Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ?

 Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ? Or Why Cricket is Mathematics ?

Pre-Script: This is an original research article done on my Cricket blog. But since I realized this is more about numbers, Gods and Mathematics; this deserves to be on "Live, Love and Laugh". So I am re-posting it here with my own due permission !

Disclaimer: This is an original research article and hence might appear extremely long. Any perceived humor in any part of this article is unintended and is purely accidental like the 23.5 degree bend of Saeed Ajmal's elbow. If any part / parts of this piece appear disjointed like Suresh Raina's technique, that too is coincidental. The author holds all copyrights over the article. Any reproduction of any part of this post done any time in the past by anyone should be considered as pardonable acts of flattery.

While I was bothered by India missing out on an Asia Cup Final berth, most of India was busy celebrating Tendulkar’s 100^th 100. So I was wondering, “Is there something wrong with me ? Why am I hurt so much when even the players don’t appear to be hurt by losing the Asia Cup crown they had held thus far ?”

A Soccer fan on Facebook who hates Cricket pestered me a lot the other day. He refused to recognize Cricket World Cup and believed Soccer fans are jovial and Cricket fans turn violent if someone derides Cricket. He used a lot of convoluted logic and then demanded that I must give up on Cricket because I happen to be a Doctor and because one of his teachers believed Cricket meant Crick [whatever that meant].

After banishing him to pavilion, oops oblivion; I sat down and thought; “Why is Cricket so popular in India ? And why do I love it so much ?”. Since I am a hardcore Indian, who has never ventured out of the borders, if I find an answer to why Indians love Cricket so much, we’ll know the answer to why I love it so much !

Here is what I have come to understand why the game is so humongous in India ! The reason is Cricket is a religion in India and we knew it long ago. We have the proof for that and will give a link at the end of this post.

We Indians found out ‘Zero’ and we hold on to the Zero with all the love, affection and even jingoism. We celebrate ‘Numbers’ and Mathematics. Just take a look at our festivals, “Nav Ratra or Dusshera”. They denote numbers. Just imagine the Australians referring to the Don as “99.94 Sir Don Bradman” ! That never happens. But we revere our Swamis with “108 Sri So and So Swami” and “1008 Sri So and So Swami” and so on.

I am often confused about our rituals ‘Sahasra Kumbhabhishekam’, ‘Laksharchana’, “Shata-Koti Rama-naama Japa Utsav” and many such magnificent numbers. I don’t know if we are celebrating the Gods or the numbers. No wonder we are brought up with imposition like “Write this 500 times”.

When someone completes 84 years and 4 months, we celebrate "Sahasra Poorna Chandra Darshan" that indicates the person has witnessed 1000 full moons. That is apart from the small numbers like "Shasti poorti" or 60th birthday or "Sapthathi" or 70th birthday. We also celebrate western influenced Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum jubilees. We are a land of an over a billion number of people who love celebrating numbers and landmarks; more the merrier !

We have a Trinity of Gods and many Cricket fanatic Indians equate the 3 Stumps to the 3 Gods; Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. We have 33 Crore Gods and we adore a man with over 33,000 international runs as God. How we love our bloated numbers can be understood by taking a look at our ‘Puranas’. 

The creator Brahma had four heads. Vishnu had four hands and Shiva had a ‘Third eye’. Cricket maniacs would love to compare Shiva with ‘Third Umpire’ or the four hands of Vishnu with a ‘Boundary Hit’. A ‘Sixer’ will be equated to ‘Shanmukha’ the God with six faces who went around the world on a peacock, again the national bird of India.

Imagine what Ravan would have done as a Bowler !

Even our villains were no lesser. Ravan was supposed to have had 10 heads, though one always wonders how he managed symmetry and equilibrium with that rather odd looking even number of heads. If Ravan were to play Cricket, would he be considered as one player or ten different players ? Very tough question before the ICC. Thankfully I am not on the ICC and neither is Ravan playing Cricket today.

Cricket Sri Lanka would have done their best to prove that was a congenital deformity that he was born with 10 heads and 20 hands. Murali with just 2 hands was more than a handful for the batsmen. Imagine the confusion the batsman would have faced as to which hand was Ravan going to bowl. Just mind-boggling !

Well, I have digressed from numbers to Ravan. Let me come back to Cricket and the love for numbers. No other sport celebrates numbers like Cricket. We have half-century, century, double century, triple century, quadruple century and a fifty between each landmark. We have five-for as a matter of celebration for a bowler and then 10 wickets in a match. We have seen different kinds of celebrations by different batsmen on reaching the coveted mark. Why a century ? We even had a player do an impromptu dance on the pitch after hitting a six !

Every time Sachin Tendulkar steps on the ground, he is creating a new record. He will retire with the record of holding the most number of records in any sport. I think he already has crossed a century of them; the number of records he is holding.

Every moment in a Cricket match brings out numbers. Kids who play or watch Cricket regularly will be very sound in Mathematics. They will calculate the required run-rate after every over and will be full and thorough with their fractions. How a required rate of 6.15 RPO becomes 6.67 after a maiden over; only a Cricket kid can tell. No other kids can do the Maths in the mind like the Cricket kids. The economy rate, the RPO, the batting average, the bowling average and the strike rate; Cricket has numbers within numbers within numbers and then more numbers, records and then Sachin Tendulkar.

Most of the games and sporting events are over and done within minutes, hours or at worst a day. Mike Tyson had once finished a boxing bout even before people could settle down in their seats. Whereas a Cricket Test match lasts almost a third of an entire Olympic game or a Grand-slam Tennis tourney, 2 days longer than the Davis Cup Final and almost as long as a North Indian wedding discounting the first night. Cricket is nothing but pure and unadulterated Mathematics simplified and made enjoyable for all age groups !

Diving deeper into the matter of Maths, Cricket is played inside an Oval with a quadrilateral pitch in the middle with cylindrical stumps on both ends of the pitch. The ball is a perfect sphere, though it can change shapes when certain highly talented bowlers are in action. The bat and ball have specified weight and size guidelines. We have square cut and square drive which actually are played square of the wicket but somehow end up at point or third-man.

The good batsman is expected to play within the 'V' or the triangle. A bowler's wrist, elbow and the shoulder should have prescribed angles unless he is born with a deformity or has acquired one due to an accident. The concepts of 'line and length' can never be explained better in any other sport. Ajit Agarkar and Irfan Pathan will stand testimony to this. Ask Sehwag about the horizontal bat and Dravid about the straight bat. This simply is a limitless list.

Look at the fielding places. Silly point isn't silly at all; they place the best fielder there. We have slips from where things very rarely slip. Then there is square leg and squarish gully. Fine Third man from one side becomes long on from the other. Mid-wicket is actually far from the mid point of the wicket. Covers and extra-covers often uncover the best of Cricket.

An Indian's love for Cricket is nothing but an extension of the love for numbers and Mathematics. And people think we are crazy, lazy, unproductive and waste time. Far from it, we actually celebrate Mathematics which is the foundation of all that is Science. Those who don't know Cricket will never understand this. In fact, I strongly believe those who hate Cricket are actually bad in Mathematics. I vehemently recommend, we should teach Cricket to all our kids to drive the fear of Mathematics from their minds !

All original research articles tend to be quite long like this one had turned out to be. There already is a Prequel to this. Readers who haven't exhausted their patience or slept off or not lost consciousness are advised to revise their knowledge with the help of the exhaustive original research article.

We will come back with more details, once people are able to read, understand and digest this piece of wisdom !

Dr. Punned-it

Faby and Me; It's a Dog's Life !

I believe there isn't much of a difference between Pets and Pests. Just an additional 's'. My dislike for pets is a product of growing up in a joint family with some people having great affection for the canines. Having a huge black quadruped panting in your living room, sitting next to you wasn't my idea of a home. But I had to tolerate them and that is how my dislike for all pets was born.

My daughter was about 3 years old when she wanted a kitten at home. I just told her, "Okey Baby, we will bring one. That thing will sleep in your room along with you, eat from your plate and sometimes, just sometimes pee in your bed". Story over.

Coming to circa 2011, I still remain a mile away from animals. Love shooting them and have some real nice ones. But my love for the non-human species is mostly a long distance one. I wouldn't mind the swimming variety though. I had a fascination for the aquarium since childhood and have plans to bring one home soon.

The Big Cat Albino - I shot him !

About 10 months ago, we were passing through very difficult period due to the illness and delicate condition of my Father in law. He subsequently passed away in September. There is a dog in our neighborhood. He is a ferocious black fellow living with our next door neighbors.

For 3 days in succession, me and my daughter were scared out of wits by this demon whenever we stepped out of our house. Our requests to rein him met with amused smiles by his owners. On the third day, I had to retaliate. I shouted at them, "You guys rein him in and keep him tied there. Else I will call the Corporation guys and get him bumped off.".

Never saw him since then till last evening. As I was walking back home after finishing my appointments in my clinic, I saw this fellow. He was growling and staring at me, from a distance. I picked up a stone from the road, just to safeguard  myself from an attack. He looked sullen but not aggressive.

All of a sudden, he started talking in Malayalam, "Don't you worry. I am not like you. I don't carry old grudges. I just don't want to live in that jail for another ten months thanks to you". I just rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I thought the soft drink I drank about an hour ago had something in it.

Looking at my discomfiture, he talked again, "No, you aren't hallucinating. If you can afford to own a 'Car that can Talk' and 'Write', your neighbor can own a talking Dog. They love me more than you ever loved your car. You paid a hefty sum for that white monster. I came free. But they still love me. I know it hurt them when they had to keep me in that jail all these days just because of you".

Convinced about the authenticity of the talking dog, I asked him, "So what makes you talk, that too after such a long time ?  And don't you play the victim. It was your ferocious behavior that prompted me to do what I did. I have the responsibility to protect my child. You were threatening us".

He replied, "You totally mistook me then. I wasn't exactly angry or trying to attack you or your daughter. I was just showing my displeasure at you for talking to a neighbor about getting my brethren bumped off. You were being unfair".

I said, "That is rubbish. One of your brethren had scratched me. I was forced to take those injections. They had become a menace around. They were spoiling this place too...". He asked me politely, "Do you have time to talk ? I can prove you wrong and clear your misplaced delusions of grandeur. By the way, my name is Faby".

That was an open challenge from a Dog to a Man. I could not have let the mankind down. So here goes the dialogue...

Faby: First of all, my cousin didn't scratch you intentionally. That was an accident. He was just playing with another cousin and you just happened to bump into him. It was just plain mishap.

Me: Well, it could be true. But he was very rash...

Faby: Look who's talking. You humans have invented such monstrous vehicles that are running amok on the roads. Do you have any idea how many of my brethren have died ? Leave it alone, do you know how many of your own species have gone under those demons ? Don't you have any remorse ?

Me: Well, that is the price we pay for the progress. I don't deny rash drivers. But even they are punished and put behind the bars.

Faby: Don't tell me. My Master was telling a few days ago that your town has seen more than ten major accidents in less than three months. I heard many people were killed by speeding buses and nobody ever got apprehended. And you forced me into that jail for ten months for just barking at you.

Me: Barking ? You were ready to even bite us that night. You don't know how dangerous you can be. You can spread Rabies.

Faby: Don't preach to me. If we bite, we do it openly. You have so many vaccines and medicines to combat Rabies. It isn't as if we cause Rabies. It affects us too and only when we are out of our minds do we cause problems. When it comes to your species, you are dangerous even without any infection.

Me: Oho, can you elaborate on that ?

Faby: Sure, very easy. When we bite, it is visible. We bite with our teeth. You can wash, use Anti-septic and cleanse and survive. When you bite, you do it with your tongue. And you can cause injuries that wouldn't heal for a lifetime. Yours is the only species on Earth that can bite with a tongue. Back biters !

This was turning out to be quite a dogged Dog !

Me: Mmmm, well, I concede that point. But that is because we are an intellectually evolved race. You guys are not. That perhaps is why you can't back bite but just bite back.

Faby: Never bother to teach me. Intellectual human shit. You think that. First of all, never call us 'Guys'. We are happy being dogs, cats and animals. Guys and Gays and all that excreta is for you humans the despicable forms. And what do you think I am doing ? I can understand your language and talk to you too. It is just that humans never tried to understand 'our' language. Have you not seen how we understand your orders and likes and dislikes ?

Me: Tall claims. You seem to be an exceptionally talented Dog. But most of your species just know how to follow and then bark and bite. That isn't intellectual. You just are not a match to us. If what you say is true, why aren't all dogs talking ?

Faby: From thousands of years, we have seen no man can understand or has even tried to understand our language, feelings and emotions. Then why should we talk your language ? We have just one language. In the name of evolution, you have so many languages. You don't know or respect languages or cultures of other people. You are so good at fighting for the sake of language, regions and religions. We are so much better. In fact I even feel ashamed of myself for even comparing ourselves to you inanimal humans.

Me: Fighting and us. Do you know what we call those who fight ? We call 'Dog eat Dog' race. We believe you dogs fight among yourselves ferociously. How can you blame us ?

Faby: I don't deny we do fight. But our fights are one to one fights. Sometimes we may fight in groups. But we don't hurt other animals during our fights. We sort out inter-dog issues between us. But as I told before, we don't back bite. We also don't send mercenaries to bump off those we don't like. We do it like all respectable dogs do. We fight our own battles. You have Mafia, quotation gangs and all those things. You just don't have the guts of animals to wage your own fights. Such mean creatures.

Me: That is just how human race has evolved. We have progressed due to our intellectual superiority. That is why we are your masters. You just don't have the prowess to do anything that we do and you just crib about it.

Faby: Holy cow. Far from it, I must say we don't obey you or anything like that. We just live with the nature. We have our own ways in life. You humans think you have prospered due to brains. But it is us who have used you. You have always worked towards inventing newer things. We just enjoy the benefits. You have seen our masters take us to Doctors who are human. We also eat food prepared by humans. So many of my brethren live in better conditions than you can even imagine. We are given bath by you. Even our excreta is cleaned by your species. You pay your own species to clear off the mess we create. What do we do ? We are supposed to protect you. And from whom are we supposed to protect you ? From yourself or from your own species. Ridiculous !

Me: Okay, you at least agree we give you all the comforts and it is our species who protect your health. That is why we call it humanity.

Faby: Don't start me on that again. It is just business. Your people go to those miserable places called Veterinary Colleges and kill and dissect our species and other animals to learn about our interiors. Why do you do it ? That is business for you. You earn a living out of it. You claim to treat your own species but you do it for your own selfish means. The so called Veterinarians do the same with us. For them we are just clients. But must say, they are a bit better than you human Doctors. You have branched so much, you don't look at your own species as humans any more. You look at people as a heart or a liver or a brain or a pair of kidneys or a leg or a hand. I wonder if you have separate specialists for different fingers of your hands. Pathetic humans !

This was getting tough. A very knowledgeable Canine. I was on a slippery ground and he was scoring well. So I had to counter him. After all, he had attacked my profession !

Me: All progress will have it's own adverse effects. Some good will come with some bad. We have to take it in a collective sense. If we didn't learn so much about ourselves and then about animals, how could we manage to progress ? You are looking at the negatives and missing the big picture. We have brought so much of improvement in health care !

Faby: Health and Care ? Eh. Do you useless humans have even a basic concept of progress ? First you invented all those terrible foods and ate them and developed all those illness you collectively call 'Lifestyle Disorders'. Then you spend millions to find remedies for them. When life began on earth, there was no AIDS, Diabetes, Heart Attack or Stroke. All these came out of your own move from the womb of nature towards the tomb of so called progress. We seldom get stroke, Heart attack or such illnesses. Even if we fall sick, we have innate immunity to cure ourselves. You people have made life impossible with your inventions. For every illness you claim to have found a remedy, newer maladies have appeared and you are still groping in the dark.

Me: That is life, we have to keep moving. There is no end to progress. More challenges, more progress. You and all of your species and other inhabitants have improved because of us.

Faby: That is a load of unholy human shit. You invented wheel and the vehicles on roads have killed millions since. You invented Bomb and you know the destruction it has lead to. You have invented missiles, warheads and what not ? Basically a problem of hatred or ego between two people. Thousands fight to unleash destruction on both sides. Finally what do you have ? Thousands of dead bodies. Your own brethren, dead before their time. Is this what you call progress ?

You people can't even keep quite. Your inventions like mobile phones have wrecked havoc and so many of those sweet chirping birds have vanished. Just see which species has prospered in numbers. All other species have dwindled, only humans have grown in number. Tigers, Lions and Elephants; all wonderful animals have gone down. And mostly because of you and your progress. Miserable !

I really was miserable now. I finally asked him, "How on earth do you know so much ? How can you counter all my points with such conviction ? A Dog simply can't do it ? Who are you ? Please..."

Faby: Well, now you are talking. I am your conscience. I just had to do this act of illusion to get you to talk to yourself. All of you have a Faby inside. But conscience is like a Dog in your world. You let it loose, it will bite you whenever you are not right. So you people leash it, tie it to some imaginary rope of convenience and push it into a cage in the name of propriety. It is when the caged Conscience stops biting back, you start back biting. That is why you humans get the leaders you deserve. Back biters, hatred-mongers, selfish and despicably destructive creatures.

You pride yourselves about Democracy, intellectualism and all those isms. But what do you actually have ? Leaders who lead you down the wrong paths. Those who lead you to fight among your own species. You have so called Religions supposed to bring peace. What actually is happening ? You are torn into pieces by religions. You have Terrorists, Extremists, Naxalites, Insurgents, Thieves, Robbers, Rapists, Child molesters, Criminals, Psychopaths and all kind of abnormal characters. Is this what you call progress ? If THIS is progress, I prefer to live a Dog's Life !

I had arrived at my home with "Ghar aaya mera Pardesi" playing on television !



Dr. Pundit

An Idea called India: A Rhyme with a Reason !

Here are some random thoughts on India; My Country, My Passion and My Mission !

Some effort has gone into rhyming the thought process. But the thought itself is spontaneous.

Though I may sound bitter and negative, I compile these thoughts with a positive outlook.

Looking forward to a better, brighter and bomb-free and scam-free tomorrow !


General Public aka Aam Aadmi

The North, South, East and the West,
We would like to claim we're the Best.
A Cricket victory and a pumping fist,
Pride puffing up our expanding chest.


Unity in Diversity

In the wake of every known adversity,
Harping on about the Unity in Diversity.
Guns and goons culture rules University,
We take it all with extreme insensitivity.


The Poorest of the Poor

Millions live below the line of poverty,
And a few own all cash and property.
Problem is with people of the Country,
Expect little work and alms in bounty.


The Middle Class

Prices sore and all that tastes is sour,
But middle class yells for gimme more.
Ethics and loyalty belong to the yore,
Until the Bosses show them the door.


The Business Class

Consumer is King is what they all say,
Buy something, that makes their day.
Efforts from thence is to keep at bay,
The buyer and while it shines make hay.


The Political Class

Service is the motto but towards oneself,
Cattle class that we are always need help.
Aam Aadmi gloats on Scam Aadmi's pelf,
Heaps of files catching dust in CBI's shelf.


The Leader

One worth his salt wants to be a mass Leader,
During accent uses the masses as the Ladder.
Selling nation for spectrum, cannon and fodder,
How do they manage, you and I've to wonder.


The Parties and Ideologies

The Right is wrong and the Left isn't Right,
All that matters here is Power and Might.
Corruption, loot and skulduggery to fight,
Mirage of the nonexistent Shining Light ?


Our Man

It seems Obama loves our learned Man,
Where Madam is supreme, what he can ?
From Finance he jumped into frying pan,
In his own party, he remains a No-man.


Expectations and Issues

Aam Aadmi needs Bijli, Sadak and Paani,
How to fool them needs knack uncanny.
British left us but not the Babu and crony,
To divide and Rule in a state of the nanny.


The Holy Cow

Everyone has reservations on reservation,
Reasons fearing ballot box reverberation.
Who wants merit when all consideration,
Surround the caste and religious equation.


Neighborhood Trouble

The Dragon above way ahead on all counts,
Pakistan needles and defense budget mounts.
Bengal Tiger scratches, Lankan Lion taunts,
Tiny little Nepal taking big brother for grants.


Foreign Dreams

Software and service dreams in US of A,
Jumping borders for the peanuts they pay.
Man-power without any international say,
Worth shouting Bolo Bharat Mata ki jai !


Worship is Work

Propitiate Gods; fake and the imaginary,
For Pundits, Imams and the Missionary.
Blessings to clear a block in the Coronary,
Worship is work without a true Visionary.


What do we do ?

Problems galore from head down to toe,
Hard work does work we ought to know.
Build a nation united we can and we'd show,
Need to stand up, deliver and take a bow !


An Idea called India

Caste, religion and region let not divide us,
Development and prosperity matter not fuss.
Opportunity waits and let's not miss the bus,
India alone matters and let's work in chorus !




Dr. Pun-dit