj Shenoy” This was absolutely unexpected for all of us around and it completely humbled me and Shinnu was absolutely surprised.

He came running to me and was ecstatic ! He was shouting jubilantly, “Govind Bappa it is so wonderful to hear Samskruthy. Simply superb ! I expected her to come up with answers like Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan or Hritik Roshan. But what she told means 'My Father is my Hero' India will be a much better place with a father like you and a daughter like her !”

Now, isn’t it cute, touching, heartwarming, humbling, overwhelming and love-inspiring all at once ? I am writing this with a real lump-in-the-throat feeling.

I don’t know if India will be a better place with fathers like me, but it sure will be a wonderful place with daughters like HER ! I have learned a very precious lesson about love and affection and I shall remember and treasure this !

Dr. Pun-dit