Crematorium Humor !

I have always wondered what keeps us alive amidst all the problems, stress, illnesses, terrorism, politics and India - Sri Lanka Cricket matches. Then I have realized it is our ability to laugh. That exactly is why I call my blog, "Live, Love and Laugh"!

It is easy to laugh during good times. But evoking even a smile while going through the rough is tough. Right now we are going through some really tough times. My Father in law, a hugely respected man of his times is suffering in the ICCU fighting for life. It has been real agony watching him suffer and continue to suffer. If he is a little better one moment, he is worse the next. This is life !

This is the reason for my posts dwindling over the past weeks. But I am a die-hard optimist, fun loving and positive chap. I often try some humor even during worst of the moments. This perhaps is my in built defense mechanism against stress; both in life and in Intensive Care Unit.

Working in the ICCU, we see people with serious illnesses every day. My staff has been like a family for almost 16 years now. We try our best to save everyone. We win some and we lose some. It hurts when we lose but life has to go on.

I philosophize like this, "Everyone has to go one day. We all have a day, time and place to meet the inevitable. Hence it is futile to fight, sulk, hate and live in negation of the wonder that is called Life". This song is a favorite of mine. Not the picturization, just the words !

We are often easy about our own death, howsoever scared we might be within. But any mention of death of our near and dear ones invariably makes us vulnerable. At least it makes me so. And this precisely is why I am feeling miserable looking at a man I have come to respect for over 13 years; suffering in my own ICCU.

With this long and melancholic introduction, let me move on to the subject. Humor on the death bed or about death itself is not unknown. I Googled for 'Graveyard Humor' and found enough material to be read till I fall dead. Being an Indian and Hindu, I don't relate much to graveyards. I have seen them only in movies. So I believe we can call our brand of humor as "Crematorium Humor" !

There are some jokes I have loved. This is one of them. Standing before the Taj Mahal, a wife asks her husband, "Will you build a monument like this for me too?". Husband, "Sure, so when are you going to die?"

I admit death scares me. Even my own death, though I act cool about it. I was extremely frustrated by the April heat during last summer. The AC in our ICCU wasn't working. I blurted out in the heat of the moment, "When I am dead, please make sure I am burned down in an Air-conditioned Crematorium. I just can't stand the heat". My staff didn't find it funny. But I found it quite witty and that is why I have reproduced it here.

Some people have been really funny in the face of death. There is a story about Tenali Raman's death. When he realized he was going to kick the bucket, he decided to play his final prank.

He went near the wall, raised his legs against the wall and died with his legs at right angles to his body. Since the rigor mortis set in and his body became stiff, it became impossible to lay is body straight on the funeral pyres. Either his feet were up in the air or he was sitting.

This left the people laughing even when he was no more. Thus the story goes about a man who made a name for himself making people laugh. Even in death, he left the people laughing, a tad wistfully perhaps. That is a "Legend" for me!

My father's maternal uncle, Mr. Vittal Kini was one such natural born joker. All of his jokes were in our native language. Translating them in English is tough, almost impossible. But let me give one example here. He was quite sick and was admitted to a nursing home. He had a little nosy, talkative and a bit pompous younger brother. This chap was going on yapping even as our man was suffering.

When the Doctor came for rounds, Mr. Vittal Kini suddenly shouted, "Doctor, give some sleeping tablets...". The Doctor told, "But you don't need any...". Mr. Kini groaned, "No.... not for me Doctor, give it to my brother. He isn't allowing me to sleep". He passed away the next morning !

The younger brother mentioned in the story above was Mr. Devappa Kini. He too was a nice but a little eccentric chap. Famous in his times as a Dilip Kumar clone, he was a maverick of sorts. He was apparently cheated by a priest in a property dispute.

After his death, he was cremated by his sons. My father and uncles were there too. As the body was burning over the pyres, the right leg rose in the air, semi-flexed at the knee joint and deep flexed at the hip. Looking at this spectacle, his youngest son quipped, "Oh God, just look at him. Even after death he is trying to kick the priest". Now this was real Crematorium humor !

If 'Death' is as inevitable as Pakistan's being a thorn in the flesh for India, America's ignorance of rest of the world and Corruption in Indian Politics, it deserves to be laughed at. We can't beat it, we can never get even with it and all of us have to succumb some day. So as long as we live, why not laugh at it ? One can't laugh at death after death. So better laugh when you are alive. You don't lose anything and it costs nothing.

So, make at least two people laugh every day and make sure one of them is You ! A day on which you haven't laughed is a day you haven't lived. A day on which you haven't made at least one more person laugh, is not worth living ! So laugh while you live and laugh till you die. Leave with a smile on the lips of the people !

Hello is it the Doctor? Good Night !

I just was recovering from my favorite comedy show 'Tarak Mehta Ka Oolta Chasmah" when my friend Murli called and said "I have something to share". Well, we have shared so many things including the same plate for dinner "Once Upon a Time in Bellary". So I was all ears. Here is what he shared; in his own words translated from our common language Tulu to English !

I had a call at around 9:00 PM. A lady was on the line. She said, "Hello, is it the Doctor?". I replied "Yes". She immediately blurted out, "Good night!". Now this was something special; calling a Doctor just to say Good Night! I too said a polite "Good night".

I was about to hang up when she came around with, "See Doctor, my child had fever this morning...". So this is how I had to understand her. She had called me at night and had to wish me. It wasn't morning, wasn't even evening. So she began with Good night! I just couldn't control my laughter and am laughing nonstop. I just had to share this with you!

I was laughing too. I said, "Well, she probably doesn't know you also can start a conversation with Good evening even at midnight!. But anyway, she was nice and polite". Murli quipped back, "That she was. She was nice!". So I said, "Good then, take care and ... Good night". We both were guffawing before we hung up!

This shared tidbit took me back in time when I was working in a small private hospital in a small town in central Kerala in 1996. I was still new to Kerala those days and had serious problems with Malayalam. My experiments or rather misadventures with Malayalam is a material for a full size non-fiction hardback. I hope to deal with that sometime in future !

We had a fellow Doctor who worked as Resident Medical Officer [RMO] with different hospitals around the place. He was pretty good with his work. He was a 'Freelancing Consultant Duty Doctor' to any hospital that called him and he sure was a much wanted man.

But there was a problem, he was too fond of Malayalam, his mother tongue. I often suspected he hated English the same way Kalaingar Karunanidhi and his cronies hate Hindi. With my limited vocabulary in Malayalam, I preferred to talk in English to all the Doctors. Some of my colleagues didn't like this, but were magnanimous enough to let me continue in English.

People naturally never conversed in any other language but Malayalam in and around Pala. Most of the discussions between Doctors in IMA Scientific Sessions took place in Malayalam. For the uninitiated like me, this was amusing !

One fine morning I saw our friend Doctor outside our bachelor's quarters. Since it was too early in the morning, I asked him, "Hey, so early ! Quite long since we saw each other. What are you up to? Where are you heading to? Are you off duty or on leave? Or do you have night shifts going?".

This series of questions was too much for our man. He never liked this English part of me. He just stared at me and pondered over for as long a time as Shoib Aqthar takes to mark his run up. And then he came out with his deadly bouncer, "I offed and went to house yesterday. Today night I climb night at MMC. Today, tomorrow and tomorrow after tomorrow night. Three days I am night only. Thursday I get down".

If my friends from Karnataka and other parts of the world can't understand the fun, it definitely is not lost in translation. Only a Malayalee can understand this. But all Malayalees will admire me for not laughing out loud in front of him, right then, right there.

Honestly, I had my reasons to remain calm ! Our man was a very well built hulk who could have eaten little me for breakfast. At 7:00 AM, I wasn't sure if he had finished his morning grub !

The Blogger who traveled the untrodden narrow paths !

I am not a megalomaniac to make tall claims of grandeur. I have always maintained I am an ordinary man with all the weaknesses of a common man. Please don't get fooled by the title; it is just for a bit of shock value. So what is this travel through untrodden narrow paths? Read on...

If you have already gone through one of my earlier posts, "All Roads Lead to Hell Part-1", this can very well be considered a sequel. 

I had told "Kochi is a city of 200 million potholes of varying sizes interrupted very infrequently by remnants of what has been certified as 'Tar' by the PWD ! Welcome to Monsoon Tourism in God's Own Country. Ayurvedic Massage for the battered backs is our USP!" 

I take back my  words. After 6 weeks of very decent rains, we don't have potholes in Kochi. Absolutely no potholes. There are no roads in the first place. So where will you get potholes? Miles and miles of gutter with just three decent roads is what we have today.

Thammanam - Pullepady THOAD - Gutter In Malayalam

Some of the huge craters on our roads can put to shame the Chambal Valley. Especially the Thammanam - Pullepady road I used to drive through has become a sight to behold. I am reminded of our holiday in Kullu - Manali 11 winters ago. The drive is as perilous and treacherous as the drive through to Rohtang Pass. No exaggeration, honest !

This stretch has no tar whatsoever

Driving through the main roads of Kochi is as easy as pushing a wheelbarrow with a truckload of dirt uphill with boulders falling over from all sides. No escape from the jam. They keep coming from every angle; the buses, auto-rickshaws and two wheelers I mean.

I must thank Kishore Kumar and Mohammad Rafi for keeping me alive. It is their songs that have helped me to keep my equilibrium through this madness.

So what do I do? I start a quarter of an hour early from home. And I start back home the same way in the evening. Why? To beat the jam. What else do I do? Well, this is what I mean by, "I Take the lesser trodden paths".

There are fortunately over a hundred small pocket roads in Kochi connecting different parts of the town by bypassing the traffic clogged main roads. These are the roads I take and there are 5 reasons.

1] Only small cars, two-wheelers and auto-rickshaws can traverse through these roads. Buses and trucks are out and that is a huge relief. Well, mostly so !

2] The out-of-town tourist vehicles can't solve the jigsaw puzzles of these roads and hence they stay off. The alien vehicles and a large chunk of women drivers are the worst traffic * Congestors *.

* Congestors is my humble contribution to the vast and rich English language. If someone has already used this word, I am not aware. I don't claim IPR for this * 

3] Almost 80% of natives of Kochi don't know where these pocket roads will lead them. And average Kochiite isn't an adventurous animal. That helps semi-adventurous beasts like me.

4] Due to lesser traffic, these roads are like virgin forests. The roads aren't great, but there aren't any craters. All you need to keep vigil is of small boys bumping into you on bicycles or sometimes tricycles.

5] Almost as a rule these roads have their regulars like me. Most of them stick to their time and know when the school or college hours begin and end and hence when to avoid these roads.

So the chances of getting caught in a quagmire are narrower compared to the relatively broader main roads. So most of the times it is 'All is Well' on these roads. I can't be complaining. But there are some freak incidents that add to the charm and also the harm.

One particular mad evening, I took my regular road at quarter past four. But an arrogant Auto-Rickshaw driver while trying to overtake a car had got the whole place jammed. I had to beat the retreat.

Somehow managed to get out of the mess to enter my second pocket road. Lo and behold, a mini-truck fellow had decided enough is enough of main roads and joined our bandwagon. But the problem was with the the road. It was so narrow for him, the poor fellow got stuck in a bend and couldn't move either forward or backward.

I escaped pulling out on the reverse through a long lane of honking vehicles. And to my relief, I found the next pocket road with lesser congestion. And as I went three fourths the distance towards escape, I realized why it was lesser congested. One Tata Sumo had fallen victim to the incessant rains. It had ended up in a gutter; thereby breaking through the culvert and completely cutting off traffic through that road.

I had to retrace again and head towards the only way out; 'The Main Road' leading to Kaloor International Stadium. I took the widest pocket road towards the stadium. But was crammed for space by a Tempo, an Auto-Rickshaw and then a 60s model Willis Jeep.

To complete my evening of misadventure, a little boy on a bicycle leaped in front of my car from behind a parked Tempo and banged my car head on. Thankfully he wasn't hurt. Quite shaken, I pulled down my windshield to protest and give him a tongue-lashing. But instead of raising an alarm and creating a hullabaloo, he actually said "Sorry Uncle!". 

That was a surprise. There is no appeal after 'Sorry'. So I drove on and reached home twenty five minutes late.

I told my story to my anxious family and went to take a shower. After my evening cup of tea and snacks, my father asked me, "Did the boy say Sorry to you?". I said, "Yes". My father quipped tongue in cheek, "No wonder he did, KL-7 is missing from your number plate, only BD - 6826 is remaining!"

KL-7 Missing after Action !

Once Upon a Time in Bellary...

It is 22 years since I won a second prize in a solo singing competition on my debut on the Sixteenth Block day. Lokesh, my beloved senior and Godfather in Fifteenth block pushed me to sing. He also wanted me to sing Mukesh's "Jaane Kahaan Gaye Woh Din".

But having some sense of history, I chose a Mohammad Rafi song because it was Rafi Sahib's death anniversary. I didn't have to regret my last minute decision to change the song. I came second only to our Campus Singer and Local Legend Prashanth Raj !

Looking back fondly at the moment that was actually my initiation into stage singing, I am in a mood for some 'Retrospection' and relive the past. The Friendship day is on Sunday, 1 August 2010. I dedicate this post to all my friends !

Here is a 'look back' at SOME of those people who have made a difference in my life; the life "Once Upon a Time"...

Once Upon a Time in Bellary...

... Time was never a problem except when the exams were around the corner. Planning was not necessary for friends to meet. Friends met and planned things.

... There often was a shortage of money, but never a shortage of enthusiasm. Innovative Film City was not even born. Hence any place was a good place to get together and do the things we loved !

... We didn't have mobile phones, but somehow we still were very well connected and always had company. Views, News, Gossip and Nisar Fathima's admiration for Pakistan Team spread like wildfire even without Wire-free Technology !

... Movie tickets cost Rs. 4.70/- and the cinema halls were glorified go-downs. Yet we enjoyed watching movies. The postmortems often went like this. Guy-1: "The first half is boring". Guy-2: "Oh, so how is the second half?". Guy-1: "Well, it only gets worse from there". But again, we went back to watch more movies !

... Parijatha was a generous hotel that served us "Two by Four Coffee nalli, one part Tea, One Part Milk, One Part Lime Juice and One Part Horlicks". This was an amazing innovation suggested by the soft spoken but sharp-witted Umesh Adyanthaya. I proceed with my retro with this lovable chap because he was always 'Anna' or Big Brother to many of us !

... There was D. N. Manjunath, my first room-mate who taught me what endurance is all about. For someone brought up in a cocooned joint family, the hostel life, food and menacing seniors were a shock. Thank you Manju for teaching me to survive !

... We had G. T. Sreenivas the Mr. Determination. He punched above his height and managed to come out victor. He, perhaps was the most dedicated chap on our batch.

... Govardhan, Gururaj MR, Gururaj Puranik and Chethan from the fifteenth block gang were a riot. Shankreppa was that silent guy who never got tired of being silent.

... Sreenivas Reddy showed how not to take oneself seriously. If I am able to 'Live, Love and Laugh' at myself today, Seena inspired it !

... There was Murli, my first friend outside the fifteenth block. Never thought it important to ask him how he felt. But he is one friend who has made the deepest impact on me during those golden years. I owe you a life for helping me to grow out of my insecurities Mate. You were a Darling and will be one forever !

... We had just come to know about the World Bank and the IMF. Then there was Vishwanath Nayak, who was the World Bank for me. I have yet to see someone as organized about everything as he was at 18 years !

... There was Jaganmohan who never allowed a humongous personal tragedy to get the better of him. Such resilience in life at such a young age; I feel proud to be one of his friends today!

... If so little was known to the Bellary Campus about Jagan's travails, credit is due to guys like Tharanath and Suresh Naik. They knew about the tragedy, but kept it locked and let Jagan carry on with his life. I salute you guys !

... A congenial boy named Vineeth was one of us. He was called 'Amul' Baby or 'Dabba' for his babyish charms. He perhaps was the most popular boy in the class. He still remains so in 2010.

... Sathyajith Karanth to me was one of the most intelligent guys. With his beanpole figure, short temper and intense nature; he was a dynamite of a character. I am a Fan !

... There were those ABC or 'Admired Boys of Class'. Rajiv Swamy, Rajaram, Ravi Shankar, Rudraiah, Suresh Chandra, Badrinath, Prasanna Kamath, Prasad , KR Venkatesh and Narendra Babu. Pardon me if I have missed out on some names here.

... There were boys, girls, infatuations, love stories, Rakhis and heartaches and then Bhuvaneshwar. The only man who won his 'Flower' from our class in the legend of "1994 A Love Story".

... We had seen unfolding of the Bhuvan-Suma story. But another story that happened sometime later is mostly unknown, and that was the story of Chandru and Sunitha. I leave it to one of them to do a memoirs and enlighten us about the how, where and when of this story !

... Arshad Miyan known today as Ashad Lateef too was a winner. He was good at studies and was always a brave fellow. He won over his girl perhaps around the same time Dilwaale Dulhaniyan Le Jaayenge happened !

... The most handsome man on earth was called Habib Rahaman. The unassuming but extremely handsome chap had a very mature head on his shoulders. Haven't heard much of him in a long time. But Tanveer thankfully is on the Social Networking sites !

... The most talented guy of the class was without doubt K. N. Ramesh. He was good with his subject. He danced like dream. He cracked jokes like only he could. Had a razor sharp tongue and an unbelievable knowledge of Hindi music. And let me not forget to mention his very good credentials as a Cricketer.

... Alagesan wanted to open a clinic on the suburbs of Bangalore with a board "Emergencies Not Entertained". I'd love to know if he still plans to keep a board like that in UK.

... KaRaMoKu or Mohan Kumar and I fought and made up all the time. Our association went beyond Bellary and still remains close to heart. We had some bad and many good times in Ponkunnam and Kochi.

... Chandrashekar or simply 'C' was a solid support through the tough days of Second Phase. We all know C was a Class Caroms player, but very few know that he was an expert with Electrical equipments. He also fed me for one whole month when I was bankrupt because my bank had delayed sending my cheque.

... Rajesh Kumar Singh was another close pal who still keeps in touch with regular calls. We must be the first ever 'Boys Only' duo to win a prize in a Duet Competition. "Imli ka boota beri ka ped" was a really rocking experience for both of us. We did it for ourselves; the prize didn't matter !

... Praveen Kumar or PK remained silent mostly. But made really acerbic comments when he wanted to. He scripted a movie "Kaatnewaale Bhonknewaale" inspired by the habit of some of our guys who loved to use the words "Huchchu Naayi". Amazing talent I must say !

... Awadesh Kumar liked to be a popular guy. He managed to be pally with many girls and thus became a bit unpopular with the North Indian boys. But he was a hard-working guy and had his moment when he won the Duet Competition, singing "Rimjhim Rimjhim" with a girl whose name eludes me.

... Anil Kumar was the Children's Park Tiger of the batch and KG Ravi the popular Pachyderm. KS Venkatesh was 'Kulla' for his height or rather the lack of it. Subhas and Tharanath were called 'Twins" for obvious reasons.

... Devendra Reddy was a real Genius and his mastery over Kannada was incredible. "Naanu lorrynalli hoguvaga, olage kaartha itthu. Male jasthi aagi lorry gunthenalli biththu" was a famous quotable quote. Sensational stuff !

... Madhusudana C. was called Sexy. I can't recollect the reason why he was addressed so. But he sure was an extremely brilliant chap. He remains an important impression on my growing up.

... Mahendra and Shivraj Patil were the happy guys who had their gang and enjoyed life like they always do.

... Sridhar, fondly called Siri explained the Hemodynamics of MS and MR and AS and AR beautifully. He also pampered some of us with the exotic mutton delicacies at his home during the 'Habba'. Siri, I would like to come back for the Habba even though I am a complete veggie today.

... Umesh Hiremath was the Charlie Chaplin of the batch. He once famously declared, "Yenrappa, hutdaaginda Samudraana kande illa. Goa andre Goage hogbeku. Alli beach aithi, seashore aithi. Udupi, Manglurnaage yenaithi mannu?" !

... Balu, Jagadeesan, Mandya Madhu, Suryaprakash, Donamalai Suresh, Yellappa [Yogesh] R B, Arun Kumar, Senthil, Chandramouli and K K Venkatesh were the low key guys, yet immensely popular within their circles.

... Shadrack and Vishwanth were the localites who mingled well with the hostelites. We never knew the Thesaurus didn't recognize these words. Even if we were to be told about it, we would have cared two hoots !

... Prasanna, Dinesh Chandra, Hrishikesh and Unus were amongst us. They have been claimed by the premature strike of fate and let us not forget them. RIP !

... There were the 'Girls' too. Forgive me for being too short on this wonderful topic. Due to my shyness and the male bonding developed during initial hostile hostel days, girls were not on my radar and probably most of the girls didn't even know I existed !

... Gulnaz, Indira, Sharmila, Leelavathy, Padma and later Sunitha were the only girls whom I knew and perhaps the only girls who knew I lived on the Campus. I must add here that I have admired some of them from a distance for different reasons. They were all beautiful, wonderful girls and I regret missing out on being friends with them.

... There was but one guy from our class way ahead of times and he could easily have made a career of being a Poet. I don't know if he still remembers his poem "Usheyinda Nishege" that he carved out with names of all the girls of our class. Chandra Reddy was a Class act !

I could have completed this post adding all the names of our Classmates by referring to the Alumni Book. But that would have robbed this of the spontaneity. I know I have missed some of the guys in our class in this post. That doesn't diminish the credentials of those people. It just means that I am prone to Alzheimer's now that I am into my forties. Forgive me friends !

I admire, love and miss all of you in this post and out of this. All of you have contributed in the making of what I am today. Our life in Bellary was a stuff made for a wonderful script for a movie like '3 Idiots'. Hope to make it possible some day sooner than later.

And if and when it is possible, I shall title it...

Once Upon a Time in Bellary !!!

My Experiments with T9ism !!!

I completed forty years on this planet on my latest birthday last weekend. Short messages [SMS] were pouring in ranging from congratulatory to condolences. Yes, condolences for reaching middle-age !

Some said, "Don't turn Naughty at Forty". I said, "I shall try". Others said, "Take care of health, age is catching up". I thanked them. One was flattering, "You still look like a twenty five year old". I replied, "Yes, in my old photos from 1995!"

As I was replying to one of the messages, something funny happened. I am addicted to T9 Dictionary and just can't text without it. I can even type Indian names using T9 English.

As I went typing "I am Forty", it became "I am Empty"! Now that is ironical. When cute little twenty something girls start calling you 'Uncle'; how else can you describe life?

This made me work more on the T9 and here are some interesting T9isms !

As you type 'Woman', you get 'Womb' with the first four letters !

Try typing 'Boob' and what we get isn't far off the mark, it is 'Bomb' ! Try switching words and you get Anna / Comb / Coma !

While typing the word 'Beast', first four letters give 'Bear' !

Most of the mobiles come with T9 that is ultra-decent. T9 doesn't know swear words and abuses. T9 knows no 'Pussy' only 'Puppy'. There is only 'Aunt' and no switch word starting with C.

My Samsung Corby is a prude. She stops at 'Basta' and never progresses!

'Cabba', 'Feed', 'High' and 'Mono' are some of the meaningful words you get by pressing a single key on your mobile. And finally you also get 'Zzzz'. Now please don't sleep off, I am not finished!

My own name 'Govind Raj' becomes 'Intime Pal' on T9. That is really flattering for someone in awe of T9. And my surname 'Shenoy' too has a switch name on T9. 'Phenow'. Not bad at all.

One of the most beautiful T9ism of course will please us Indians. First 3 letters of our country will give us 'God'. Perhaps T9 God is an Indian !

Some interesting 'Switch' words !

We have a Waiver for the Waiter !

Art is Apt !

Go In !

Here Come Anne and Bond with a Bone and a Cone !

You can sometimes see the Moon in the Noon !

They Fast and Fart like Dart in the East !

He was Amazed to be Coaxed !

He remained Foe till the End !

Sucker raises the Stakes against Rubles !

Cow Boy can Bow Any Box !

The Aged Chef had to Bide his time to hire an Aide !

He caught Hold of the last Hole to win the Gold in Golf !

Kurt had Just Lust and nothing else for girls !

And finally...

Robin Hood has Gone Home for Good !

T9 comes with innumerable possibilities. So we can never really restrict this topic to a blog-post.
But as of now, I believe "This is It" !

I will miss you guys this weekend !

Hi Guys,

Will miss you all as you Idiots enjoy it to the hilt !

Please try to remember me when you guys are sober !

Well, if that ever happens when you people are at it !

If that is tough, just see these snaps and then, perhaps you will !

The Famous Five on Houseboat at Kumarakom !

The Super Six at Heritage, Madikeri !

You guys enjoy for sure. Hope to join you fellows during the next edition!

So I am waiting for the next Monsoon !

Waiting for something like this again!

I don't envy you, but feel sad I am not there, right now !

Miss you all, Love you all and will see you all again!

Till then, someone Please, Please and Please...

Miss ME; The Missing Link !!!

An Ordinary Mortal and Anbe Sivam !

Those who have nobody have God with them. I am not telling this, it is written in the books!

I am not a staunch believer in God. I believe the Earth will be a better place without Religions, Hatred, Smokers and Communists! As I have evolved, I have refused to be cowed down by most of what has been preached. And I tell my 12 years old daughter not to believe anything just because someone says it is holy!

But this Kishore Kumar song immortalized by Amitabh Bachchan in Laawaris has something in it. What I am writing here is purely from a Nonconformist's point of view. It is about me, the people around me and about goodness in life! Being obsessed with 'Good Life' we have become oblivious to 'Goodness in Life'.

I was 5 years old when my kid sister was born. This little creature was an absolute Darling. I wanted to take  her on my laps and play with her. Darn the elders, I wasn't even allowed to touch her because I was too young. Ever since, I wanted a Baby Girl of my own. Only problem was I didn't know how I could acquire one!

My passion for a Baby Girl was rekindled when I was 22. It was thanks to an adorable kid of my friend's elder brother. I was determined to have a Girl child and name her, "Samskruthy". She came 6 years later and has made the life a lot more meaningful and beautiful!

Luckily my wife too believed in one child norm. We agreed to stick to one child if our first born turned out to be a girl. We would have perhaps liked to have a second child if the first one were to be a boy. Since our daughter came 12 winters ago, we have been a contented lot. But this wasn't the case of a lot of relatives, friends and well-wishers.

Within one year of my daughter's arrival, people were asking questions about the boy. Well, you should have a boy after a girl, they said; two children are a must to complete a family. I used to ask them, "What if the second one too is a girl?". They would reply, "Well, that is fate!". Thanks Folks, but no thanks! I know some people who have gone on and on till they had a son, after four daughters! And this wasn't in 200 BC.

Not that I was averse to a second girl child. Girl, boy or a hermaphrodite; I just couldn't afford a second child. Or so I thought. People who had the first child around the same time as we, went ahead with a second child within a few years. And we went on dodging the queries.

I sometimes told people, "We are trying really hard. Don't you see I am taking holidays frequently and going to hill-stations and making an all-out effort? It is just not happening". Pat came the advice, "Both of you get check up. Your sperm count could be low". Wow, a Doctor was getting advice here! Small mercies!

As time passed, our Socioeconomic condition improved. We had our own home. We could afford a new Car. We were going on frequent short holidays. But the only thing lacking was a boy! If and when I took little boys on my laps, I heard people murmur, "They are yearning for a boy. Hard luck they just aren't getting one".

Well, it is twelfth year of hard luck. I still don't have the courage for a second child. Most of my colleagues and friends have two kids. Some have a girl and a boy, some have both boys and many others both girls. Somehow Doctors tend to have more girl children.

My friend K. N. Ramesh has a nice explanation why Doctors mostly have girl children. He said, "God knows these Doctor fellows will take wonderful care of Girls and hence he gives mostly Girls to them. I too am an HMT". HMT stands for "Hennu Makkala Thande" in Kannada, that is Father of Girl children!

Our adorable little one will be twelve this November. But the thrill of seeing her for the first time is still fresh with me. The invaluable feeling of "Wow, this is my own little Doll. No one will ever prevent me from cuddling her" is still lingering like the aroma of the earth after the first rains!

Only a few weeks short of forty, I still am badgered by people with, "It still isn't late, you can try for a second child". But why? Why should we have two children? "If you lose one child, touch wood, there will be another!". That is some logic!

Losing a child is a pain beyond words and I know parents who have lost two children and live a life of total despair. "You can't guarantee anything here. If you want guarantee, buy a washing machine" was a well quoted quotable quote. We don't live worrying about what we might lose, we live to relish and cherish what we have!

So I believed it was a correct decision to stick to one child. I know some of my colleagues who earn much lesser and still have two children and are still happy. Some of them have told me, 'Children will come and add to the family. The expenditure will not count much. We have managed with a fraction of what you earn!". They are right in their place.

I somehow tend to think the other way. It is true that love multiplies. You can never run out of love for your child. But just because you have a second child, your employers will not give you a hike. The facilities my daughter is enjoying now will have to be shared by two. Pregnancy, delivery and the associated costs and responsibilities have to be borne by us. With two sets of aged parents, this will not be a cakewalk.

Being a single child herself, my wife has done fabulously well to take care of both her parents and mine. We live very close to my in laws' place. We are doing our best to be of assistance to my Father in law suffering from Alzheimer's and a bewildered mother in law. With my parents, we have a pretty decent life with our daughter being the fulcrum of life for all of us.

A new life coming into this crowded set up looks extremely unlikely to us. Most importantly, the nice kid that she is; my daughter is not ready to share her father or mother. So we have outlived and outgrown all advises and sermons. When I look at some middle class people struggling to cope up with the cost of living, I pat myself on the back for being smart! I know some people who have had two kids in no time and find it tough to make ends meet.

Amar is a Nepali boy working as night watchman for my cousin. He does all and sundry chores for my cousin's family. He must be just about 25 years old. His wife is a frail and pale looking girl all of 18 years. She doesn't even understand Hindi. They have two kids, elder boy is two and a half and younger is already one. Due to difficulty in finding a house in Kochi he went to Nepal and left his wife and kids there.

Last month, he found out to his horror that 2 year old daughter of his friend succumbed to fever at his native place. He rushed back to his place and brought his wife and kids back to Kochi. When they landed to live at a place near our home, he came with just a bag, wife and two kids.

His wife was running fever. They had no bed to sleep, no vessels to cook and no bread to eat. Both the kids were sick. His elder child, once a bonny bundle of energy had become a mass of bones and very little else. Lesser said the better about his younger child. Practically, they had nothing to live in a place like Kochi; except those two rooms in a shared house given to him by my cousin.

This place is a dingy old house with many small rooms. Sindhu, my Father in law's Nurse lives in the other part of this house. Her husband, mother in law, grand mother and two boys complete her family. The day Amar landed with his family, Sindhu was overwhelmed by their plight.

She was  lamenting about the pathetic situation of this Nepali family. I just joked, "No worries, they will manage to survive even in one room without a roof and no food to eat and with everyone running fever. They will still manage to beget two more children in next two years". Sindhu laughed but wasn't happy. That is the difference between me and her. I was really callous and am honestly ashamed of myself.

Sindhu went home, prepared food for the new family, fed the kids and their mother and gave some medicines for the fever. She helped them to clean the place, set up house and start life. This she did without understanding a single word uttered by the kids or the girl. Even those kids and the little Nepali girl didn't understand most of what was spoken by their savior.

But they understood that here was a genuine human being to help them tide over the crisis. The girl has recovered from the fever. She has started to look after the house. The kids are gradually becoming friends with Sindhu's kids.

They are kids and will learn quickly. Even Sindhu's dog has become friendly with these strange looking small eyed visitors. This dog has never liked me or my daughter and always tried to scare us off. I had warned Sindhu to keep the dog under control, lest it bite any of Amar's family. Perhaps the dog knows better!

I write this with utmost humility. It is ridiculously easy to help people when you are securely placed. You can donate huge amounts of money. You can build temples, schools or orphanages. If you are educated, you can scornfully look down upon lesser privileged people as ignorant, superstitious and silly. You can preach them to educate, to work hard and to be progressive.

It takes a heart of utmost goodness to help others when you have a million problems of your own. Sindhu and her family have shown exactly that. They are an extremely ritualistic lot with a million superstitions. But at the end of the day, they have helped a needy family to relocate, reorganize and start a home and a life!

The song mentioned in the beginning of this post perhaps means little to me and people like me. It is dedicated to people like Sindhu, who believe in God and believe in being good to others. It makes no difference if we believe in God or not, but it makes a big difference if we believe in Good! If there has to be a God, let Goodness be it!

This unforgettable movie with Kamal Hassan and Madhavan has left a deep impression on me. And I believe in this philosophy: Anbe Sivam!