Archeologist's Day and other Prescription Stories !

Inviting Trouble ?

My Mom had serious aversion to having photographs printed on invitation cards. To know the reason, we have to travel back in time to our childhood. Those were the days of little kids attending to all their calls of nature inside the house. Potty training and toilets for kids were not even heard of. That is where these old stiff and crispy invitation cards came handy; to clean the mess left behind by the toddlers in the house. Her point was other people will use our photographs to clear off the dirt. So how will you like your departed grand-father's photograph smeared with potty ?

When my much respected father-in-law passed away in September 2010, I ordered for invitation cards with his photograph for the function to be held on the 13th day of his demise. But somehow my Mom's thought process came to influence me and I chose the card without photograph.

These cards may not be used for same purpose today. But what do I do with invitations cards today ? I keep them till the day of function and then throw them into waste bin. The thought of having my dear father-in-law's photograph in a waste bin was not so pleasant and I chose the card without the photograph.

It may sound as if I am going to dwell upon invitation cards and photographs here. Well, I am not. Actually I mentioned it here only to stress my view that people never use things for what they are actually meant for. People will use things only according to their whims, fancies and convenience. Just take the case of prescriptions we Doctors generously dole out everyday.

The Archeologist's Day

I was amazed beyond words when a septuagenarian gentleman came to me with a document laminated piece of paper he had treasured. He was handling it like it was a piece of art that he had inherited from his ancestors with at least 500 years of history behind it.

When I examined it closely, it turned out to be a prescription written down by Padmashri Dr. K. N. Pai on 17 July 1970. That meant the antique was older than me ! This gentleman turned out to be an archive later. He had every detail of his and his wife's medical history since 1970. What a pity, he worked for an oil company and retired as Manager. Had he been in the ASI; all disputes regarding Ayodhya, Kashi, Mathura and other places would perhaps have been solved by now.

The Mutilators

This, but was an exception. Most of the people we meet everyday are from the other end of the spectrum. They would misplace, displace, deface or simply forget the prescription given to them on the previous evening. Every second patient I see in my clinic forgets the prescription at home, at the medical shop, at the sub-registrar's office or anywhere it is possible to forget it.

The Mutilated Prescription

The picture above illustrates how most of the people preserve their medical records. Even if they are provided with a file or a cover or an envelope to keep these records neatly, people love to fold them and folding means at least 8  to 16 folds.

The Fold-All Mentality

 

The 8 Fold Prescription getting ready for sweat 16

Couple of years ago, I handed out a typed out and detailed medical report cum prescription to a lady traveling abroad and said, "See we are giving this in a plastic cover. Don't fold this or soil this. This is a precious record and we have included your most updated lab results along with your current clinical status". The lady nodded and got up to leave. As soon as she was on her feet, she began folding the cover and before I could utter another word, she folded it into 8 folds and shoved it into her handbag. Old habits die hard !

Depths of Resourcefulness

The plastic cover brings me to another 'delicious' story. We issue nicely detailed discharge summaries to all hospitalized patients. They are again inserted into A4 size plastic envelope with the instruction printed out, "This is a precious medical document. Please don't fold or soil this and bring it to the hospital during follow up".

That day when I went for my afternoon rounds, I just popped into say bye to a gentleman who was already discharged. What did I see there ? The Discharge Summary was drinking sambar and rasam on the table where they all had lunch. And what about the plastic envelope ? A little fellow was munching on onion pakodas kept in the cover. I was furious and asked them, "What is this ? Look at the Discharge Summary we issued only this morning. And you are using the cover to eat snacks. Do you people have an idea how important this record is ?"

The rude and brash reply by the daughter-in-law can be translated like this, "Oh, what is there in a piece of paper Doctor ? That child was crying for onion pakodas and we didn't get anything else to keep them in. If the paper is spoiled, you people can give another copy. We are paying all the bills. Are we not ?".

The Telephone Directory cum Grocery List

The Telephone Directory

Prescription paper used as telephone directory is very common. Often we see more than a dozen numbers. In one of the worst cases ever, I was humiliated to see a long list of vegetables and grocery right under the list of medicines in a prescription I had issued to a gentleman just a couple of days ago. When I asked him, how could he do that, he replied politely, "Oh so sorry Doctor, I didn't get anything to write when my wife dictated this list. Anyway, you can write down a new one and transfer all details into it".

Well, most of my colleagues can pitch in with many such stories. But there is a serious risk of readers getting bored and folding this blog into 16 or even 32 folds. So let me fold this up here !



Dr. Punned-it

A Love Story and Two Dead Bodies !

This must be one of my most heartfelt posts ever. Here I am telling a story. A story of a daughter and her parents. A story of love and a story of profound loss. Without any more elaboration, let me move on to the story.

The time and place of this story has no importance. The names too have little relevance. From the days of 'Othello' this story perhaps has been told and retold a million times over. Not very long ago, there lived a man called Shiva. He used to work for a financial firm. He was married to Sanjana, a home-maker. They had a beautiful and intelligent daughter who was called Renuka. She was fondly called 'Azhagaana Raakshasi' by the near and dear ones.

She was a very caring and helping kid and grew up with all the affection and attention of her parents and relatives. In between, Sanjana became pregnant the second time. They did not want to continue the pregnancy and wanted to abort because they wanted to give all that they had to their daughter. But their family Doctor advised against that. Thus the Doctor chose to name the boy 8 years younger to his sister after his best friend, Sripathi.

They were not a very well to do family. But the parents always gave more importance to the daughter and the son went to free school while she studied at private school. Within their capabilities, they gave the kids a very good life. All of their life was spent in keeping the kids, especially the daughter happy.

Renuka completed her graduation and joined Post-graduate course and also began working for Chartered Accountancy. In between, marriage alliances were pouring in. But the family Doctor, who was more than just a Doctor to the family vetoed marriage and advised the parents to get the girl educated and make her self-reliant. The girl was happy and everyone was happy.

Love is the most Beautiful feeling in the world until it happens to your daughter !

And then came the earth-shattering day. A middle aged man and a woman came calling asking for the girl's hand in marriage for their son. There were several issues here. The boy was from another community. He was almost a decade older to her. He had bouts of Alcohol addiction and delinquent behavior in the past. He was not good looking by conventional standards. The final part of the complaint list was that he was working in the middle east for not very flattering remuneration. But in spite of all this, the boy was confident of looking after the girl well.

It was always believed that Renuka was a sensible girl. But she confirmed her affair and wanted to marry that boy. Now the parents came knocking at the family Doctor's door. It was after all infatuation of a teenaged girl everyone thought. The affair had been going on for over 4 years which meant she was not even 16 when it all began. 

Weighing all pros and cons, the Doctor took the girl to his home and held series of heart to heart talk with her. Explaining all the risks of the affair, he managed to convince the girl out of the mess. She appeared to have understood what was told and agreed to retrace without much of a resistance. She conveyed to the boy over the phone, her decision to part ways. 

The negatives of this marriage were kept threadbare before her. The social and cultural difference. The difference in educational qualification. The colossal mismatch when it came to looks and age. All these issues could work against a happy life according to Renuka's parents and relatives. 

Their worries were not unfounded. They were also worried about her ending up in a Gulf country with no chance to work. Even if she got a chance to work, she perhaps would have to live in a Burqa. But the worst fears were about the boy with previous history of Alcohol problem developing inferiority complex due to a much younger, extremely beautiful and better qualified wife and thus the life going into a tailspin.

Good proposals were always chasing the girl and it was almost decided that she would be marrying a handsome Software Engineer working at Bangalore and even she consented. She looked  happy and didn't show any signs of remorse or betrayal.

On that fateful Saturday morning, the boy came with his sister, brother in law and friends and literally dragged the girl away with him. The girl actually had never given up on him but was just biding her time. She pushed her parents and went away with her lover and was married him the same day with the photographs adorning Facebook wall before dusk.

In a Mills and Boon story or in a Cinema, this would have been 'The End' with 'They lived happily ever after' ingrained on a picture postcard. But life works in a different way. There are no intervals, no retakes and no song and dance sequences in the Alps. In life, the story only begins with marriage. It doesn't end. So what did this moment of madness leave behind ?

Twenty years of protection, love, affection and care weighed for absolutely nothing when she pushed her mother away, snapped her hands from her father's grip and eloped. Fearing retaliation and attempts to take her back, the boy took her to another city 5 hours away and married her there. What did the girl's parents do ?

The mother cried for help. The father ran behind her till the car even as they pushed him away from the speeding car. The mother fainted and then people gathered. Advises came in galore. Lodging a Police complaint and going and trying to capture her from Registration office were some of the suggestions. But the Doctor said, "She is almost 21. She has not been kidnapped but gone on her own wish. So there she goes. We can do nothing and we should do nothing. Let her go. It is her life, she will decide from here onwards".

After fours days, what is the situation at ground zero today ? The mother is still sobbing, little realizing the fact that the little girl she brought up had grown up and fled. She still is not able to eat anything without puking. She can't sleep even with sleeping pills. Her father has developed high blood pressure and his sugar shot up. He refuses to go for a check up. The little brother is so shattered, he doesn't even want to talk about her.

Their world has come down crashing. The parents are today, practically two dead bodies living like refugees in a relative's house because they are scared to go home. That home which brought back the fond memories of their little girl and that house which reminded them of the trauma of their daughter pushing them away like strangers.

Without really going into the merits or demerits of love marriage vs arranged marriage; the moot point here is, "Should she have been so cruel, so drastic and so heartless ?". Love stories look beautiful on celluloid and digitally mastered disks. But in real life, they leave many an individuals shattered. 

The role of love and the progressive disdain for religions, hierarchy and caste system are fine indeed for a maturing society. But when a 20 year old and still immature girl elopes with an overtly mismatched boy, how can the parents be happy ? How can anyone related to the girl be comfortable ? 

Everyone wishes all good things for the wedded couple. Nobody wants to curse them. This Blogger who also happens to be the family Doctor in the story has watched and seen many love stories and even played supporting role in some of those happy endings. But this is one story where he was with the parents and not with the love-lorn couple. The reasons have already been discussed.

Seeing a completely shattered pair of parents who don't even know how they are going to live their life is really painful. They have lost their urge to live. The little boy is the only reason they haven't committed suicide. The mother finally opened up last night when she said, "12 years ago, if you had not stopped us from aborting the boy, we would have been dead by now. But for the fear of leaving him a complete orphan, we wouldn't have made it past that Saturday night !"

The pain is infectious, insufferable and looks insurmountable !

Why and how could she become so ungrateful and selfish ?

This Blogger waits for the time to heal their wounds !

Look-ing Back: Pandi-monium, CBI Diary and other stories !

During one of my interactions on a Facebook group, someone asked me about the lack of law and order with my hair and if it had anything to do with my being too busy to comb. I escaped saying my hair was too straight and sparse and hence wavered along the wind making it tough to keep under control.

My hairstyle being the root cause of public nuisance and intense ridicule isn't a new phenomenon. It has always been so ! But even my appearance has come under the scanner very often. So let me recount some of the instances that have made me feel like an alien.

Seth Dosa

In early days in Kochi as a bachelor, I used to visit a famed Dosa joint practically every day for my midnight snacks while I prepared for the All India PG Medical Entrance Exam. This joint was run by a Konkani family. They didn't know me and I used to converse in my uncomfortable Malayalam with them.

After one and a half year in Kochi, I moved to a small hospital in Ponkunnam. While back in Kochi on a weekend, I again decided to visit this joint. Once there, the owner recognized me and told his brother in Konkani, "This Setu [used for North Indians] boy had probably gone north for some time. Now he is back".

I savored my favorite onion dosa without uttering a word. While leaving, I told them in Konkani, "Your dosas are really nice and the red chutney you serve is unique. It is typically Konkani in taste". I didn't wait for their reaction. The next time I was there, they had done their homework and knew my complete antecedents.

Long Sharp Mustache and the CBI Diary

I worked in Ponkunnam for almost 2 years. While there, I used to travel by bus to Kottayam frequently to watch latest Malayalam and Hindi movies. On one such journey, I was trying to catch some sleep. But the middle aged person next to me was in no mood to let the sleeping Doc sleep.

He poked me on my shoulder and asked, "Where are you going ?". I was annoyed, yet replied politely, "Kottayam" and closed my eyes again. He poked me again and asked, "Where in Kottayam ?". I was in no mood to divulge and hence sai, "Just like that". Then came the next question, "Where do you live ?". I said, "Ponkunnam". He wasn't happy with that and went ahead with, "No, which your native place ?". I too was determined now and replied, "Kochi".

There was a creepy smile on his face and he said, "You are not a Malayalee. You can't be from Kochi. Are you North Indian ?". I was having great difficulty keeping my eyes open and here was a pest not allowing me the pleasure of a short nap on a speeding bus. I said, "No, South Indian".

He must have been a leach in previous life; just not ready to quit sucking. His next question was, "What do you do ?". I said, "Nothing special". "But you should do something for a living. So what is your job ?" was his riposte. Then he asked, "Are you a businessman ?" I replied, "Mmmm, something like that". Pat came the next query, "What business ?".

Now I was at a loss. If I say something and he starts probing the answer, I'd be in further trouble. So I just smiled and said, "Just some small business here and there". He almost concluded, "That means you have a blade company, right ?". Too sick of this nuisance, I just nodded and tried to turn to the other side to catch some sleep.

After what seemed like a short break, the poke was back. He shook me up and said even as I was trying to catch my breath, "You were bluffing all the while. Now I have completely deciphered you. You are very shrewd. Now I know what you do. You are from CBI or Crime Branch and you are here to investigate a case in the high range".

I was still in a daze and asked him, "How did you make out ?". He triumphantly declared, "You may be CBI but we Malayalees are highly educated and intelligent you see. Your secretive behavior, your language, your looks, your color and above all that sharp mustache is very typical of CBI or Crime branch. You have that Police look". Must have been watching too many Police and CBI movies !

I have never been happier when a journey ended. First thing I did after going back home was to trim my extra long mustache !

North Indian Connections

Almost 17 years in Kochi and I still am not accepted as a local even though I have developed a decent client base in my profession. I also have a sizable Punjabi clientele thanks to my love for Hindi. I was at my daughter's school recently attending the district level arts festival. I am fairly well known there thanks to the popularity enjoyed by my daughter.

After her first performance and during lunch break, a gentleman came and told me, "Your daughter's performance was really nice. She should have won. But the CD spoiled everything and unfortunately she might lose because of that". I just nodded and smiled. He was right, she came second in the Folk Dance event due mainly to the substandard CD.

While I was still busy eating, I had a call from one of my Punjabi clients. As I was conversing in pretty decent Hindi, this gentleman kept staring at me. Once I finished, he came to me and said, "So I guessed right. You are North Indian. So are there Shenoys in North India too ? Your daughter and wife speak pretty decent Malayalam. How is that ?". I said "I am from the North is right, but just north of Kerala. My wife is from Kerala and daughter was born here too. That is why they speak decent Malayalam". This was a nice man. He took my reply and left me alone to mind my own business of eating.

Hot blooded Young Man and Pandi-monium 

It was on a night duty during my early days in Sudheendra Medical Mission. A young lady was brought to casualty with fever and vomiting. It was already past midnight. Her husband and father were accompanying her. I talked to her in whatever Malayalam I could muster and examined her.

As I sat down to write down the prescription, her husband asked me, "Doctor Pandiyaano ?" meaning, "Doctor are you a Pandi ?". By this time, I had come to understand that 'Pandi' was an insult the Malayalees used to refer to the daily wages workers from rural Tamilnadu. 24 is a very very tough age to control your temper even for a Doctor. I retorted, "Ningalkku Vattundo ?" meaning "Are you mad ?".

Stunned, that man asked, "Why do you talk like that ? What is this ? You are insulting me". By now, I had realized I might have crossed the line. Yet, I had to defend myself. I said, "See my Malayalam might not be good enough. But I have enough knowledge about this state to understand 'Pandi' is an insult. I am here at this goddamned hour examining your wife and trying to help you people and you are out to insult me. That put the doubt in my mind".

His father in law intervened and said, "Come on Doctor, he is a young man with hot blood. You should be generous". I politely reacted to the older man, "Sir, I am at least 4 - 5 years younger to your young man and hence my blood must be hotter. Why should I suffer an insult like that ?".

The 'young man' had cooled down now and said, "I did not mean to insult you Doctor. I just asked if you were a Tamilian". I too replied with utmost cool now, "Oh, now that is much better. If you had used the same word earlier, everything would have been fine. Anyway, let us move on. And no, I am NOT a Tamilian".

There have been many a Pandemonium of different magnitudes before and since. Perhaps I can keep them for another day and another post !




Dr. Punned-it

All are equal, yet some people are less equal !

Just take a look at the news item and some of the badly Photoshopped photos here and then we will proceed with the post.

They hate him, but why ?

So too Sreesanth ?

Launch Pad !

One of my colleagues told me, "I will not watch 'Indian Rupee' because Prithviraj is there". I asked, "But why ? It is a Ranjith movie and Prithvi has done a good job.". She told, "But he is too arrogant". I persisted with, "How do you know ? Has he ever been so with you ? Did he ever offend you ? What was it that he did or said that came across as arrogant ?". She replied, "Haven't you seen the videos of Prithviraj and his wife talking about English ?"

Well, I must say I have an issue. I am posting here what I thought about 'La affaire Prithviraj'.

In 2003, the handsome bearded younger son of Late Sukumaran and Mallika made his debut in Malayalam Cinema. Soon he was lapped up by people and was touted by the media as the next Superstar to replace the 'arrogant' Mammootty and Mohan Lal.

Today, we see a whole load of slander on the www and in the print media about the same prospective Superstar. He was fine even till a year ago. Many people used to say he has a little bit of head weight. But there was no witch hunt ! How did the things change so drastically ? Did he turn arrogant overnight ? Has success gone into his head ?

Let me digress a little bit here. I drive on Kochi roads every day. Every single day, I am witness to enormous amount of aggression and plain bullying by drivers on the road. The Auto rickshaw drivers overtake from the wrong side, brush your side and break your rear-view mirror and then shout you down with choicest of abuses in Malayalam. What do you call this ?

The big brother is even worse. The bus drivers will subjugate you with sheer overwhelming terrorism. By chance if you question their rashness, you will have to face a barrage of abuses and be prepared to get banged. Even if you maintain equanimity, you still might have to suffer 'Theri Vili' or calling names.

Go to a Cinema hall. You see a guy smoking inside the air-conditioned hall and politely request him not to smoke. What next ? "This Theater is not your father's property. Shut up and sit there. If you can't tolerate, get out !".

Visit any office where they have some powers to make you wait. The Clerk will make you wait even if you are there for a simple one minute job. If you request for quick results, be ready to hear things like, "This is not any charitable institution. You have to wait. If you can't wait, come tomorrow". Just to submit a fully updated application, you will have to "Come tomorrow" if the person in power is in a foul mood. And tomorrow will always have another tomorrow !

Just browse through Facebook and Orkut pages of young people. For every modest youth, you will see two bragging about their own prowess, looks, caliber, magnanimity and intelligence. Guys who can't differentiate an out swing from an off break will judge Sreesanth and girls who refuse to recognize their childhood friend due to difference in social status will complain about 'arrogance' of Prithviraj.

Prithviraj and Sreesanth have slogged on their way to achieve what they have today. It is perfectly possible that they would have been better off with a milder attitude. It is also possible Sreesanth would have played more tests if he were to behave like an obedient boy.

But as a race, we Indians in general and Malayalees in particular have an attitude problem. If players like Andre Nel and Steven Finn show aggression, we envy that and even admire that secretly. But when an Indian shows aggression on field, we castigate him, subjugate him and then would do our best to consign him to recycle bin.

It is so immensely funny that these people, the Auto Rickshaw driver, his big brother, the smoker bully, the clerk and the unknown Facebooker are the ones who will sit on judgement on how Prithviraj and Sreesanth should conduct themselves ! It is true that there are so many good mannered people out there who too are complaining about Prithviraj and Sreesanth. But these are the same people who suffer the bullies in everyday life without even a whimper.

Ours is a democracy where all are supposed to be equal. We all know some are more equal. But there are some who are less equal ! I don't know the reason, but there definitely seems to be pattern to this witch hunt against those who show a mind of their own. Prithviraj especially has been targeted by the press after he married secretly keeping the nosy media out of his wedding function.

When it comes to judging celebrities, the middle-class follows a new path. "All are equal, yet some are less equal" !

WHY IS IT SO ?

Coming to the final part of my post, there is another 'pet hate' of the middle class Malayalee; Ranjini Haridas. This bubbly girl who has worked her way into celebrity status has been ridiculed for her dresses, her accent, her Malayalam [Manglish] and for just being Ranjini Haridas. Men don't have pangs about staring at her and young women burn with envy looking at this 30 year old.

Idea Stare Singer !

And who are complaining ? It is those people who are ashamed to say, "Ende Bharthaavu" and would always say, "Ende Husband" or even worse, "Ende Hus" that suspiciously sounds like "Ende Husk". The middle-class Malayalees just don't bother when words like 'Mol' and 'Marumagan' get displaced by 'Daughter' and 'Son in law'. For quite long now, I have not heard any man or woman telling, "Ende Ammayi-achchan", it is always "Ende Father in law".

Buses plying through Kadavanthara don't go "Kadavanthara vazhi" but "Via Kadavanthara" or "Kadavanthara touch cheythu pokum". Haven't seen a 'Paatta' in a long time. There are only cockroaches or roaches in Kerala. Nobody gets "Thala vedana"now. "Oru bhayankara headache" is common. This list is endless.

And Ranjini Haridas is bad because she mutilates Malayalam. Right?

Post Script: This post isn't about defending Sreesanth, Prithviraj and Ranjini. They are quite successful and can fend and defend for themselves. This is my view on the double standards practiced by the opinion makers and religiously followed by the middle class.




Dr. Punned-it

Modern day Gandhi-G and 3 Monkeys in 2011 !

We all know Gandhi had his three monkeys. They were supposed to "Speak no evil", "See no evil" and "Hear no evil". That was a different era. But these monkeys are relevant even today !

India of 2011 knows Gandhi too, but different Gandhi. The Congress Party that revered Gandhi then. They do the same today but an imported Gandhi. In the land that is ruled by Sonia Gandhi's Congress, what do these monkeys signify ?

Answer is simple, WE the people are the monkeys. Congress under Sonia knows the theories of Darwin very well. They know we evolved from monkeys and treat us like monkeys. So we have strict guidelines to follow. And here are some of the guidelines.

Speak No Evil

Poor Sonia Gandhi-ji has just come back after treatment for Cancer in USA. Don't question the integrity of the Congress Party or any of Sonia's boys. That is evil.

Don't open your mouth when separatist leaders hold rallies in India against India and our intellectuals like Arundhati Roy join them.

Listen with total surrender to Digvijay Singh's gospel about right-wing Hindu extremists. He has done thorough research on history and come to a binding conclusion that RSS was responsible for Mohammed of Ghajni and Mohammed of Ghouri attacking India. Don't ever ridicule him on Facebook and Twitter.

Believe in Kapil Sibal when he says law will take its own course for Afzal Guru and Kasab. Our judiciary is still busy finding 'enough evidences' against them. Don't ever say, "Hang them". We need to treat our guests with all respect and five-star facilities in jail.

Even the Prime Minister isn't opening his mouth. 'Aam Aadmi' is just 'Aam Aadmi'. 

Just don't open your mouth !

See No Evil

There are humongous scams, billions of swindled money in Swiss banks and the Government is looting the nation. All this is evil falsehood spread by the enemies of Congress and hence the enemies of India.

Ram Dev is RSS agent, hence vote for Scam Dev. An overweight and under-clad Rakhi Sawant in G-strings on prime-time television is what the poorest of the poor require. Not the half-naked and malnourished fasting Baba. He will remind people of themselves. That was fine in M. K. Gandhi-ji's era, not in Sonia Gandhi-ji's. So the Congress ensured the rally was dissolved and the naked Baba was made to wear some kind of robes. Noble act !

According to Rahul Gandhi-ji, there are two Indias. One that prostrates before his Mom and the other that doesn't. Anna Hazare and his cronies belong to the other India. They are against his Mom; the daughter-in-law of the nation and hence are Anti-National. They need to be subjugated to keep the country united.

Aam Aadmi has the duty to abide by the law of the land; Scam Aadmi makes the laws. Follow the laws and just don't bother about anything else. Madam knows best.

Secularism, minority rights and Haj Subsidy are more important than an equal and just nation that progresses together. Narendra Modi is Madam certified evil Merchant of Death. Hence all the progress Gujarat has achieved under his regime is evil. 

Just shut your eyes on these !

Hear No Evil

Anyone who follows Madam Gandhi has to be efficient. All talk about Prime Minister being incompetent is evil in itself. Hear nothing of it.

People trying to discredit the educational qualification and credibility of Madam Gandhi and Rahul Baba are being slanderous. They have studied in foreign. Isn't that enough ? Digvijay Singh believes Rahul Gandhi-ji alone has the birth-right to be Prime Minister of India. All else is evil, ignore it.

When discredited people like A. Raja try to entangle the Home Minister in 2G scam, they just forget both the Gs [Sonia G and Rahul G] are with Chidambaram. Add Priyanka Vadra G and you have the power of 3G. So enjoy 3G and bring down the population of India. What an idea 3G !

Great Grandpa Nehru had declared 'Aaram Haraam Hai'. Bombs will continue to explode and terror attacks are commonplace according to Rahul G. They can't be prevented and talking about them is a waste of time. Wasting time is evil. So just don't waste time listening to opposition propaganda on blasts.

Congress and it's allies are the only saviors of the nation. All news of by-poll debacles and progressive erosion of the UPA [Untied Prostrating Alliance] are false and evil.

Just keep your ears sealed !

QED: Gandhi's monkeys are relevant even today !

Dr. Punned-it

How I became Godless !

My Granny never lost an opportunity to remind me that I was born thanks to her prayers at Tirupathi. Since my parents' first born was a daughter, my granny made a passionate prayer to the Tirupathy God and even my name was chosen there. Thus, Govind Raj I became in a family littered with Vaishnavite names. I grew up a very proud child because of this glorification.

My first brush with amoral behavior at religious places came when I was barely 9. It was a custom in our joint family to offer coconuts, bananas and flowers to the reigning deity in our local temple on every Saturday evening. One such evening it was little  boy me who went to do this ritual. I gave all the offerings to the priest and went to do circum-ambulation [Pradakshin] of the sanctum sanctorum.

When I came back, the priest told me, "See this coconut you brought is spoiled. This is not good for your family. So you buy a new coconut and pay rupees ten as penalty also". I only had rupees 12 on me. I gave him all the money I had and he assured me that everything will be fine. He gave me a 'replacement' coconut and returned the spoiled coconut too. As is the custom, he took half piece of the good coconut, 2 out of 5 bananas and returned my bag with 'prasad'.

When I reached home, my Mom was surprised to know this. She was quite sure the coconut she gave me was not spoiled. When she checked, it turned out to be a revelation. The 'spoiled coconut' was in fact two separate pieces of two different coconuts. But much worse was the fact that the 'replacement' coconut the priest gave me was indeed the coconut I went with. My Mom recognized the huge coconut as one grown in our own backyard. It left a very bitter taste in the mouth. It shattered me to know there was such cheap act going on right under the nose of the 'God' !

There are hundreds of incidents that gradually took me away from Religion and Gods. I would stick with a few that had a defining role. There was a famous Astrologer who was close to our family. He would blame all the ills on the 'Naga' or the Serpent. I have lost count of the number of rituals my family has conducted to placate the Snake Gods ! With every such function, my indignation for the Astrologer and his predictions went on increasing. I was wondering how could a poor reptile affect so many people in so many ways.

One of those concepts that repelled me during young age was the "God will punish you if you don't do this and that" kind of talk. I used to think, "Why does this God create people who do wrong things and then want to punish them ?". I never had a satisfactory answer. Most of what the believers have done is semantic juggling.

The next issue was 'My God is the Real God and other Gods are false' preaching. Once a Christian preacher bored me to death with his unsolicited advice on the 'Real Creator' and the myths of Hindu religion and the harms of Idol worship. Respecting his age and with my inborn inability to be rude to elders, I tolerated him for almost three quarters of an hour.

Finally I was forced to ask him, "I have just one question, is Bible the final truth ?" He said, "Yes, it indeed is the ultimate truth and the only truth. Once you start following Bible, salvation is guaranteed". I replied, "But most of Biblical stories are cock and bull stories just like the Hindu mythology you were deriding so far. Bible goes against Science and evolution. Why don't you go and take some rest ?" He was offended and cursed me, "You will never know the real truth and will be condemned to eternal hell if you question the God". I was really angry and shot back, "Well, if heaven is the place where I have to tolerate people like you, I prefer to be in hell. Thank you and good night !"

The Temple - Mosque issue that divided a nation left a deep impact on me too. I have no hesitation today to admit I was in favor of 6 December 1992 demolition at that time. It was like justifying the act as retaliation against decades of Islamic atrocities. That was a mistake like many of those I have committed in my life. But as I evolved, I realized the whole issue was a non-issue. People sharing the same A, B or O Antigens were fighting for the sake of two of the most despicable characters from history. I moved further away from Gods.

The rituals, Mantras and all things religion became progressively intolerable for me. An incident at the now famous Padmanabha Temple at Thiruvananthapuram further escalated my disenchantment. I had a strong dislike for the custom of taking off shirts during temple entry. This custom has its origins in the filthy practice of Brahminical era when only those with the thread were allowed inside the temple. The more things change, the more we tend to resist change. Kerala temples haven't come out of the past; the dirty untouchable past.

In 2006, on our way to Kanyakumari; we visited the Thiruvananthapuram Temple. In spite of my dislike to go the Salman Khan way in public [no secret there, I don't have his physical attributes] I agreed to go inside the temple. I folded my jeans, took off the shirt and covered myself with a 'mundu and shawl'.

A youth standing near the gate asked me, "Are you wearing a pant inside ?" I asked him, "Yes, but how does that make a difference ?". He replied, "You can't wear a pant inside the temple". I said, "But, I have folded it till knees. Do you have a problem with knee length shorts or inner wear ?". He was rude now, "Inner wear is different. But PANT is not allowed. You can't question the customs of the temple".

I politely told him, "But I did wear a pant folded under a mundu the last time I came here. There was no problem. Why this new rule ?". He was hostile now, "This is a new rule since yesterday. You obey rules or face God's curse". I am not really good at arguing. I told my people, "I have already compromised on a lot of things I believe in just for you people. But this is beyond me. This temple will not suffer if I don't visit it and neither am I going to be any poorer if I don't enter. I am NOT going inside !".

This did hurt my parents and other relatives. But exactly at that point of time, I had learned to draw a line. I was not going to take any more religious crap. I have stayed firm to this. Not that I don't go to temples now. I do visit temples and enjoy the great food they provide in some of those temples. I also take part in some rituals just to keep my aging parents happy. If my occasional visits to the places of worship can keep them happy; it is worth doing so.

Looking at the havoc wrecked on the humanity by the people like Osama bin Laden and his followers and so many of these right-wing  religious outfits, anybody would like to think, "Do we need Gods and religions ?"

This planet is but a small part of an infinite universe. We the human beings have advanced enormously thanks to the evolution that gave us a mind. The mind tells me to trust Science. Science can go wrong. But we can always correct ourselves by accepting the folly.

But Gods, Religions and dogmas will not change. The beliefs in beliefs will not change. Knowing fully well the tonnes of rubbish associated with the religions, people still follow religions and God. At this point in time, I believe we don't need God, Gurus, Religions and salvation. They just don't exist for me. We just need oxygen, food, water, shelter and a little bit of love !


Dr. Punned-it

National Anthem in Malluland

Extremely Important: I am no Xenophobic or linguophobic. I love God's Own Country which today is my own Country. I love Malayalees, especially the long haired species without the 'Y' chromosome. All my rantings are but about the language and nothing more, nothing less !

This is my first ever attempt to actually record some of those 'Manglish' jokes from real life. Since I don't have the facility to podcast on my Blog, I am uploading it as a video. I would like everybody to believe that the 'Frog' seen in the video is just happenstance and not intentionally indicative of the state of mind of the native Malayalee !

Inadequate quality of the video is regretted. Hence I am providing the text of the podcast.

A young lady Medical Representative recently came with her senior Manager. As he started talking, I could make out he was not a Malayalee thanks to his English. Since his English sounded somewhat like the Bangalore type, I asked him, “You aren’t from Kerala, right? From where do you come from?”

He replied, “You are right Sir, I am from Chennai. But Sir is there any problem?” I said, “Not a problem at all, it’s just that your English didn’t sound like the Kerala English to me. That is all”. 

The young lady interrupted with, “Why Sir, is it because only we in Kerala speak proper English?” I smiled and said, “No, contrary to that you people are the ones who have a problem with English. Why English, you speak all languages in Malayalam.” She looked a little bit offended and asked, “How can you say that Sir? We are the most educated state in India”

I had to tell her, “See, English language doesn’t have ‘heavy Ls’ and ‘heavy Ns’. But you people insert them everywhere. For example, just pronounce Collage, School, Colony, Bun, Sunny and then you will understand what I mean. You will make them sound CoaLLage, SchooL, CoLony, BuN, SuNNy. Right” 

I pressed ahead, “See, you make Shah Rukh Khan into Sharoo Ghan, Salman Khan in Salman Ghan. It is Khan… KHAN from the epiglottis. You bring them from the umbilicus” She retorted, Sir, but everyone will have this kind of different accents. Why pick only Malayalees?”

I politely replied, “I didn’t pick on Malayalees. You were the one who boasted about only Malayalees speaking correct English. All of us have our peculiarities. It is no big deal. I just had to tell you and correct your misconception. That’s it”

I have blogged about this before and I have cried hoarse about people in Kerala turning the ‘horse’ into ‘hoarse’ and ‘Nurse’ into ‘Nezhse’. And then there are so many things like AapiLL, PupiLL, PuLLing power, FLower MiLL and the list is endless. 

Once a Perumbavoor born nurse said, “Phatt Saarum Phaaryayum Phayangaramaayi vishkkunnathukondu Pharat Tourist home-il chennu Phakshanam kazhichu” And an Insurance agent once said, “Innu Phoori Phaagam aalukal ee policy thanneya edukkunnathu”

And now they pronounce SatiDa, SaviDa and SangeeDa. This is also really funny. You write something and pronounce something. That is why I still find it tough to speak Malayalam” 

Since I don’t want this podcast to appear as a tirade against Malayalees, I will finish this with the National Anthem or Naashanal Aantham as they sing in some of the schools in Kerala; especially the Central Travancore side.

Everybody please stand up.

Jena Gena Mana Adhinaayaga Jaya Hay Phaarada Phagya Vidhada

Penchaab Sinth Gujaraada Maraadha Dravida Utkala Venga
Vinthya Himaajala Yemunaa Genga Uchchala Jaladhidarenga
Tava Shupha Naame Jaahay 

Tava Shupha Ashisha Maahey
Gaahey Dava Jaya Gaadha
Jena Gena Mangala Daayaga 

Jaya Hay Pharada Phagyavidhada

Jeya Hay Jeya Hey Jeya Hey

Jeya Jeya Jeya Jeya Hay…

Dr. Punned-it