Mukundan Swami and his Cricket Language !

He keeps popping up in my life like the 'breaking news' messages on those 24-Hour news channels. He is Mukundan, fondly called "Mukunda Mukunda" or "Dashavatharam" or "Swami" by me and "Kuntham" by his friends as he himself confessed. He's a class nine student in a CBSE school and only son of his doting parents. He knows my daughter too is in class nine and he thinks that might help him. He prefers to converse in English with me because his mother wanted him to improve his English by talking to that Doctor who doesn't speak good Malayalam.

But he is very unlike the teenagers on the Facebook who brag about their hitherto invisible capabilities or who warn us about their attitude. He doesn't like the word 'Dude' being used to address a girl because his Mom told him that is used only for boys. He is a very modest boy with some serious issues with English language, Science and Mathematics.

He was brought to me about 4 years ago with some persistent wheezing problems and after initiating on Inhalers, he had completely recovered from the Asthma that used to plague him. He is fond of me because he believes I had helped him to do what he loved the most; play Cricket ! Cricket is the only thing worth talking about and Sachin Tendulkar is the only God for this 15 year old with a thin mustache threatening to make it's presence felt above his upper lips.

One day, he drops into my Clinic with a doubt, "Saar, egg eating help my muscle build ?". He is from a Tambram family that still remains vegetarian. But he was impressed by a a boy twisting Sachin's arm in an Egg ad on the TV and wanted to know if he could be stronger by eating eggs. His Mom was not averse to cooking eggs for him and I told him to go ahead. He is an Eggetarian now according to himself and says, "I'll never eat chicken. I don't like bones".

His propensity to use Cricket language for every conversation is what makes him endearing to me. When I asked him about the Summative assessment part-1, he replied, "Saar, Malayalam and Social like leg side full toss. I just hit six. English always yorker. Grammar like my Grandmother. I never understand both are very tough and strict. No this thing and no that thing. Like in-swing, out-swing bowling. Ho, life is waste Saare. Don't even ask Max [Maths]. It is all bouncer going top of head. I will go to Max exam with a helmet. My head goes round round seeing question paper. Science is just nonsense Saar. Like Rohit Sharma. Everybody hates but teachers always forcing to study Science. Believe me Saar, ninth standard boy life is very tough. You just can't imagine...". I replied, "Yes my Dear, that is why I chose medical graduation because ninth grade is so very tough !" He got the sarcasm for once and gave a sheepish grin and scooted off.

He is a simple boy who shares most of his happiness and sadness with me. When his mother refused to buy a mobile phone for him, he told me, "Father cool Saar. But mother noballed my mobile. Sometimes she like Steve Buckner Saar. Always against India wrong decision. I now only no mobile boy in my group. All teases me like Jadeja Saar. I feels like out of form dropped batsman Saar".

When he finally got his prized mobile phone, he waved it at me and declared, "Saar, Umpire finally give right decision. I cry, cry and cry and she brought this. Mother is Sehwag like Saar. When good mood, she hit 300 and not good mood, she hit zero. Today, I feels like Sachin Tendulkar 100th 100 Saar. Paavam Mukundan now head lift and walk with friends. Saar all features like blue tooth and all is there. Look like Virat Kohli no ? Stylish !"

"Saar, our neighbor one Paattiamma clean bowled today Saar. She was some sugar, pressure patient. 2 days some problem and today morning not get up only. What Saar, everybody crying and my mother also crying. She was nice, not my Hitler Paatti type. She was 92 Saar. Missed century by 8, very bad Saar. All people crying I thinks like India losted match against Pakistan Saar". This is how he reported the demise of a neighborhood lady.

"Saar, my final exams coming, please pray for me Saar" said Mukundan last week. He added, "I don't know what this CBSE peoples doing. Old kids enjoyed life till class 9. We have board exams even in 9th. You know Saar, it is like a 5 match one day series. First is Monday, Social. That is good. I read 1 paragraph, I write 3 page. It is good batting pitch. Then Wednesday Science Saar. That is most terrific. It is like playing in Perth, Dale Steyn balls. I really want to take helmet to Science and Max exam Saar. Friday is Malayalam. Malayalam in my house not speak, but I manage. After 3 day rest for horror Max next Monday. That is simbly reverse swing Saar. Always confusing. Wednesday English. Grammar Saar, believe me, grammar made by people hate children. Only to torture poor children. If I don't killed, I come see you Wednesday Saar. You know Saar, Sachin Tendulkar, the God failed exams because of Max Saar. Then what is my condition ? Anyway, please pray for me Saar !"

In an age where expecting innocence in boys aged 15 years is like expecting a spinner friendly track in South Africa, Mukundan is a delightful exception and I hope he manages to keep his innocence forever !



Dr. Punned-it

10 Reasons Why It Can't be "The End" on 21 December 2012 ?

The world which was supposed to end at the onset of the new millennium got a fresh lease of life and has survived till now. It is now programmed to end on 21 December 2012. But will it end ? The answer is an emphatic NO !

But why ? What gives me so much of confidence to say so conclusively ? There are hundreds of reasons. But ten most important clinching factors alone can be enumerated in a blog-post and here are the reasons...

Ten Reasons why the world can't end on 21December 2012

1] Rajnikanth's Kochadaiyan hasn't been released. That means, 'The End" has to wait !

2] Congress party has promised to deliver all their promises under the dynamic leadership of Rahul Gandhi if they win the 2014 general elections. It just can't be "The End" !

3] The exact loss to the exchequer in the 2G scam hasn't been determined. It just can't be "The End" without arriving at the exact figure, be it 0 or those facile figures quoted by the CAG !

4] Well of course, Sachin Tendulkar has not retired because it would be selfish to retire when the world needs him more than any time before. The writing is on "The Wall". The God has to take the call in "The End" !

5] Obama has declared the best is ahead for America. If he said so, how can it be "The End" ?

6] Salman Khan has given clear indication that the Tiger wants to be tamed by the Kat. The world has no business to say "The End" till he really becomes "Ek THA Tiger"!

7] My neighborhood uncle aged 87, pooh-poohed the whole issue saying his horoscope says he is destined to live till 96 years and the horoscope can't be wrong. That means we are safe at least till "The End" of 2021 !

8] In 2010, the LIC sanctioned me a home loan for a 15 year tenure. That pushes "The End" a little farther than all other reasons cited !

9] India and Sri Lanka haven't played a bilateral ODI series for a long time now. If it has to be "The End", it has to be during one of those endless ODI series. So the wait is on !

10] "The End" can't be here until India decide how "The End" of Afzal Guru will come; Dengue, heart attack or hanging !

At "The End" of the day, "The End" of the days isn't here. Not so soon !

So let us all relax and wait for the thing most worth waiting for: "Kochadaiyan" !

Not "The End" !!!

Dr. Punned-it

Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ?

 Why Cricket is Religion in the Land of Zero ? Or Why Cricket is Mathematics ?

Pre-Script: This is an original research article done on my Cricket blog. But since I realized this is more about numbers, Gods and Mathematics; this deserves to be on "Live, Love and Laugh". So I am re-posting it here with my own due permission !

Disclaimer: This is an original research article and hence might appear extremely long. Any perceived humor in any part of this article is unintended and is purely accidental like the 23.5 degree bend of Saeed Ajmal's elbow. If any part / parts of this piece appear disjointed like Suresh Raina's technique, that too is coincidental. The author holds all copyrights over the article. Any reproduction of any part of this post done any time in the past by anyone should be considered as pardonable acts of flattery.

While I was bothered by India missing out on an Asia Cup Final berth, most of India was busy celebrating Tendulkar’s 100^th 100. So I was wondering, “Is there something wrong with me ? Why am I hurt so much when even the players don’t appear to be hurt by losing the Asia Cup crown they had held thus far ?”

A Soccer fan on Facebook who hates Cricket pestered me a lot the other day. He refused to recognize Cricket World Cup and believed Soccer fans are jovial and Cricket fans turn violent if someone derides Cricket. He used a lot of convoluted logic and then demanded that I must give up on Cricket because I happen to be a Doctor and because one of his teachers believed Cricket meant Crick [whatever that meant].

After banishing him to pavilion, oops oblivion; I sat down and thought; “Why is Cricket so popular in India ? And why do I love it so much ?”. Since I am a hardcore Indian, who has never ventured out of the borders, if I find an answer to why Indians love Cricket so much, we’ll know the answer to why I love it so much !

Here is what I have come to understand why the game is so humongous in India ! The reason is Cricket is a religion in India and we knew it long ago. We have the proof for that and will give a link at the end of this post.

We Indians found out ‘Zero’ and we hold on to the Zero with all the love, affection and even jingoism. We celebrate ‘Numbers’ and Mathematics. Just take a look at our festivals, “Nav Ratra or Dusshera”. They denote numbers. Just imagine the Australians referring to the Don as “99.94 Sir Don Bradman” ! That never happens. But we revere our Swamis with “108 Sri So and So Swami” and “1008 Sri So and So Swami” and so on.

I am often confused about our rituals ‘Sahasra Kumbhabhishekam’, ‘Laksharchana’, “Shata-Koti Rama-naama Japa Utsav” and many such magnificent numbers. I don’t know if we are celebrating the Gods or the numbers. No wonder we are brought up with imposition like “Write this 500 times”.

When someone completes 84 years and 4 months, we celebrate "Sahasra Poorna Chandra Darshan" that indicates the person has witnessed 1000 full moons. That is apart from the small numbers like "Shasti poorti" or 60th birthday or "Sapthathi" or 70th birthday. We also celebrate western influenced Silver, Golden, Diamond and Platinum jubilees. We are a land of an over a billion number of people who love celebrating numbers and landmarks; more the merrier !

We have a Trinity of Gods and many Cricket fanatic Indians equate the 3 Stumps to the 3 Gods; Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. We have 33 Crore Gods and we adore a man with over 33,000 international runs as God. How we love our bloated numbers can be understood by taking a look at our ‘Puranas’. 

The creator Brahma had four heads. Vishnu had four hands and Shiva had a ‘Third eye’. Cricket maniacs would love to compare Shiva with ‘Third Umpire’ or the four hands of Vishnu with a ‘Boundary Hit’. A ‘Sixer’ will be equated to ‘Shanmukha’ the God with six faces who went around the world on a peacock, again the national bird of India.

Imagine what Ravan would have done as a Bowler !

Even our villains were no lesser. Ravan was supposed to have had 10 heads, though one always wonders how he managed symmetry and equilibrium with that rather odd looking even number of heads. If Ravan were to play Cricket, would he be considered as one player or ten different players ? Very tough question before the ICC. Thankfully I am not on the ICC and neither is Ravan playing Cricket today.

Cricket Sri Lanka would have done their best to prove that was a congenital deformity that he was born with 10 heads and 20 hands. Murali with just 2 hands was more than a handful for the batsmen. Imagine the confusion the batsman would have faced as to which hand was Ravan going to bowl. Just mind-boggling !

Well, I have digressed from numbers to Ravan. Let me come back to Cricket and the love for numbers. No other sport celebrates numbers like Cricket. We have half-century, century, double century, triple century, quadruple century and a fifty between each landmark. We have five-for as a matter of celebration for a bowler and then 10 wickets in a match. We have seen different kinds of celebrations by different batsmen on reaching the coveted mark. Why a century ? We even had a player do an impromptu dance on the pitch after hitting a six !

Every time Sachin Tendulkar steps on the ground, he is creating a new record. He will retire with the record of holding the most number of records in any sport. I think he already has crossed a century of them; the number of records he is holding.

Every moment in a Cricket match brings out numbers. Kids who play or watch Cricket regularly will be very sound in Mathematics. They will calculate the required run-rate after every over and will be full and thorough with their fractions. How a required rate of 6.15 RPO becomes 6.67 after a maiden over; only a Cricket kid can tell. No other kids can do the Maths in the mind like the Cricket kids. The economy rate, the RPO, the batting average, the bowling average and the strike rate; Cricket has numbers within numbers within numbers and then more numbers, records and then Sachin Tendulkar.

Most of the games and sporting events are over and done within minutes, hours or at worst a day. Mike Tyson had once finished a boxing bout even before people could settle down in their seats. Whereas a Cricket Test match lasts almost a third of an entire Olympic game or a Grand-slam Tennis tourney, 2 days longer than the Davis Cup Final and almost as long as a North Indian wedding discounting the first night. Cricket is nothing but pure and unadulterated Mathematics simplified and made enjoyable for all age groups !

Diving deeper into the matter of Maths, Cricket is played inside an Oval with a quadrilateral pitch in the middle with cylindrical stumps on both ends of the pitch. The ball is a perfect sphere, though it can change shapes when certain highly talented bowlers are in action. The bat and ball have specified weight and size guidelines. We have square cut and square drive which actually are played square of the wicket but somehow end up at point or third-man.

The good batsman is expected to play within the 'V' or the triangle. A bowler's wrist, elbow and the shoulder should have prescribed angles unless he is born with a deformity or has acquired one due to an accident. The concepts of 'line and length' can never be explained better in any other sport. Ajit Agarkar and Irfan Pathan will stand testimony to this. Ask Sehwag about the horizontal bat and Dravid about the straight bat. This simply is a limitless list.

Look at the fielding places. Silly point isn't silly at all; they place the best fielder there. We have slips from where things very rarely slip. Then there is square leg and squarish gully. Fine Third man from one side becomes long on from the other. Mid-wicket is actually far from the mid point of the wicket. Covers and extra-covers often uncover the best of Cricket.

An Indian's love for Cricket is nothing but an extension of the love for numbers and Mathematics. And people think we are crazy, lazy, unproductive and waste time. Far from it, we actually celebrate Mathematics which is the foundation of all that is Science. Those who don't know Cricket will never understand this. In fact, I strongly believe those who hate Cricket are actually bad in Mathematics. I vehemently recommend, we should teach Cricket to all our kids to drive the fear of Mathematics from their minds !

All original research articles tend to be quite long like this one had turned out to be. There already is a Prequel to this. Readers who haven't exhausted their patience or slept off or not lost consciousness are advised to revise their knowledge with the help of the exhaustive original research article.

We will come back with more details, once people are able to read, understand and digest this piece of wisdom !

Dr. Punned-it

Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts - I am Indian !

 Ouch; Don't pinch, it hurts: My musings on a special nature unique to us Indians !

Driving back home after another tiring day at hospital, I was trying to grab the two-way pass at the toll booth on my way home. That is when I saw a spectacle that is not at all uncommon to us Indians. A Mercedes E-Class was cruising ahead of me. A boy in his late teens was manning the toll-booth on our side. He waved down the Merc but the car refused to stop. The desperate boy went after the car and came right in front of the car. Yet, the car didn't stop, thus forcing the hapless boy out of the way. I could see him cursing the Merc owner even as I flashed my pass.

It set me thinking. Here was a person traveling on a car that cost upwards of Rs. 25 Lakhs. But he wasn't ready to shell out just 5 bucks for the toll. Even if one buys two way pass every day, the amount would come to Rs. 225/- per month and Rs. 2738 for an entire year. That is not even 0.1% of the money he had shelled out to buy that luxurious monster. The recent murder of a toll plaza personnel by a SUV brat is still fresh in our minds for the horror to fade so easily. Why are we like this ? Why do we pinch when it comes to these small expenditures ?

Lalu Prasad Yadav is a Politician I am not particularly fond of. But once he raised a very valid point. He said, "The vegetables we eat are sold on the roadside and the footwear that adorn our feet are sold in air-conditioned show-rooms". How paradoxical a nation we have come to be !

Sulaiman, a hard-working vegetable vendor comes knocking at our door every other day. He brings his stuff on a cart, pushing it for miles through the overcrowded town to make a living. Often I see my wife and Dad haggle with him about the prices of the vegetables and cribbing about mounting expenditure. Most of the times, they force him to slash the bill after carrying all the vegetables home. And they are happy even if they manage to pinch just 5 rupees from him.

Once I told my wife, "You buy almost 5 - 6 kilos of different types of vegetables and the bill came to just about Rs. 125. You pinch 5 rupees from that poor fellow and feel happy. You people go to Pizza Hut and order a Pizza that contains a little bit of base, some cheese, mayonnaise and a fraction of these vegetables and they charge nothing less than Rs. 375 for for a medium size Pizza. I never saw you haggle with the Pizza Hut fellows. Why do you do this bargaining only with these poor people ?"

So used we are to this 'buy one get one free syndrome' that we always expect the vegetable vendor to throw in a few coriander leaves free with our vegetables. If he doesn't, we never hesitate to pull a few on our own. I believe as a nation, we are suckers for freebies. Bargaining runs is in our veins and arteries. But we also are pretty sure about where to bargain and where not. Seldom do we see people haggle in a jewellery. We routinely witness people who did shopping worth Rs. 25,000/- refusing to pay the parking fee of Rs. 10/-. We believe it is our right to park anywhere without having to pay the parking fee.

"Religion is the opium of the masses" said Karl Marx. I am not a big fan of Marxism but I agree with this. People conduct poojas, havans and rituals in temples spending Lakhs of rupees. But same people find it extremely difficult to part with a few hundreds or thousands that can help to educate an orphan. Don't we see people offering liters of milk and honey to stone idols but not even a drop of milk to a starving old woman and a child ?

Poverty Pinches; age no bar !

Western civilizations and even Islamic countries are far ahead of India when it comes to charity and helping those in need. We are a nation of greatest inequality that does humongous preaching and very little else. Just take a look at our icons. A Cricketer was presented with a Monster Ferrari by his friend Schumacher. What did out little big man do ? He wanted the excise duty waived off on the car. There are people who justify even this despicable act by an icon, just because 'He' happens to be Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.

I don't think any other country or civilization has as many jokes about stinginess and selfishness as we have in India. Every community wants to label the other stingy. 'Marwaris' are branded 'Kanjoos' by every other north Indian. 'Marwaris' joke about the 'Kanjoos Sindhi'. The south Indian version of the 'Marwari' is the Andhra 'Setty'. In Southern Karnataka, my own community is ridiculed for 'pinching'. There are million stories about the legendary stinginess of us Indians.

Often people are proud of such 'Makki choos' nature ! 'Makki Choos' is that person who sucked on a house fly that fell into his tea because he didn't want the house fly to drink his tea. He then declares, "No fly that drank my tea can ever escape and remain alive". Evading tax, toll fee, parking fee and making such 'small savings' is a big thing for a large majority of middle class India.

Perhaps, that is one of the reasons why we are still a developing nation with enormous amount of poverty ! My effort has always been to kick this 'pettiness' and grow up. I put in maximum effort not to bargain with the small scale vendors. For them, even Rs. 5 makes a difference because it can buy them rice for one meal. For me, that is not even enough to pay the parking fees for my car.

I believe it is fine if one isn't magnanimous to donate millions. It should be perfectly fine if one respects the labor of those striving to thrive and be reasonable with them if not generous !






Dr. Punned-it

Learning is Living !

"Getting better is a process that never stops. It's the reason why I get up every morning and head out there for training" Said Sachin Tendulkar after his historical 200 in ODI ! That is definitely a topic to think, mull over and ruminate and then "Learn from it" !

Think of it, a man with most number of runs, centuries, records and awards in the history of Cricket talks about getting better. And he has proved he means every word of it. He has got better and better and then BETTER! The reason for his name, game and fame is this... Getting Better !

Learning is a process as vital as life itself. I just love the word 'Learning'. While at school, I always wondered why the word 'Studying' was used at all. That to me sounded like a punishment. "I am studying in sixth standard". Most of the kids look so solemn and so lost; there never was any fun in it.

I realized 'Learning' was a better word and 'Studying' was a poor cousin. You study something when circumstances force you to; but you learn something because you want to ! This is what I feel about these two words.

My English and vocabulary aren't as good as those of Shashi Tharoor and neither am I as smart as him. So let me be pardoned if my version is not acceptable to someone.

Learning starts with life, that is from the womb; and it continues till death and ends in the tomb! A newborn baby has to learn every bit about life from the moment it is born. It starts with the 'Cry'. The cry is vital to life, because that is when the hitherto unacclimatized lungs learn to breathe. The cry then helps the baby to communicate with the mother; hunger, thirst, discomfort and everything.

Then comes the sucking of breast-milk. The sleep, the smile and all the milestones. The milestones of a baby's growth that make the parents happy and proud are but a continued process of learning. Why do we all enjoy this ? Because we are 'Learning' and NOT Studying !

Even as the baby is learning to grow up, the parents too are learning. Learning about parenting and about the responsibilities of parenthood. At any socioeconomic level, in any society, country or religion; growing up of a baby is a special feeling and nothing can better it.

Every baby is born special and smart. Perhaps our education that demands studying rather than learning makes us dumb. I have discussed in an earlier post "Mathematics: Cutting the Diamond simplified" how vision in teaching can turn the dull and drab studying into an enjoyable learning process!

As we progress, a lot of people think we have learned everything. Well, to be precise, 'Studied everything'. This feeling is the beginning of the end of progress. I remember a very talented pace-bowler from Karnataka who shot to fame during the boom-time of Karnataka Cricket in the 90s.

His name was David Johnson. He was quick and he swung the ball both ways and bowled a good bouncer. The BCCI sent him to the Dennis Lillee Pace Academy in Chennai to train better. He left the Academy within a short span claiming, "I have learned EVERYTHING". This attitude irked T. A. Shekar the Coach and he was disappointed. Just look at David Johnson's career stats. Well, no need actually. He hardly had any career at all! The importance of Sachin Tendulkar's words become evident here !

Lack of opportunities is a common refrain used by lazy people. I love the quotable quote, "You are unlucky if you are born poor, but you are a fool if you die one". The urge to improve oneself forms the foundation of a successful life. Nothing new learned is ever a loss; we never know when it comes handy.

I developed a fascination for Computers when I was finding it difficult to get a break in my Post-Graduate Entrance Examinations. I never got a PG seat. But what I got instead was a flair for the Technology. That meant I was quicker in picking up the nuances of newer testing methods and the use of Computer aided technology in Medical Field. This has created a place of my own for me in my institution.

But is this enough ? No, I have to keep learning something; some new thing and sometimes even old things ! At the risk of sounding Philosophical in the '3 Idiots' mood, I don't believe life is a race. Life  is rather like 'running on a treadmill'.

We have to keep on running on the treadmill. The speed might increase and the inclination might go upwards, but we have to cope up and keep up. If we don't, we fall down ! We can decide the speed and the inclination to suit us, but never give up on learning and never stop running ! Running keeps one 'Fit and Fine' !

The process of learning continues with age. Learning to adjust to new school, new friends, new jobs and everything new. Teen-age brings teen-aches. Youth brings responsibilities. Adulthood brings added weight. Middle-age brings insecurities. Older we get; pains, illnesses and sufferings increase.

Every born individual has to go through these if one lives long enough. Looking at some extraordinary and eminent people going through extremely difficult days in old-age has convinced me about the futility of 'Carrying Ego' !

Death is the final and definite frontier and not a single human has crossed and 'Outlived' it ! But does the process of learning end here ? Yes and No ! 'Yes' only to the one who has died and 'No' to all the others.

Life goes on and the process of learning goes on. The kith and kin have to learn to live with the pain and sorrows and without their loved ones. This too is learning, howsoever painful it is. And this pain and final and binding truth also comes with a lot of wisdom !

If we keep our mind, eyes, ears and all the senses open and alert; we keep learning something every moment of life! And that to me is the essence of life itself; Learning is Living !


Dr. Pun-dit